I have been married for three years. I am a kissless virgin. And I'm afraid that I am falling in love with my wife

None of this is real but still interesting story OP

No, the 'ceremony' at the community center was as follows
>go to waiting room with girl, no dress-code, no spectators, no church, no cake
>some official comes and asks you to step into his office
>sign here, here and here
>quick auditing by a community lawyer
>congrats, you are married
>leave with papers
>stop for ice-cream on the way home

Think of it more as a business deal. Honestly I am surprised people don't do this more often. I know of sham marriages to get visas etc. but I can't see why a prenup marriage wouldn't be beneficial to any random people who aren't planning on getting married in the near future. The tax cuts for us are around 5%, which is kind of significant, and there are some other benefits too.

Honestly OP, when she proposed you should've told her that you should both get to know each other since you're making a big descision
Did she at least take your last name

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No names were shared.

By that point we knew each other well enough to do this. And it is really not a big decision since it's not like I'm going to get married anyhow and with the strong prenup there isn't even a chance for a major fuck-over.
And having worked with her and knowing her the way I do now, I doubt it would be a problem even if we didn't opt for prenup.

And using the word 'propose' was just for that greentext effect. It was more like we were tipsy after half a bottle of vodka and she suggested it could be a good idea because more money. Next day we mulled it over and the math added up. From a logical point of view it would have been dumb not to do it.

>No names were shared.
You honestly shouldn't get married unless you're prepared to spend the rest of your life with her user
Maybe it's "good for taxes" or something but she should take your name if she wants to marry you since you are the man

Too late for you user

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>married
stopped reading there, you need to leave the premises right now OP

I wouldn't worry about that. We had the lawyer draw up a rock-solid prenup, and it was her request since she is the one with some inheritance money coming to her. I didn't really mind because I have always been more or less broke as I have bad impulse control and like weird and expensive stuff that I forget or discard later.

Nah, this is just a really practical arrangement. I personally think that the institution of marriage is kind of retarded. I could see the point if I was religious, but I am not and thus I find no value in it. However, with the tax cuts and other small legal benefits it is beneficial.

Honestly couldn't give two shits about traditions and all that.

You're best bet is to buy a wedding ring and use that fact that you are married to attract other women. They will be more attracted to you because you have "proven" that you are desirable enough for one woman to marry you.
Give up on trying to get with your "wife". You have already established yourself in her mind as someone that she will never be interested in or willing to fuck.

Also don't EVER tell any woman that you married your wife and will never kiss her or have sex with her.

>marry someone for money reasons with no romantic intentions
>accidentally fall in love with her anyway
This should be a movie

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Holy fck u r the epitome of a beta cuck

it probably is a movie

This fucker has the right idea. Damn why hasn't OP thought of that before?

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This is... Adorable

But don't tell her, if she wants to eventually she will come to you. Asking for more will just make her feel pressured, and since you mentioned that she has a significant amount of damage, that may result in her choosing to abort the comfy life you two seem to have, out of weird damaged person fear. This story is almost unbelievable, but I'm biting.

I'm 100% sure that is a movie.

>But don't tell her, if she wants to eventually she will come to you.
She is not coming to him. It's been 3 years nigga.

I don't know if it has come across yet, but I am not that much into having sex or random girls anymore. Frankly, I wouldn't know what the fuck to do if presented with the opportunity.

If some 10/10 came to me and told me I could do anything to her I'd probably just steal her wallet. I have had women flirt with me and I have been hit on, but I just don't feel the same lust that I used to back when I was a teen. The teen-me would beat me for this, but I have turned down a few girls since I accepted wizardom. Whenever I feel the urge I just fap to porn, and I don't even do that too often anymore. Lifting is way more productive and takes more effort.

I am actually not looking for a way to have sex with y wife. I am sure it is off the table for both of us. I just want to come up with a way to maybe tell her that this business deal of ours is actually a bit more than a business deal. I don't even know if this is love or some fucked up brotherly affection etc. All I know is that I want to drift off to sleep while holding her a bit more often. And I even learned to like her cooking, which is an achievement in and of itself.

We do actually have wedding rings, some cheap gold-imitation brass rings. But they are for scams etc.

Are you ugly, OP? do you look like sid from the ice age movie?
Why do you think you dont have a chance?
It really sounds like shes already into you, but I bet you didnt tell us everything...

Damaged people take extreme amounts of time to trust anyone, it seems like she's probably already attached to him emotionally and may be ready soon, if she feels comfortable, to get closer. Besides, why not wait? He isn't interested in pursuing other girls.

Do you know the name of said movie?
This just sounds like such a good concept

>What do?
>I'll just stay in my comfort zone
retard

Well none of us are going to have much advice, you're in unexplored territory (that no one else better venture into).
Just start trying to push the boundaries ever so slightly every day(more touching, and physical interaction) and go from there.

I think you are setting yourself up for failure, 99 percent of the women I have met have directly tied affection and physical attraction towards a man together but you can certainly give it a shot. That's just the reality of women.

