>been with this girl for about an year and a half >like her very much >one day I'm at her place >she asks me to check her phone to see whatever >I see one notification from a dating app >I ask her "what is this? are you looking for other men?" >she says no, she says she only logs in because she has a low self-esteem and wants validation from men >she basically says that she goes there to see who would give her a right swipe (she's very insecure about her appearance) >I find it very fishy, but I give her another chance >I demand her to uninstall the app and never to install anything similar >she agrees and uninstall the app >we move on happily >3 weeks later >notice she's being very absent recently >we usually talk several hours everyday, but last couple of days we barely talk >I ask her if everything is fine >she just tells me she's "busy" >something about the way she phrases it gives me a weird feeling though >I decide to install the aforementioned dating app >to my surprise, a few minutes later I'm able to find her profile >I flip out >I try to calm myself down, thinking "maybe this is a bug, maybe it's still her old profile" >an hour later, the profile shows she's online >I immediately confront her >I printscreen it and show her >"what is this?" >she says "it's probably my old accunt" >she didn't notice my printscreen included the green "online" symbol >I point it out to her >"no, check the printscreen. It's green, you've been online just now" >she sends me a sad emoji >I say "well, what do you have to say?" >she says exactly this "I installed it again in order to receive compliments" >I tell her she lied to me not once, but twice, pointing out the green "online" icon thing >she denies it >I tell her it's over and block her
I'm feeling like shit right now. I really like this girl. A couple hours after blocking her, I started to rationalize what just happened and to doubt myself. Do you think I'm overreacting?
You know the truth about this user. But you are denying it to yourself
The problem is creating a profile just "in order to receive compliments" from the opposite sex sounds exactly like something she would do. She has abysmal self-esteem, I don't believe she's lying about this or that she cheated on me, the problem is the lying.
Now that I think about it, though, even if she's just looking for validation, this is still a huge red flag
Well females do like attention, so I think she was being truthful about using it for validation, however the fact she didn’t tell you should let you know she doesn’t trust you that much.
This person cannot be trusted. The relationship will become very toxic and codependent. Also it means that she doesn’t feel validated by your attention solely. I would run if I were you. Cause there’s a shitstorm coming. And you won’t be able to run later on.
I think that you could have handled it better. You have absolutely no evidence that she's cheating on you and you did absolutely nothing to help her deal with her insecurities in any other way, why are you surprised that she relapsed and hid it from you after you made it such a big deal that she should uninstall the app?
Unblock her and apologize, talk to her and see if you can compromise in some way.
Why the fuck do you people deal with shit women like that then go mgtow and coming complain about all women being broken. This woman is dangerous in the long run. She has serious self esteem issues that will manifest as a form of adaptive narcissism. I’ve dealt with people like her. OP is fucked big time If he keeps seeing her. It’s just a matter of time . Don’t deal with people like that tards
It's not op's job to fix this crazy person. Personally if I knew my ex was on tinder while I was dating her I would have broken up with her. If you're so insecure you need hordes of men to prove to yourself you're attractive, WHILE IN A RELATIONSHIP, you're probably going to end up cheating. Why do you need that much validation from people outside of your relationship?
Most women are very fragile creatures user... Which is why you search for the strong ones good work remember to take care of yourself and drink lots of water!
Imo you've done the right thing.
If she's flirting with potentially hundreds of others guys, she will find someone with enough looks and charisma to cheat on eventually.
You shouldn't give her another chance, as she will do the same but be even sneakier. You will not be able to achieve peace of mind.
>You have absolutely no evidence that she's cheating on you I never said that. I don't believe she's cheating on me.
>you did absolutely nothing to help her deal with her insecurities in any other way This is absolutely wrong. I've been very supportive of her. She used to go to therapy with an awful psychologist, I'm the one who encouraged her to find a new therapist that she's been satisfied with. I was always there when she felt down, I told her how I find her beautiful and how her self-esteem issues are based on nothing.
> you made it such a big deal that she should uninstall the app? So I should let her get validation from other men? That sounds insane
You did the right thing dont doubt yourself she was almost 100% cheating on you
Thank you for all your replies, anons :(
Just imagine the genders reversed.
Girl finds out her boyfriend is on tinder, he says its because of his low self esteem and he just likes getting compliments.
These are the type of women that end up in the hands of a psycho and a few months later someone finds them in a lake with a slashed throat
>Why the fuck do you people deal with shit women like that then go mgtow and coming complain about all women being broken. Who are you fucking projecting about? >This woman is dangerous in the long run >She has serious self esteem issues that will manifest as a form of adaptive narcissism Holy shit, not only are an armchair psychologist but you also have precognition?!
