Mental health thread #8

>we're so alone that we don't even realize it anymore
Other people tend to be surprised to find out I have no friends at all.
Then they look at you with big eyes, as if you're some kind of monster.

I don't know what to do, I don't even know where to meet anyone in real life with similar interests.

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i don't either, user. i guess the best we can do is try to be happy by ourselves. the truth is nobody is going to swoop in and try to break through to us, and we probably won't ever escape.

it kinda sucks to realize, but life can be pretty okay if you don't think you need anyone.

Normo's get scared when they don't see themselves in others.
They clam right up and just give you one word answers and disinterested replies; the same motherfuckers who ask why you're so quiet and weird.

Just chiming in here.
"psych wards" aren't actually bad at all. Everyone one there is pretty nice and supportive of what you are going through, even the other patients. Been in three different mental hospitals through out the course of my life so far. ask me any questions you can think of.

Does anyone else ever suspect that they're some sort of VR entertainment thing from the future and whoever is experiencing this one wanted to feel a tragedy?

>tfw no asperger gf

I have talked to bunch of asperger girls and they have been nice. Too bad they usually have bunch of other issues on top of that so it's impossible to communicate with them. I don't mind if they have other mental problems as long as they're capable of chatting openly. It's impossible to form a connection if they don't even try. I'm a literal fucking sperg and I try and try to form connection, but it never works.

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I've been to the psych ward 8 times and spent 2 years in a rehab. Schizoaffective here.

Besides the occasional old lady who thinks I'm her son, they aren't as bad as what they're made out to be. Most people just talk among others while waiting for the unescorted leave break to have a smoke.

that's the truth. it all boils down to something simple, we're just not like them. we're just different. people want to find uniqueness within themselves and grasp onto all of these labels and whatnot but when they actually meet someone truly different they're often disgusted. we're basically monsters to them. we're subhumans, we're irrelevant.

where did you go in? state or country? different US states vary widely in the quality of their mental hospitals. i hear wyoming has some of the best though.

i know this feel. i live in a small town though so i don't even know any. the only one i even know pretty much never showers and would never try to put any effort into communicating or making something last. but i'll be honest i'm also probably guilty of that too. it seems that we can't even connect among each other, save for shallow relatability.

Illinois is where the hospital was at. Might be worth saying that I live in the part of the state that has the best health care for the state,

i've heard good things about that area too. illinois is a farcry from other areas though, namely the south. the south has terrible institutions. imagine getting committed when you live in bumfuck alabama.

archive.nyafuu.org/meta/thread/29741/

archive.nyafuu.org/meta/search/text/cat/username/kroni/

what quiz is this from?

ive never related to something so much

I was going to go to an institution or some kind of hospital that my psychiatrist recommended me, but I didn't go through with it. I know they were going to clone me then kill me

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>I know they were going to clone me then kill me
nigga what
and i thought i was crazy

Most people are cloned and killed. You're probably one of the few real ones in this world. Or maybe you're a clone and don't even realize it

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He's right, have you ever heard of MKUltra? It's not brainwashing, God would never let a soul be corrupted. They instead have to make their own artificial souls using a real soul to fuel the process that click along and work robotically for minimal pay, it's the ultimate tool of the 1%. Shrinks aren't there to help you, their goal is to help the elite by turning you into a productive worker.

My family are all cloned that's why I don't eat anything made by them

>depressed
>anxious
i dont even have a reason to be depressed i just am i literally dont feel satisfaction in anything or feel any form of pleasure from any achievement and ill probably end up in a psych ward soon so that'll be nice

depressed user here, how do you ya'll cope? I usually just pretend my room is an actual version of my own mind.

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Yes, exactly. That's why I don't take any meds my psychiatrist prescribes. She isn't there to help, she's there to get me to become one of them

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Severe anxiety to the poInt where I avoid almost all social situations.
Planning on going to the psych but idk if itll even help, anxiety has p much already fucked me over.
What kind of questions do they ask you? What meds u guys think is best for symptoms like increased heart rate, trembling and hot flashes around your face

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im intrigued
please explain this phenomenon as i am unaware

i just keep going lad ill probably try and kill myself but ill end up failing again and into the looney bin for me where i spend the rest of my life sitting on fhcking beanbags smoking cheap fags

One piece of advice. take the meds.

