Lunar Thread

Good evening anonymous, I hope you're having a good week so far. Welcome to the Lunar threads.

Tell us about your troubles, how you've been doing lately, some good things that happened to you recently or anything else you may wish to talk about. We're a group of anons gathered here to lend an ear, chill out and perhaps give some advice that can help you.

With that being said, if you like our threads then we'll gladly welcome you back. While some threads can happen outside this schedule, we usually get together every week around this time, so check the catalog every Friday!

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I really don't know anymore.
From the outside I'm probably doing just fine, if you dismiss the fact that I never had a girlfriend, never had sex and never kissed a girl.
But it's these things that get me every god damn time I'm alone in my head.

My mind tells me that I'm not good enough.
My mind tells me that I'll never have someone love me the way I love them.
My mind tells me that It's never going to change.

The hardest thing is that I know why.

I am unable to show affection to the people I love.

I do it to my family. My friends. The woman I date and actually like.

I fear vulnerability and I fear getting dragged down by them, even when I know it's me who's dragging me down.

I still miss my ex girlfriend after five years, still think about her every day, still dream about her. This despite being in a relationship for three years now.

I think that you just haven't moved on user and you owe it to your new girlfriend not to feel this way about an ex.
Generally speaking, I wouldn't recommend getting into a relationship to forget someone else precisely because stuff like this can happen.
Did you guys have a bad breakup? Is this sexual or do you miss the friendship aspect? Could you ever see her again?

How's life for you OP?

I've never had a serious girlfriend, I've never had sex and I probably haven't kissed a girl since I was around 10. None of this bothers me because I'm not looking for a girlfriend unless I find someone that's a fit for me. I mostly focus on other things like my education and hobbies while still having a few female friends I flirt with occasionally.

>My mind tells me that I'm not good enough.
>My mind tells me that I'll never have someone love me the way I love them.
>My mind tells me that It's never going to change.
I think that this is mostly due to insecurities you have and low self-esteem user. If you don't already, start working out, start dressing well, socialize with men and women and build something that you can be proud of whether it's through your hobbies or your career.

>I am unable to show affection to the people I love.
>I fear vulnerability and I fear getting dragged down by them, even when I know it's me who's dragging me down.
Honestly user, if you don't learn to trust other people and rely on them you'll end up alone. There's no easy way of trusting people all the sudden, it's just something that you'll have to do and get better at with trial and error; this doesn't mean that you have to share all your secrets with whomever, but loosening up a bit and making a conscious effort to be more affectionate would go a long way over time.

Not a lot has changed since last week.
I'm living with my dad for a while, which has its ups and downs but things are generally the same; which is good.
Less than a month until uni starts though so I need to finish my book on Microeconomics, but I'm on track to finish before it starts.
How about you?

I trusted people.
They fucked me over. Multiple times.

I was 10 when my best friend died. Ended up alone.
I was 13 when my best friend moved to another city. Ended up alone.
I was 17 when I told my best friend I loved her. Ended up alone.
I was 20 when my best friend left me and moved to another city after dumping all her shit problems on me. Ended up alone.

Why trust people when people always fuck you over anyway?

idk how to reconnect with myself, with others socially, or just the world after my derealization experience making me think, and feel like I’m just programming, and needing to load certain programs for certain situations to behave/respond in proper ways you’re meant to, and how it made me feel like I was also not real in sense that I’m character in movie, and people watching me, and reacting to moments in my life.

I’ve also been losing track of time, and remembering things I say, or do! Or say if I work night before, or hung out with some people it feels like when I wake up everything is surreal, and like it didn’t actually happen. Thinking back into my memories(old & new doesn’t matter) it just feels really hard, and takes awhile for me to recall them. Idk I just feel like I’m existing, and I’m usually just not even fully here it constantly feels surreal.

Talked about it with therapist, and she kinda helped, but we didn’t really get to discuss it much all she did was pull out dsm 5 book and reading out to me depersonalization/derealization, and disassociative identity disorder descriptions, and it was like thanks, but I already know how this bc I already researched into these, you’re literally not telling me anything new.

I’m just struggling with feeling any attachment to myself, or others.

