I've been feeling this emptiness since 2014. Nothing seems fun, nothing is new, there's nothing to be excited about. The last thing I remember actually looking forward to was seeing this girl I caught oneitis over but now I'm over her and life is pointless again. I've noticed that I fall in love with girls so easily because they give me meaning. When I don't have some girl to obsess over, I have nothing.
I've finally realized what the cause of my depression is. I'm bored. Everyday is the same thing. >wake up >go to work >work >come home >sleep/watch TV/porn >eat >go to sleep >repeat Everything I do seems stale and boring. It's because I've been doing the same fucking thing everyday since I was 12. Just porn, masturbation, school/job. Ten years, nothing but repetition with the occasional unexpected event to keep me going. I've actually started to get this nausea whenever I sit around and do nothing but watch porn and TV. It's like my body's telling me "get the fuck up and do something".
I told my boss that I'll be using 5 vacation days next week because of mental exhaustion. In these 5 days, I'll try to stay away from porn and Netflix and lying around in bed all day. I'm trying to learn how to live a normal life and get myself in the habit of doing something everyday.
Inspired by a few posts on this board, I've already joined a boxing gym and I'll be going in for my first day at 6 pm (less than an hour from now). Maybe getting punched in the head will shake my life up a bit.
Throw everything away and go on an adventure. Your little 5 days vacation will pass and you'll be back to square one.
Jeremiah Torres
Or being punched in the head will give you autism and you'll get workers compensation
Mason Gonzalez
I wish I could, unfortunately that would be too unpredictable and would probably result in death. I'm not trying to fix everything in 5 days (actually 9 if you're counting weekends), I'm trying to build up momentum for the future.
Chase Lewis
>The last thing I remember actually looking forward to was seeing this girl I caught oneitis over but now I'm over her and life is pointless again. Ouch, my soul. that's what I recall before my current depressive episode. Like that was the beginning of the U and now I'm getting to the bottom of the J, the letters are a curve, still you're doing better then me; I usually don't want to do anything so hard that I don't even work or wank; just reading and sleep. life is shit; it'll be better in the future when technology has another boom and abundance is normal but until then we gotta be patient
Michael Scott
Keep it up man. The most important part of your routine is making it a routine. Even if you're not feeling well you can go to the gym and walk on the treadmill for an hour, there's plenty of shit to do.
Welcome to the real world bucko. Stop watching porn btw.
Zachary Cook
I'm gonna try. I highly doubt that I'll quit porn forever but I'm gonna cut I down to an occasional thing, like how I drink or smoke. It's been a fucking decade since I first started watching porn. I've seen just about everything there is to see, there's no reason to watch anymore.
I remember at the height (lowest?) of my depression when I had no oneitis, the only thing I looked forward to for about a month was a new video dropping with my favorite porn star in it. Pathetic.
Joseph Foster
>the only thing I looked forward to for about a month was a new video dropping with my favorite porn star in it. Pathetic. couldn't agree with you more; having a favorite porn star should allow you to register yourself as having a disability. so dysfunctional, I barely believe it.
