Gay male here. The guy I have feelings for says he doesn't want to date me because I've slept around too much, even though he returns my feelings. He doesn't know the exact number (43), but my promiscuity is no secret.
I feel a little annoyed and kind of slut shamed. It's not as though I ever cheated in relationships; never have, never would. Is my friend being reasonable?
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>reasonable
How come, whenever fags get rejected, their first supposition is that somehow that person was mistaken about their own feelings for another human being?
Why? Take the L and move the fuck on you thirsty fucking disappointment.
That's the gayest post I've ever read, congrats user
How many relationships have you had?
Seven ^^; All of them ended by me. I'm 22.
He does return my feelings, he's just shaming me for my number of sexual partners.
Reasonable, yes
Now be reasonable yourself. He doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you so move on.
What's wrong with my count if I'm STD-free and never cheat?
Well just go fuck another 43 guys and see if that fills the emptiness in your life.
What's wrong with a guy for not wanting to be with a guy that's up to 43 partners, and seven relationships at 22?
To be fair, I did start having sex at 12, so that averages out to only around four guys per year.
>Is it fair that a guy has dating preferences in 2019?
Yes
It's not the number itself (even if it is a little outrageous given your age), it just speaks loudly about your values, your ability to hold a relationship, your emotional maturity, etc.
I don't think you're being slut shamed either: he didn't say you're a shit person for fucking around, just that he doesn't want to invest in a relationship with you since you have profoundly different values and don't have the emotional ability to handle a relationship.
>justifications
Take. The. Rejection.
Why are all gays huge sluts who refuse to admit that some people want a partner whose sexual partner count does not exceed the number of years they've been alive by practically double?
That's a lot of assumptions, user...
I have a lot of casual sex with consenting partners. I have also always been a wonderful, reliable boyfriend. These two things aren't mutually exclusive. Why is our society so sex-averse?
Why can't you accept that forty-three separate dicks is too much for some people to comfortably 'get over?'
Why can't you accept that you made dumbass choices and are paying the dumbass price?
Holy shit, it must be bait.
Why, though? I can understand if my extensive sexual history makes him insecure, but what's a dumbass choice about having harmless fun with consenting people?
If you have had 7 relationships at 22 and dumped every single person you dated, you haven't been a "wonderful reliable boyfriend". I'm sorry. You're a high school girl with daddy issues.
I'm glad you had fun having casual sex. I personally see sex as an act of love, as a moment of intimacy and trust with a person I love and care for. And obviously you don't, so I wouldn't see why I'd ever associate with you romantically when we have such profoundly different ideas about this stuff.
Not everyone HAS to like everything you do. Why is it so hard to wrap your gay head around that? I get you're basically a narcissist at heart, but why is it so impossible to understand that he doesn't want to be forty-four, like some sort of cum-filled consolation prize? "Sorry hun, you were just forty-three men too late. Forty-three other separate, individual people had a crack at this before you."
Say what eeeeever you want to me, man. My partner has had one (1) sexual partner besides me and one attempt at sex besides that. I've had one partner and tongue action with one whole other person.
Surprise you as it may to learn that you don't need to fuck a separate person every three (3) months just to fill a void, it's simply true; this is a characteristic of (You), wherein you appear to solve one or more problems in your life with sex. People don't want to date that, fidelity or no, because it shows weak character.
I had feelings for my ex, too, but that didn't mean she was worth them or didn't abuse them, faithful as she may have been. You gotta understand that having fucked forty-three separate people IS going to bother people because they don't want that kind of decision-making. It's just not their kind of person.
I don't get why you think nearly fifty fucks is something everyone ELSE has to accept about you.
People who are most successful at relationships are generally already in one. Having more partners and relationships just means you're shit at it, otherwise they wouldn't be ending so quickly.
I'm actually going to side with you on this OP, if you arent a cheater and arent carrying around STDs (how you arent, who knows) then count should not logically matter. Only things i can think of is that just by being promiscuous it gives the illusion of being a cheater. This logic works the same in straight situations...women lie about their number so that it seems like theyre more trustworthy. A real paradox isnt it? Either way, theres no reason to waste your time if the guy doesnt want to go for it. Maybe he'll change his mind in the future
But he and his crush clearly have vastly differing ideas about what sex is and its place in a person's life.