It is sufficient to know that user it there if needed.

Half of those aren't really the other person's fault as they're too young to decide their death or where their parents are moving. The other half isn't so clear cut as being betrayed outright though.

It sounds like you had two bad experiences with women, can you elaborate about those?

>Why trust people when people always fuck you over anyway?
I've been there to, when someone you trusted fucks you over and you're left in the dust wondering what happened. But after having had years to reflect upon what happened I've concluded that I was partially at fault and also didn't know the other person well enough to posit so much trust in them. I set myself up to being betrayed even if I didn't realize it at the time, I was naive like everyone else once was.
Recently however, I've posited a lot of trust with someone and that was only possible because we have a lot of similarities while still being unique and understand each-other quite well. I'd say that I'm quite happy with having done so and this has helped me with other relationships and issues I've had, including my own problems with affection. This is a very unique relationship which was born out of unique circumstances, but I think that anyone can still have something special with someone else provided they're both open to and willingly to try.

I'm at a crossroads in my life that's really making me stressed. I currently live in Japan and I'm struggling financially but I have my own apartment and I'm slowly paying off my credit card and student debt. The thought of me going back home makes me sick since my dad died in January and I just associate home with depression and sadness.

My origional plan was to work for a year and go back to school, but my credit score went to shit after I had to drain my savings to rush home to see my dad before he died. I guess another thing too was that I can't see myself being a lawyer anymore. I can't see myself committing 12 hour days just for some nice things. I don't want to live that way.

For a couple of months I was effectively destitute. To make matters worse, a girl I was seeing before I left my home country decided to see someone else while I moved away and decided to tell me 2 months after my dad passed away. I have never gotten so drunk after she broke that news and I've never cried so hard in years.

Now, I recently got offered a job to teach in Shanghai. This job will actually let me live decently and save but at the same time my family back home are choked. My mother has called me selfish and my brother is upset. The truth is that I do feel bad but I can't bring myself to move home. I don't want to move back and the thought of it makes me sick. I made it to the second stage of an interview with a government agency back home, but I just don't have the heart for it anymore.

With all this, I've kind of fallen into a depression of sorts. I wake up ready to cry and my performance at work is starting to suffer. I just want to live happily.

>after my derealization experience making me think, and feel like I’m just programming, and needing to load certain programs for certain situations to behave/respond in proper ways you’re meant to, and how it made me feel like I was also not real in sense that I’m character in movie, and people watching me, and reacting to moments in my life.
>depersonalization/derealization, and disassociative identity disorder descriptions
Yup, this did sound like a description of that.

I'm not psych student or know anything about how to deal with denationalization/identity disorders; so I can't really help you with any mental health problems you might have and would recommend that you go talk to your therapist again to try to work these issues out now that they've been diagnosed somewhat.

I'll see if one of my friends who's a psych student could say something about you situation, keep an eye on the thread or check back in a few hours user.

Nothing to elaborate desu,
1st one pretty much as I said: we became best friends, I grew feelings for her, she didn't - it just didn't work out.
2nd one offloaded all the shit happening in her life on me, called me day and night to talk, made me have sleepless nights because all of it. She moved away to study.
Fuck, I still think about the shit she told me to this day.

What mattered is that I was the one who ended up alone UNWILLINGLY all-the-time. And I never had it easy to begin with, whether at school or at home. I felt alone my whole fucking life, maybe also because I'm a polymath or maybe I became a polymath because of it - don't know.

You know, it's not like it never crossed my mind that I was the one who fuck it up.
My mind always tells me that I was anyway.

But maybe it's just better to be alone and not get disappointed in the first place.

