How does one walk away from someone they love that is now unavailable? Me and this girl were crazy about each other, had a fight, stopped talking, and now she’s dating some shmuck. Since we share best friends, we’ve since become friendly again.
We still very clearly have feelings for each other. We spent a night spooning with each other talking about what could have been and the bf has no idea nor have any of us even met him.
Is ghosting the way?
Do I tell her how I feel so that there are no bad feelings when I do walk away?
I do not want to tarnish myself or this girl by doing something dumb, and since we hangout regularly in a group, its becoming unbearable to see her not with me.
If she's still with her bf, go no contact. The drama is not worth it. Let her know
She got a man already, and even if she is being legit about still having feelings for you, all you have to know is that she is not trustworthy. Walk alway while you're still sane.
Well we didn't act on anything, how is she untrustworthy? Especially if she liked me first
>she liked me first
And yet, she went and got with another guy, and after that, she proceeded to flirt with you behind his back. Maybe you're young and naive, but this kind of women is nothing but trouble, I've been there already.
I mean after 5 months of not talking I would assume an attractive girl would find another guy, no?
And usually if you’re crazy about someone it doesn’t just go away. We don’t openly flirt, two grown people who had real feelings for each other had a night of weakness after being reunited and wanted each others company to talk. We didn’t even kiss.
I dont text her or see her outside of our group. We dont send love letters to eachother conspiring to cheat. We just feel strongly for each other and she regrets what happened despite trying to move on.
Maybe YOU’RE young and naive for not knowing what a complex situation is.
If you're crazy about someone you don't spend 5 months without talking to this person because of a fight, you talk things out like a grown person that you claim to be. This is high school tier drama, there's nothing complex about it buddy.
Not bitter! I’ll give you some more context and maybe we can clarify what we’re saying to eachother.
I caused the fight, because emotionally I was fucked at the time and treated her poorly as an act of self destruction. She never treated me poorly, I hurt HER. Yes, it was immature, and she’s since accepted my apology. Which is why her acting like this is less her being untrustworthy and more her feeling that she had to move on.
Is it not possible for you to be with someone for stability but still pine for someone else? Does that really make her untrustworthy? Or confused?
Sorry if I seemed like a dick in my earlier reply I’m just confused
You lost your chance. You missed your attraction window. You, yourself had the chance to make things right and let her know how you really feel or wanted from the beginning.
All is fair in love and war. If you have feelings for her, tell her straight-up. Even if she has a man. Fuck him- he's not your responsibility if his chick chooses you. That's her choice. But if she is careless enough to leave you and go for another dude, she isn't worth it bro. She's a lost-cause and you're in a world of hurt if you go any further. Just accept that she's not for you; if she was she'd still be with you. You had your chance and you mucked it up. Let other men get the chance now because you fumbled. It is your own fault. Women go for men who know 100% what they want. She went with that guy. Says a lot about you honestly.
>is ghosting the way Okay, I don't know about letting her go and forgetting about her but outright ghosting is NEVER something you should EVER do except under some extreme ass circumstances like they were abusive or something and even then its probably not always necessary Do not ghost.
Fuck's wrong with you kids?
>Is it not possible for you to be with someone for stability but still pine for someone else?
Stability for what exactly? I don't really get this question.
>Does that really make her untrustworthy?
How would you feel about your gf talking feelings with other guy behind your back? Be honesty here.
Being confused about what!? You already said that this girl still has feelings for you.
I’d rather my gf tell me and break up with me desu. If she likes someone that much its less about being untrustworthy and more about her having real feelings for someone else after they thought they moved on.
And stability meaning the guy doesnt do what I did, etc
Im confused because I know shes not a bad person, and I wish I could just be with her
>BLAH BLAH BLAH She went with that guy. Says a lot about you honestly. t. standard resident incel being very obvious about their post's intentions and also a good example of why no one facing serious issues that can effect other people's lives, such as OP, or sometimes even cause their own death, should ever, ever, ever rely on Jow Forums.
>I’d rather my gf tell me and break up with me desu
Exactly, and did she do that?
What a mess of advice.
