Your favorite war story your uncle told you, I’ll start
>be uncle in Vietnam, summer of ‘68
>barely made it out of Khe Shan alive, earned some leave
>wind up at a sleazy gook flea circus in Saigon
>get shithammered on bud and snake wine because war is hell
>filthy, toothless dink carnival barker has a proposition
>survive 3 minutes in 8’x8’ cage with orangutan, win a kitty (not a cat you fucktard)
>letsdothis.flv
>round 1 fight
>filthy, toothless dink carnival barker gives the orangutan’s balls a jab with a stick
>the once docile beast goes full retard
>within seconds it’s on him like fat on tumblr
>downie tang strength overpowers him and he’s helpless
>popping and crunching all around
>fears if he blacks out the monkey is gonna take that ass too
>screams for help
>”You blacked out!”
>wake up on base, in the infirmary, seven forms of fucked up
>CO so embarrassed by the situation he refuses to write it up as an ape attack
>uncle gets an honorable and a purple heart because he almost got raped by a monkey
Your favorite war story your uncle told you, I’ll start
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lmao jesus christ
>jabbed its balls with a stick
>on him like fat on tumblr
I giggled.
10/10 story user
I want to believe that's true, this is an amazing story, ty for sharing.
Probably heard this one here.
>M48s operating operationally inna 'Nam
>tanks going down a MSR in probably not Cambodia
>probably
>ambush and the convoy stops
>charlie has confused the lead tank for a jungle gym
>tank 1 asks tank 2 for a "backscratch" over the radio
>tank 2 loads a canister shot
>hamburger.jpg
Grandpa told me the story of his brother who was a muhreen in the Pacific theater.
>Great uncle joins marines
>went to training
>deployed to pacific theater
>MIA since 1944
No one has any fucking idea what happened to him. He and my grandpa were immigrants from Holland who ended up in Iowa after a Jewish guy in Colorado stole all our family's money. He just wanted to fight for America and ended up probably getting killed in some shitty jungle on the other side of the planet.
>real grandpa (not my grandmas second husband) was a german fighter ace and died of war injuries
>grandma refuses to mention what happened during the war or what his name was
GODDAMIT GRANDMA
My uncle likes to say when he was bored in Nam he shot an egret through both eyes at 500 yards with a .22
Yeah, nah
>Be grandfather in Korea
>find korean bunker hit by artillery
>build their own bunker thing over top of bunker
>stay for a couple of days
>find Korean skeleton under rubble
>name him Horkimer for no reason.
>Cleaning guns
>uncle has chromed SKS
>Thatscool.jpg
>"Yeah, my sub went into port right before it was attacked in nam. Got this from someone that didn't need it anymore."
And that was the end of that.
>in korea
>wearing white suit as camo because north korea is cold
>notice huge group of north korea soldiers walking by.
>their camo is dirty
>shove M1 into snow
>get down to cover face
>the whole group of north koreas walk by without noticing them
>be user's grandpa's cousin
>join Navy in 1940
>get stationed in Hawaii
>fucking awesome
>herro.jp
>ship he's on sinks
>get deployed to another ship later on
>herro_again.jp
>ship he's on sinks
>Navy figures out he's a bad luck charm and sends him to sit on blimps over Brazil watching for Uboats for the rest of the war
>eventually get home and marry one of the top nurses from Patton's army
Alas, all their direct descendants were total shitbags so he hung out with my sister and I more than his own grandchildren.
>be user's other grandpa
>be 16
>lol imma join the army anyway
>1950
>engage tactical pants shitting
>admit real age to recruiter
>didn't have to go to Korea
A whole bunch of his older brothers had served in WWII, but by the time I was old enough to care about war stories they were all dead. I still have his B-17 gunner's manuals kicking around somewhere.
*my great-uncle's B-17 gunner's manuals
you should digitize it for the glory of the Jow Forumsube
My dads brother was in vietnam during the tet offensive. 2 gooks slit his throat but he manged to kill them and alert the camp to the attack. Got a silver star and purple heart for that.
> Holland immigrants
> iowa
Pic related sound familiar with you?
>goddamn hero if I do say so myself.
I've been to see those goddamn tulips so many times. And I know a bunch of people who work in that window factory. I live in Texas though, family all lives around there.
> be grandpa
> only male in family, rest are 2 females
> no draft to war because he had to stay and farm in his farm
> still has farm to this day
Oh well.
> be dad
> signed up with national guard
> deployed in Italy
> no combat, just a bunch of protesting in the country
> just bullshits the rest of his army career in Iowa
> kidney failure, gets out
> now is trying to find a full time job and just live life
I had an uncle that was in the navy on a pretty big ship, can't remember the name. Another uncle was in marines, but never brings it up as my dad told me.