You have a lot going on right now so it's understandable that you feel overwhelmed and lost after losing one of the most important figures of your life at what I'm assuming to be a young age with your university plans going on and all.
I think that you shouldn't wave law completely out of the way completely as you're really emotional right now and should wait until you're more clear headed to make that sort of decision. If you do decide that you don't want to do it then go for it, but consider doing something that you like and can make money with, don't fall for the gender studies/philosophy meme user.
That girl leaving you was expected I think, ldr don't usually work out but it definitely still stings especially if she said he'd wait for you. You should consider looking into some dating prospects once you've calmed down.
That job offer sounds great, provided that it's not one of those asian school scams that will make your passport hostage or charge you money to quit. Always do research into the school, especially regarding what other teachers that have worked there say about it. A scam should bring about a lot of results.
I think that your family is just grieving and blaming you being abroad is just an excuse for putting those emotions into something. In today's economy it's perfectly normal to move out and live/work abroad, and if you can give yourself a better life by doing so then the more power to you. This doesn't stop you from visiting when you can and when your mom gets old or if something happens at least you'll be able to pay for it.

I think that you need to remember why you wanted to go abroad, why you wanted to become a lawyer and why you loved your father; it'll take time to come to terms with his death and to figure out whether or not you want remain in the path you were walking, but it's a journey that you'll have to take, so don't fall into a stupor and keep living life one day at a time until it all makes sense again. Only time can help

My dad passed away last year, my uni professor tried pressuring me to have sex with him (ended up telling HR and going through an investigation), and my bedridden grandma with alzheimers is going to pass in a few days. My boyfriend is away for his mfa, my mother is on disability, and relies on me more than my other siblings since I'm the only one that's able to "keep it together". She babies the other two. I haven't been able to sleep in the past 2 weeks. My last semester at uni starts next week. I feel like I'm breaking down. I'm so tired.

1st one sounds pretty common;
2nd one sounds like you could have intervened at some point and distanced yourself from this one-sided relationship but got the short end of it once she left.

In general though, you need to stop blaming yourself and then blaming others as a result. That you never got a break from having people leaving you isn't something that's going to inhibit you from overcoming your trust issues and moving forward with your life user.
So don't think that you're better off alone or that every future relationship will end as a disappointment; that's just giving up.

If you want to remedy the situation then you've got to be willing to give it as many tries as it's necessary and one day you'll find someone that won't leave you. With that said it's perfectly normal for people to move on with their lives whether by choice or circumstance and if you think that this is an issue which is deep rooted in your psyche then you should seek therapy in order to deal with this; otherwise it's up to you to make conscious decisions that'll help you overcome these problems user.
I don't know about your current situation but get some friends, don't give your unconditional attention to hoes you want to bang, try to be more affectionate towards your family, friends and love interests, try to find ways of being more trustful with others and generally try to avoid falling back into blaming yourself excessively and compulsively.

I know what you're going through is really bad but remember this is not who you are and this will not be your entire life. This will pass and all the pain you feel will be in the past someday, just hold on

Glad things are consistent. Good luck on finishing your book.

That's a lot user and the stress is taking a toll on you. What I'd recommend is to just think about all of it and how it makes you feel and just letting it all out by crying.
Crying is a mechanism for catharsis which helps you deal with and process negative emotions which is why crying is good for your mental health and has played a role in it since ancient times.
Just grab a pillow, cry everything out and have a good night of sleep user. You have a lot going on and you need to be at your strongest, even if that means having a little moment of weakness.

Will do user, but you didn't answer my question.

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Friends all have debilitating depression. Used to have it, got through it. Watching them suffer. tfw you can't help them and your watching them hurt inside.

let's see, haven't posted to one of these before
- had multiple car accidents that were all at least slightly my fault (never got hit with too much shit afterward overall but still), was getting over driving anxiety from some close calls when the last one happened and just broke my will and confidence
I've been slowly slowly fucking slowly building that back up despite it being cheaper to just not drive for a while or permanently, partly because I see how much I can't rely on others for transportation
today my mom's husband had a car accident which has made things pretty messy and I keep going back and forth on how to apply it to myself, because he's never really had one before
- want to go to another weeb convention in the nearish future but that's money and possible driving and if I take my sister, who wants to go and is special, that's a whole other set of problems
- kissless virgin, wizard, about to be wizard+1 years old
finally stopped chasing this 18 year old with a boyfriend, I stopped before and then they broke up and I started again, then they got back together and she said she wants to have kids with him and I found out she's slept with 6 or 7 guys so that kind of kills any remaining chances, trying to figure out once again how to be just friends with this girl I did ERPs with
might have scared away this other ERP partner that was open to something romantic but IDK and either way she's still only 20 and two time zones away
had someone else that was really interested but it turned out she was fucking 17, I told her I'd contact her when she's 18 which is around the same time I'll be getting older but I don't want to pin any hopes on that for a lot of reasons
I don't feel like I can do on-line dating again, I kind of want to go to church but I would feel so scummy going mainly to meet people plus I would just cringe at this point despite believing in a higher power
- working on a video game, it's going OK, IDK it's hard to gauge or be objective