I, at least, wouldn't date OP because it's very clear that he's not interested in self-critique and is dead set and determined to go down with this ship of 'It's completely irrelevant to me that I've fucked a new guy every three months since I was 12 years old(!), so it should be irrelevant to everyone.'
I, for one, do not need someone who's casual enough about sex to have it with that many people. I don't think I'm even on a first name basis with 43 separate individuals. Truth told, though, I doubt OP was either.
What's wrong with the fact that I ended all seven relationships?
Thank you >.< I'm glad someone is on my side...
What's ending eight? To him, why would he assume he's not going to be dumped after you go for guy forty-five instead?
It's nice to say you've been "faithful," but dumping someone before you go for some wham-bam isn't really 'faith' as much as 'justifying whatever you can with whatever's in reach.'
>wants to cheat on partner
>doesn't want to be a cheater
>ends the relationship so it doesn't qualify as cheating
>"i'm faithful lol"
I'm like 90% sure it's bait but whatever, it's Jow Forums, whole damn board is bait
>What's wrong with the fact that I ended all seven relationships?
Nothing necessarily. You just are not reliable.
You can't tell me "I'm so reliable, every time people relied on me in the past I made sure to give up on them and let them down".
I also have never met a "wonderful boyfriend" who wasn't capable of holding a relationship for a couple years.
People don’t need to be so bitter towards you in this thread but you don’t need to be a fucking fool either. “Ugh why can’t a guy just accept that I like sucking cock and change his values to coincide with mine” You’ve had a free ride up until this point but now your hit with a dilemma “holy shit my life actions have resulted in an outcome that i didn’t want” You have two choices. You can try to change peoples perspective on such a matter by throwing around phrases like “slut shaming” or. You can take responsibility and reflect on your choices and change. Take the rejection as a lesson. If you don’t feel the need to change then continue down the path your on. But you will come across more men like the one you were rejected by. And you can’t complain when they don’t want to be in a relationship with you for decisions you’ve made. That’s just how that shit works
Really i think the same as you, im just trying set bias aside for the sake of reason. Example, if ive been with a girl and then she gets with someone else, i cant mess with her again because it feels dirty. It actually isnt, and its just in my head. Theres nothing wrong with Ops hope-to-be thought process, it just isnt based in reason. If Op was a known cheater/std carrier itd be another discussion. But again as young as you guys are Op theres plenty of time for views to change
I didn't end any of the seven relationships so that I could go for someone else, user. One of them turned out to be abusive, so of course down the toilet he went. Two turned out to be worse people than I expected, though not to the level of being an abuser. Four of them I dated but realized that I wasn't really in love with them, so broke up with them so as to not lead them on any further.
Things that never happened: the post.
Is it possible you guys are just jealous of me for being more sexually experienced? If you want, I can hook you up with some of my friends to help boost your numbers.
Seek Jesus Christs'forgiveness and delete your folder of lame anime profile pictures. Go hunting to raise test.
>you guys are young!
Would laugh my ass off to know I'm older than your ass but that's neither here nor there.
The offense is that OP thinks somehow this difference of preference is a mistake by his partner. Despite all the evidence stacked against him, OP believes somehow that this is a matter of saying the right thing to make his crush turn 180.
I'm TRYING to tell OP that he's fucked up from the get go because he's shown all the wrong signs for faithful relationships; all the arguments are plain as day in the thread.
All OP is doing is plugging his ears and saying "Nananana can't hear you!"
I'm gay, user. I don't need masculinity.
In fact, here.
Instead of feeling any remorse or understanding anything he just turns around and insults others instead of self-critiquing.
Who wants to be with that? Why would someone want to be with someone who's record is so stained and deep, and whose attitudes toward themselves are "I'm above and beyond any kind of reproach?"
Naw, man, OP fucked up when he decided he was gonna carry that better-than-thou attitude.
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Yeah, you do.
I criticize myself a lot. A LOT. I'm a selfish, vindictive, toxic person that has hurt many people and led on a ton of guys romantically just to be a tease and water my ego. Doing something enjoyable with consenting people, though? I'm sorry, where's the harm in that again?
>Is it possible you guys are just jealous of me for being more sexually experienced?
It's funny because I am absolutely certain I had more sex than you. It has been 13 years since I lost my v card, I had sex basically every day, multiple times a day.
I still think you're a whore and kind of undateable.
