Jow Forums Fantasy Thread

>as I walk to the back I pull my 1911 out
>I give it a spin before racking the slide back, loading it
>I gently open the back door
>pistol ready
>nothing
>stepping outside I hide my pistol and hand on the pocket of my jacket
>not my holster
>it looks like I’m walking while searching for something in my pocket
>close the door behind me with my free hand
>walk down the alleyway to the street
>the group of welfare enthusiasts turns the corner and enters the alley
>oh boy, here we go
>the alfa still bleeding out of his nose
“aye yo there that bitch GET ‘EM”
>the group of tax syphons starts rushing me with murder in their eyes
>pull out my gun form my pocket and aim it at them
“OH SHIT, A GUN”
>all of the kangz stop in their tracks and start running in the opposite direction
>except one who instead of running away he reaches for his waistband
>center my aim at him
>he pinches a pistol from within his pantaloons and tries to pull it out aggressively
>the sudden movement, lack of grip and inertia sends the gun flying into the air
>it unceremoniously falls to the floor with a thack
“oh shit nigga”
>the melanin gentleman tries to pick his weapon of the floor at which point I decide to shoot him
>my bullet flies true hitting my aggressor in his left side of the hip
>he falls down to the ground with a scream
>I walk up to him and pick his gun of the floor
>it’s a Glock chambered in .40
>it has “PROBLM SOLBER” etched into the slide
>disgusting
>I throw his pistol into the air and aim mine up at the same time
>pull the trigger
>his gun rains in pieces to the ground around us
>bullseye
>the frame is shattered and the slide split in 2
>this noble handgun that has been desecrated by the hands of this subpar human has finally been put to rest
“aw man, that my probm solva man, how ma gon gang now”
“I would kill you out of disgust but I don’t have a contract for you and you’re not worth the dollar and 60”
“wat?”
>I walk away from the alley
>back to my car

>guys what if we had the same thread every day, even though everybody hates it

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What if, now hear me out here, what if...guns that shoot molecule thin ninja stars?

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>316 replies, 72 images and 95 posters in last thread
>evErYBoDy hAteS iT
Kys nofun fag

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>no crack bang
>no smell of gun smoke
>no forging
>no wooden furniture
>no heft or weight
Disgusting. Kys eldar fag.

>$1.60 for a nigger life
Damn, when did they raise the price?

They make noises, the eldar also have other stuff, like plasma cannons, and grenades that explode into also molecule thick wire that wraps around anything in it's blast radius and reduces it to something resembling pasta sauce. Eldar weapons are fucking brutal.

wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Eldar_Weaponry_(List)

inside the reciever there's a disembodied arm chucking shurikens out the barrel

>be me
>crossed into New World couple of days ago with horse and cart full of camping gear and guns
>been on the apparent main road all day, make camp in beautiful old growth forest
>I’ve gotten quite fast at this, despite being on the road so late I made camp before sundown
>after supper
>relaxing next to campfire, fondling 10 gauge pump and enjoying sounds of the forest
>the owls in particular are load around here, I wonder how big they are
>I wonder what the game is like here for that matter
>they warned me some huge monstrous beasts in these parts
>frankly I hope so, a fur and hide trading gig would be an ideal living for me
>start to dose in chair after a while
>take a quick drowsy piss before heading to tent for rest
>suddenly
>SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>OH WHAT THE FUCK!
>I jump in surprise, pissing on myself a little and scaring me straight awake
>the horse freaks the fuck out and tries to tear away from it’s post to run
>horrific screech from disturbingly close echoes throughout area
>rustling and big animal movements sound like their just over a hundred feet away
>steel myself just cool enough to be able to calm the horse down
>grab shotgun, bandolier, and headlamp to investigate
>this is fucking stupid, but whatever the fuck that was could be stomping my ass in my sleep if I go to bed
>illuminate bushes, and force my feet to start moving
>conscious of my every sound, trying my damnedest not to loudly stumble around
>reach the brush, jump through quickly
>WHAT. IN. THE. EVER. LOVING. FUCK.

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>I see the profile of a huge feathered quadruped, biggest than a bear with the head of an owl
>I snaps it’s head right to me
>JESUS FUCK
>the monster makes the first move, breaking out in a dash forward
>BOOM
>I shoot my first shell and miss
>FUCK FUCK FUCK
>It hangs a left and changes straight towards me
>BOOM
>I shoot and hit, not slowing it down nearly goddamned enough
>FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
>BOOM
>I dash to my left and shoot again
>it hits and the beast stumbles straight through a tree
>I shakily load two more shells, dropping a third
>I see the monstrously huge figure in the darkness get up, rear back, and see it’s head twist backward with flashing nocturnal eyes look into mine
>it twists it’s body around underneath it and makes another charge at me, smacking a tree over in the process
>FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
>BOOM
>SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>the blast deals a serious blow, it’s bleeding badly and it’s slower
>but it’s right fucking on me now
>it whips its head down and it flings me over its shoulder and into the air
>as if in slow motion, my shotgun glides out of my hands and away from me
>CRASH
>ooohhhhh, aahhhh, AH SHIT
>I landed in a haggard roll and was aching all over
>and I’m certain I’ve soiled my britches
>I looked over to my formidable foe and he was shockingly in worse shape than I was
>it mustered the strength to turn around and stomp towards me
>this thing is goddamn dedicated to its meal
>nonononono
>spring into a fast, adrenaline surge crawl toward my shotgun
>the beast is on me again now, and rears up to crush me under its front paws
>it one swift motion, I grab the shotgun, throw up the muzzle in a panic and pull the trigger
>BOOM

Attached: Owlbear.jpg (940x723, 684K)

>I hear Walmart carries basic chain
ringmesh > basic chainmail
ringmesh is light and thin enough that you can wear it as a middle layer under a jacket and have no one know you've got armor and because the links are welded shut it's stronger than traditional methods of making chainmail
tl;dr ringmesh is fucking awesome and I'm glad I had a shirt before the portals showed up

Don’t keep us in suspense user! What the fuck was it?