If you can't help them then I think that there's no point in watching them suffer. Distract yourself with other friends, work, hobbies but be there if they need you. With that said, it's still nice if you hangout with them from time to time, just don't let yourself get caught in a negativity loop from worrying too much about things which you cannot change; they're going to have to battle their own problems just like you did user.

First of all; let me tell you that the fact that you're so cognizant of your situation is a huge first step. In fact, learning more about your disorder, and researching into it is one of the most important methods to actually cope with it, too.

I say this as someone who's a student of Psychology; it definitely sounds like you're suffering from something like derealization-depersonalization disorder still; do you have any additional disorders?

As Nero said, therapy would be the main way of tackling this. As immediately as possible, too. This is one of the disorders that really can't be treated without it and the longer one takes to get it checked/treated, the more difficult it might be to treat it later on.

Psychotherapy is one of the main treatments for these conditions/symptoms; you'll be going through a lot of talk therapies, CBT, etc to learn how to cope with the symptoms, while also challenging your emotions and thoughts. Plus, since these are also usually related to intense anxiety or depression, those issues will be tackled as well.

Advice I can personally give you; keep your hold on reality as much as possible. I know you realize those thoughts aren't actually real, but focusing on methods of reaffirmation that you can in essence get through it helps.

And trust me, you will. I know the feeling very well; it's something I've contended with myself throughout my life.

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>had multiple car accidents
All things considered, driving is invaluable in today's day and age, you should definitely try to overcome your anxiety around driving. That said, there's still a lot of money to be saved from using public transportation so consider using it but still keeping yourself up with how to drive.
>want to go to another weeb convention
Go for it, even if your sister is special you could still take her during the morning for example and then return alone for the evening if it's not too far.
>kissless virgin, wizard, about to be wizard+1 years old
Gotta admit, this part of the post is a bit yikes user. You need to stop chasing younger women for the tail as it's not working out very well. If that 20 year old was open for something romantic then go for it, but consider looking for older women instead of trying to fuck 18 year olds (t. kid+1 which doesn't even have a job and that you'll have to pay for everything). You're 31, not 21.
>working on a video game
That's great user, I assume that it's as a hobby? Genre?

thing is it's an hour away, not terribly far, but not super close, and she doesn't do great on long trips
I'd been trying to come up with alternate transportation because of that and my anxiety and just not wanting to make multiple trips myself
>Gotta admit, this part of the post is a bit yikes user.
I wasn't trying to get someone so young, I was looking for people around my age, so far all of them have ghosted me
>That's great user, I assume that it's as a hobby? Genre?
I'd like to make money off it but I don't really expect to
everyone tells me the art is shit and I don't have the skills to make it better, I'm trying to save up money to pay for art
that did get me to start drawing though, which is enjoyable when I can get into the mood for it
the game is an action platformer sort of thing

forgot to attach the video

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Usually cons last for multiple days so maybe consider bring her for one of the days and then on the following day going alone.
>so far all of them have ghosted me
You'll try a few times, if some younger ones didn't ghost you then eventually some older ones won't either.
>I'd like to make money off it but I don't really expect to
>I'm trying to save up money to pay for art
Even if you did sell this game you wouldn't be able to sell it for much, hiring an artist would severely cut your profit margin even further especially when it's already really expensive to make a Steam listing. I wouldn't advise you to dump money like that into a hobby.
>that did get me to start drawing though, which is enjoyable when I can get into the mood for it
That's nice user. You'll eventually get better at it so try to focus on that instead of spending money.

Found out a friend of mine was raped when she was in seventh grade. She got pregnant and her father best her until she miscarried. It happens to her years ago, and she's safe now, but she is still hurting. What do I do user?

