Meanwhile, on 2218 Jow Forums

Hey, Alpha Centauri Bb fag over here. Our whole planetary government is being taken over by some weird culture from 21st century gooks on some island called Japan, where the negro slave camps on Terra are now. It fucking sucks, and I want out before they force me into the “hentai” sims. What would be a good planet to live on?

I know that it's technically illegal in many systems, but I'm looking to get some animal-based implants, and I'm wondering what's the best to get tactical wise?

I know for dermal, fur is useful in more climates, but I was thinking more like a scaly build for the natural armor plating and maybe go with the full snout and horns for intimidation factor.

As for tail, what should I go with?
Prehensile/feline? Or does thick not get in the way as much as it looks?

Lastly, do animal style hindlegs actually work or is that just a meme?

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honestly, if I was going for function I would just ditch flesh entirely. You're going to be taking a shitload of anti-rejection drugs either way unless you're a Jovian

>Anti rejection
Is propaganda that bad in the Kraut zone?

They figured that shit out years ago. Everything is grown with your own cells as a base, converted to stem then regrown to whatever shape and function.

Also
>going cyber
After what happened in the frontier colonies? I'd rather not have that happen to me.

>in the kraut zone?

You really think there's any of us left there? After Titan we saw the writing on the wall, we fuckin baaailed

Jesus christ, Jow Forums *is* full of furfags

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Everyone remember to read through the archived threads to better understand the lore and the timeline of the 2218 stellar conflict, no memes or shitposts please.

If you hate newfags and shitposters so much, make a pastebin with a quick rundown.

Idk how to ;_;

Long live the Kaiser and the Deutschland Empire

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>doesn't know how to make a pastebin
Are you actually retarded?

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Yes

>be cruising on ome of Jupiter's moons with muh lunar craft
>on the darkside so fucking dark
>see one of the bright mini moon's over the hills
>when the bright moon rises up see pic related over the hill
>hear heavy kraut accent english booming from him say "HALT! Identification papers, please"
>FUCKINGNOPENOPENOPE.JPG
>make a 180 degree turn and get the fuck out faster that my shit can leave my colon into the toilet
>hear the sounds of the gatlin gun blaring up and sounds like an electric lazer buzzaw
>sothatiswhytheycallitthekaiser'sbuzzaw.jpg
>made it out of there but my lunar tires are shot to hell so had to make a mad dash to hide in one of the rocks
>hide for two hours before heading back to the small colony base
>upload this pic so you all can see

Fucking kraut's man they just come out of fucking nowhere!

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You do know that some of Jupiter's moons are under german control right?

Who fucking says that? The Germans?

The german Raumwaffe stationed there.

Yo like for real, we need a pastebin fampai, you or UAFbro wanna do it or should I just go ahead and get it done

What's a pastabin? Pls no bully I'm special needs

A website to share text.

>notices Kraut's bulge armor

0w0 welche dies?

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>when you have a strong German genes that you have to have an extra armor piece that is dedicated to protect your enormous german cock.

I can see why alot of females want to breed with the krauts.

It's actually a requirement for those with unusually large penises to insure that they do not get raped by thots. In other words, it's cock armor for the Kaiser stallion brigade soldiers :^)

HOOOOOOOOOONK

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>moonfags and space stationfags will never get to go outside and see this

God it feels so good to just go out and just smell that clean air and lay on the soft grass and just look at the clouds. Why don't anyone want to move back on earth anymore?

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I hate Pluto's animals especially THAT!

>Not liking the blue devils
They are great amusement user, we engineered them for the sole purpose of throwing them into clustered groups of peasants and watching them wreak havoc

Because no one wants to be under the Deutschland Empire's boots?

>pic related is your standard "Police" force.

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Most of the earth is wasteland after the 3rd and 4th world wars.

My mom died 200 years ago, and you probably couldn't touch my frigate

Umm, wouldn't her vag be scorched by the heat coming of that '42? Fucking furfags.