Good on you, they'll all eventually be fused together into one synthetic false god. Rounded up, sucked dry of their plastic souls, and collected in a "hyperintelligent" computer. Then the elite who have kept themselves real will use this computer to run the entire workload of the worlds industries, but someday the shortcomings of fake souls will make their plan collapse on itself.

What the fuck am I even? I get along with people because i only treat them in a way that dignifies them and based on how i want to be treated.
Put me in a room with a bunch of people and im stuck inside my head and thinking that they are thinking things about me. People feel its artificial to just BE a nice person all the time. People must think im just trying to win favor with them. use my kindness and neutral speech to maintain myself when talking to strangers.
i really dont know even how i mean to say what im feeling. I cant stand being alone with a bunch of people surrounding me, but its strange to to just connect with one person when they have the ability to connect with multiple people.

ill post again when im sober.

>its strange to to just connect with one person when they have the ability to connect with multiple people
I know this feel.

I don't know if you're a clone or not. Prove you're not a clone

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No. It's mind control, you simple minded fool. I never take any kind of medicine. It's for the souless and Godless

Shirmoff and PBR

hell, maybe i am a clone. just a defective one
maybe my counterpart was normal

this is a complete unironic delusion. you must be joking.

>diagnosed assburgers
>either feel numb or feel like anger incarnate, few things bring me joy and it's almost always ruined if someone else is involved
>feel that I'm not "real" or not "me"
>don't trust anyone and am constantly paranoid of others
>constantly burn what few bridges I form with others
>wonder if I'm really bi or just like that because I was potentially molested throughout my childhood by someone I knew
>realized pretty quickly the world is shitty
Is it really that hard to believe a place like Jow Forums is filled with crazies and morons?

I am normal. I just see the world for what it is, clone. Question everything, even reality. They call normal people crazies or schizos but we are the only sentient ones here, clone

how do we know you're not a clone

>Question everything, even reality
within reason. what gives you a single shred of evidence that clones exist? at all? plus, even if i was a clone, i'd still be human, still be the same person. i'd be sentient enough to warn you.

if your neural networks are completely copied you are literally the same person. you could already be a clone, but it doesn't seem to be harming anything.

Who else /OnlyReallyTalkingAboutSuicidalDepressionWithTheTranswomanTheyHaveACrushOnButWhoRejectedThem/? Not necessarily an experience I would recommend.

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No. Look at yourself. It's obvious. What if I'm right? You're never going to listen to me if you think I'm a clone, that goes for literally everyone in this thread.

Please user, talk to a doctor or something.

you're just not that special

It's just a possibility. Various (suspected)symbolism, foreshadowing etc leads me to this conclusion. Maybe you're the host program and I'm a peripheral AI.

>believes in god
>doesn't trust medicine

well, you're not too far gone. feelings of unreality are associated with dp/dr which isn't a cause for concern but if you're seriously seeing "symbolism" that this isn't reality you should probably speak with a doctor before it gets out of hand.

in all honesty have similar thoughts about the universe as well. I don't see it as some kind of objective truth or absolute explanation for life, but more as just one of an infinite possibilities I will never comprehend

>le weed smoker
>love weed a lot
>smoke lot of weed one day
>have literal psychotic break over the next few days
>existential panic attacks every week or so
>basically ruins my fucking life

keep in mind i had almost no mental issues prior to this.
who knew $10 worth of "harmless" weed is all it took to make you wanna fucking kill yourself? i mean i dont blame the weed. im just angry.

Honestly I kind of like it. I think its funny in a self deprecating kind of way.
Sums it up perfectly. Some people just aren't prepared to have their entire world view shattered. Even outside of physical/worldly possibilities to the point of just politics/human behavior which clearly are extremely malleable.

as a fellow 'le weed smoker"
you probably had all those issues already, just pushed them away. weed brought that shit to the surface, made you face problems

>Anons with psych ward experience, was it as bad as they say?
No it was great. I have some good memories of the 6 weeks I spend there. Didn't help me much in the end, but it was cool while it lasted. Interesting people, fun activities, regular meals, you name it.