Well yeah I first had these symptoms started up back in December, and idk what was going on with me I thought it was psychosis at first, until after researching and finding when you’re experiencing psychosis you’re not self aware of it, so I focused more on researching dp/dr, but I also tend to be major depressive disorder, been hospitalized for being suicidal, and 8 failed attempts in just 5 years. I been in therapy now for 3 years, and I recently had to change therapists bc I couldn’t afford to keep seeing my fav therapist who I worked with for 3 years after losing my job, but he was still worked with me and let see him in person, and then we started doing weekly phone call check ins! Now my new one she’s cool I like her, and I think she’s new with just starting to being able to counsel people, but she’s good, I kinda wish we could focus on coping instead of just reading the dsm 5 description to me, like I said I told I already knew all that from my own research.

I kinda noticed that I think my dpdr is coming from just grief, and trying dealing with loss of my mom, like I lost my mom 5 years ago to suicide, and I thought I worked through all my grief with my old therapist, but just this year I been noticing feelings of abandonment like she abandoned me, and just the constant stress of yearly anniversary of her death each year gets harder and harder to handle.

I’m trying to figure out how to bring up to my current therapist how to work on trauma, and keeping it from holding me back, and just also I just really wanna know how to get my life back into control you know? Like after being in psych ward, trying constantly off myself, and destroying myself to point of losing everything, and now that I kinda stabilized a bit, I just trying figure out how to bounce back from it all. Like I’m working again, and I’m trying to keep control over myself and learn not to let emotions control me, or get caught too much in my thoughts.

Beat . Autocorrect is crap

Don't let people tell you your art is crap, just keep doing you.

Fuck, that's rough. The only thing you should do is trying to get her to seek therapy if she already hasn't. Just be her friend and don't treat her like a victim, that she was raped years ago shouldn't change how you treat her or how you view her; wanting to help her is natural but trying to do to much might just hurt her instead.

Thanks fren, I needed that. At least she is a Christian and believes she will see her baby in heaven

I think in love with a girl I met a couple months back (we aren't dating btw). Recently I found out that she has a boyfriend, but she's never mentioned him and whenever she goes to hang out with (presumably) him, she says she's meeting a friend. At this point, I'm some weird combination of in love and depressed that I've unintentionally started nofap.
>I've become a better person since meeting her
>My fitness is improving more than ever
>Constantly depressed and struggle to do anything aside from go to the gym.
>Don't even want to bother with other girls at this point, because they don't even come close. There is something so special about this one, I seriously feel like we are supposed to be together.

And honestly? It makes me care more about her. The fact she was able to open up to me, a guy is miraculous. Her words. Before we became closer friends I thought she was imature , always goofing around and laughing, making friends with people. But now I see that she is a light to the world.

>At least she is a Christian and believes she will see her baby in heaven
>But now I see that she is a light to the world.
This is why we have to be careful with how we treat people even if we have good intentions, she's dealing with it in her own way and making the best out of life. You should cherish her user, godspeed.

Does she like you back do you think? If she does tell her. And you should tell her that she has made you a better person regardless of whether she likes you back or not, because that will be uplifting for her and you as well

thank you, man

Thanks so much nero, this is the first time I have been able to talk about it to anyone, and it takes a huge weight of my shoulders. I will cherish her.

I'll give you a posting tip user, if you click on the post number it toggles a quick reply which tags the post you're replying to.

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I'm a terrible driver, so when this car started riding my ass I spead up. Ofcourse that car was the police so I was immediately pulled over. The two tickets were 132 and 159, luckily he was nice. So I just got out of two tickets when I get home and my car falls apart. Oh boy!
My back got a break from work the next day.

Many blessings or wizard kisses, whatever positivites you want.

You're welcome.

I got into college. Nervous but exited. Any words of advice?

I just don't know; at this point I'm totally confused. I thought there was a good chance she might like me back, but now I know she has a bf. The thing that confuses me most is that she has never mentioned him. Is she leading me on or something?

Thanks man, I was having trouble with that.