You keep moving the goalposts.
Why would your crush want to be with a selfish, vindictive, toxic person who leads guys on romantically?
Holy shit. Quit dodging the question. Maybe if you dodged cock as well as you dodge the point, your crush would actually just dick you down.
This. OP is mentally ill
Time for the black pill user. News flash op your life has consequences. If you fuck around like a slut don't expect to be seen as boyfriend material by either gender. Being STD free is not an accomplishment my friend it is the bare minimum requirements that would allow you to have sex with someone assuming they are into you. If you've been with 43 other men and now all the sudden you're ready to settle down he is probably wondering if he only being one person is even enough for you. Why didn't you just date him earlier rather than 43 dicks down the line?
You’re a narcissist. Get yourself sorted
Why do you think OP is a whore if you've had more sex than him? Doesn't make much sense, user.
What was the point, again? Restate it and I will address it.
Because I'm married, and only had one sexual partner.
People who are in long term relationships with a partner they enjoy having sex with end up having a lot of sex. More than people who fuck 43 random guys.
Yes your friend is being reasonable. Its his personal choice. Just like people dont want to date smokers, some people dont want to date people who have casual sex too much. Maybe he thinks you have STDs or maybe he thinks you are only after sex with him and will leave him. Idk. Regardless, he doesnt need to give you a reason. Its his personal choice.
Hey Hoss i'm with you, there isnt a good outcome of trying to convince someone else that their worldview is wrong and that because its wrong they should then date you because your worldview is better. The age thing was in regard to op saying hes 22, im assuming his crush is about the same age. Theyll both be completely different people in a few years, hell they may even decide to turn straight
Jesus... Where did you find these???
Gays deserve the rope
The first three words of his post are "gay male here" lol
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I'm sorry user I didn't mean to hurt your feelings
Christ you suck at this.
Why would your crush want to be with a selfish, vindictive, toxic person who leads guys on romantically?
Relationships bring out the best in me. I am a MUCH better boyfriend than friend. I'm insecure thanks to my childhood (long story) and need a whole whole lot of love and affection. In friendship circles I'm usually great at the start, but eventually I start feeling unappreciated and unloved. I get emotional, grow resentful, and eventually start stirring up drama in an effort to break the group apart. I think "if these people aren't going to love me, I'll just bring everyone as much pain as I can." There's been multiple occasions where I've come to realize that I was in the wrong, though, and was just being a selfish brat. I have promised to myself to never do this again.
Anyway, with relationships, though, the constant stream of love and affection and intimacy keeps me happy. As such, I am always at my best due to constantly being watered. ^^ Hope that answers your question~
But you've ditched 7 relationships. All you do is toot your own horn without any respect or response to how that looks from the outside.
Why's he gonna get involved with you, despite all the red flags, just to find you "don't love him?"
I'm sorry, OP. There's so much stacked against you here and it might have been fine but your personality seems such that you're ignorant, whether willfully or not, to the problems you present as a person.
I've been in my relationship eight years. What got us this far was knowing fully and deeply that we are flawed, and admitting it outright, instead of making excuses or cover-ups like "we're better partners than friends." Don't you realize how inextricably the two are connected, OP? Your chances of being a good partner sink drastically if you can't be a good friend.
I'm sorry, OP. If you were defensible, it'd have happened more. As it is, you kind of just sound like someone whose primary concern is whitewashing their own flaws and problems. Unfortunately, it sounds like your crush sees that too.
I'd be interested in dating OP. I like cute homme fatales that fuck with your heart and mind.
I'm yours if you ever want someone, OP.
You've made your bed, now you have to lie in it. If he doesn't want to date you he doesn't want to date you.
OP is dead-set and determined to be as shitty as possible about that without realizing it I think
>But you've ditched 7 relationships
Well... I only take responsibility for four of them. The other three were with bad people. I guess I'm still a bit of a heartbreaker, though, especially since the number of people I've led on over the years comes to... eh... the number of people I've led on heavily, maybe 7 or 8? No telling how many I've led on in smaller doses. I'm a flirt and think seduction is fun.
Anyway, this all would be valid marks against my character if my friend knew about my checkered past (he knows about the promiscuity but nothing else), but he doesn't, so from his perspective he's basically just slut shaming what he believes to be a sweet and decent person.
H-homme fatale?