Yea they are pretty meh. Just tulips, but tourists just kinda hype it. It didn't help that this year's tulip time was so goddamn packed with more colored people than actual pella citizens.
And the window factory is cancer. It's alright if you work a higher up position in pella Corp, but if you're factory you're basically nothing.
Did they throw him a party?
yeah Pella Corp seems like a lot of dead end jobs. Jaarsma bakery is the best part of that whole town. Those fucking donuts are amazing. And the Bismark cookies. Also you can't get good dried beef or tenderloin sandwiches in Texas.
>backsratch
That's a good one
>be medic in Korea
>Natives give a grenade to a little kid
>"Run into that tent right there kid"
He got really quiet after that and i never heard the rest of the story
I hate to shill, but Ulrich's meat market does mail their products. They did when I worked there 4 years ago at least, but I'd call them to make sure. The dried beef is God tier though.
Jaarsmas is also God tier. EVERYTHING in there is awesome. Makes me wonder why I don't go in everyday and waste money on sweets.
Glad you enjoyed pella.
>be grandpa on college graduation day
>parents hand him draft notice
>go through army basic, pretty normal for the most part
>actually gets the choice to go to the band or go to some science division since he graduated college with biology degree
>decides to go do science shit
>gets stationed in DC, has to work for some weird as shit officer
>his lab does fucking experiments on cats
>every week he meets some random dude who gives them a truck load of full cat cages, dude never says where he got them or how he got them, just takes his cash and leaves
>stuck cleaning the cat cages and feeding them
>still hates cats to this day
Overall he hated being in the military, any time somebody thanks him for his service he just curses under his breath
>killing cats for Uncle Sam
A real American hero.
>be grandfather
>hillbilly delux from Tennessee
>join army cause feds demand it
>go to Europe
>kill people
>ship home crates upon crates of K98s, Lugers, MP40s
>family sells and bubbas all that shit by the time cramps comes home
>keeps a C96 and luger pistol from what's left of what must have been 20 guns
>dickhead aunt sells them both when he passes
Also
>be my dad
>go to recruiter 1969
>go into AF
>be air traffic controller stationed out of Da Nang in 70-71
>plays a bit too hard with the locals
And that's how I have a half sibling who's about 19 years older than me.
Summarizing my great-grandpa war journal. French army during WWII
>be great-grandpa
>get sent to fight the Germans
>all is going well, we ride trains around a lot, food is okay
>keep a detailed journal
>fighting starts, overall it seems to go pretty well
>our tanks actually kick german ass and we just have to clean up what's left
>get bombed once, but not wounded
>some guys die, one gets a "lucky wound" that's just enough incapacitating to be discharged
>at some point I'm able to get back home on a leave for a bit, meet my third son born while I wasn't here (user's grandpa)
>he's beautiful
>back to war
>enter a contested city, walk around for a bit
>get bombed by planes, we take shelter in a basement
>suddenly germans just outside
>shoot at them through the basement window with Chatellerault M24/29
>kill some of them, then they grenade the basement
>a bunch of us die, we have no choice and have to surrender (bring on the white flag jokes)
>german soldiers are actually pretty gentlemanly, some even offer us cigarettes
Cont.
>walk and ride trains some more, end up in some POW camp
>food isn't so nice
>walk more, ride more trains
>end up in bumfuck nowhere in Germany
>doing farm work along with other POWS
>grow potatoes
>eat potatoes
>play cards with other POWs
>german guards are okay, just as bored as us
>we learn France has surrendered. we're incredulous and pissed
>everyonce in a while we can write letters to our family through the Red Cross
>I miss them so much. Of course I don't tell them
>soldier boots are ruined, they manage to send me wooden clogs
>much better for farm work
>grow potatoes
>eat potatoes
>for four fucking years
>entries in my journal get few and far between. Nothing to write about, they're all about how I miss my family so much
>finally we hear rumors about the war turning in favor of the Allies
>farm some more potatoes
Cont.
>shit gets tighter for Germany, we get reassignated
>ride trains, spend some time in a POW camp. The SS shoot some people, those guys don't joke around
>work in a factory
>then the Allies are here, bombing the shit out of everything
>ground troops roll in. they are Russians
>actually, Mongols
>not sure I wanna get liberated by those creepy guys
>finally some actual humans roll in
>POWs get rounded up and sent home
>ride trains
>it's been five years since I left France
Translation of the actual last sentence of the journal :
>At last, such joy and such happiness. At the train station I meet my dear wife and my son Clément who were waiting for me, and we take the road home in René Ousselieu's front-wheel drive. He is a former POW from 14-18, who enjoys driving the repatriated home.
