Jow Forums Has acquired an Iowa Class battleship. What do we do with it?

Most likely sink it trying to start up the engines

Shell the coast of Africa

Drifting to eurobeat

invade South Africa

How lucrative could it be to pester Iranian ships in the Strait of Hormuz? >not become a brown-water ship on the Zambezi to liberate Rhodesia now that Mugabe is 404
Get off my board.

Hopefully if we can afford to acquire Iowa we could afford to refit her. Those ancient steam plants are probably the biggest cost driver in the ship. Nuclear conversion.

Ditto
This
And that
That aswell
Also that
We gotta save the Saffers first

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You could roughly buy 17,360 pounds of weed for the cost of the Iowa. Itd be pretty dope to load one of those naval guns up with weed then burn it like a titan sized dubie, blowing it backward and hotboxing the whole ship. I think itd be pretty funny to watch the thing plow into a pier because nobody remembered we were docking

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Iowa had decent protection against AShM. Besides the Phalanx system and the many many Standards her escorts carried, even her WW2 systems were designed with kamikaze attack in mind. She was basically built to deal with cruise missiles, they just got faster. I bet those 5"/38s could splash a Termit.

Get some skilled programmers and computer geeks to install an onboard computer brain and make her sentient but make her slutty enough that she enjoys having all of us in her. She can talk to us and announce threats and status changes so we can all fuck around instead of manning the bridge and engines all the time. Have little speakers all over so she can address any one of us as if stading next to them instead of intercom announcements. "Hey user, the armory told me they just finished replacing your 870's trigger, you can pick it up whenever."

Other than that:
>Indoor shooting range
>superheavy and nuclear shells
>missiles
>Swimming pool

I don't think we have enough men to crew it. Unless you guys are going to be willing to ask around any of the other boards.

Nope. Jow Forums is unironically the only board with anything remotely resembling quality. A decent number of you actually seem like you have your shit sorta together.
*by Jow Forums standards

Shooting range needs to be outdoor. I don't want any of you NDing and causing a hull breach.

I would replace the 15inch guns with a missile array. I would replace the 5inch guns with goalkeepers CIWS. I would keep the phalanx. I would add more radar tracking. I would remove the missile launch platforms and repurposed them as radar for AA defense.

pic is as the ship was when they were retired again in 1991

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Call me up when Jow Forums gets enough to buy/commission a North Carolina class that we can do fun things to.

It actually does surprisingly. It's been upgraded substantially since WW2
>t. Went on the Iowa during fleetweek a few weeks ago

>13 inch thick steel armor
>causing a hull breach with your shitty PSA AR
user if it were that easy the Iowa would have been sunk decades ago

The shooting range would have thick walls designed to prevent such a thing. Also, you don't need a range outside, you can just mark off an area and set up some targets, or better yet just tow some behind the ship. Plus, an indoor range can be used in a typhoon/hurricane much more easily than one on deck.
Also to clarify, when I say she'd be slutty enough to enjoy having us in her, the emphasis was supposed to be on US. Not a normal bunch of people, but kommandos. Kommandos who will jack off into the gun breeches. Kommandos who will accidentally splatter themselves all over the halls doing stupid stuff. Kommandos who will sumon demons in the boiler room just to hunt them. Kommandos who will find some way to fuck the ship itself. If a ship wasn't programmed to like that kind of shit, it would self destruct to end the suffering within a week.

Ahem, .45 Auto ring a bell?

16 inch*

gtfo israeli shill, iran is not the wests enemy

>Jow Forums is unironically the only board with anything remotely resembling quality
Not with you weeb faggots preying on it.

I would keep the guns, you can't use electronic warfare on a shell

park it near a major city and sell tickets

Put Erika Eleniak inna cake and fuck her

>Jow Forums handles the boilers. We all know how they love furnaces.
>/o/ handles engineering. We will scrape every horse out of propulsion!
>Jow Forums can be in charge of comms and technical maintenance. They can use their experience putting together battle-stations to put together real battle stations.
>/sci/ can be in charge of the storage of ammunition and maintenance of magazines. Because they know about chemicals and Jow Forums cannot be trusted with unstable propellants.
>/diy/ can be boatswains mates and handle general maintenance. Nothing would make them happier than hanging off the side of a ship and arguing which primer best protects against rust.
>/ck/ in the kicthen, obvi
We handle the rest.

sinks as soon as the first person boards her

1. pack a lot of dragon dildos and moist nuggets
2. set course to mediterranian sea
3. sink all NGO-ships
4. sink all fugees with said nuggets
5. leave for south africa/rhodesia and establish a white collony with a rather clear 1st and 2nd amendment

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Replace the guns in the number 1 and 2 turrets with Railguns. Replace the number 3 and 4 turrets with a VLS. Try to put a better radar and ew suite on it.