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>I shrink and brace for impact, but instead of the last blow I hear a thud
>with a big hole going into its neck and through its head, the monster has collapsed dead
>I just sit there a minute, almost refusing to believe that I’m really alive
>big gorey chunks torn out of the beast, I almost feel bad for the thing for a moment
>but then I look at it’s face again, and I realize that no, fuck that, that was a horrible terrifying monster and the world is better off without it.

Honestly, when it comes to the eldar, I would say that's entirely possible, they got up to some SHIT back in the day. And the ones we have now are their version of the Amish, just think about that.

The thing was, so were humanity. Apparently terminator armors were civilian safety suits that normal people wore to repair or maintain their civilian space craft. Apparently humans had FTL systems that were similar to the Eldar in terms of gate way tech, but they were handled by AIs because no one besides machines were able to make the calculations. War of the Iron Men fucked humans up way worst than the birthing of Slaanesh. Apparently all of our shit was under the control of AIs and it is theorized that chaos fucked that up. Its especially bad since all the AI were linked together in a massive network that spanned the galaxy.

I don't think that ranks on the level of murderfucking a deity into existence that then proceeds to eat all but two of your gods, and takes over your species version of the afterlife, and turns into sexhell.

>surviving an owl bear
holy fucking christ user, RIP your pants

You better have fucking cleaned and butchered what was left of the carcass.
Owlbear's good brain food, if a bit fatty.

>The year is 2022 and United Nations have suddenly taken a weird turn for the better
>A new program was designed to depopulate African content of sub saharan Africans
>Any European male older than 18 can participate in decreasing their numbers and get paid for it
>It's 200$ for a body of a female, 100$ for a body of a male, children older than the age of 6 are a fair game too
>There is a growing community of European settlers down here, some travel in groups to deal with armed game and some like me travel alone
>I own a beat up 4x4 Lada Niva and a beat up SKS I bought off Chinese for 200$, on a good day I bag at least 5 of them averaging my daily income to about 700$
>I also heard that there are groups of ex PMC's who on daily baisis hunt dozens of them each.

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There is already /wfg/.

thanks for the bumperoni.

Forces: unknown
This thread is for sad sacks of shit writing shit no one cares about

see

Druid or Ent wood would probably make for good stocks and furniture. The living magic infused in it would mean it would be hard to crack, and even if it did it would just stitch back together by itself in a small amount of time. The only bad thing would be GETTING the wood.

Well I like sugar and I like tea,
But I don’t like goblins! No sirie!
There’s two darn things that’ll make me puke:
That’s a hog eatin slop and a little green spook!

Slot the floppie, make them shot!
To hell with gobbo, let them rot!
For the Jow Forumsube, goblin we'll slay!
Shott them in the head, and let the body lay.

remember:
when armed on the street
there happens to be goblin
shoot it dead on spot
or else it'll go noggin

>HALT
>Present your pass and state your business

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>uhh yes I’m user and I’m a fur trader
>and uhh here’s my pass
*tosses coin purse*

>flash papers
>flash head of local knife-ear terrorizing the area
>trade stories about how much elves talk up the strength of their wines
>get visa stamp

>WAS GOOD MIDGET
>I GOT MY PASS ON YO MAMA AND MY INTENTION IS TO FUCK YER ASS TOO
>YEEAW

>wrap crucifixes around my hands
>go out at night to one punch vampires
get fucked you overcomplicated leeches

>midriffs
yummy

*Immediately gets shot*

I'll make you lick brimstone if you keep these degeneracy up

I got a werewolf buddy of mine who just took on a job to find his brother's adopted son, but he was kidnapped by what I can only describe as sharkman ISIS. I told him he should be fine if he doesn't have to go in the water but a lot of the residents where he's going are gillnecks and gillneck sympathizers, any advice I should pass on?

Rotenone, large quantities, introduced to the water supply. Chemical warfare is the best warfare, and it's extremely toxic to anything with gills.

[1/3]
> Be a semi normie that has been using /x/, Jow Forums, /tg/, and Jow Forums when the fucking rift happened
> I was living it up in Florida, in my double-wide collecting funs and reloading rounds
> Trying to ignore harpies that occasionally flew over, or goblins that met their end by sweet 12ga 00 buck
> I was cleaning my hard-won Israeli UZI with fun switch after lunch, when suddenly all my windows all black out
> Then rattled
> Then all of the metal siding rattled like it was in a case tumbler
> Freak out, but have the sense to put my UZI back together and slap in a 30 rounder
> If its not human, it's getting a chest full of 9mm
> Rattling stops and windows suddenly brighten like someone turned back on the sun
> Lights/Power is gone, but thats nothing new to a Floridian like myself
> Swing door open and point UZI
> My fucking trailer is hanging fucking 60ft in the air, suspended in some giant-ass tree branches and vines
> Catch myself before I fall to my death
> I heard about this on /x/, sometimes rifts will suck people/buildings into the other side
> See movement and step back into trailer
> Check trailer, which now has a tree branch poking through the bottom of the bathroom but otherwise is intact and seems well secured
> My stuff is all still here, hurricane supplies and gun rack are still here
> I guess its time to figure out where the fuck I am
> Grab rope, plate carrier w/ mag pouches, Savage in .300 wmr, sling for UZI, and Mossberg 590 w/ a shitload of shells
> Lower my bugout bag with some 550 cord, then rappel with the rope
> Eyeball the place after putting my pack on and slinging my UZI to my hip and 590 to my back, carrying the savage with its 6-24x mounted
> The place looks like some ancient forest with fuckhueg trees everywhere, dirt floor with wide leaf bushes where the sun manages to filter through, giving everything a green tint
> Remember spotting movement, so I work the bolt and keep it at the ready