So you faggots want to be space pirates? Read those good books about crazy deep space adventure full of swashbuckling shenanigans?
Well let me tell you right fucking now, forget that fucking bullshit you see in the holovids, pirates sure as fuck aren't a bunch of scurvy hooligans (not the ones that survive a few successful operations at least). Shit operates like a fucking special forces unit working in deep space, every single boarding of anything but some holiday excursionists ship is a in and out operation where every fucking second matters because it doesn't matter how much of a jump you get on them (and let me tell you something, spending hours, maybe even days trapped inside your suit because the entire ships been powered down to not show up on radar until the last second is a very common occurrence) you can bet your sweet ass whoever your attacking is gonna send out a distress signal. Once the operation starts, you usually only have a minute to shoot out your boarding cables, pray your EMP is strong enough to knock them out, and hope their armour isn't strong enough to shoot off their guns and engine before they can even react, then you have maybe another minute to cut open their haul like a big can and hope they had enough sense to depressurize that shit so all your precious loot doesn't just go flying out into space. When that shit is all done is when the real work begins, a squad of your guys has to jump down into the hole and start a firefight, most pirate crews have a single squad, eight to ten guys, most Kraut cargo ships have at least four of five squads. You're not there to kill them all, you just gotta make sure they keep their heads down while a couple of your guys grab as much shit as possible and throw up into the cable hooks storage; you have three minutes to do this.

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Five minutes after the operation began is the end point, the captain (if he's smart) will give you only thirty seconds to get back to the ship somehow, absolute no exceptions, if you're still there the second the timer hits 5:30, congrats, you're gonna fucking die jackass. The reason for this time limit is because the average response time for any Kraut defense ships near Kraut cargo trails into the outer colonies is about seven minutes. When you're in the ship, hook your personal cable to something, grab one of the cargo boxes, and hold on for dear life because when the hook detaches those thrusters get pushed to their breaking point, flying off so far and recklessly into deep space you only have like a 60% chance of actually figuring out where you are after you're sure there's no defensive ships after you. If you get lost in deep space with no sense of direction, you're almost guaranteed to die eventually, pick a direction and pray to god or the space leviathans or whatever that you eventually end up back in charted space otherwise that cargo you stole is going to be the last thing you ever enjoy.
Oh, and one more fun note, only about half your operations will ever give you anything, and I mean anything, worthwhile. You don't have time to open up crates and figure out what you're stealing, you could have gotten your hands on hundreds of heavy lasguns, or you could have gotten yourself nothing but a few hundred fucking Kraut overalls; all part of the game.
So you wanna be a space pirate? Good fucking luck, you're gonna need it asshole. If you make it I'll buy you a shot next time we're out in the fucking frontier colonies, or blow yer goddamn head off for operating in our territory.

Some of what you said is VERY true, but the rest sounds like you run with a shit crew.
>distress signal
If you haven't jammed or destroyed every antenna in a 1 AU radius you've fucked up.
>cutting open a cargo bay
Actually pretty easy, the big issue is finding what you want and hauling it out.
>pressurized cargo bay
Then that means whatever was there needed atmo and heating, that could be anything from luxury goods such as REAL livestock or something a really don't like, human slaves.
>not knowing what the cargo hauler has anyway
If you don't have a guy in Customs then you've done fucked up.
>firefight
You've done REALLY FUCKED UP. Most cargo ships are family affairs or pure corporate deals, neither of which have no interest in dying. Now the U.S.A (United Systems Alliance) Corsair program was pure fucking EVIL, the U.S.N. and Marines bought a bunch of cargo freighters, and bought juicy cargo to fill them with, and then sent them off. The catch? That they had a platoon of fucking Marines on each one. Pirates were getting wiped out left and right, why do you think the Krauts are getting hit, because U.S. Space is WAYYY too risky.
>leaving dudes
No. That's a pretty good way to get caught, either you kill your guys or wait to get them.
>territory
You can't catch everything, and most pirates will take some of the haul as payment rather than fight. Your crew sounds like a bunch of amateurs, get gud kiddo.

Just got my scores in from UAFN and the SMF exams, still surprised I actually did as well as I did. Gonna take a day to decide and go from there

>you chilling in your cubicle room when you hear an authorative knocking on your door and you open to see this man asking to see your identification papers

What do you do?