I'm and I gotta tell you, the chances are *so fucking low* this will work out
it's better to at least try to find someone else, if you don't find them after a while she might become single again, but you can't just wait on that
that said, the fact she hasn't told you is odd
I would say something like "oh, have fun with your boyfriend" and smile next time-- a real fuckin' smile, and a playful one at that-- and see how she reacts
if she doesn't admit to it still there's something fishy going on-- but whatever you do, you do not want to be "the other man", that does not end well
if she wants to break up with him, cool, but you pushing her into it will probably not end well either

I honestly don't know, because I don't know her. Try asking about her boyfriend in casual conversation to see what she thinks of him? Just use your judgment carefully and don't let you affections cloud your interpretations of her.

Yeah, I'm sort of resigning myself to that now.

my mom was raped 3 times by three different people at different points in her life, I won't go into details but suffice it to say there was aftermath but not always justice
she has a lot of anxiety, but at the same time, it's a wonder to me that she can trust anyone, especially men
she's not even that Christian although she believes in the supernatural and got baptized, I don't know where she gets that strength

Congratulations. Realize there's lots of time on your hands to do things you need to do. And realize that you can always get the next one.

Don't waste your opportunities.

Don't quit, stay on track to graduate in 4 years. If you leave a year or two like many people do you'll really regret it when you eventually come back.

Not him, but I've become a really dark person. I'm not smiling or laughing anymore and bored of the repetition of life. Feel like I've seen it all

I think that she(your mother) and my friend both get there strength from God, or there faith, or whatever you want to call it. Because it is amazing that they can trust anyone.

Try to make the best of it and try to be friends with your classmates. Definitely don't slack off just because it's the beginning of the semester and there's not much to study, it'll fuck you over later.

>>Don't even want to bother with other girls at this point, because they don't even come close. There is something so special about this one, I seriously feel like we are supposed to be together.
I think you should bother with other girls, especially if this one is taken. Rule of thumb is to never over invest in a girl which can't be yours. Try asking her if that guy is her boyfriend or not as you noticed that she says he's a friend when she goes to hangout. Otherwise distance yourself a bit and try to focus on other women.
>>Constantly depressed and struggle to do anything aside from go to the gym.
You just have to not care as much about that girl and you'll be fine user. You're keeping up with your gym so it's all good.

I think that it's time for you to change things up a bit. Try new things and meet new people. Don't let yourself get spiraled into unhappiness meme, it's avoidable.
It's almost 4am anons so I'll call it a day for now, I'll probably check the thread back in the morning to reply to any stragglers.
Have a nice night everyone!

Thanks user

why would a parent disclose that. I don't think a parent should be emotionally dependent on a child. My mom is so messed she's beyond help

Just don't base your life or emotional stability around relationships or people as a golden rule. Bc that sets you up to get screwed over emotionally

It's almost 4am anons so I'll call it a day for now, I'll probably check the thread back in the morning to reply to any stragglers.
Have a nice night everyone!

I also made an email: [email protected]
So if anyone wants to ask for advice over mail or send me memes and spam go ahead.

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So, any advice on finding people that aren't libtards without letting everyone know that I'm based? I don't want to get flak here, since it's my first time going to college.

Before you go I mean

Shit I have to go

you can typically tell who browses Jow Forums. They're the awkward white kids with glasses and muscles

You can generally tell someone's power level pretty quick either by baiting conversation or checking their phone wallpaper (which is how I made my first friend in college).
You're going to have to work with people for group projects and there will always be some effort to share answers and study material before tests so just make small talk with normies and you'll be fine.
I still caught, no worries.

Most people I've met at college don't really care much about political views, and there is a lot of dislike for the far left. If you don't bring it up, it shouldn't really be a problem. If they bring up something you disagree with, rather than autistically arguing with them, ask them why they believe it, and try to figure out the fundamental differences in your beliefs. Your aim when getting into these arguments should be to get them to convince you of their point, and if they can't, then you explain why you believe they are wrong.

well the last one happened when I was 4 it was just the two of us so she couldn't hide it
I found out about the others after I was an adult already, I might've been like 16 but I think I was 20 or so
but yeah she is a little dependent on me and the rest of us