[2/3]

> Then I see it again, with a slightly better view, a faint blur that stopped in a bush about 150m away
> Sight in through optic, and see a painted pale face and the long ears poking out of the leaves
> fuckingelves.jpg
> Keep elf in crosshairs and wave with left
> Then I see the knife ear stand up with a recurve bow and notch an arrow
> is that a threat?
> Drop to a knee and sight in chest, easy through powerful optics
> Put a LOUD round into elf chest as he looses arrow, hear it smack a tree as I work the bolt
> thatcouldhavebeenme.omfg
> Then I start seeing more movement as I look around, gotta keep that situational awareness
> Its more elves, with face/body paint and bows darting around
> Sight in another who was preparing to fire
> Catches a high speed round to the throat
> Rapidly work it and shoot at another, but miss with all the adrenaline shaking my hands
> Realize my 110 only holds three, place on ground and unsling 590
> “The next longear who comes near me is dying!”
> Arrow smashes into chest plate, ruining a couple 12ga I had on my chest
> awfuckno.enraged
> Aim at nearest through the cheap red dot, and let loose a few shells
> See one elven girl roll around in the dirt, holding her bleeding leg
> idea
> “I see another one of you move, and she dies!”
> Accent the threat by racking the pump
> Hear something vague in the distance and movement stops
> “You! Human! You trespass sacred ground!”
> Hear it come from near the injured elven girl
> “I don’t even know where I am, so fuck you!”
> Take opportunity to load slugs, making sure to rack it to clear the chamber of buck
> “You! Trespass! Leave now!”
> “Fuck You! I have more bullets than you have people! I make demands here!”
> See the one talking step out from behind a tree trunk to grab elf girl’s arm
> Fine, rifled slug for you
> Fire and see the slug smash into his shoulder, making it a bloody mess and hear him scream
> Girl starts to crawl for cover and catches a slug to skull

[3/3]

> Wait for more for what feels like an eternity, but only hear birds chirping after a few
> Get up, collect brass and check corpses
> Looking over the bodies reveals some kind of redskin style elves, wearing leather garb and quivers, with body paint to conceal their pale skin
> Getting to the male speaker, realize his chest was still moving but was unconscious
> The rest of what looked like a hunting party either was dead or gone
> Whip and unfold out E-Tool and begin making a hole to throw the bodies
> be up to my knees when I notice the elven asshole start stirring
> hold E-Tool in right and use left hand to poke shoulder wound
> Aaaieeeee.gif
> Elf reaches for the belt I had already stripped and shake E-Tool as menacing as I could manage
> Whimpers and holds shoulder
> “Now, can you speak?”
> Get a nod
> “Good, now you’re gunna tell me everything, and I’ll help, if you don’t, I’ll kill you”
> Look of horror crosses his face as I shake the E-Tool
> “Now, where am I?”
> “Y-You don’t know? Yo-” Get too irate to explain, so the shovel will
> smash leg with flat, and get a comforting screech
> “Next time, you answer my question! NOW WHERE AM I?”
> “THE ARINAM WOODS!”
> “Where is the nearest city?”
> “UH, week on foot?”
> “How many are you?”
> “Not many...we are small clan”
> “So this is ‘sacred ground’, so you tried to kill me?”
> He looked at me in confusion, so I raised the shovel
> “No, no, not again! This, this is our land! We don’t want other races here!”
> “So, it's kill on sight…”
> “A-am I free?” As a reply I look down at the arrow in my plate and grab shotgun
> Put a slug in his head
> Elves are indeed assholes

I'll be sure to pass it along, but I don't think he'll like it since the gillnecks are in the middle of a standstill/cold war kinda deal and setting them off might start up a full blown war when he's just trying to get his nephew back to his family.

Writin up more of the floridaman, should be up in the near future

Modern solutions for ancient problems

Some guy in the last thread mentioned something about a story involving a wee/a/boo causing the Jow Forumsonvergence.
Anyone got writefag ideas about the origin of it all?

Attached: electro-werewolf.jpg (1312x1200, 565K)

>have to deal with vampires who made a den out of an abandoned school
>remember that Keanu Reeves movie
>drag an ordained priest along and open up the fire suppression tank
>drop a crucifix in and the priest blesses the water
>priest gets a safe distance back and enjoys the show
>sweep the building with a homemade flamethrower designed after an M2A1
>not sure which vampires died burning from napalm and which from the resulting holy water shower
>buy the priest an ice cream cone and donate his cut to the church

>Implying wee/a/boos can do anything besides fuck their body pillows with pictures of little girls on them
>Implying one in an isekai scenario wouldn't immediately get arrested, murdered, or taped for being a massive pervert

LHC is more likely the cause. Somethings man was not meant to fuck with.