I didn’t give her a reason to. We’re currently interacting as friends that are slightly flirty. I have never told her that I’m in love with her and that we shouldn’t continue casually talking because I can’t do it (which is what I want to say).
This is the dilemma here.
>actually telling him what a man should do >is to actually be a man and go after what he wants >ad hominem resident incel
How about actually giving advice that would benefit OP? He needs to come to acceptance about what he really wants. If he wants that girl, he should tell her and stop messing about. Even if she has a boyfriend. His life would work itself out whether negative or positive. The point is he needs to make a move and face the consequences- you face your challenges, not come up with theories. Then accept the next events. That's how you go about joyfully in life because your choices have results. He can either leave or make his intentions known. Either way, he has to make the decision and face whatever happens after.
I don't think the woman is worth it though if she was so quick to leave him for another. Its red flags all over.
Wait a sec, I thought you guys were very aware of the feelings you have for each other. So is all of this just an assumption!?
Anyway, you don't need to give her a reason, being in a relationship while holding feelings for other person is not a good thing to do, its extremely inconsiderate to the other person, nobody deserves to be treated as a backup plan.
No not an assumption, the feelings part is true since during the spooning we were saying such things. But I haven’t been active in TELLING her straight up that I want her and that being friends wont work if that makes sense. For now its just a weird flirty mess simmering but not boiling over.
I meant reason as above. “I have feelings for you, and I can’t be friends while I feel this way”.
Well then I stand by what said, you don't need to give her an ultimatum, she shouldn't be doing that, she shouldn't even be with this guy, but she still is, so be aware of that if it eventually comes to bit you in the ass.
It’s less of an ultimatum and more just being honest. Really honest. I don’t want her to cheat, I don’y want her to do something dumb. I just want to clear the air and move on if at all possible.
Believe me, the last thing I want to do is start something by cheating.
There's no need for honesty, like you said, the mutual attraction is very obivous, and like you also said, you wouldn't want to be with a girl that has feelings for another guy. You're just overthinking this situation user.
Well then what do I do? I think me and her can actually have something, I don’t care that she has feelings for me while she has a bf of two months
>Well then what do I do?
Why are asking me if you're seem to be decide to go after her!? Roll your dices then, but remember... you will have no right to complain if karma eventually comes to bite you in the ass.
Would it be better to just stifle my tongue and hope she breaks it off with this guy?
Would us getting together be more legitimate that way?
No. Forget principals and be a bad guy. Put your arm around her in front of everyone, if he shows up keep your arm there and be chill if she throws you off. You are going to protect her from him til she accepts it.
t. Had a buddy do this and the girl eventually dumped doofus who made a fool of himself about it
Every woman would like to have her perfect man, with the rest of the world orbiting her as options. The. Rest. of. the. World.
That's the dark shadow behind femininity and it's understandable but irrational. It's like the way toddlers want to subjugate the world and if they grow wrong they end up psychos.
So you have to BE THE MAN. Don't ask her what she wants, tell her what you want or just ditch her. She's not stupid and because she's a woman she can lie to anyone but herself.
If it's meant to be, you'll dig through mountains with spoons to be together, if it's not, being locked in a spaceship for life won't make it happen.
nah this is more like the story she wants. Ideally if you had to fight twelve guys to the death for her that would be better but making that happen can be socially disruptive. Then there's all those funerals and feuds.
Wouldn’t “once a cheater always a cheater” apply though?
No , fuck that stupid shit. Also you’re instigating it, starting it, and no one said you had to sex her. You can wait til she’s dropped him to get that far. Just escalate it and don’t stop.
Stealing her from the guy doesn't necessarily means to be the winner. I don't doubt the he could pull it off, but I also don't doubt that a girl who does that kind of shit wouldn't also pull the same thing on him. Morally corrupt people aren't fixable.
You're missing the point my guy, its not about legitimating anything, its about her having feelings for you and flirting with you behind her bf's back.
Emotional cheating is still cheating.
You're contradicting yourself, man.
This same loser again. Stop being a pathetic orbiter and have some more respect for yourself
Sounds like you're the schmuck going behind the other guys back but you've got company, she's a cunt for spooning with you and dating him.