There's this girl at work and we get along very well. Text all day all night sell. She has a lot of personal issues that I am helping her with (we are both bipolar and self harmers) She's 18
I am getting the side eye a LOT at work from how much we talk and hang out. Is it weird? Do I need to take a step back? Usually I don't really get along with anyone at all, let alone someone so young but people are acting as if this is the strangest thing in the world.
Afaik she isn't interested in me sexually or anything, and I'm still deeply in feels with my wife.
No. Not unless my brain is doing that subconscious thing
then, it is mostly your colleagues are jealous about your friendship
I know I was just wondering if people here find it weird.
Why do you people need your hand held THIS much? It's as if you have no inner monologue. How would you feel if your wife was getting this close with a male colleague? Why do I even have to ask this? Surely you've already asked yourself?
Idk what you think I'm asking. My wife is fine with it. We've all had lunch together. I'm asking if it's worth side eyes at work and in general if it's weird.
Please stop being a sperg and inserting your drama into a question. My relationship isn't even the question here for me it wife, it's the way everyone else is reacting that's giving me pause.
>My wife is fine with it. We've all had lunch together. Why the fuck would anyone know that? >it's the way everyone else is reacting that's giving me pause. You're 29 years old. You're your own man. Who cares what anyone who isn't your family, your direct superior, or a state/federal authority has to say. Why do you people need your hand held THIS much? It's as if you have no inner monologue.
>Text all day all night No happily married man in love with his wife does this with some 18 yo girl. You're getting the side eye because everyone knows you're married and what you are doing, grooming. You think you two are invisible but you're not and I bet your wife doesn't know you are so far up this young things ass because you are hiding it from her.
I don't hide anything. My wife and I are soulmates and we will live and die in this world together. But now I know that this is probably what people do think at work, okay I'll probably have to pull back a lot if this is the prevailing thought.
Transition question, preferably for you.
How do I pull back without hurting this girl's feelings? Keeping in mind she is bipolar and still self harms quite badly (all over the body). I understand that the loss of me isn't exactly an emotional turmoil equivalent to suicide but still not really sure how to approach it
Look at how people have reacted here. Nobody really cares about what you or this girl have been thru being bipolar and self harmers; what people care about is you are 29 male and she is 18 female, so sex must be involved. Personally, I think is great you are able to stablish this bond with her and also it’s a sensible move involving your wife. I'm sure your coworker appreciates all the support she can get (specially if this is her first job) and being validated by an older couple is great. I’m sure your wife can also learn more about your personal ailments by talking to another person who is also dealing with the same problems. If anything, maybe cut back a little in the constant texting if you feel this is hampering her social development. But just think about your younger self, when you were 18: would you have liked to have somebody older that you can trust helping you with your personal issues?
You’re doing a great work user, please don’t let the water cooler chat erode the trust you two have.
>It's all about sex Yeah that's kind of the overwhelming reaction at work too. I was just seeing if anons first reactions were the same desu and they are.
Honestly it's something I kind of intend to keep doing anyway just because the messages we send back and forth, even just looking through them again (I looked before I replied to you) it's literally just medications, plans for psychiatry, how to handle yourself at work especially where we work (we work at a counseling facility), and why it's important to actually use coping tools frequently even before crisis points.
She says im helping her and that touched me a little because I didn't really have anyone and I kept destroying my body with food, drugs, alcohol and cuts until someone helped me calm down.
The part about stifling her growth does worry me though because at work she ALWAYS wants to work with me. And even though it's fine, and her company is great. Her mood hits the floor when she's with others she perceives as "boring" or "hates her". I know I've gone wildly off topic from the thread but this is something important to me to help fix too. I want her to grow up better than I did and go further in life than I did, and not slice her body apart so she doesnt have to have "the conversation" I had to have before getting naked in front of my wife to her boyfriend/girlfriend w/e
How much do you like the girl? I mean you are texting her non stop. It's not like you are just being the "friend" to her. I doubt that she puts you into friendzone territory because since you have a wife that should be your aim. What do you think this 18 year old sees you as? A brother?