Which one, and in what state? If it is with the complete 1980s refit I'd shell san francisco.

Modern Iowas have VLS right? I could see Jow Forums, Jow Forums, and /sci/ spending a few SM-6es on anti-sat missions to shut India up.

>>Jow Forums handles the boilers. We all know how they love furnaces.
Ok, that's simple enough for them.
>>/o/ handles engineering. We will scrape every horse out of propulsion!
Hell, no.
/o/ is one the last board I'd consider for that job, most people there can't even change their own oil and it would end up with GTR vs Corvette instead of maintainance.
Let the steam loco autists from /n/ do that, at least they know a thing or two about steam.
>>Jow Forums can be in charge of comms and technical maintenance. They can use their experience putting together battle-stations to put together real battle stations.
I guess that could work if everything runs linux.
>>/sci/ can be in charge of the storage of ammunition and maintenance of magazines. Because they know about chemicals and Jow Forums cannot be trusted with unstable propellants.
Someone will try to convert the main guns into light gas guns and blow up the entire ship by means of a hydrogen explosion.
>>/diy/ can be boatswains mates and handle general maintenance. Nothing would make them happier than hanging off the side of a ship and arguing which primer best protects against rust.
They can do that and help /n/ with the engineering.
>>/ck/ in the kicthen, obvi
That could work, as long as you keep the fastfood-tards out.
>We handle the rest.
Let's hope so...

Also:
>/p/ delivers intel with a 1000 mm lens, 3 tele converters and a M43 sensor
>/sci/ and /diy/ try to fire a 1000W laser through that contraption via the pentaprism
>/lgbt/ supplies bussy
>jannies clean up the cumstains

>>Jow Forums handles the boilers. We all know how they love furnaces.
>day one, first boiler in need of cleaning when experiment to see how many bodies per hour can be burned goes amok
>>/o/ handles engineering. We will scrape every horse out of propulsion!
>putting camber on flywheels found to be ineffective
>>Jow Forums can be in charge of comms and technical maintenance. They can use their experience putting together battle-stations to put together real battle stations.
>gentoo found to be unsuitable for weapons interface, 2 weeks to install, continual assurance that it will work if we compile the kernel with different flags this time, audio on comms to be added in the future
>>/sci/ can be in charge of the storage of ammunition and maintenance of magazines. Because they know about chemicals and Jow Forums cannot be trusted with unstable propellants.
>explosion in isolated magazine when an argument over fuse mechanism leads to the attempted disassembly of a shell
>>/diy/ can be boatswains mates and handle general maintenance. Nothing would make them happier than hanging off the side of a ship and arguing which primer best protects against rust.
>day seven, still arguing over whether to use a roller or brush, the metal exposed by sandblasting has begun to rust
>>/ck/ in the kicthen, obvi
>ramen with sprinkles and oreos for breakfast lunch and dinner
>>We handle the rest.
>popshots at seagulls with every gun on board at some point

Sounds pretty good desu.

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>I guess that could work if everything runs linux.
The Zumwalts already do and USN uses Linux for drones. They tried doing a Windows NT based smart ship in the 90s but it BSoD'd so hard it had to be towed back to port.

gcn.com/articles/1998/07/13/software-glitches-leave-navy-smart-ship-dead-in-the-water.aspx

>/jp/ tasked with swabbing the decks
>theyre all taking it easy

Built a HMS Sheffield II

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Biz fags to help with costs
/x/ for the based schizos we use like cannon fodder

>>Jow Forums handles the boilers. We all know how they love furnaces.
>day 3, boilers run cold
>no word from boiler rooms on comms
>work party sent to investigate
>all 86 Jow Forumsaks assigned to the boilers found dead
>It is discovered from crude scratchings on the walls that, despite all being white, they entered a purity spiral and ended up gassing themselves.

Only if they gather enough KSP players since orbital mechanics are confusing for someone not used to them.
>slow down to go faster
>go faster to go up
>velocity is relative

RETARD
E
T
A
R
D

fpbp

Run it aground in the Port of New Orleans and shell the city until they hand over their fairest octoroons and maidens of the night, and then demand tribute and party like it's 1999 until Federal troops arrive to overrun the ship and hang the lot of us for dirty priates

Holy shit based

>ND with .22lr
>Bullet bounces around inside the hull, liquidating us all

Based and siege pilled.

There's only 3 turrets on the Iowa, user

Fuck with people
A lot

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Destroy the Suez Canal and effectively cut Asia and Europe off from each other. Then sail through the Straits of Malacca dropping mines and spend a few years partying in the Pacific tropics while civilization burns in the distance.

Would get sunk pretty quick. Typical incel chimpout

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If we replace the main guns with .22s and shoot an enemy ship with it the shell will bounce around inside the hull and turn the subsystems to mush

you can make analog missiles that are more accurate than an artillery shell and have as much explosive force.