I wouldn't say I'm ugly. Average, maybe. When I was a teenager I was ugly and kinda fat, but I got better looking as the years piled on, and Jow Forums taught me the way to get into shape, although I still have some of that dad-bod and thus I am more of a bearmode than anything resembling those 0-fat ottermodes and greek gods. I happy with myself, though. However, I started doing more cardio recently as I fucked up my back and can't do free weights with proper weights anymore.

The reason why I don't have a chance is basically because I don't know what the fuck I am doing. I'd say it is 50/50 with her, however I don't want to risk ruining this thing. And I don't know if this affection is love. I don't know what it is. Never been in love.

In retrospect this whole thread is more of an introspective expedition to find excuses. Maybe I should take the cat out of the bag and just ask her if she sees me as anything other than a friend and a business partner.

You know what. Fuck it. I'm calling her right now and asking her out.

>more of an introspective expedition
every thread on here is
point is if i'm reading you right you're not satisfied in your comfort zone atm which means you gotta take a gamble
just do it

Dude you're fucking MARRIED to her
Just go for it
She obviously likes you if she married you and you sometimes sleep in each other's arms

this thread made me laugh
thanks for partially fixing my depression op
also, just fuck her

Ok this is beyond ridiculous.

Called her at work and asked her out. Everything went pretty smooth and spaghetti wasn't even in the neighborhood. She said it was a good idea and that she had been thinking about something similar.

Well I guess I am going on a date tonight. Well technically it's the same old movie night but this time it is labeled as a date.

This was easier than I thought. What the fuck.

>"Woah guys the woman I married LIKES me!"
Holy shit
I swear she could tell you she loved you and you'd still wonder if it would be okay to talk to her

I hope this is real and if it is, don't fuck up and pussy out. All in or nothing, you've got nothing to loose.

So you are going on a first date with a girl you have been married with for three years?

You're goddamn right this is beyond ridiculous.

Jesus Christ I am legitimately emotionally attached to this story. I need daily updates and a copy of the screenplay.

Congrats user.

My comment is very original, actually.

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Same
I REALLY want a movie with this concept it would be amazing

this is true aspergers, getting married for the tax benefits and falling in love

This is obviously the birth of true love. It's literally meant to be. Idk if this is real but this might be a marriage that actually works out.

It's not that I couldn't talk to her. I have always been able to talk to her. I just wanted confirmation that this could be more than just a business agreement. Or something like that, fuck if I know.

op is a huge faggot for marrying someone that doesn't love him

sage grown in all fields.

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Inspiring if true. Godspeed, user.

Well if you hold her sometimes
And you're married to her (even if it's a business deal it's still an emotional and life changing decision)
Also are you just writing a movie and have writer's block? This is just too amazing, a true love story I could get behind

You're not legally married if you don't shag.

>scams

Care to elaborate? I am not FBI, I swear. This part just caught my eye.

Please tell me you are not the people who send emails about Nigerian millionaires and penis enhancement drugs.

>love story
it's literally just a faggot business agreement
no love here just shallow autism

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u did it buddy i take back calling u a retard
hope you last forever

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You are a fucking dumb. I feel for you.

>this is not a love story just shallow autism
Don't get mad at me OP
I'm not the one who accidentally fell in love with his wife
It's honestly amazing that you marry someone for the most shallow reason and you still end up loving her

Without going too much into detail, private insurance hoaxes and crypto currency scams. Nothing major, just enough to get some extra dough. We used to do credit card schemes with a local restaurant but they got busted.

That wasn't me.

I have always been a dummy. I guess this just proves it.

I wouldn't say this is that glorious really. Don't know what all the fuzz is about. I could show you a load of couples on the street who have actual romance and stuff.

Anyhow, I suppose this introspection has reached its apex, and a somewhat favorable outcome, and I really need to buy myself a tuxedo and some roses for the date. Thanks for the aid, robots!

Btw. the tuxedo -part was a joke. I'm not that fucking autistic. I'm only gonna buy roses.

One word, alcohol. I feel as though I shouldn't be surprised this wasn't original.

We decided not to drink tonight. We usually drink only once a week, and that is not on Mondays.

Seriously speaking, though, what should I actually wear?

I'm just perplexed that you had the courage to straight up ask her without much deliberation and seem not too autistic, but you were married to and lived with a woman for three years and never even attempted to kiss her.
You're a weird dude, but good luck.

Try a nice button up shirt, leave a button or two unbuttoned and make sure it's long sleeves (only douche bags wear short sleeve ones) with jeans and your best pair of shoes.

>I could show you a load of couples on the street who have actual romance and stuff
Yeah but when they get married it's not for financial reasons
If this is real it proves reality is better than fantasy
Someone should seriously write a screenplay for this, instant classic

I'm not one for romance but holy shit would I watch this.

I should have asked you what she would wear now that I think about it?

Except he does, you stupid wank. If OP can figure out what feels he is feeling maybe he could stop cucking himself to death.

I'm trying to come up with a title right now
I think I feel like how women feel about romance on tv right now
Why do I love this so much?

I hope this is real

All he has now is a fake marriage. If he lost it he would have to pay a bit more in taxes every year. But I agree with the rest.

>this is real
It better be or my day will be ruined.