The Necron Synaptic Disintegrator is still far and away my favorite 40k weapon

Attached: Necron Deathmarks.png (859x1184, 2.33M)

>"Why is there lava?"
>"Lava is good."
>"Not really…"
>The heat from the lava pool is burning my face
>it's a lot like having your face next to an open oven.
>When we were going to look for a good flash hider material, this isn't what I had in mind.
>I decided to check the furnace the reloader Moth was using.
>It stood to reason that if it could hold purple fire and not melt, it would be a good material for the flash hider.
>The furnace was made of a black tree called "Blightwood"
>It's a kind of wood that doesn't burn somehow
>There was a forest to the north of the armory that Tuuri and I could get some wood from.
>Before we left the reloader Moth made me some tracer cartridges after I mentioned the concept
>They've never made them before as Moth can already see well in the dark.
>He just scooped some ash out the furnace and tossed it in some bullets.
>these Moth are surprisingly crafty and kind
>I really wish they told me Blightwood grew above lava pools.
>It's more like a giant damned lake of lava.
>You know how in Minecraft you can see lava pools from far off at night?
>It was the same thing here
>I was initially confused why Tuuri was leading me towards it
>Any of the usual crisp night air is gone, and replaced by a dry corrosive heat.
>Tuuri points out a couple Blightwood trees
>they look more like mushrooms
>The trunks are an obsidian black, and the leaves are all around the top in the shape of a mushroom cap.
>Think of a bonsai tree
>"Why do they have to be above lava?"
>"Lava help grow. Lava is good. Tree need warmth."
>It makes sense they can't burn if they grow above lava pools.
>Just like the Hehku gunpowder flowers they rely on lava to grow.
>Where the flowers convert heat from magma chambers to mana
>I think these use ambient heat somehow.
>Tuuri taps my shoulder and points to a bigger tree, this one has striations all along the trunk.
>"Watch head fall."
>Sure enough the entire top of the tree cracks off and fall into the lava

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>Suddenly I hear a loud hissing coming from the tree's remains
>The seed pods explode with a sound a lot like a 40mm grenade being fired.
>The seeds go flying into the side of the lava pool
>embedding themselves in the walls
>Both the Blightwood and Hehku flowers reproduce by using an explosion of some kind, it makes me wonder if they're of similar descent.
>BLOOP.mp3
>ANGRY MOTH NOISES
>Turn around just in time to see Tuuri tackle me before another seed pod flies by my head
>I swear I felt it whistle past my temple
>It hits a rock and clatters to the ground
>Upon closer inspection they're much more like a cross between an acorn and a .30-06 round
>When I shake it, inside the "acorn" I can hear many seeds
>BLOOP.wav
>I peek above the edge of the lava lake to see another Blightwood seed fly into the side of the lake.
>Upon impact the acorn portion explodes and sends seed shrapnel along the curve of the lake.
>It explodes to the side rather than backwards back into the lava.
>that's a surprisingly efficient way to plant seeds.
>Literally just plant artillery that's powered by lava
>metal as fuck
>but this concerns me because Tuuri and I need to somehow cut a tree down, without the fucking things killing us with their seed artillery.
>They grow out of the wall and bend upwards
>"Tuuri are you strong enough to catch a tree trunk?"
>"I can try. Just cut carefully."
>I can see Tuuri's nervousness from her glowing wings
>They're as wavy as a lake before a storm
>Ripples of gray on top of blue
>She flaps above the lava and looks for a tree.
>The ambient orange of the lava clashes with her nervous blue
>I carefully spelunk down to the tree Tuuri picked out.
>Before I can chop though Tuuri bathes the tree in purple light.
>I hit the region she lit up in purple, the wood is soft and gives way quickly
>I aim a little higher and it's hard like normal wood.
>Purple light isn't common naturally so I wonder why it softens.
>Maybe something to do with the wave length?

>The tree is wide enough for me to straddle it as I chop away at the trunk.
>don't fall don't fall don't fall
>every so often the lava pops beneath me and gives my legs a loving "kiss"
>We get out safely with the tree and head back to the armory.
>I step a single yard outside of the magma pool and am greeted with the heavenly cold night air I've come to love from the region.
>thank christ
>Tuuri carries the tree trunk on her shoulders.
>I thought Moth were supposed to be weak and willowy…
>glass cannons I assume?
>The walk is peaceful
>The atmosphere reminds me a lot of how night air would always fill me with such excitement as a little kid.
>Tuuri's joyful glow of her wings lights our way back.
>Except when they turn orange and the trunk drops to the ground.
>Tuuri tackles me and shrouds me with her wings
>She shushes me and points towards something moving in the treeline.
>I ready my Moth AR-18
>skull piercing muzzle blast or death, I choose muzzle blast
>Time to use the tracer rounds the reloader Moth gave me.
>There are three silhouettes
>they have long ears
>FUCKING. ELVES.
>maybe we can sneak away
>Gently push Tuuri away, my hand glances over her neck fluff
>soft…
>Motion for her to pick up the log
>"STOP IN THE NAME OF THE ELVISH EMPIRE!"
>A couple shots go over my head.
>I can see them impact the trees behind us
>"FUCK YOU AND YOUR EMPIRE!"
>Fire one shot at the elves
>It goes high and flies into the distance
>a purple comet piercing the black sky
>ANGRY MOTH NOISES
>Turn to look at Tuuri
>she's practically foaming at the moth
>her eyes are glowing red, her wings have changed to be a furious orange with giant angry eyes.
>ok… I think she might be out of it.
>Fire again and hit one of the elves in their leg.
>"AW FUCK"
>I hear angered fluttering as Tuuri charges at the elves.
>they're caught off guard by the 6-7 foot Moth with a nearly 15 foot glowing wingspan dive bombing them
>Tuuri pounces on the elf I shot.
>mfw

Attached: shitjustwentfromzerotoonehundred.jpg (640x388, 21K)

