>Be Mummy's 24 year old bouncy happy healthy 487lb baby boy
>In the middle of my 5pm post-breakfast MLPforums and /trash/ browsing session on my 2011 Lenovo Thinkpad T420 running FreeBSD (fuck those Linux plebs)
>hear a knock on my door
>it's Mummy
>"God fucking damn me and slutty Princess Luna don't have time for your normie shenanigans you ungrateful sow!!!"
>She interrupts me mid-REEEE! and says my normie sister has come home from college for Christmas and she brought me a present
>"Fine! I shall take her gift as compensation for your heinous act of interrupting my browsing session!"
>Pull my healthy, quarter-ton Jow Forums as fuck body out of my racecar bed and waddle down the stairs
>Fucking normalshit basic bitch roastie sister is in the living room holding a wrapped present with my name on it
>"Hey user! I can't believe it's been 3 years since..."
>"MY NAME IS SHADOWCLOUD! My ponysona is me and I am my pony OC!!"
>"S-sorry, Shadowcloud. I thought you might like this. I earned a little extra cash from my job at Starbucks and I thought I's use it to help you out a little bit"
>typicalroastie.jpeg
>Snatch the present out of her probably cum-drenched whore hands
>Tear into it with the force of a thousand Narutos
>areyoukiddingme.webm
>It's a MacBook
>A FUCKING MACBOOK
>"W-well I thought you could use a new laptop s-since yours is kinda old..."
>THIS. BITCH. HAS. CROSSED. THE. LINE.
>"How dare you insult Shadowcloud's presence by offering him this pleb-tier technological trash!"
>Mummy tries in vain to contain my unstoppable rage
>"user! How dare you treat your sister like this! She cares about you and this is how you repay her!?"
>Bitch, you just poured gasoline on a raging, eternal fire
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE with the force of a thousand Thuu'ms (not that I'd ever play a normieshit game like Skyrim)
>Throw the MacBook onto the floor and bodyslam it with 100% pure muscled buttocks
>"APPLE IS SHIT SO THIS IS A FITTING PUNISHMENT FOR YOUR GRAVE MISDEEDS, ROASTIE!"
End pt 1
Be Mummy's 24 year old bouncy happy healthy 487lb baby boy
pt2
>Clench my gut and let out a triumphant fart followed by a stream of poopoo so hard it rips through the buttflap on my Barney onesie
>Continue REEEEEEEing the entire time while I'm emptying my cavernous bowels
>Mummy tries to pull me off the box
>Throw a fistful of poopoo at her
>*FACESHOT*
>Sister screams and runs to her car
>fuckingnormiesandtheircarfaggotry.webm
>Fling more poo at her but miss and hit the Christmas tree instead
>Get up and let out a triumphant roar as I jump one the PlebBook with all my might one last time to finish off the Apple-made abomination.
>Retreat back to my lair and drink a 2 liter of Mr.Pibb in a victory toast with my beloved equine waifu Luna
>Mummy comes up sobbing 2 hours later and changes me out of my poopy clothes and serves me a megatray of Tyson tendies (5lbs worth) and another 2 liter of Pibb to wash it down
>spend three hours on the shitter while mummy cleans my room for me
And to think that fucking bitch had the gall to say that I was the one who ruined Christmas.
At least I'm never going to see my roastie whore of a sister again because Mummy told me she got something called a restraining order. Fuck that bitch. I hope she dies choking on Chad's cock while my peepee remains purely for Ponies.
I don't know why these posts aren't funny anymore, is it possible to burn out on old memes?
I doubt any of this actually happened.
What gave it away? You must be smartest kid in the room
HAHA sick greentext my dude. Posting to r/Jow Forums right now !
Well I did score 82% in an IQ test.
OP's mom told me the real story. Her account was brief on account of having to quickly resuming her service to my cock, but from what she said the story didn't match up with what OP posted
>score 82% in an IQ test.
>82%
I have a feeling your IQ is very low
>no gruntilda rhyming
3/10 for effort.
82% is good isn't it? At-least i'm in the top 50%.
>>She interrupts me mid-REEEE! and says my normie sister has come home from college for Christmas
Did you go to college too?
I went to a school for niggers.
top kek top kek top kek tyop kek
Stopped reading after the first line because it was too funny.
Epic anime reaction pic faggot
Fucking hell shadowcloud that's madness you did show them though. Fucking non abnormals
Normie roasty really got what she deserved XDXDXD
>Not understanding obvious jokes or irony
Being this new
Out
Wait it didnt???
