Well guys, why do you carry?

Well guys, why do you carry?
Four years ago today my daughter was killed by her fiance.
He's doing a 25 to life bid but it's only 21 now.
There's an 'oldfag alcoholic' thread on random but I can't deal with.

I carry because had I been there I could've stopped it. She was my light and my life and now she is gone, and I have only one picture of her in a frame on my desk. I have lots of pictures of her as a kid but just the one picture of her as a woman.
She wanted to be a big game vet. She wanted to fix tigers and stuff, and instead she's dead.
I carry so that this doesn't happen to any other fathers.
I went through Kuwait in '06. I was at Fallujah in '03-'04 as an FMF corpsman.

Nothing compares to this loss. I can't do it anymore, guys. I might actually swallow a bullet today. I don't know.

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Wait until he gets out, capture him, and keep him as a prisoner in your basement. Torture him for years.

This is really my only reason to go on.
I saw that movie, I think it's Law Abiding Citizen, with Liam Neeson?
Anyways he breaks into/out of prison and tortures a guy with a mirror above him and injects him with some stuff and says, "Wouldn't want you to pass out, now would I?"
Or something to that effect.
He's going to die, that's a given. I just have to carry on for two more decades and it's over.

I did a BDA once with some Marine guys who would laugh and joke at the dead haji's.
I didn't understand it at the time, but now I think I do. They found a guy on a rooftop we had to ladder across and they think it was a squib that killed him; he had half his face completely gone. They couldn't stop laughing at him. Like it was the funniest shit ever.

Now that I think on this I think the guy had an RPD or a PKM, I don't really remember.
We went across so they could take pictures from across the street and the dude was literally one half face one half skull. They kept joking about him being 'no face freddy' and one of the guys even ripped some of his hair out and put it in his pocket. I still don't get that.

No advice guys?
I see a grief therapist on Thursdays but even he says I need to find a way to integrate the pain into my life, but he says it like it's just a thing normal people do.

Anyone with PTSD have any advice? I don't haev PTSD I think ,maybe a little.
But you guys can help me, I hope.

Okay maybe not.
I'll start this thread later at night when there's more old guys on who can relate.
Hope you guys have a good Sunday.

bump :(

You a Catholic?

I remember reading stories about how USA would rig 7.62x39 rounds to have explosive inside them instead of gunpowder. They would leave it so insurgents would aquire it and use it. Makes the gun blow up in your face.

gerard butler actually my dude

Sorry for your loss, and honestly, our loss. There are too many useless men and women out in the world today, using up all the oxygen, watching all of the TalmudVision, pissing away all of our rights. I lost my dad a few years ago, but I won’t say that I know your pain. Godspeed, user.
My only advise is to find a hobby or job that completely envelops you to relieve you from your pain. Christ loves you and you will see her again in due time.

It might be helpful to reach out and try and find a kid to mentor. Feeling like you have more of a stake in your community might be good for you in general. I was irreligious for a good number of years but I find myself praying and thumbing through the bible and being more optimistic because that's what I need. If you don't exercise regularly still I'd suggest that as well. Maybe try and hook yourself up into a social club. Religious or otherwise, both my father and grandfather would do that and it seemed to keep them buoyant during hard times.

I'm too young to give good advice, but hopefully you find something today that you can take away with you.

dont kys. i can't even begin to fathom your pain or your loss, but there is still a reason for you to be here brother.

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Harness the grief and anger into something that you can see grow and benefit.

Success and substance driven by anger can have positive effects because when the anger subsides, you have something to show for it,

This contrasts with the alternative in which you are right back where you started.

I've found grief and anger to be heavy motivators in me advancing my life.

Cause I find it cool, that alone is enough. Oh, I guess protecting myself, loved ones, crap like too.

My condolences user. The scum of this world deserve to be put on spikes or crucified. You'll see your wonderful daughter again some day, but not today. I'm willing to be she wouldn't want it that way.

I can't relate to you but I'll try and help. I'm a youngfag, most of the fucked up shit I've heard of comes from stories my dad has told me from his street cop days and his post 9/11 Kunar province deployment... even though I was so young I was so fucking happy he came back mostly in one piece...
My advice is to find a rock. A big fucking rock, just something you can use as a foundation. It's good that although it's a destructive purpose you have at least something carrying you along. That being said, you need something more peaceful. Living solely on the desire to inflict pain (granted the fuck deserves it) is unhealthy and will shape you for the worst.
Volunteering can help give you some faith in stuff, whether it be at an animal shelter, soup kitchen, salvation army, anything.
Maybe find some other family members of victims somehow, I guarantee they are also in pain and can give some valuable insight. Hell, maybe find some similar people in that spot and go out for brews or grill out every weekend. Just something to take your mind off it and add some positive thoughts.
Negativity and the desire for vengeance are entirely natural but when they consume most of your mindset it becomes horribly unhealthy.
Hope this helps man, I'll leave this thread up if you want to talk more (or not)

I live in a shitty city full of drug addicted, unpredictable and violent people. The white drug addicts and white trash aren't horrible to deal with by hand. The real risk is getting HIV or something beating the shit out of them. The blacks on the other hand are fucking animals. They're violent and extremely unpredictable. Most situations here can be handled by: Not going anywhere alone, not losing sight of your buddy, keep your back to a wall or watch each other's back, don't let anyone close to your car or person, one or both of you have a gun. It's gotten bad enough to where it's crept into the affluent white areas.

What city?

Hi nofuns here, ultra oldfag poster but I've never posted on Jow Forums before ever

I just had a road rage incident (I did nothing wrong, he blocked traffic and chased after me, he may have been on drugs) ending in a battery on me that I'm just thankful I didn't get killed by a nigger in, can you guys tell a noguns with a budget of $1,000ish dollars max the best stuff to buy for stuff like:
>in the car
>if I have to carrying in public/ccw
>home defense
Is my budget so small I should just buy the gun to kms with or can I get something to do this? I used to live somewhere guns were the MOST banned by the idiot government (but it was suburb and safe) and now I live in a state with guns but I'm in a favela with guns god help me.

Can anyone help me, I will for pray for your success and safety if you do and spread good word of your board as well

>The blacks on the other hand are fucking animals. They're violent and extremely unpredictable.
Can confirm

for ccw, get a glock 26 or a ruger lcp or a shield 2.0. if you don't like those options carry a full size 1911 if you're a baller, a cz p01, or an old s&w model 10 if you're a hardboiled detective. with your budget, there's a lot of different stuff you can get and still have dosh left over. hang out in handgun generals and ask around at your lgs and see how different guns feel in your hand.
seriously though, a grand is enough for a nice gun or two decent ones. if you don't get anything else, get a basic AR.

It's not Liam Neeson, it's Girard Butler who plays the main character.

Glock 43 for carry and a pair of mossberg 500's for home and vehicle.

Thanks guys

Words alone cannot express my sympathies. No-one should have to bury their children.
But it wasn't your fault, OP. I know you've heard it a million times, but it's true.
I know how it feels. I still blame myself for the death of a loved one, a grandparent who looked after me when I was little and whom I looked after in their twilight. I ODed a couple of times in the wake of that.
What got me going again was my sense of debt. I owe my life to my grandmother and that is something I can never repay. So I must live my life as she would have wanted.
She would have wanted me to go on. I'm sure you're baby girl would have wanted the same for you.
I'm pretty sure I haven't helped matters. Pretty sure there's nothing to be said that can.
I just want you to know, you are not alone, OP. We may be a bunch of miserable bastards, but we're in it together.
Please don't die.

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