>It's not op's job to fix this crazy person >crazy She's one hell of a nut job am I right? >If you're so insecure you need hordes of men to prove to yourself you're attractive, WHILE IN A RELATIONSHIP, you're probably going to end up cheating 
>I never said that. I don't believe she's cheating on me. Yet you broke up with her instinctively. >This is absolutely wrong. None of what you mentioned seems like something you did in the past 3 weeks. What matters is what you didn't do in this time frame. >So I should let her get validation from other men? You made a one sided demand, which she fulfilled. Seemingly offered no substitute for the validation she lost as a result for the next 3 weeks. No, you shouldn't let her get validation from other men, but if you're not going to give her the validation she was getting then she's still going to crave it. If this is too high demand for you then you shouldn't date her, but if you really like her then it's apparent that you can still salvage the relationship. Whether you want to or not is up to you.
You're trying to imply that the gender reversal would make it so that he's cheating on her, but in reality the situation hasn't changed because gender is irrelevant in this. There's no evidence that she's cheating on him.
She's already standing in the doorway with her back turned. Are you gonna push her out and shut the door or play games and hang out?
Fucking why? I don't even need proof my girlfriend is cheating to break up with her. If the trust has already been broken then why even bother staying? For example, one girl I dated told me one night after we had a fight she went and hung out with a guy who told her he wanted to have sex with her. Nothing happened. (Apparently?)
Obviously that was the end of that. I honestly don't even think she cheated, and sure I may have been making some mistakes the the relationship, but I literally want nothing to do with someone who would jeopardize our entire relationship with a veiled threat of cheating. Fuck that. I want someone who can communicate and who is mentally stable and able to express her feelings, just like I would with her.
Fucking based and checked. The nigger has nothing on this statement.
OP, I did the opposite thing as you and here's what happened. >I patiently nod that she can keep her dating profile (because I love her and don't want to inconvenience her) >one day she called me with a crying voice >something serious she wants to talk about >says that after 3 years together she doesn't feel the "spark" anymore and wants to break up (no mention about the app btw) >not even two weeks later, she's with a brand new cocksucker >they have a kid now
You've dodged a bullet.
>I want someone who can communicate and who is mentally stable and able to express her feelings, just like I would with her. Sounds reasonable. >I don't even need proof my girlfriend is cheating to break up with her >I honestly don't even think she cheated >If the trust has already been broken then why even bother staying? What trust? You had no trust in her to begin with.
Actually that's a weak lie, because guys don't get compliments on Tinder
You don't live life as to be wanted by others, you live life to be the best person you can be for yourself. Why would you waste your time with someone who would put themselves in that situation anyway?
>Why would you waste your time with someone who would put themselves in that situation anyway? I'm the one that should be asking you that question. She was your girlfriend, not mine. You chose her yet you barely had any trust in her and as a result you broke up with her for essentially not cheating on you. You're the one that wasted your own precious time picking a partner that would put themselves in that situation. You couldn't have know? Perhaps, but that doesn't excuse your actions. Her behavior could have easily been discerned if you actually knew her, and if you did then why did you get in a relationship with her to begin with? Acting like other people are a waste of time to you is fine, but don't actually make excuses that attempt to validate your actions when you perfectly know that they're unreasonable. You could have talked to her, you could have not had that fight; how is breaking up with her for 'wasting your time' being the best person you can possibly be for yourself?
>implying I am this user
>She was your girlfriend, not mine. You chose her yet you barely had any trust in her and as a result you broke up with her for essentially not cheating on you. The trust was implied before she disclosed she was on dating sites.
>You couldn't have know? Perhaps, but that doesn't excuse your actions. >Her behavior could have easily been discerned if you actually knew her Pick one.
>but that doesn't excuse your actions. Her behavior could have easily been discerned if you actually knew her, and if you did then why did you get in a relationship with her to begin with? >Acting like other people are a waste of time to you is fine, but don't actually make excuses that attempt to validate your actions when you perfectly know that they're unreasonable. It's not unreasonable to me that you break up with someone who discloses they're on a dating website, then blame it on the person who wasn't that decided to break up with them over it.
It's a weak lie either way, you fool. You absolute moron.
You don't need for her to cheat to break up with her. She wasn't good for you, and that's that. I've broken up with girls for similar.
You're all anonymous and he samefagged by replying to something that wasn't addressed at him.
Okay, that's it, stop replying to shit that's not addressed at you; it's confusing. None of what I said was for you, I thought you were .
That said, are you even fucking OP? >It's not unreasonable to me that you break up with someone who discloses they're on a dating website Nope. I've already said what I had to say to OP, if you think that's reasonable even though you don't want to acknowledge that >>she basically says that she goes there to see who would give her a right swipe (she's very insecure about her appearance) >I don't believe she's cheating on me. Then go ahead. Just know that you're being unreasonable, it's not your girlfriend and OP's decisions don't affect you.
Not OP here, but...
