For as long as I can remember, I have never thought that I could actually die or lose a no holds barred fight to the death. Neither has ever happened even in my dreams. Logic and reason tell me I am far, far from invincible, but the alternative (death) is psychologically inconceivable for me. Danger is very real to me though. I don't go around believing I'm bulletproof, but there's always another move in my mind. Survival is the only thing I can comprehend, so I will do whatever it takes to achieve that until I'm proven only mortal. I'd tell you even with my last breath that I'm invincible. The only way you could actually make me believe in my mortality would be to kill me, and at that point it will have been too late to change my mind. I can't logically explain it to you, but psychologically, I have always felt invincible. I've never met anyone who shared this mindset. I'm curious how do you view your own mortality and how has that belief had an effect on your combative mindset?
Mortality
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I never felt mortal until I had a motorcycle crash and broke my arm in 3 places. I remember hearing and feeling the bones pop. Nothing makes you feel mortal like looking at part of your body that is totally deformed. Having 3 elbows on 1 arm just looks and feels wrong.
>Having 3 elbows on 1 arm just looks and feels wrong.
How's that? Sounds like the start of an amazing porn career.
How old are you?
It's common for young men to feel invincible and to never consider how fragile they really are. My own feelings of invincibility started to fade in my early/mid twenties. It was laid to rest when a quarter stick of dynamite went off three feet from my face, got bits of my friend embedded into my face. Kinda put things into perspective for me.
I had a similar experience. Dropped mine on a back road due to a healthy cover of wet fall leaves in the road.
Greensticked my arm and broke my ankle. Almost went straight into a barbed wire fence, but blackberries smashed it down, which I guess is slightly less painful ( no gloves that day). That was a distinct "oh shit, I coulda died" moment
i know im mortal i just dont give a shit
Aka Depression
Once I understood how easily death can come, and how hard it will be to "fight for your life," I became all the more determined to live.
24. I've never witnessed or experienced any permanent injuries.
I think another big part of it might have been growing up bigger and stronger than nearly all of my peers. It made me learn to keep my temper in check because hurting another kid was so easy to do if I let loose. I'm sort of a gentle giant today because going "full force" was always reckless and dangerous in my past. Even at my worst, I always shut that brute force down far before its source was exhausted. I feel that primal, destructive power is still there should I ever need it. When I turn that power on myself, I get the feeling that I could walk through fire, tank some bullets, or survive a car crash if I had to. It's a feeling of invincibility that says, "nothing can stop me until I decide I'm done."
You sound like someone who hasn't done anything terribly difficult in life
>never witnessed or experienced any permanent injuries
That's why you have this childish worldview, not because you threw your weight around in 3rd grade, and its probably why you have this anime fantasy tier 'hidden rage' you think is gonna matter when you hit some black ice and roll your car or some shit
Your emotional and psychological growth is stunted and malformed. If you were 17 and said the shit you just said to me I would say see a shrink and go work on an oil rig and you may develop into an real adult. This clearly goes beyond normal youthful ignorance, you sound more like this Robert (see pic) character.
Twenty four years is a late start and part of me wants to say "his shitpot brain is already fully undeveloped, just let him grow into that weird uncle who blows his brains out in his early fifties" but I can't just leave it at that. You need to do 3 and a half full "Jordan Petersons" and 25 pushups 4 times a day. Move out of your small and dying town in Wisconsin to the big shithole of Milwaukee where you can become properly jaded instead of "Overdosed on chinese cartoons" jaded.I wish you luck on your journey pal.
The healthy human mind doesn't wake up in the morning thinking this is its last day on earth.
For what fucks me up is just how out of our hands it all is. I started believing in fate, not as a higher power, but as just an algorithm of all the events that happen where the person has no knowledge of events that will happen to then that day.
Going down the highway every day after wagecucking and seeing horrific accidents really gave me a mid-life crisis and I'm 24. I feel like I'm almost dead.
Here is a website that publishes Occidental Poetry. It is diverse in both quality and content.
Getting cancer in my early 20s caused me to reconsider a lot of things.
If you really are such a big guy, start training mma. Testing yourself in a controlled environment against other trained men and succeeding through violence is an amazing feeling bro. Plus bitches and money if you’re real good
Not quite as bad but getting a permanent disease at 20 changed me completely as well
I felt that way until I fell off of a 4 story building and almost died. I couldn't walk for like a year and needed tremendous physical therapy. I woke up in a hospital bed a few hours after that fall finally understanding mortality. I was 18. Before that, I totally understood what you're describing. You'll either age out of it, or have a near-death experience that will shock your conscience into believing in your own mortality.
This, especially grappling, is very humbling. Grapping with someone who is far more experienced with you and realizing he could easily choke you to death if he wanted is a humbling experience.
Lovell has a fine YouTube channel, but the dude makes me cringe hard. The Israel vacation was the last straw
You're still young, wait until you develop a very serious illness or really mess yourself in an accident and it will probably change your perspective, if it is not too late.
Anyway, you're not unique, a person's time on this earth isn't forever, you've aged and just like any one else, you'll die, luckily old and happy. Be careful about you and others user.
Seriously, never even a single car wreck or even just a close call on a bicycle where you could have bit the bullet?
I realized how quickly any one person can go at 18 when I was driving my motorcycle to school. I was slowing at a stop sign on what's normally a super busy road, and got rear ended by a nigress in an SUV. After I moved my bike and all my stuff out of the road, I realized how lucky I was that it was empty at the time of me getting hit.
Going down the highway every day after wagecucking and seeing horrific accidents really gave me a mid-life crisis and I'm 24. I feel like I'm almost dead.
Lots of people experience this, mostly because people tend to lead relatively isolated lives devoid of real developmental milestones.
Well I certainly live a dead-end life with no improvement in sight.
I felt the same way or never really thought about death at all until I turned 29. Then I had very bad panic attacks for a solid month at a time, bad constant anxiety over the thought that I was gonna die someday. Call me a pussy or whatever, but panic attacks are very real, even I didn't think much of them until I had them.
Surviving a cardiac arrest made me painfully aware of my mortality and I'm better for it. I was aimlessly enduring my days before, now I see my lifespan as a limited resource that I'm responsible for.
My step brother died when he fell off his motorcycle, as he was trying to get up a car ran over him. He had been riding his whole life too. That's the thing about bike accidents. Experience seems to be irrelevant.
I envy you. A fear of death has been nipping at my heels all my life.
I feel immortal despite having nearly died twice; once of a massive infection that spread throughout my liver and renal system and again when I was hit by a car doing almost 40 miles an hour. I have a very cavalier attitude towards my health and safety and sometimes wonder if I have a bit of a TBI affecting the part of my brain that controls preservation. Or I have an extreme case of toxoplasmosis from my mum's cat.
Locus of control
I mean I broke my wrist in a motorcycle crash, wasn't a near death experience but gave me a bit of perspective that shit can go wrong really quickly. We're the same age and I'm a physically imposing person but I've also had my ass handed to me and handed asses to others, so I suppose I know my place and I'm better for it. Made me realize the world isnt fair and that you need every advantage to protect yourself, regardless of size or strength, and also to not instigate any shit with people irl because you never know what someone is capable of.
>I think another big part of it might have been growing up bigger and stronger than nearly all of my peers. It made me learn to keep my temper in check because hurting another kid was so easy to do if I let loose. I'm sort of a gentle giant today because going "full force" was always reckless and dangerous in my past.
>t. fat fuck who found anime in 4th grade