Gave up on getting grills

The further away from the tip the more it hurts. There's no pain at all on the tip, but on the worst parts i'd say like 7/10
feels like a really sharp sting

Thats not healthy, talk to your doctor user.>Continuing to assume that "it won't happen" is of course the safe option; but why chose safety, if it doesn't make you happy?

Its the most realistic outcome, i guess. Im sort of accepting that.

Thanks for all the positive messages though.

No problem :)

Is it the most realistic outcome though? It's a self-fulfilling prophecy for sure, because if you close yourself in for the encounter, the encounter will never happen. But I guess that's the harsh choice; open up yourself for the encounter and live in the vulnerable state of hoping for something that might or might not happen, or live safely, solitarily and hopelessly.

I was convinced I would be forever single, but after a lot of thinking, building up courage and some alcohol, what I believed was impossible turned out to be possible. So I guess that's why I'm preaching the "good word" now.

So in summary; no one can promise you that things turn out well, but it's equally unrealistic to assume the opposite as well. Should one risk it or live safe? Impossible to say. I took the risk and won, and therefore of course love the risk; but how can I speak for those who risked it and lost? But surely there are some of them who still are happy they took the risk, and I can of course still lose what I have.

I wanted to make some friends too but I just can't keep a friendship going and now I'm at a point where I don't even know where to meet people.
So I decided to keep my mind occupied with other things that don't involve other people.
Like gardening, drawing and cycling.
Immensely gratifying, keeps my mind of the loneliness. Been trying to make some bonsai too, it's funny how those little plants mean more to me than any human bean.

I also avoid media, like anime and tv shows, those also cause unnecessary pain.

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How can i open myself up to the situation?

Good question. In one sense, it's of course impossible to answer. The true encounter with the other is unpredictable. That's how I experienced it; what I truly thought, without a doubt, was impossible, turned out to be possible (she loved me). In retrospect, I see how it was in fact possible, but it was impossible for me to understand this prior to the "turn of events". So, I belive, it would have to be for you; it has to be a turn of events that you could not be able to predict. You therefore cannot calculate on beforehand what the correct approach is.

Still, there are some calculations that can be made. For example, if you're able to admit the finitude of your perspective, that's a first step to opening yourself to the situation. Admit that, although it might be inconceviable for you now, an event might occur that wholly breaks with your expectations. Your field of vision right now contains everything that's reasonable to you; but is it unreasonable to consider that your field can be expanded by something which comes surprisingly from beyond that field?

An other tips I can give you is one my mother gave me early on in my life, and which I have never forgotten. "In regards to relationships, don't take them too seriously at first". Allow yourself to get to know people, like them and even fall in love with them, without taking it too seriously. Just see where it goes. Become friends, share secrets, get intimate, "open yourself"; and if they turn out to be dicks, then don't take that too seriously as well. Being relaxed, happy and carefree is important if we're ever going to be able to withstand the intense vulnerability of social relationships, both romatic and platonic.