>After the Reunion with my wife, my dear children and all the family, happy to see me again and in good health, all I have left to do is resume family life, where there are worries but also great joys.
>I end this very brief narration of 5 years and 8 monthes of the life of a soldier and prisoner of war, a time which, with its sufferings and hardships, condemns forever War and its consequences."
And that's it, back to work. My grandpa (who met his father for the first time as a 5 years old) told me he was a rugged man who never told them about his feelings. It wasn't a thing back then.
Thanks French bro
Good shit user
>Be great-great grandfather of annon
>enlist in WWI to do service to England and her colonies
>be deployed during the somme
>while walking through the squalid trench with buddies get knocked out by german shell
>wake up who knows how long later
>HOLYHELL.JPEG
>wake up in a pile of bodies, stripped naked with a toe tag
>get up and walk back to the canteen for a drink
>be dad
>Okinawa
>mid-80s
>raggedy ass LCpl
>walking back to post piss drunk
>city cop across the street on the corner
>6'6", 300lbs easy
>nick named Tiny
>Tiny has hospitalized a Marine before for picking a fight with him
>dad toward the center of the pack
>"hey, watch this."
>dad turns just in time to see an empty beer bottle fly through the air
>oh no
>arcs right for Tiny
>OH NO
>smacks Tiny right in the back of the head
>Tiny whips around
>all the other Marines scatter
>Tiny singles dad out
>LORD PLEASE
>Tiny bolts across the street towards him
>Dad fucking sprints for his life
>100yds to main gate
>Tiny on his heels
>50yds
>I swear to God I would rather have Staff Sergeant on my tail right now
>Tiny is swearing at him in nip speak
>25yds
>Oh God I'm gonna die
>dad fucking dives over the gate
>face full of asphalt
>Tiny stops just short of the gate
>MPs look at Tiny
>then at dad
>then at Tiny
>get the fuck outta here, nip
>Tiny fucks off
>dad doesn't leave post for the rest of his rotation
>dad's face when drunkenly running for his life
she acts like the whole war didnt happen, except for the occasional "if hitler was still here, we wouldnt need to worry about all these stupid immigrants" comments, i feel like she is just in denial though
I'm related by marriage to Oswald Boelcke , eat shit plebs
>acepilots.com
Who gives a shit? Maybe he's cool. You're not.
>young Oswald took the outrageous step of writing Kaiser Wilhelm directly for an appointment to military school - at the age of thirteen.
you are related to him, yet here you are wasting your time on the 4chans, think about what you could be doing with your genes
Great uncles story from WWII when he was a tank commander
>driving through old busted up European village in the middle of nowhere
>going slow to scan for enemy tanks/movement in the trees
>recent report of Fritz in the area
>Road is just dirt path barely big enough for Sherman column with a few separate paths to other villages
>girl comes off other path riding a bike
>pulls in front of tank column a few hundred feet ahead
>keeps riding but looks back to my uncle, waves and says something
>uncle waves back and spouts a few words to her
>girl carries on riding for a few feet
>click_BOOM.mp3
>red mist fucking everywhere
>uncle halts the whole column to look for threats
>no other shots
>keeps driving
>gets to the crater and she had apparently hit an anti tank mine that had been buried under the path and her and the bike weighed just enough to detonate it
>bites and pieces of the bike where there and some had been sent flying into the trees so hard they stuck in like an axe head
>literally nothing left of the girl
Anyone with the surname Boelcke user? We could be cousins though I would never admit that in public for reasons
>tfw both parents are only children
>tfw no aunts, uncles, or cousins
My dad was an A10 pilot though, so at least he has tons of stories to tell from Gulf Storm/Iraq/Afghanistan. He was actually out on one of his first combat missions blowing up Iraqi technicals when i was born in February 1991.
IDK, my Oma remarried and took on a different name. The only reason I know is because I heard some of my family members complaining that she never talks about her first husband, but they seem to not want to talk much about it either. I think the whole subject actually at some point created a rift in my family before I was born
Well she's got a point.