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The American television show What I Like About You had a similar plot to OP's life explored in later seasons.

She usually wears jeans and t-shirt or a summer dress (don't know a word for it in English). Don't know what she is planning on wearing tonight, though. Does that matter? Because I can find out.

That is great advice and sounds reasonable. I was thinking of going to /fa/ with this but no need to now.

I am confused about this myself.

One time she did pass out on top of me after some heavy drinking, though, and our faces we pretty well mushed together when I woke up and woke her up. Spent the better part of an hour just lying there like that, complaining which one had a worse hangover.
In retrospect it seems pretty funny, and I suppose it could make a pretty funny movie scene (considering how many of you suggest this should be made into one). Neither one of us wanted to move and thus we laid there faces more or less mushed together, and tried to talk but it was all just mumbling because you can't talk like that. It was the closest I've ever been to a kiss.

Well to be honest I don't want to lose her either.
But now that we have a date, I suppose most of my worries were for nothing.

Can you name the seasons? I would be genuinely interested in watching that, if for nothing else then for advice and ideas.

I don't think cuck would apply here, since doesn't a cuck require a third wheel for the relationship? Someone is cucked by another person with a third person, right?

godspeed you beautiful bastard. My suggestion would be to jokingly be really domestic with stuff like "want me to do the dished honey" until the jokes become real.

Well in my opinion the outfit I described is a good mix between casual and class, so it should go with anything. Actually now that I think about it it doesn't really matter what she wears as long as you don't dress like a bum..

It's clear he cares about his current arrangement and exploring a romantic relationship with someone you previously haven't would likely change the current dynamic. He also stated she had barriers that kept her from exploring romantic relationships and he could cause her to squander whatever relationship he does have that he is content (even though it seems like he isn't or he wouldn't be trying to change his relationship) with.

>I don't want to lose her either
I may have a straight face on the outside but in my mind I reacted like a fucking girl
What are you doing to me OP

Season 4 (2005-06)
It was the worst sitcom on television, and that is saying a lot. I wouldn't suggest it to anyone, ever.

>We had the lawyer draw up a rock-solid prenup

Women are the majority of voters and they can pass a law to null your "rock-solid prenup". also expensive prenups made by rich millionaires get thrown by judges.

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>avoid anything resembling a risk so you can be a true connoisseur of life like me, a basement dwelling virgin in his thirties

What?

Her loss then, I guess. She being better off than I.

Oh, not for me then.

Noted. Thank you based stranger.

>What?
Just me being a faggot over your story OP
It just feels so pure, how something with emotionless intentions becomes emotional

>OP married
>3 years and now they're actually settling into it

I thought I heard and saw everything by this point. OP, I have no words for this predicament, because this shit doesn't just happen.

smart men do a cost benefit analysis first before taking a risk and marriage is not worth the risk. Women got extremely greedy with their rights and all the laws are against you in marriage if you have a penis.

I understand that feel, it's a good one.

pic related is me on the inside

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Please regularly give us updates
This is too kino

Dude you're an inspiration to us all and you brightened my shitty day.

>tfw OP found pure love through a marriage that was for taxes

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No problem. Go get him tiger.

Reaching levels of irony that shouldnt even be possible. Just tell her a new law passed requiring all mariages to be consumated.

There had better be a continuation of this thread when I wake up, OP, to update us on what happened. Faggot. I can't believe I'm actually living vicariously through you.

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What do? What fucking DO? There isn't a man alive suave enough to unfuck your shit if you can't figure this out OP, sweet fucking Jesus.

>"Guys help my wife of 20 years and mother of my children said she enjoys my company is it okay if I kiss her?"

OP, I read through the thread and I can conclude you did the right thing. See, thing with people is over time they become more connected or they hate each other more and more. You two definitely sound like you've connected, and the "accidental" falling asleep on you is the nail in that coffin. I was going to suggest being upfront with her about it, but you exceeded my expectations and asked her out on a date. So, bravo OP you are not a faggot today. Try getting a kiss, hell tell her you've never kissed a girl before. She might just take that hint and go for it.

You did it OP, you're going to be free. See you on the other side!

This thread made my day good job OP, can someone post a screencap later?

This better be real or i'm gonna sperg out

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>little did OP know that the biggest scam in his life has yet to come as he found the courage to take the relationship one step further

An hour ago I was demoted from KV to just V.

I don't know if I'll do any follow up threads. I hope not. I am hoping that this is it, and after I feel like I've stopped being a robot I will stop coming here, as is customary. And right now I am feely very unrobotic. So very unrobotic.

I wish this is my last message here. It feels like this will be my last message here.

Usually I have something to say but the right words keep avoiding me. Just thank you, I guess. Thank you anons, I really mean it.

>OP kissed his wife
Based

You should try having sex with her dude, you were married for years.

Godspeed user.
I hope all goes well with you two.
And try to sex your wife, for fucks sake.

I'm prettying sure this was how it was throughout most of human history through the form of arranged marriages.

Can you imagine marrying someone for 3 years just to end up in a divorce where she takes half your shit and you still end up a VIRGIN after all that