Lmao, normies btfo
Fuck those roasties
I find them hilarious. This meme should never have died.
Today this board is a cancerous cesspit that destroys creativity. Pepe memes were the golden age.
I mean we've peaked and overdosed on these memes, I loved them too but its like when you hear the same old jokes over and over again.
Y'know, I'm doubting he even finished high school.
Got anymore really good ones? Maybe you can make it live again in this thread user
>be me
>530 Lbs of mummy's golden child
>sitting on toilet squeezing out a big poo that I've held for a day
>finally drops out along with a BRRRRRAPPPPPPFFPPPPTHTHTHTPPP
>look in the bowl at my masterpiece, skidmarks longer than the M6
>"Mummy, MUMMY, come and see what I did!"
>mum unlocks the door from the outside using the special key for emergencies
>proudly point at the toilet bowl
>wow! You've done so well, and it's all in the bowl too! That's 10 good boy points
>clap my hands because I've been saving my good boy points for weeks, finally at 150
>cash them all in for a special hour with my catgirl
>mummy phones up the people who send the catgirl and talks with them
>hear girl arrive at the door and sit on the end of my bed and take off my pants for the first time in 2 days
>can hear them talking downstairs
>"God, it's not him again is it? He's getting too large for me to do anything"
>hear mummy say "Please, we have a system and it's the only way I can get him to do anything"
>girl sighs and says "I have the catears headband too, I'll be wearing it again?"
>clap my hands because I can tell special time is about to begin
>girl comes into my room and meows and purrs
>have special fun time, she makes my peepee feel good
>she finishes up
>the next 58 minutes are spent while I tell her about my comics and my video games
>she's really impressed
>eventually leaves after the hour is up
>mummy comes up with my snack of tendies for being such a good boy
>"enjoy your tendies, snookums, I have to leave now for my nightshift"
>eat my tendies in bed and dream about my waifu Mikasa-san afterwards
How can anyone diss the NEET life? Enjoy your long hours and ungrateful wives, wageslaves.
good work user, hilarious
>browsing session on my 2011 Lenovo Thinkpad T420 running FreeBSD
>>"W-well I thought you could use a new laptop s-since yours is kinda old..."
She's not wrong.
This is what I noticed too. However, I considered it still quite hilarious, so I rate OP's story 3/10 + one tendie.
>tfw currently browsing on my 2013 laptop
I feel so, so sad for that mother :(
>mfw just realized 2000 kids are now 18 years old
Only good thread on r9k
I miss the good days where r9k was this and full of funny stories
Now its just soc 2.0
>healthy
>487lbs
holy fuck, get help you manchild
Newfag and normalfag spotted
>muh newfag
sorry sweetie, truth hurts
Hey, Luna is pure, don't shit talk her you fat fuck.
>Finally got enough good boy points to get a 20 piece nug meal at McDonald's
>time to dine like a king
>Ask mumsy to wash my rarity plushy so I can take her on a date (shes my gf and was covered in cummies)
>user, I'll wash it when we get home from McDonald's, I've got laundry running
>"it"
>Oh
>No
>U
>Didnt
>I'm a classy gentleman who will defend his waifu's honor
>walk into the laundry room and open the running dryer, unleashing a torrent of Mountain Dew colored fury from my pee pee into the hot, drying, clothes
>Next, open up the washing machine, sticking my butt in the open lid, filling it with a mess of grumpy dumpies
>After running for a minute, the smell brings mummy in to investigate
>"user, what is that smell?"
>"Now that this load is dirty, you can wash rarity, right?"
>"That does it, user, I'm taking the internet down for the rest of the month and you can forget about chicken nuggets!"
>She rushes from the laundry room with a pair of scissors to cut the cable
>My 430 pound body is too healthy to catch up to the bitch
>I gasp for air in between 'reeeeeeeeeees' and lumber up the stairs to ex new daddy no. 5's old office
>I have her in my sights
>I attempt to charge, but my left arm has shooting pain, coming from my chest
>I clutch my breast and start to cry
>"moooooooooooommiieeeeeee, save your good boy"
>She grabs the phone in tears and goes to dial, but stops
>She looks at me me with tears and mumbles "sorry user...." as she sets the phone down and walks away
That's all I remember. I guess the neighbor heard the commotion and called the cops. Just got released from the emergency room. I reasoned with her not to cut internet. She's even gotten me nugs, tendies, and fries for every meal today! She cry's as she hands them to me, and just mumbles 'sorry' or some shit. Glad she's sad about how she treated me and rarity.