>*my great-uncle's B-17 gunner's manuals
SCAN AND POST YOU HUGE FESTERING BOIL
Not much else to do after getting my legs blown of in the stan, whats your excuse stuc
Pics of stubs? I need them for...reasons.
sorry to hear that, I got fucked up form carrying heavy things, never saw combat, and am probably going to get med boarded soon
Got grand-grand fathers story to share. In fact, my family was involved in a lot of conflicts/army stuff from what I remember. Both grand-grandfathers fought in WW2, survived and lived till the old age. Grandfathers lived in the time of peace one was helping with the clean up of Chernobyl though. My father fought in a short Balkan style civil war, got plenty of funny stories too :^)
Anyway
>be my grand-grand father
>USSR attacked by Hitler
>voulenteer
>end somewhere in the bumfuck cold Russia, far away from the warm and lush fields of home
>It's Stalingrad
>cosmoline.rgd33
>he is stationed at anti-air battery
>fug, Nazis start attacking one day
>wat_do.stalin
>lets turn that 20mm Flak gun to the direct fire
>proceeds to kill about 30 German soldiers (still got the handwritten report from the battlefield somewhere)
>all deaths accounted for
>some Nazi throws a grenade into his nest
>Nade explodes, tearing his arm and disfiguring his face
>loses nose and eye due to the shrapnel
>carried out of the battle as a hero
>gets depressed cause of his disfiguration
>stationed in the army hospital far away from front lines
>meets the absolute qt3.15 nurse
>marries her, settles down, hero of the soviet union
>fast forward,
>my father is kid, few years old
>constantly hiding his prosthetic arm, eye end nose
>u_little_rascal.soyuz
>Tactical Roastie Mine Clearing Unit
>be my Nonno Inna WW2
>Peasant farmer in Sicily
>Big war happening, don't care, got pasta to eat and fields to farm
>Man comes down road on motorcycle to village, hands post office master bunch of drafting notices, drives off
>Nonno goes into town to get mail for his family and his neighbours
>4draftnotices.png
>Families all freak out
>The four of them go through basic together, serve in same company, platoon or squad, hard to translate
Friends all get killed fighting the British, shot some British guys himself
>Gets sick of war, rest of squad/platoon/company desert
>Hide with many other deserters in the mountains
>ItalySurrenders.tif
>Yay! We can go home!
>Germans basically scorched Earth the place they walk back through, turned on Italian soldiers lest they attack them in turn
>Get really mad
>Take up arms with other Italians in Free Italian forces to fight the Germans
>Shoots some Germans
>Rest of his friends get killed
>Deserts again
>Was the only survivor from the 4 guys conscripted from his village
>Can't live with the guilt around the families of his friends who were killed
>Hops a ship to Australia
>Lives happily ever after
He died a few years ago. But I'll always remember the tears as he told me his story.
WW2 Italy must have been fucking wild
This is the only story he told me. Never gave me any specifics. My mum was amazed I even got this much out of him. I do know he participated in something big around the time Italy changed sides but that's it.
I'd like to hear more stories from your senpai.
My family also served in the Red Army. I don't have a lot of knowledge but here it is.
>be Anons dad. Young dude, freshly married
>be inna CA. Just like his father before him
>be VDV cause wanna be like his dad
>go to Afghanistan
>it's a fucking shithole
>try to spread glorious Marxist ideology to goat fuckers
>end up shooting more than nation building
>Wounded twice
>come home
>USSR falls apart
>emigrate out to America
>pass away from embolism in 1993
>I was 7
>mom never talks much about his time in
>14 years later I too go to Afghanistan
>mom was a wreck
>I never get wounded
>come home after second tour
>she gives me this old footlocker with all his journals and shit
>she never really taught me much Russian and what I used to remember is long gone
>struggle to read Cyrillic cursive cause when I get mopey and drunk I think maybe dad coped with the sandbox better
>from what I struggle to read shit was the same
>you lose friends, fucking Afghanis suck, and when you're discharged you feel the same way
Still. Very cool
I really wish I had more. He never got to see me get a bunch of milsurp rifles myself, other than my M44.
>a Jewish guy in Colorado stole all our family's money.
jews, jews never change.
not sure what your grandpa was complaining about.
Just remembered, he described the British as really good to work with, a bit uptight but otherwise good soldiers, and respected them. Hated the German soldiers for being arrogant tosspots who considered themselves much better soldiers than they were.
I might be able to help you with the cursive. Even though we left the USSR at the 90s when I was a pre school kid, my Russian is still on the top notch level, including cursive and handwritten text.
Anyway, the story that makes me kek all the time
>be unspecified civil war at the beginning of the 90s
>dad is in the army along with his bros
>since it's a civil war, all the things that you'd expect are happening
>they retrofit the cloud dispersing meteorological rockets into weapons of doom and Slav destruction
>they weld rails on some old ass ZIL truck that used to distribute KBAC
>they create Jihad Mobile Technical of Great Soviet Engineering
>one night,come under gunfire from about 2 km away from where they were stationed
>lets light up those pidors, Sergei!
