33, f. Due to a series of betrayals and abandonments this year I have utterly lost faith in humans and relationships. Dumped by the guy I've been with 13 years and though I would grow old with and abandoned by my best friend who I saw as a brother. Friends have been flaky and putting about half the energy into the friendships I do. I'm attractive, well educated, no kids (don't want any) and can talk to pretty much anyone (people just naturally tend to like me). I know I can get a relationship and new friends, it just feels... pointless. I don't hink I can ever trust again and if there is no trust, then what's the point? I don't want the rest of my life to be a series of fake interactions or gaping loneliness. I know there are people who have it worse, but at this point it seems like I'll never be happy again, so why bother? I know people say it'll get better, but I genuinely don't think it will. Honestly, just ending it seems like the better option.
Is there a point to life if you can't trust?
Just enjoy being single for a while. Then get on tinder and dating sites. There are plenty of singles in their 30s so you won't have a problem getting dates.
Yeah, sorry, barefoot and pregnant is not my thing. But you're probably of the school of thought that's all women are good for.
My ex doesn't want kids either btw.
It feels pointless because I lost the feeling that human relationships can ever be genuine, not because my biological clock is ticking.
It's not about the fear of not being able to get dates though, it's the fear that everyone is selfish and will only be with me to try to gain something and then will bail once they have.
>implying there aren't thousands of men out there who don't want any kids
You just need to be smarter about what kinds of people you let into your life. No idea you're supposed to learn it anymore though, as a woman, you should be aware of this by your mid-twenties at the absolute latest.
That's an irrational fear that has nothing to do with your age or life situation. Get dates and see if you find a guy you click with.
Where are you? Europe?
Yeah people suck ass, but there are a few that are decent, and an even smaller amount that are wonderful. I guess it all depends on how badly you want to get back on the horse and try and find someone you can trust. My advise is to do it, but be weary of who you confide in until they've sufficiently proved themselves. It sucks knowing that anyone can change at any point and become a selfish prick, but at some point you have to take a leap of faith and trust people in order to potentially grow closer to them.
Just sleep around mindlessly. You got nothing to lose
why did he say he ended it?
It happens to everyone after 30. Our friends grow up, move out, get married, have kids, etc. After 30 our jobs start to take us seriously and start entrusting us with more complex work (and more $$) our career's start to take off so we have less time for personal relationships. Sounds bad but you gotta make new friends that are in your same position i.e. single. I'm married with no kids and most of our friends are either single or gay so we pretty much get to do anything fun without worrying about babysitting and other bs
Because I've been going through a rough patch mental health wise and he didn't feel like my recovery was going fast enough and I wasn't giving him enough attention because of it.
I get it and he's not at all your typical asshole or anything. It just hurts when you've been there for your partner when they have been going through hard times, but they aren't willing to do the same.
That's my whole issue I feel. I'm a very loyal friend and don't do things half-way: if I like you, I will be there for you in everything. That's just how I am and people, even what you'd see as decent people will take advantage of that.
The break-up was not the hardest thing to take. These things happen. It was that my best friend who I've helped through to many things (abusive parents, financial issues, transitioning, moving etc.) couldn't be arsed to ask 'How are you, how can I help?' and just ghosted me when the break-up happened. When confronted with how much he had hurt me, he just blocked me on all social media and disappeared.
The friends I have a much more 'casual friends' they're decent people, I'm just not that important to them to have the kind of close friendship I had with my best friend. So I lost the two most importand people in my life in one go. People I thought I could depend on and trust the way they did with me.
What sort mental issues? That sounds scary. That they were so bad he would break up because of them.
How do you go about finding new people at our age? It feels like everyone already has their tight knit groups, even if I know that's probably not true. Luckily most of my friends are single and/or childless, but some have difficulties with contact due to health or financial issues.
Just depression. Main problem was that depression makes me extremely tired doing simple things takes a lot of energy and he wanted me to cope in a way that suited him, not in a way that worked for me.
Meaning what exactly? That he was doing all the chores in the house? Did you also stop having sex with him?
We didn't live together, but close by (we're both pretty independant people). And he wanted to do things together more than I was able to due to fatigue. The depression absolutely does affect my libido and it was shot to hell, but we still had sex, perhaps a bit less than usual, but I did make the effort, but every time I was too tired to stay over because I had already spend a day or a weekend doing some social activity with him that he liked he'd get pissy.
Thats awful of your friend to just ghost you. Sometimes people just show their true colours. I feel for you. With time itll get better but youre not unwise to be wary of people in the future. Its not all doom and gloom though, youre not 50, and even if you were thered still be a whole lot of living left to do
It hasn't even been a year since your break up, of course you're still fucked up. You're still bouncing back, the world will look bleak and hopeless for some time to come but it will change. You're still in the process of grief. Time heals all wounds, focus on your family, get a cool hobby to take your mind off the bad spiral of feelings and thoughts. You've had your first serious heartbreak, that's basically the same as breaking a leg and an arm. You have to give it time to heal and take good care of yourself.
13 years is no joke. That sucks I'm sorry.
At 33 you do need to hurry. Also 13 years and no kid?
Do you look like pic related? If so we could go on a date.
Relax nobody is worth it, but you still had better relationships than most people despite this. This feels pointless, because it is and that's good. Why not try to do your own thing for while, put you effort in to running a business or learning exciting skills. Do you know their are women scuba diving off boats to do underwater welding? Do whatever you want to, because you can.
> I don't want the rest of my life to be a series of fake interactions or gaping loneliness.
So don't let it. The first step is to stop being fake yourself, be honest and say what you are thinking. Being fake is all about pleasing everyone and avoiding conflict, if you are being honest with yourself and everyone else, you're gonna step on some toes. People will see this honesty, appreciate it, and hopefully reciprocate. Or you can kick your air addiction, both options will change your life, one is just easier than the other, but not necessarily better.
That's actually always been my disadvantage. I've always been honest and earnest in my interactions with people. I hate playing games, I beating around the bush and small talk. Some people are intimidated by that. I'm pretty direct and do what I say. Loyalty, respect and honesty are important values to me. It's just hard to find people who think and behave like that too. There is so much bullshit and fakery.
What is it with people on this site who find the idea of people not wanting kids (or being smart enough to use anti-conception properly) so bewildering?
don't attach yourself to people like that
you'll always be disappointed
I do kind of trying to do just that (not the underwater welding), but focussing on a carreer switch and investing time in my hobbies. Sometimes it's just hard, because part of some hobbies were usually with either my partner or best friend, so doing it alone just reminds me of what I lost. I still go to the events alone, but I hurts, not gonna lie.
You can only trust people so long as you know they aren't motivated by their own intentions. So don't because everyone is.
If he dumped you after 13 years I'm sure it was because you didn't want to give him kids.
One guy dumping you is not a general indicator on the quality of mankind.
Life is about repetition
here we can say what we actually believe without restriction