If your only defense against being undateable is that he doesn't know then A) he probably does know and B) it probably shows in more ways than you're aware.
I don't know what more to tell you, OP. You're so full of yourself and beyond reproach here that I'm shocked you even got far enough to learn he had any feelings for you at all. Hell, maybe he was letting you down soft.
Your only counterpoint to being a horrible prospect for anything remotely long-term is that 'they don't know I'm a horrible prospect.'
What the actual fuck, man?
I'm not a terrible prospect... look, I don't mean to sound stubborn or bratty, but I truly am becoming a better person with time. The last time I tried fucking up a friendship circle was eight months ago. I have vowed to never again break anyone's heart by dumping them because I'm not in love with them (that happened four times because I was too scared of hurting them by turning them down whenever they confessed to me). I used to love stringing people along, but I'm determined not to do that again and haven't for almost a year now. 2019 me is a reasonably good person.
I don't know how to tell you, but "I haven't tried to fuck over someone's life for 8 whole months" doesn't make you a good person.
Not going out of your way to hurt others is the baseline of being a decent person, it's nothing special.
There's something to be said for going from a bad person to a decent one, though. Decent people make decent partners. We're at least in the running.
Move on and learn from this experience. Aka lie about your body count next time.
Lol fag
Anyone who is upfront and not over the top is reasonable. Now if he starts trying to get you to blow him, but still won't get serious I'd call that unreasonable.
Based. That sums up every other comment
Huh, maybe sluts deserve to be shamed. Maybe actions have consequences.
Really though, as a hedonistic paraphiliac, what are you missing out on? Just hit up one of your 43 exes, or just find some other slut on grinder, right? It's not like you're looking to settle down and start a family, right?
Here's the skinny. He probably doesn't feel comfortable committing to you. What if it becomes an all-in kind of thing for him, but for you it's just another lay that you'll walk away from?
Since you ended the last 7 relationships you were in, he probably doesn't see any point, he'll just end up being ex boyfriend #8, and that's at best if you do date at all instead of just fucking and going your separate ways.
Also, as an mid 20s gay, I'm obligated to tell you that you will eventually want to settle down into something long term, and the longer you try to push those feelings away with Grindr hookups, the harder it will be to transition into stable monogamy when you do find the right person.
You're a slut and he doesn't want sluts. Guess you shouldn't have fucked around so much since you want him so bad huh?
Were you molested user?
Nope. My older brother had a friend his age (he was 15) that thought I was cute and had sex with me. I was nervous, being both 12 years old as well as a virgin, but I don't regret the encounter.
What. Only 43 AND you're gay? Your notch count sucks, aren't fags supposed to feed off each other's male sex drives? You're the gay equivalent of an incel hahaha. Are men so shit they just suck at being gay now?
T. 100+ notch count with women.
I'm not gay, but it seems to me that you don't value relationship.
I'd never date someone that had more than 3 boyfriends. Or hang up with guys. Why take the risk? Not only from STDs but also from being cheated.
Yes, I'm infatuated toward a girl. A lot of red flags. Used drugs, several boyfriends, depressed and some other issues.
I'm crazy and I think I'm dumb for liking her.
I can't stop but think how many red flags there are. Not only that, but the image of her exes using drugs with her. It's disgusting.
So, OP, anyone who really wants to commit will think several times being with you, unless they're infatuated.
>Relationships bring out the best in me.
Well, then I think you should be open about your past to this guy. Before start anything.
lol why would anyone be infatuated with OP? Does he have any redeeming qualities? At all?
In fact the girl I'm infatuated does have some really unique qualities. I guess the OP will have to show some good qualities.
Maybe the OP could start by opening up about having so many people in few years with his future partner. Dunno. It's a hard situation if you want anything long term.
I would never want to date a guy who had been fucked by 43 other dudes either, not because "muh insecurity", because it shows you don't value or respect relationships or the intimacy that comes with them, including sex.
The real world is not Reddit or Tumblr, don't expect normal people to care about "slut shaming" or consider it a negative thing. And don't act like "It's not as though I ever cheated in relationships" is a badge of honor instead of just basic human decency either.
If you really want to date this guy, the first step would be to stop blaming him and acting like he's doing something wrong by having standards. If just not wanting to date someone who's been fucked by 43 other men is enough to make you go online and anonymously insult this poor guy, it sounds like he dodged a bullet already.