Fag with schizophrenia here.
Sometimes I just get breakdowns where anything can make me loose my shit, getting Extremely frustrated, aggressive and sad at the same time. I.e. if I accidentally move a desktop icon and Don't remember where it was or if I hear kids laughing and playing too loudly or something.
I really want to try and make this stop, but I'm scared that using weed or other drugs would make my mental state worse. I already drink alcohol like a degenerat, but that doesn't always help me unless I drink to the point where I can't think clearly. Just something to make my head stop just fucking me over would be nice

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Yeah I'm aware. I had identified disassociation issues as early as 9 years old. It just fucking pisses me off cause as far as drugs go I'm basically limited to benzos, opioids, and alcohol. This wouldn't have been such a bad fact if working in the cannabis industry or as a psychedelics scientist were the only two things I'm actually interested in pursuing.

I have BPD and addiction level anger issues. I constantly have outburst online and have almost showed my power level irl before. also used to get a thrill out of betraying friends and pretending I killed animals for fun. Could tell a few stories of betraying friends if anyone is interested. Ive been trying to be a better person now and I force myself to do nice things even if they tire me out. BPD makes you a bad person by default so I go against what feels good and make the effort to do good. I also believe in a qoute from a video game as gay as that sounds.

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Despite what pot enthusiasts say, it's not good for you. It's been proven time and time again that marijuana worsens schizophrenia. It also increases the likelihood of dementia and alzheimers

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i'll assume youre over 21 if US or 18 if elsewhere but did you start after you hit 21? if not, how did u get alc?

I would be interested in hearing those stories. I've been reading about personality disorders lately and real life stories are always better than diagnostic descriptors. Why did you pretend to kill animals for fun? Just to be edgy and unnerve people? That part isn't uncommon.

>Could tell a few stories of betraying friends if anyone is interested
I'd be interested. I suspect I might be lightly BPD or some shit as I do basically everything you listed (except pretending to have killed animals). Maybe I'm just a naturally awful person though I have no clue. I suspect I'm going to chill out (depression) for the next week (or longer) since I learned all my friends actively lied to me just to make sure I didn't hang out with them this weekend. I don't like self diagnosis but I don't think I'd trust a psychologist either.

how much weed do I need to put in my body to bring on the dementia now? I'd so much rather be literally losing my mind so I wouldn't have to be aware of this shit life

So what should I do then? Surely I can do something better than just alcohol. Should I try and get professional medication against it?

life isn't a movie. you can't just lose your mind and accept it. you're gonna go insane and kill yourself instead.

I always feel like someone is behind me. I get panic attacks and hear shit others don't. That combined with my frustration attacks really fucks with me... Would Xanax be better than weed or alcohol then?

Xanax is a meme, if weed fucked you up xans is going to rape your head without a reach around.

I can't stop feeling the pit sinking in my stomach and chest

Why do I hate going to sleep?
Why do I dread getting up in the morning so much?
I mean I enjoy what I'm doing at work and time flies by when I'm there.
Can someone explain?

I have never tried weed,I just want something to suppress my head. Already done alcohol, but it never helps unless it's a lot
See

ive been to the psych ward twice, once because I felt like I was going to kill myself, and once because i actually tried. Both times were pretty chill expereiences, the staff was nice, and I was out in about a week for both. I'm not psychotic or anything more than depressed, though.

has anyone actually done the interview/test thing for being borderline with a doctor?

my roommate refuses to renew our lease unless i get a diagnosis and seek help

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who else don't wanna sleep because they will wake up "a different" person?

dementia is very real, dunno what you mean about movies bro

I did user, it's complicated, and it variates a lot, but you can find the basic criterias online

what the fuck did you do to make your roommate put up that kind of ultimatum?

Diagnosed with bipolar and and generalised anxiety disorder. I'm pretty sure I also have a personality disorder after a horrendous relationship I just went through over the last few months.

I just don't want to be alone and yet when someone does show me affection I get very scared they're going to leave me. So I either get very very clingy or justify trying to push them away so that I don't feel as vulnerable.

Couple with the fact that I need to be on pills for the rest of my life, I'm thinking life is pretty shit at the moment.

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>Just to be edgy and unnerve people?
mostly yeah but it went a little deeper then that I wanted to convince myself I could do it. One day I set up a trap for a squirrel to see if I had the strength to kill it or even torture. But I never caught anything. I can say today I would never do something like that.