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>Most cargo ships are family affairs or pure corporate deals
Yeah, no fucking shit you faggots have it easy attacking fucking low hanging fruit. That's like claiming your a hardcore heister because you went into the local mall and pocketed some shitty knicknacks when no one was looking.
Genuine Kraut military cargo ships are not some fucking joke, heavy as fuck defenses, thick armour, ridiculous firepower, computers that can contact any ship or antenna for several AU, and of course Kraut military guards.
You don't get the big money steal some fucking truckers stash of sofe drinks or taking some retards luggage.

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>What do you do?
Ask him if he accepts my library card or Donald Duck fan-club membership card

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And if he doesn't? He isn't gonna catch you lackin' right?

Attacking kraut's cargo is actually more dangerous then the otherway around because the last pirate that attacked a single cargo ship under kraut's control ended up gettinf hunted down by the german navy and even got the Bismarck capital ship to hunt down the guy and the dude tried hiding in the neutral trading station but all that ended up was the guy getting caught and everyone getting a free cavity search by a guy name Maus. Wanna know what he stole? A crate full of sausages and sauerkraut. Noe imagine what would happen if you tried hitting a german cargo rhat had military equipment. Also they tag and bug each of the cargos and when the guy stole the stuff the bugs activated and infected his own ship and that was how he was being tracked down ruthlessly.

Do not fuck with the krauts.

>attacking military ships
You're not only shit, but retarded as well.
>low hanging fruit
No, we're just REALLY fucking tall.
You need three things to be a good pirate.
Tools, Tactics, and Talent. If you're hitting military ships, then your Tactics fucking suck, Military ships RARELY carry anything of value, unless you capture them or their ordnance to sell. Even then it's more trouble than it's worth, its like breaking in the Gestapo's HQ because you like what's in their vending machines.

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>Krauts sent a entire fleet for a crate of sausages
I heard that the Krauts are autists but holy fuck I hope they never get in a war, because that would be a easy as shit way to bait fleets into an ambush.
>Kraut Navy chases a "pirate"
>USN ambush
>Missle and fighter spam
>fuck huge railguns are useless
>lose entire fleet
>Scheeeeissse
ONI is pissing themselves laughing right now.

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So after my last assignment they sent me on a 5 year mission to explore unknown space. Question, what the fuck is this shit, and should I send some marines and scientists there? It looks like nothing I've seen before.

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Well I mean yeah, it's pretty common knowledge that in a naval engagement the UAFN would wipe the floor with the Raummarine, the drone carriers themselves would be expected to inflict half of the losses

Actually it was a special cargo that was to be sent towards the Kaiser's palace for him and his highest members as in it was an empire's highest dinner party for the highest ranking government and of course the kaiser himself. That's why they went after the guy because attacking shit that is dedicated to be sent to the kaiser is like an attempt assassination on the kaiser himself to the eyes of the krauts.

Orbital guy here, why would you live on a planet? They get hit by aliens and asteroids and space invaders. We have clean air, farming, peace, and a powerful multi gigawatt solar powered laser array for moving and telling pirates to fuck off with the power of the sun.

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I can one up you there man. I live out in the asteroid belt, and let me tell yah, buying the asteroid I have now is the best investment I’ve ever made. You get all the clean water and farming you get in planetary orbit, and you can also install a small biosphere if you’ve got money. It’s great, planets are for faggots.

Pretty much this and before anyone asks why it was just a single cargo ship full of German delicacy food well no one actually expects anyone to attack a cargo ship full of food but after the incident of that they beefed up on ALL cargo ships to the point that a cargo ship hauling toilet papers will have a fuckton of kraut military men. is also correct on this as well.

Can confirm this. The germans really went crazy on what happened and they had a massive court on the pirate that did that and they had him executed by some kind of an old looking metal bucket thing that has tracks and a very long old gun on the end and had the german word "Tiger" on the side. Eversince then the security levels on all kraut cargo ships are fucking crazy man.