>V-1 flying bomb
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cruise_missile

even with electronic warfare cruise missiles are still quite effective and have resilient models.

the missile is optimal because weather analog or electronic, you can fire a sudden volume with a relatively high chance of hitting a target beyond your typical engagement range.

this is where fire and forget comes from.

>someone will try to turn the cannons into light gas guns
Fuck you, im hollowing out the shells to load nerve agents and squash head mercurite explosives so when we hit other ships we dont have to worry about the crew. Ill even go green by getting the materials from the seawater and aquatic life.
>they cant fire back if their organs are dissolved

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shell Israel.

youtube.com/watch?v=zwVQ7M5IFt8

thanks that's a really strong argument I'll make sure to reconsider my position in the future

you fucking faggot

paint it pink

>paint it pink
Do you really want a bunch of Stevenfags from /co/ running around with their feelings and shit, singing and trying to befriend somalians whenever we arent paying attention?
>"hey guys, i found these guys just floating around on a little speedboat. They want to play captain too!"
I dont see that playing out very well...

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Avenge USS Liberty

none of the lefty boards can come onto the Jow ForumsSS Constitution

Jow Forums can come but only on half wages and they're limited to belowdecks

why isnt there a movie adaptation of uss liberty incident

>long before she crested the horizon we heard her coming
>the constant firing of small-arms, like a bag of popcorn in a microwave, betrayed her presence long before she announced herself
>her course haphazard and seemingly random
>her forward turrets pointed in opposite directions
>her six forward guns at six unique elevations
>a large fire burned where the bridge ought to be

Thats fine. I always figured Jow Forums to be bottoms anyway, seeing as how theyre already familiar playing with their own pipeworks every day.

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We go save Hong Kong from the damned chinese, and we don't stop shelling until the South China Sea runs red with commie blood.

how would we prevent shit like this from happening, as well as piss bottles and lubed clenex from littering the ship

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Shut the fuck up. Get off Jow Forums right now and go to /qst/ you flaming fucking faggot

haHAHAH POOP DECK

Because it was just a big whoopsy-daisy.

Sail it off the coast of Malta and bomb the island for shits and giggles

>prevent
You're staying on land, kiddo.

Based

I'd remove one turret from the front and rear of the ship and I'd put missile batteries in their place. That way we can have both guns and missiles.

Charge tourists $12 to walk around it and snap selfies.

>Jow Forums Has acquired an Iowa Class battleship. What do we do with it?
Hire a band and let my trap gf(male) recreate this video:
youtube.com/watch?v=BsKbwR7WXN4

Directed by Michel Bay, based on true events: the story of how the USS Liberty was saved with all hands, by one black man, a strong woman commander and a good amount of tolerance. In theaters soon: Stick it to evil whitey episode one.

>Replace the 16 inch guns with railguns.
>Turn Israel into dust

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Phase 1
-Put cameras and mics all over every level of one of the turrets, including the shell magazine and powder magazine.
-carry mostly inert dummy powderbags in the powder mag, but put a few real ones in the places most likely to ignite, but not enough to blow the whole ship apart
-offsite storage for video/audio feeds
-attempt to recreate the '82 explosion
-study video and audio

Phase 2
-load magazines to full capacity of real powder bags
-donate it to a SinkEx

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1989, and why would you do that, its well known that 2 homos are responsible for it.

Turn it into a museum to raise funds for a CVN and jet fighters.

>1989
Thanks for the correction. For someone as interested in the incident as I am I should remember the correct year!

>why
Imagine the video footage. Imagine being able to watch the flame front race down to the lower levels in super slo-mo.

>to raise funds for
Hi Brit

Fuckin' Canadian.

>"hey guys, i found these guys just floating around on a little speedboat. They want to play captain too!"
Apply automatic fire to the lot of 'em. Call it an attempted mutiny.

There's still the Barents see route...

>nerve gas
>not chlorine-trifluoride

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Ok, who of you ordered a 800mm barrel, an absurdly large breach and new turret from Krupp?

I like how you think. Yeah. But we need to use it on vessels we arent going to board or loot. The real question is how much can we load into a cannon shell before it can be considered a davy crockett?

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>octaroons
I’ll take the quadroons and full-on darkies then

Depends on the target, main issue is that all shells are a constant fire/chemical hazard waiting to happen if the fluorinated coat inside them cracks.
Anyway, one hit with that shit will fuck up just about anything.
It's extremely poisionous and it is hypergolic with every known fuel like gas, diesel, marines, steel, water, sand, asbestos, rubber, nitrile rubber, gold, diamond and any kind of filter.
video related: youtu.be/M4l56AfUTnQ
About 1L of that stuff in liquid form should be sufficient for one shell.
For targets where that would be overkill, conventional shells or anti material rifles should do the job.

Hire Steven Segal, make a Under Siege 3.

sell it for scrap value