>commence eyeballing.perestroika
>ignited this dildo with car battery
>rocket whizzes from the rail
>loud as fuck, enlightening the sky
>call hit, start celebrating. vodka spills from Гpeлкa
>shit, time to fall back so we won't get mortar'd
>fall back go off to sleep, have a blast that night with comrades
>next morning
>Hey, have you heard that some dudes have lit up the local Distillery?
>What?
>Yeah, they lost about 5 tonnes of various spirits. While the soldiers left without a scratch
>LMAO.gorbachov
It's a running joke now.
>thought he would serve his country at the forefront of science as a pioneers
>becomes CATMAN
>they retrofit the cloud dispersing meteorological rockets into weapons of doom and Slav destruction
CONTEXT PLZ, this is some china trying to steal the rain from its neighbors level schemery
Well it were cloud dispersing/anti-hail rockets that they retrofitted for the direct fire from the back of the technical. Pic related are the exact rockets they used except it was mounted on some old ass ZIL.
That would be pretty cool user. I can pull them out and digitize some and do a thread. I've got a bunch of stuff I think some of you guys would like to see. Maybe when I get back home I'll take some pictures and throw them up.
he only had a bachelors though. you have to be realistic with your expectations.
>kidney failure
Reminds me of one of my great grandfathers on my mom's side. My family moved to the US when I was 5. I was born in 95 so everyone who participated in ww2 was older than my grandparents. Anyway, none of theM actually died in the war, just injuries and my mom's grandfather who was in the Luftwaffe on the eastern front who got kidney failure. There some interesting stories though.
>my dad's grandfather was in the trenches of ww1 in the German imperial army
>was always skinny because he was from a peasant farm family, didn't inherit the farm, Apprenticed as carpenter.
>gets drafted.
>eventually a grenade blows shrapnel into his side
>gets captured
>works on French farm for the rest of the war as a prisoner
He eventually became an architect, raised several kids, his wife was paralyzed in the spine, so my grandfather had to cook for and bathe his younger siblings. He ended up being a German embassador to Egypt and Ireland in the 90s. My dad remembers seeing shrapnel occasionally fall out of his grandfather's skin at old age at the dinner table.
>my mom's aunts husband
>escapes Königsberg
>is a short guy
>joins the navy
>works on Uboat throughout ww2
>after the war is a welder in the German coal mines
I remember seeing pictures of him with a sailors cap and pipe in his widow's house as a kid.
if only people today had that kind of determination and work ethic
>Born in 95
You must be 18 to post here
Learn to count.
What year do you think it is?
you mean it isnt 2007 anymore fuck me, next you're going to tell me mosins dont cost 75$ or something
Heh, you probably missed Ruger's 6th gen laserbeam sale too. Get with the current year
>be anons grandfather
>join army after WW2 because war aight happening again anytime soon.
>join rangers because I like a challenge
>shit we're going to Korea.
>kill a shit ton of commie fucks and have a blast
>get bronze star for valor.
>chinamen end war
>oh fuck
>platoon gets overrun kills a shit ton of slant eyed commies but get shot in the arm and leg.
>most if the platoon is gone.
>helo comes and takes me home
>get purple heart and another bronze star and this time a silver star.
>at home marry anons grandmother and adopt her two sons (anons dad included)
>get better and join this new thing called green berets
>has daughter with grandmother
>become jumpmaster and be an instructor
>live in Germany for a few years with family
>gets sent to Vietnam as an "advisor" before US formally joins the war.
>writes home that we arnt fighting to win this one and it's a waist of time and resources
>a few months later his jeep runs over a Landmine and he is fatally wounded
>makes his final trip home in October 1965
My both my grandmother and father said my grandfather was a great man. He was completely wholesome while simultaneously being the deadliest person in the room.
It amazes me he knew the Vietnam war was a bust before it even started for the US.
Here goes
>grandpop is serving in RoK military
>realizes just how shitty the conditions are
>hears of a program called KATUSA, which would mean he'd be in an auxiliary attachment to the US army, and enjoy significant improvement in quality of life
>memorizes lines from John Wayne movies
>fakes his way through the interview
>somehow gets accepted
>breakfast time
>gorges himself on rolls, muffins, milk, etc
>diarrhea for days
>decides that one day, his children, or at the very least his grandchildren will live in the great nation that wrekt his digestive system
>fast forward to today. I live in the US, and every time I get food poisoning from shitty American food, I chuckle and wipe away a tear.
"Il faut nager comme ca, pas comme ca."
good riddance commie scum
also thanks user very cool stories, rip in peace great gpa
Fuck imma remember this next time Im wrecking a toilet with no survivors and laugh.