Holy fuck germans are so autistic about sausages
>living in ""Poland""" (aka wasteland after the 4th world war)
>it's almost impossible to live
>they still force you to make sausages
I get asked for my papers atleast three times per day, and they do it on purpose. we just give them sausages and they fuck off

It's called a tank you moonfag

Were you at the big Belter reunion? I'm in a super odd orbit (I use Ceres as my reference point). We usually make finished parts, robots, chips, and sell them to everyone. They want to buy another pair and set up a Bunch here. Honestly living out in the mid rim is the best of all worlds. Far enough away that the Germans don't fuck with you, close enough that you can have ships stop in for fuel and part runs.

>be daffy fuckface user
>big german armor man asks for my papers
>realize i accidentally used my papers to wipe my stinky poopy hole after using up all my toilet papers for stinky day
>REEEEEEE in his face
>get punched in the face and dragged off to reeducation camp and be forced on a chair and have eyes pried open with my brain plugged in with their computer and be forced to listen to all german music from military to parade and force to watch pro german videos and pictures 24/7 then be force to do manual labor while this goes on
>all because i was a fat fucking neet that used my papers as a toilet paper because my ass is fat

What the fuck is a tank and why so the krauts only have that one particularly old tank? What's so special about a single tank from world war 2?

>he doesn't remember the german military coup that overthrown merkel's granddaughter and executed her with a tiger tank as a symbolic sign of saying "fuck the new, were going back with the old!"

Wow, you guys still hold those? My grandparents used to tell me about those, how big they got before them and the other Jovians packed up and left Sol

it's big armored car with a cannon that can rotate
germans liked it tank because it was high tech for them at the time or something, and that it was superior to enemy tanks

And then they invaded france and replaced the Eiffel tower with a fuckhuge iron cross.

The Raummarine does have REALLY good stealth torpedo boats, almost as good as the UAFN. But everything else is just a posing joke, apparently the Kruats didn't learn nothing from Yamato Solar Empire. Their navy was actually a threat and the UAFN whipped the piss out of them at Midway (Sol and Alpha Centauri)
That would explain a great many things....

Couldn’t make it, sorry man. Some late asteroid had struck another near me and scattered shit everywhere, to the point I couldn’t get through to the reunion. I had to hunker down for a week, watching a couple of my buds who made it out of the asteroid debris have shitloads of fun. It was awful.

>he also don't remember after merkel's granddaughter died they instilled a Kaiser and erected back the german empire and became extreme right wing and extreme fascism and took over france and became a totalitarian regime military empire.

Spoiler: It wasn't
The US (what the UAF was before the evac) had these smaller tanks called Shermans after a general that could move quicker. They outflanked tigers pretty easily.

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>What the fuck is a tank
Moonfags everyone
There isn't a single relevant military in the inner colonies that doesn't still deploy tanks

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What are you talking about? The german navy was better than the japs and besides japan land was swept away by the shifting of the earth's crust and they had to migrat to hong kong and assimilated into chinese rules and order the only time japan was at it's peak was in world war three but got fucked by the mother nature's shit then got shit pushed in by the chinese military.

I thought everyone knows that, family always told me stories about the "great defence of the odra river" and the bad germans.
don't EVER steal sasuages from a german
i know, germans and their megalomania, i bet their stupid capital ship will blow up in the next big war, and we will be sent to the work camps again
moonfags were never relevant, you literally need one shot and their meme cities are dead

Why did the krauts do that exactly? How big is the cross anyway?

>/his/memes
I don't know if they're trolling or just retarded.

Because they were pissed at France for cucking them in WWII

I heard somewhere that people out of the system still are heavily influenced by Japanese culture. They’ve apparently got sheriffs out there who take the form of some ancient warriors called samurai. They’ve also apparently got mad prosthetic surgery. But what do I know, I’m just a belter who’s heard too many stories.

Honestly we are only here because we are stubborn. This is our land. My grandfather worked with Elon Musk back in the old days and was the one of the first to build a small Stanford Torus; The Germans know if they approach any of the independent sides with aggression the losses they would take would be unacceptable.
No problem. If you ever want to land I will give you a free methane and hydrogen fuel up and let you test the light lasers! Its a great time knocking a space whale out with a laser.

Thats true. There's a sizeable Japanese population in the UAF systems. They were one of the nations that evac'd with the americans when the krauts pushed everyone off world.