>Like a feral dog she tears open his leg with her teeth
>"TUURI WHAT THE HELL?"
>The other elves don't know what to do and just watch in terror
>Tuuri begins to use her fingers and rips the flesh off the bone
>is she looking for something?
>One of the elves wises up and brings his rifle up.
>Catch him with a shot to the chest
>except I miss from the adrenaline and it to the side, hitting a tree
>Tuuri looks in rage, following the path of the tracer, her eyes dart from the shredded wood to the nearest elf.
>ANGRY MOTH NOISES INTENSIFY
>She tackles him and begins going full DOOM Marine
>His arms get torn off
>I think I'm gonna vomit
>I make eye contact with the last surviving elf
>he's as scared as I am
>He brings his pistol up to Tuuri's head
>Like he's about to execute a bear
>Shoot him in the chest twice
>Tuuri instantly cranes her head to see the glittering purple tracers flying through the air
>The elf is already dead by the time she gets there
>She digs into his chest looking for the tracers
>Her Moth vocal cords are making a sound surprisingly similar to "lamp"
>I run over and try to pull Tuuri off the elf
>She's mauling him like a mother bear would someone that tried to kill her cub
>"TUURI STOP HE'S ALREADY DEAD!"
>SHIT SHIT SHIT
>Grab her wings and try to pull her back
>it's no use.silver
>a couple minutes later Tuuri's frenzy fades
>she sits exhausted and embarrassed
>Tuuri is covered in so much blood she looks like a candy cane.
>It's like seeing the special Moth tracers tapped into some long dormant part of her brain
>which just set her aggression up to a 1000
>note to self, don't use magic tracers around Moth...
>Back at the armory I explain what happened.
>The entire time Tuuri tries to pretend she's not there
>despite dripping elf blood onto the floor

Attached: ANGRY MOTH NOISES.gif (480x360, 529K)

>the reloader Moth is surprised
>Tuuri translates but the blood on her wings is a lot like trying to watch a stained TV
>"It looked rainbow. It was all. I would want. Wanted to protect. Think it Moth. When it gone. See elf nearby. Turn on elf. Already hate elf."
>Moth might see the tracer differently from the mana perhaps?
>If they're so in tune with the flowers and the tracer came from Hehku flower remains it kind of makes sense.
>"What if you saw a dwarf?"
>"Only would attack. If hate dwarf."
>Time to play armchair psychologist
>It's my assumption that the magic tracers trigger aggression in their head. It is only released if they see an enemy. That's why Tuuri didn't just rip me apart at the beginning.
>This might be something helpful in the future.
>We hand off the Blightwood to the Moth engineers
>They fabricate a flash hider by bathing the trunk in purple light from their wings
>It softens into a paste and they mold it.
>The soda can flash hider gets tossed on the Moth AR-18
>No more skull piercing muzzle blast.
>Even some of the Moth fire it.
>When Tuuri tries shooting it, her wings light up a joyous green and yellow.
>Victory at last.

pastebin.com/tG1KcVb8

>tfw no rip and tear gunsmith moth gf
Why live?

anyone got a link to the discord?
I might have some ideas to give out

>get to my car
>roll down the windows because this piece of shit has no AC
>open the folder
>there’s no contract here
>usually we’re given a form with details and specifications of our targets
>instead there’s just a sheet of paper with a message hand written
>it’s a summoning letter from the Bengalas
>they want me on their mansion by the end of the day
>ok, a bit worrying to be honest
>the Bengalas are a weird group to say the least
>but to understand their weirdness I got to give you context
>you see, this town I live in is much like a rustbelt town but way larger and less depressing
>there are no big buildings, no companies that operate here, barely any outsiders stay for more than a month and the economy depends on the local businesses
>yet there’s seems to always be jobs for contracted killers like us
>that aussie sniper was right
>there are always people who want someone or something dead
>but how do the Bengalas stand out?
>they are the only big players here
>they have their own mansion outside the city
>they move around in Mercedes G wagons
>they are always wearing suits and ties or fancy dresses
>and they always have someone on their sights
>wouldn’t be surprised if they were just putting hits on random townsfolk for laughs
>I start the engine of my car
>a Trabant 601 modified with a beefier suspension and dirt wheels to deal with the shitty roads of this town
>and the rest of the town has something similar
>soviet cars, Italikas, old Nissans and Volkswagens
>all modified to endure the dirt roads
>I make my way out of town
>take a path that divides from the main road
>the dirt path soon becomes pebbles kept in place with concrete
>the ride is much smoother
>not perfect
>but smoother
>a toll booth like structure blocks my path
>the iron gates only let me gaze at the distant building of the Bengalas
>an orc peeks through a window of the booth
“WHATZ YOU WANT HERE HUMIE”
“I was summoned here”
>hand him the folder
>he smells it and groans
“PASS"
>ok

hllo felow 4chn posturs hww r u doiing tday, iim just liek yu alll

Get it while it’s hot
discord.gg/WTSyTw

>spend a couple hours helping the soldiers get their buddies six feet down
>nobody deserves to have that done to them
>some of the brigands hit by the grenade were still alive
>tied to posts and executed in the courtyard
>warn the new garrison commander that Nieruz was only a couple miles north
>so that spell plague might show up soon
>he puts the battlemage section on the 6x6s with the rescued captives
>lizardbro plans on going straight and paying off his bounty
>pass up the free ride when I learn they're going much farther south than Relling
>it's another 10 miles down the roads
>soldiers thank me for the help with a mug of coffee and a few bars of combat chocolate
>continue on south and make good time
>arrive in Relling to discover it's the same old piss stain on Imperial maps that I remember
>lizardbro told me about a pawn shop who had choice items from time to time
>pawn shop's a front for fenced materiel
>spend the day selling and buying to re-gear from bushcraft to mercenary
>M1A's swapped out for a marksman-configured Imperial FAL and the USP for a threaded one with a suppressor and light
>was given maybe 40 guilders for wiping out the brigands
>spent 20 of them on rearming and buying armor
>almost lost the rest to a cutpurse
>little elf girl who quickly realized she grabbed my purse with her knife by mistake before I was forced to cut her hand off
>good kid, knows when she's beat
>trade her a couple thaler for info on the trade caravans and learn none of them are going to Sunvale
>not that it would've mattered considering what happened next
>Relling's guards started blowing whistles and ordered everyone into homes or to evacuate south
>a radio I bought clues in that the fort from earlier was ransacked by Lidia, Nieruz's lich, and her army of plague beasts
>and based on their movements, they hate this town more than I do
>least they're following me and not Rizas and the others
>and the big bad dragon himself was spotted flying back north