Im with this guy OP. You sound retarded. Youre treading on thin lines. If youre in a relationship you know this MIGHT hurt your relationship. At least it has potential to. Keep being a faggot
God you must really get off on having a young girl, you believe, will kill herself if you stop disrespecting your wife. Bottom line you put yourself in this position while professing to love your soul mate because it made you feel good.
You tell your wife you got too close to a young girl at work and you shouldn't have. The two of you come up with a plan. In the mean time this girl should be talking to her parents or other family.
Just go for the younger girl especially if you don't have kids. She's tighter, more supple and would give you stronger kids. In the first place you wouldn't hang out with her if your relationship with wife is ok.
OP has established himself as this girls lord and savior and doctor. He has no boundaries at all
As long as you aren't manipulating the person it's whatever. But if she meets an 18 year old boy she likes and starts to talk to you less you can't get clingy/ emotional about it.
I mean I don't usually text people from work simply because I lack anything remotely interesting or attractive to anyone under the age of 25, so I don't sympathize with all day and night texting That all said, as long as you're not attracted to her, missteps are on her part.
Keep your wife apprised, that's how I mollify my girlfriend's worry and jealousy
You'll fuck her eventually but who cares dude
You're playing with fire.
I wouldn't call it grooming as long as you're peers at work but if you're her supervisor or something then it's on the line of grooming.
Either way you're clearly getting something out of this you won't admit.
I'm guessing the attention of attractive females, is always appealing to men, especially if they don't receive much attention.
The fact you text so much is a sign of an emotional affair. Which will ignite in someway eventually.
Have fun with the heat while you still have things to burn.
Does your wife know about this? Your fucked up. Sorry.
He's really not. It's in fact possible to give someone a helping hand in life of the opposite sex on a personal level without making it romantic.
People,like you, can be machiavellian cunts all you want. There doesn't need to be something sexual or behind the scenes
Idk man I thought I was being helpful but all these guys make me feel like I'm doing something that's fucked up. I was just trying to be helpful especially to someone that's in the same spot I was. I'm reading these replies and feeling a bit sick over it
You gotta stop man. People talk. Is she worth your wife? You don't need that bullshit. This girl isn't your problem even though you made her your problem. Small mistake. Get back on the level, don't let your mind wander too far.
If the text messages are, as you say, purely about medicine, then all you need to do is back off at work.
It sounds like you're deep in an emotional affair.
Does your wife know the nature of this relationship with your work friend? Would you feel comfortable if your wife saw how the two of you interacted? Heard/read your conversations?
Jesus, dude, you're deep in this mess aren't you.
My ex-fiance is currently living with his affair partner, their situation started off eerily similar to yours! She's a hot mess, all sorts of life problems, yadda yadda, don't care, excuses excuses.
I don't know what to tell you specifically, but from your wife's (future) position my advice is just... end it? Cut this girl off, her problems aren't your responsibility. Does it make you feel good to rescue a damsel in distress? Maybe think about why that is and talk to someone (not your future affair partner) about it.
Let me step outside of bitter bitch mode for a second and recommend a book that might actually be helpful: Not Just Friends, by Dr. Shirley Glass.
The gist is that these sorts of things happen gradually, lots of boundaries get crossed in rapid succession, it's a slippery slope from inappropriate friendship into fullblown emotional/physical affair, and people will do everything they can to rationalize all the dumb bad choices along the way.
The fact that you're asking these questions now shows that you recognize something is going on, good luck not putting your wife in my situation, wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
As long as you don't do synchronized cutting sessions together
It's good to bond with someone who you can relate with, specially as she has your same issues. Keep going, don't ignore your wife and you're golden
oh and being honest with your wife that you text this other bipolar girl frequently would be a good start. Your intentions here are completely honest, right? So be completely honest to all relevant parties.