>family always told stories about the great defence of the odra river

Alright nigger better greentext your family's story now bitch

>German "navy"
>ever being good
Boy the Gestapo is on damage control right now, even a fucking sub-60 IQ Belter servator knows that their navy sucks absolute balls.

You mean these guys? I will tell you that much they are real, live out at the red dwarf system. Good people, they fight pirates, and have really good cybernetics. They recruit kids and younger people though which I have somewhat of an issue with.

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Dude it's the truth just go fucking visit their bases and look at how many capital bismarck ships and other fighting class navy ships they have man

They improved the navy ten fold after world war three and in world war four it was literally suicide to go up against a german ship alone

Used to go hunting them with a couple of buds. We’d rack on some destabilizing torpedoes (if we had any, we had to build our own), power up the slug cannons and head off to harass some of the kraut transports. We stopped when one of our guys got shot though.

even after that massive reform though, didn't they sustain something like 70% losses on surface combatants against the old USN, the one that had just been put on its knees by the third USCW?

>Gestapo intensifies
So that's why the German Navy has extrasolar colonies..... oh wait they don't.

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>current year
>posting images from 2186

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So that’s what those are! I saw one once. I was forced to head away from the belt into deep space. I was intercepted by some maniac merchant, who kept rambling about something he called anime tiddies. One of those guys swooped in, nabbed him and left, faster then a QS Slipstream.

Alright Jow Forums, I just got my hands on a fresh coil scattergun. What handloads should I try out first?

okay i have a little time off since there's a fucking desert storm outside
>my great grandfather gets drafted into the Polish army after france falls
>everyone is scared af that Poland is going to be next (muh land meme)
>Polish army makes fortifications on the opposite side of the Odra river, everyone expects the bridges to be blowed up sooner or later
>the day arrives, the germans strike
>all the horror stories from france come true
>all cities on the opposite side of the river get completely destroyed, only leaving the things that resamble german architecture
>people get genocided and sent to work camps
>finally they strike at the defences
>little to no progress in the first months, germans suffer a lot of casualties
>but then they come with their new wunderwaffe
>a gigantic fucking mech crosses the river with ease
>entire 5 divions have to work together to take it down
>they keep sending more robots, legends even arise of Polish soldiers climbing on the mechs and taking them out from the inside
>my family said one of these soldiers was my great grandfather
>eventually, the polish army can't hold on and gets pushed back, encircled and destroyed (it didn't help our navy was shit)
>we lose independence again
you know the rest, 4th world war and we get turned into a battlefield, and here we are

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Thats /gsg/, not /his/

>german capital ship
Tell me, does the stern still fall off?
>tfw the autistic kraut obsession with centerline propulsion dooms entire starships thousands of years after refusing to admit they were btfo

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>MFW the Germans think their stagnant little empire in Sol is impressive
>Muh power armor, muh stifling bureaucracy

If you'd ever left Sol you'd know that shit doesn't even stop the particle beam rifles that are all over the colonies. Also great job turning Sol from the peak of human civilization into a wasteland of needless security searches and red tape.

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I had a bit of datastream, they live in SOME red dwarf systems. There are so many red dwarfs that its pointless to try to find every one.

They don't even control the belt, Ceres, the Oort Cloud, its just the inner solar system, and while not having solar power as efficient isn't ideal, we can use metamaterials to make good solar power stations

The germans where not btfo ny any means if they where then there would have never been a world war four nor would the germans have almost full control of earth, full control of venus and Jupiter's moons and so on.

You are either an ignorant fool or an actual moron incapable of fucking learning history

Ignore the shitposters they haven't been through the last few threads to keep up on the storyline and timeline to know.

When night comes is when the adults come on and all the kiddies on here go to bed

They can't even push out of the belt. The only reason the UAF hasn't taken back Sol is because they're spread so thin keeping law and order on the frontier colonies. That and the fact the Krauts have fortified the inner system to hell and back.

>and while not having solar power as efficient isn't ideal, we can use metamaterials to make good solar power stations

Once the colonies around the gas giants get He3 production up and running they'll probably be running Sol in short order, heard they can be a little weird but they'll be rich as kings. Would've happened sooner had the in system wars not hurt reactor production so badly, the extra-solars got lucky considering they've still got theirs.