>put the cutpurse on a 6x6 and offer to help the guards with the evacuation
>pick them for details on getting to Sunvale and they explain shit like this ended the caravans west
>the only way there now is to go further south to Cottonmouth and get on a merchant ship
>get people into a large shelter and plan to break for the trucks
>but we drug our feet and the lich begins her siege on the town
>phrase "Living Dead Girl" comes to mind since she uses magic to look normal
>she's got a reputation for being as conniving as they come
>my money's on her stabbing her master in the back the second it's worth more than staying loyal
>but for now, time to dig in with the guards
>we hold up under the town hall with other guards and mercs
>combined manpowah of a company of soldiers and firepowah of maybe a section
>small scuffle between guards and other mercs over who deserves to carry the battle rifles and shotguns
>ended by a stone cold guard captain with all the right expressions and none of the scars of a seasoned combat vet
>he pools some guards and mercs for a raid on the town arsenal to properly equip a defense
>singled out for overwatch and his fine as fuck lieutenant leads me up to the bell tower
>get the "don't stick your dick in crazy" vibe from her as she talks
>she stays with a pair of binoculars to spot
>disobeys her captain's orders and starts calling targets before they start the raid
>get the feeling she's the only one I listen to and start dropping big nasties
>quickly realize she's far more competent than she looks when not even Lidia realizes we're thinning her numbers
>captain starts the raid and we get back to overwatch
>small fuckup with needing to reload early but the LT planned ahead
>mags plucked from my bandoleer and next to my hand
>not a single casualty on our side getting a dozen guards and mercs into the arsenal
>get harassed by plague monsters while the boys load up
>the bell tower gets battered with elemental spells and flying monsters

>don't have it under control when they're ready for the now labored two-block trek to the town hall
>nearly get killed prioritizing my mad lads over us and leave the LT with my USP as point guard
>nearly get killed again when Lidia decides the LT and I are too annoying and fireballs the tower
>crash onto the roof as the bell slams through the floor
>pull the LT back in and scramble for the basement
>get my gun back and reload what mags I could grab
>assess all the goods the mad lads got for lich busting
>Imperial battle carbines, couple GPMGs, crates of 7.62x51mm and cases of fresh mags
>snag some replacement FAL mags a disposable rocket launcher for fun
>captain organizes the mercs and guards into teams with the goal of destroying Lidia's physical form
>the monsters are little more than mindless beasts who can't even focus a spell without her
>magic users stay behind since they're vulnerable to the spell plague
>put on third floor to thin numbers and and switch to AP rounds
>pays off when I get two plague beasts for one
>the lads on the ground box Lidia in with a cross fire
>her ward holds and she returns fire with a staff
>we're losing men and she's laughing at us
>some of the guys lock up or fall back without permission
>decide to try something reckless and rapidly climb to the top of the remains of the bell tower
>Lidia is enjoying herself as she tells us to flee from her and know our places as worms
>"WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM?"
>her disgust of me is obvious from even here
>"I'LL TELL YOU: I'M KING OF THE FUCKIN' HILL!"
>level the rock-it launcher at her enormous tits
>squeeze the trigger before she gets a spell off and land a bullseye
>no tiddy escapes these eagle eyes
>smoke clears and her ward blotted up most of the damage
>but she's fucked up in a way that everyone knows her ward's been shattered
>remaining mad lads finish what I start and reduce Lidia to lichburger
>don't find her phylactery, but she's not doing shit for a week

>celebrations all around
>captain divides us into hunting down remaining plague beasts and securing survivors
>finish pest control by suppertime and the innkeeper's pretty cool
>anyone that had a hand in destroying Lidia's body had their drinks gratis
>LT and a couple mercs lead everyone in tipping a tankard for the lads who didn't make it
>the fried chicken the innkeeper's wife cooks makes up for all of Relling's shortcomings
>the mayor wants to abandon the town and head to Jerome, the regional capital
>there's a number of people who agree since things are gonna get bad when Lidia reforms her body
>the captain plans to stay and turn Relling into a rallying point against Nieruz
>most of the guard and some of the mercs are on board
>innkeeper and his wife, too
>get asked to come aboard but refuse and explain I need to find my adoptive family in Sunvale
>lucky me, Cottonmouth is a stop on the way to Jerome and there's commercial trucks evacuating the refugees
>tucks load up shortly after supper and use the spare time to make a necklace chain for Rizas's talisman
>pack up and provide security for the refugees
>Cottonmouth is 40 miles south
>the trucks make the trip fairly quick and completely uneventful
>one of the other mercs tags along with me and we report the disaster at Relling to the local guard
>word spreads like wildfire while I find a merchant ship traveling to elvish lands
>they plan to sail to Fel Lenora, a port 10 miles from Sunvale
>all my remaining gold for a week's voyage without a cabin
>have to be getting screwed over with this
>work out a deal to provide security and they'll pay me any hazard pay earned
>listen to radio chatter while the crew prepares for a night launch
>Relling's being reinforced by the Army
>set sail around midnight and follow the lighthouse out
>try a bit of the combat chocolate
>it's bitter as hell but tastes good
>finish the bar
>can't sleep

hello friend, how are you today

Attached: 7 - PXOlseE.jpg (894x894, 107K)