I can try and shorten two stories for you. The first one was this girl in high school I really liked. However she had a boyfriend. I found out however that she was kinda going through tough times with him so I started trying to weasel in and befriend both the bf and the gf to get with the girl. It started out that way however eventually I just loved the thrill of working both angles the guy truly trusted me he would write these love letters that he wanted me to give her. I would toss them and say he didnt think about her. One time he figured a little bit of it out and tried to confront me he was pissed at first but I talked him down blameing it on a guy I new he hated at the time. He went back to trusting me after. One night he starts drinking because of the turmoil between him and his gf. He brings along some friends and they all drink fucking antifreeze. All of them end up in the hospital and one girl dies a few days after. It wasnt my fault but I felt odd when it happened. Anyway the high of orchestrating such an elaborate scheme really made me feel elated. So thats that story let me know if you want the other one. or the dreams I have those are fun aswell Thanks to the meds.

>pic unrelated just to grab your attention hehe

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anorexia-type shit is coming back. i start telling myself that if i'm not slimmer i don't deserve affection. "how will you ever deserve it" is what i'll think before i refuse food. not sure if its ano or more related to depression. depression usually follows suit after i lose like 10 lbs. i've eaten like a single protein bar. i wanna die.

the worst part is that my family gets worried. i wouldn't mind it otherwise. like just let me not eat reee, i always feel better on an empty stomach, mentally and physically

>complaining about a relationshit on r9k
you know some of us aren't that lucky

>the dreams I have
I wanna hear about those.

>single protein bar
why in the world do you eat that?

You made all that up. That doesn't even count as suffering.

Nice picture, my attention was already caught though. I used to do that sort of thing as a kid, but I actually killed animals too. A few squirrels, birds, and rats. I don't do it anymore nor do I want to. They made a suicide pact to drink antifreeze? That's a weird thing to spontaneously do.

I mean it was a meme dude. It was an online LDR and she basically showered me with affection after the first week, making me fall into the belief she like me for who I am. She'd then push me away after about a week and I would do the same. I was actually pretty ok before it happened now I feel like shit.

ive been to psychward two or three times now, first time wasnt as bad, but the second time some asian guy asked to fuck me and i was just awestruck like what the fuck he was like 50-60 im like 19

well did you do it or not faglord

because i was hungry, protein is filling so i only eat 200 or so cals.

i don't care. i'm not memeing, at this point if i eat a full meal i feel extremely uncomfortable and bloated not to mention guilty.

sure. I have dreams of killing my dad ALOT but other than that and the occasional person killing dream. I have dreams about being an evil powerful seductive women (inb4 tranny) im not trans and not a trap ethier I would like to be a trap but dont have the face or body for it so I gave up on that. Anyway im always this influential women one time I was in an underwater society as a half squid girl and another I was in rome I usually look similar to pic related but the power trip feels so tingly. Never power through brute force thats boreing to me but through influence and behind the scenes stuff is what I love more than anything. I love these dreams because no one gets hurt and I live a little of my fantasy trip.

>tfw wasnt born a succubus queen

nah they drank it when they got drunk so they say. might have been a suicide pact I never really looked deeply into it nor did the school.

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Maybe they're just idiots who do stupid shit when drunk. Why do you dream of killing your dad? Did he abuse you?

I never really dream about being anybody other than me. Couldn't really imagine that. I'm a big fan of dreaming. I consider it the ultimate escapism. Slept until 3 pm today and had a few pretty big dreams. Last one involved me and another detective searching some woods for a missing person. We began to suspect the long worm/tree root hybrid things had something to do with it. Felt pretty similar to the first 30 minutes of Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me (which I had watched before going to sleep)

yeah he was verbally and physically not the greatest. my mom was very distant aswell no hugs and kisses.

dreams are great! also love sleeping in I could sleep all day if I tried

My dad was a great guy, but I didn't get to see him much. Same with my mom being distant, she was alright very early in my life then she just sort of left me to do my own thing playing vidya and watching tv all day as things progressed. Now my dad is dead and I usually don't say more than a few words to my mom a week.

I have OCD and I also suspect that I might have ADHD.

Depression/anxiety here.
I just dropped out of college. I'm going to move back home for awhile and focus on my mental health. I was making progress before I came here, and now it's only gotten worse.
My mom is pissed, and rightfully so, but I think I made the right choice.

that sucks im sorry to hear that atleat he was a good guy right you can be proud of him for what he did in life.