>she basically says that she goes there to see who would give her a right swipe (she's very insecure about her appearance)
No matter the context, this is never okay and always is and always will be a pretense to actually cheating. No exceptions, ever. If you disagree, it's because you are a woman who has cheated.
based, now find another bitch to fill with semon and your quest is complete
Not the user you are replying too but I feel that maybe you get taken advantage of a lot in relationships thinking this way. It must hurt sometimes, maybe you should take a note from this user
>What trust? You had no trust in her to begin with.
Yes I did. I trusted her and I thought she would never do something like that. She seemed really empathetic and reasonable to me. We only dated for a few months but then she started exhibiting red flags. That night was when I decided I wasn't going to be in a relationship where she was willing to threaten her fidelity to get her way.
user, don't waste your time with people you can't trust. People never change. Especially once adults. Once someone does something, you can bet they will repeat that behavior, that's just how we are. If she lied to you about something silly and stupid like this, she WILL lie about more serious subjects. It is not about whether she cheated or not. It is about trust.
This. If you can't trust your girl to tell the truth AND she's fishing for compliments from guys, there's no hope
You did everything right, OP. You did a great act of kindness by not breaking up the first time, after which she just spits in your face.
It's a shame that I can't buy you a beer, so please go out and treat yourself to something. But if you ever get back with her again I will lose all respect for you.
Youre a fag dude. and youre also retarded for your last statement. He did not in any way mean he was cheating, he means look at how much more ridiculous the situation would be if the genders were reversed. She would not believe him 99% of the time, and even if she did she would not be fucking happy at all. You think gender is irrelevant when this is clearly female behavior?
The cruellest thing one can do to a namefag is ignore them. Picture in your mind: the namefag tearfully putting zeroes into the excel spreadsheet, where they track replies.
She deliberately disobeyed you. She could have just posted pictures on social media and asked if she looked okay for her affirmations instead of sneaking back. Even if she REALLY needed stangers' opinions how many would it take for her to say ok all done here. I can't be with someone addicted to this nonsense. If you were her man and was complimenting her yet she still does this then you were not enough for her at the time
Why is she on dating app then? To make friends?
Its weird because my bf did the extreme version of this. I would have been fine if he did what your gf did because we have discussed it before.
My bf likes to be chased and looooves to reject people who are into him. I told him to install a dating app so he can feed this weird need of his. He says nah. Anyways, i encourage him to do it almost yearly because he will come home from work telling me about how some chick asked for his number and him refusing and how he "laps that shit up." He still doesnt want to install a dating app to feed that weird validation he craves.
One of his friends from childhood ended up confessing her love to him despite knowing he is dating me, another man. He rejects her obviously and comes home to tell me about it so we can laugh. Months later, i see him acting suspicious. One day he forgets his phone at home and i go through it and confirm my suspicions, he was sending flirty texts to that girl and even sent a few inappropriately sexual texts. I confronted him and was pissed as fuck but i knew he didnt have intent to cheat and wouldnt be doing it again. He just did it for validation and crossed a boundary.
Anyways, what your gf is doing is tame and shes already expressed to you her reason for doing it. Shes told you shes not on the market to date and uses the app for self esteem reasons. Let her do it or else you might find her sending flirty texts like my bf did.
You did good op, find someone better, you can and you will
Are you serious? Why put up with that noise in the first place and find someone who won’t behave like a piece of shit?
trust is based on actions, when you suddenly do something that isn't trust worthy, then trust is lost.
>I tell her it's over and block her
Based OP. You did the right thing bro, you have self respect.
>Let her do it or else you might find her sending flirty texts like my bf did.
Number 1, you are dumb as fuck. 2, develop some self respect you sad excuse for a woman.
user unblock her and make up.
The realtionship is over but don’t tell her that. Use her for sex.
Keep using her for sex and when you find a new girl tell her to fuck off.
Not at all, user. If the gratification she receives from you isn't enough for her, then you shouldn't waste your time on her.
>to recieve compliments
Just an attention whore. Point blank, slut.
I did the same thing, made it before I started dating my bf and left it up after, I never even used it after making the profile. Nothing wrong with liking attention. Difference is I never needed to log in, you werent making her feel good enough.
whats a namefag?
We actually try to give good advice on this board.
Here's my tip for you: Kill yourself
This, really. Im sure shes about to do the same.
Of course you should fucking dump her she didnt talk to for fucking days, she doesnt love you.
BASED af move op, toss that thot to the side and find a better one. She would've cheated 100%.
Absolutely shit basedboy advice. This is how you end with people walking all over you. Ending with a wife who has a one sided open relationship where she fucks a different guy every night while you sit in the corner crying
The only good piece of advice here
i used to do something similar to your girlfriend (guy here). but i would never be anything more than friendly (not flirtatious) to those whom i spoke too. anyways, i realized what i was doing was extremely wrong even if it's not cheating, so i stopped. this kind of thing can lead to cheating and is pretty bad form in general. at the end of the day you have to decide whether she can improve and if it's worth it to you.