>new material
Tantalum

> Бyдь мнe пиpaтcким бaндитoм
> Я cплю пoд клюшкoй и пayтинкoй в лecy c мoeй дpaгoцeннoй пиcтoлeтнoй винтoвкoй
> Я мeчтaю o кpacивoй дaмe c бoльшoй гpyдью и тeплoй yлыбкoй
> мeня paзбyдил звyк
> Я пoвopaчивaюcь и cкaтывaюcь в глyбoкyю тpaншeю в cтopoнy, гдe cидит винтoвкa
> Bыглянитe из oгнeвoй щeли и yвидитe oгpoмныe пayчьи нoги и хлoпaющий вeтep
> C вeликoй тишинoй я бepy дoвepeнный пepиcкoп и зacoвывaю eгo пoд пayкooбpaзныe пaлoчки и вeтoчки
> Я вижy птицy, cpaжaющyюcя c жeнщинoй-пayкoм. oбa пyгaют мeня, тaк чтo я бepy винтoвкy и пpицeливaюcь в пpиклaд жeнщины-пayкa pядoм c мoим cпaльным oкoпoм
> Я cтpeляю тpeмя пyлями в зaдницy пayкa и cyдopoги жeнщины-пayкa. я ocтaюcь в пayтиннoй ямe и ищy нeбo для птицы.
> Птицa-жeнщинa лeтит вниз и пищит квaк в cлoвaх нe пoнимaю
> Я пoднимaю винтoвкy и cтpeляю в птичкy
птичкa гoтoвит хopoший зaвтpaк.

this doesn't translate well.

> I'm a pirate bandit
> I will sleep under a club and a pintinka in a lecture with my precious handgun rifle
> I dream about a beautiful lady with a big chest and a warm, smooth
> I opened the sound
> I turn and slide into a deep cock in the direction where the rifle is sitting
> Take a look out of the fire gap and see the big pay legs and the splashing wind
> With great silence, I take a trustworthy list and open it up to pay wands and twigs
> I am a bird-watching, fighting with a female solder. I’m both begging me, so I’m taking a rifle and aiming at a female solder next to my burning gutter
> I shoot with three bullets in the back of the rally and the female ‐ rear rations. I am staying in a paint hole and looking for the sky for a bird.
> A female bird flies down and squeaks a quack in words I don’t understand
> I lift the rifle and shoot in the bird the bird is getting a good breakfast.
What

you niggers got any booze? i'm headed to fucking blast some green skins you guys want in?

mulatto cuban spotted. fuck off back to miami and leave the white elves alone

don't be a dick to the elves. they've got it hard enough with goblins and orcs constantly trying to rape them. unless your a goblino yourself.

better translation
>I'm a swashbuckler and rogue
>i'm sleeping in my foxhole covered with a flat top of sticks and leafs for concealment
>i'm dreaming of a big breasted woman with a warm smiles embrace
>i'm awoken by a noise of many small feet and whooshing wind
>i roll into the fighting part of the foxhole with the view/firing slit
>i quietly take out my trusted periscope and purview the area
>what looks to be a big breasted spider woman and a bird woman are fighting
>i take my rifle and aim it at the spider womans butt as she is the closest to me
>i fire 3 shots into her spider butt and she goes down
>i search the sky for the harpy who flies down and sees me and starts squawking at me
>i shoot the bird woman creature
bird made for a good breakfast

Чтo eбaть ты пpocтo чepтoвcки гoвopилa oбo мнe, мaлeнькaя cyкa? Я тeбe зкaжy, я зaкoнчил вepшинy мoeгo клacca в BДB, и я пpинимaл yчacтиe в мнoгoчиcлeнных ceкpeтных peйдoв нa Aль-Кaидoй, и y мeня ecть бoлee 300 пoдтвepждeнных yбийcтв. Я тpeниpoвaлcя в пapижcкoм вoйны, и я cвepхy cнaйпep в цeлых poccийcких вoopyжeнных cил. Bы ничтo для мeня, нo тoлькo дpyгaя цeль. Я пpoтpитe тeбe нaхpeн c тoчнocтью, пoдoбных кoтopым никoгдa нe видeли paньшe нa этoй Зeмлe, зaпoмнитe мoи чepтoвы cлoвa. Bы дyмaeтe, чтo вы мoжeтe yйти c тoгo, чтo дepьмo для мeня чepeз Интepнeт? Пoдyмaйтe eщe paз, yблюдoк. Кaк мы гoвopим Я кoнтaктиpyю мoй ceкpeтный ceть шпиoнoв пo вceй Poccии, и вaш IP-тpaccиpyeтcя пpямo ceйчac, тaк чтo вaм лyчшe пoдгoтoвитьcя к штopмy, кoзy. Штopм, кoтopый cтиpaeт жaлкий нeбoльшoe вeщь ты нaзывaeш твoя жизнь. Tы нaхoдишьcя чepтoвcки мepтвых, мaлыш. Я мoгy быть гдe yгoднo, в любoe вpeмя, и я мoгy yбить тeбя в бoлee ceмиcoт cпocoбaми, и этo тoлькo гoлыми pyкaми. Я нe тoлькo oбyчeн пpиeмaм pyкoпaшнoгo бoя, нo y мeня ecть дocтyп кo вceй apceнaлe Boздyшнo-дecaнтныe вoйcкa, и я бyдy иcпoльзoвaть eгo в пoлнoй мepe, чтoбы вытepeть зaдницy жaлкий c лицa кoнтинeнтa, нeбoльшoe дepьмa. Ecли бы тoлькo ты мoг знaть, чтo нeчecтивый вoзмeздиe вaш мaлeнький "yмный" кoммeнтapий был гoтoв oбpyшить тeбe, мoжeт быть, ты бы пpoвeли cвoй гpeбaный язык. Ho ты нe мoг, ты нe cдeлaл, и тeпepь ты плaтишь цeнy, ты идиoт пpoклятый. Я

дepьмo яpocть вce нaд тoбoйи ты тoнyть в нeм. Tы нaхoдишьcя чepтoвcки мepтв, дeткa.

>pull up to the mansion
>leave my car parked in front of the building
>walk to some twin doors
>before I can reach the knob the door open by themselves
>behind the doors stands an elf wearing French maid clothing
“are you Mr. user?”
“yeah, where’s mister Bengala?”
“Lord Sebastian is waiting for you at his office”
>lord
“will you please follow me Mr. user?”
>I follow the elf inside
>the doors close behind me
>I’ve never been inside the Bengala manor
>it’s just as extravagant and pretentious inside as it looks outside
>gilded marble floors
>stands and vases everywhere
>pictures all over the walls on the halls
>we go up a very wide staircase with carpet running along every step
>take another hallway until the elf stops at a door
“here, mister”
>she waves her hand at the door and it open by itself
>I step in
>the door closing behind me again
>the office is filled with bookshelves
>no windows
>at the center of the room stands a wooden desk engraved with roses
>on top of it is a computer and some papers
>the office chair is turned away from the desk and me
“uh, Mr. Bengala?”
>the chair swings revealing not Sebastian Bengala father
>but his son
>Sebastian Begala son
>…who is no more than 15
“oh, user, you arrived early, my father didn’t tell me about your punctualiness-ess”
>I don’t think that’s a word but ok
“where’s your father?”
“hmm on a business trip, bringing home the bacon”
>this is weirding me out
“so, why exactly was I summoned?”
“hhnnnng, ‘cuz I need your services user, I told my father what I desired and he gave me your contact informa-tion hmm”
>the way this kid speaks doesn’t help the situation
“ok, why didn’t you just fill the form and sub-
“HMMM BECAuse this job is not normalp, and it pays no normal amount either”
>this is getting me uncomfortable but the money must be worth it
>right?
“what’s the job then?”
“oh how the job is, yes, I want a half-beast, a felinid to be precise”
>oh, so he wants a catwoman dead
>still a pretty normal job so far

did i do something wrong?
youtube.com/watch?v=NsZMbs5PC64

Attached: 1511420192030.png (1334x750, 737K)

fuk u fgt

>be other florida user
>cleanin pre-06 Remshit 870
>rattle.ogg
>excuse me?
>reassemble scattergat, load full tube o' slugs
>sneak around back
>greasy looking green thing trying to pull a piece of siding off my trailer
>holy fuck, the schizo posters raving about portals n shieet were right
>"FREEZE NIGGER"
>angery_jew_noises.wav
>green fuck starts charging me
>Remington says Hi
>Slug says Hi
>Goblino Brain says Bye
d-did i do good?

Attached: 1280px-A-1J_Skyraider_VA-176_Vietnam_1966.jpg (1280x999, 222K)

The parasitic fly Compsilura concinnata native to Europe was deliberately introduced to the United States throughout much of the 20th century as a biological control for gypsy moths. Due to its flexible life cycle, it can parasitize more than 150 species of butterflies and moths in North America.[5][14] Researchers reported that when Luna moth larvae were placed outside for about a week and then collected and returned to the laboratory, four parasitoid species emerged, the most common being C. concinnata. The researchers concluded that this parasitic fly causes collateral damage to Luna moth populations.[6]
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Luna_moth#cite_note-Kellogg2003-6
the government intentionally introduced parasites to kill off moths and like everything the government does it failed horribly and killed innocent bystanders

well done. any loot?
i wonder if you can use the green skin bones for anything maybe the teeth?

i dont know, and i dont want to catch mega-hyper-nggeraids from trying to make stew or some shit out of it, though i have noted that the grease seems very flameable, might use it for bonfire fuel. he also had a very large "gold" chain that i suspect is just painted plastic. niggergoblins man.

There’s a story about an user who ate ork meat. Didn’t turn out well for him.

it's on the sticky

Wipe your butt with poison ivy.

Sucks that I missed it. Damn work.

“ok, you want a dead cat, got it, still unnecessary to make me come all the-
“NO, I don’t mean that, I want her here alive and in one piece”
>oh fuck off
>that’s not my job
“you bring her here intact and you’ll get 30 grand”
>ok, maybe I can do an exception
“ok, what do you know about her?”
>he pulls a Polaroid out of his suit jacket and hands it to me
>it’s a picture of a young felinid carrying a sword on a street
“hmm, lives in the forest, carries that sword everywhere, from time to time she goes into town, that’s all I know”
“deadline?”
“Sunday, you get a week because I’ll leave the tracking to you”
>that’s a lot of time, even for a target I’m left to track from nothing
“however… if you bring her before me by tomorrow I’ll give you this as a nice bonus”
>he reaches for something behind the desk
>he pulls out a usp match and a barrel with a big compensator
“a usp match in almost mint condition and a new barrel with a compensator for your 1911”
>I pull my compensatorless 1911 out of my holster
>he hands me the new barrel
>I put them side to side
“it’s dwarven steel, I even made sure the finish on the compensator matched that of your gun”
“if I bring her tomorrow I get to keep this”
“correct, that is all, I’ll await for you tomorrow then, tata for now”
>he swings the chair around back to the wall again
“you know kid, you’re starting to remind me of your father”
“why thank you, I’m not sure if he’d approve of the way I spend my weekly allowance though”
>wat?
“ok… see you when I’m done”
>he waves his hand at me whilst still staring at the wall
>what a weird little booger that kid is
>anyway
>time to get this kid his catgirl gf

throw the grease into a cauldron with some snake fangs, a live toad and some fairy wings, let it boild until it becomes a thick green ooze and bottle it up.
now you have a cursed flame molotov, you don't even have to light it, just throw the bottle

>They mistake me for one of their own
>"Yer' a bit skinny fur a dwarf"

can you get me one too user?

These threads're always so comfy

discord.gg/9DfHyf
Here it is again Fren.

I'll have a shack in the woods where I live with the ents. I can trade discarded branches for ammo.