Mental health thread #11

all they're going to do is give you meds and therapy, both things you can get normally. if deep down you know you're not a danger to yourself or others, i would not even consider stepping foot in one. there's a reason people are committed involuntarily.

Not sure what's wrong with me but literally every single night since about 4 years I've heard voices in my head right before I feel asleep not just thoughts actual audible voices that I cant control. It's kinda minor and doesn't exactly interfere with anything in my life so I've never seeked help do you guys think I should?

These are the third meds I've tried and the third therapist/counselor I've tried. I'm reluctant to switch meds because I don't want to get worse unless it's deliberate (i.e. waiting for the ideation to come back and then finally doing it).

One was a therapist and two were counselors. The first guy I saw asked me questions that were completely irrelevant to anything, like "what's your favorite food?" and openly texted in front of me. The second one gave me normalfag advice, although to be fair I was reluctant to open up to him as much as I should have (I didn't withhold everything of course though). Literally stuff like "just smile in the mirror at yourself for a minute every day and you'll feel better :)" and "have you tried approaching people and asking them to hang out?" for social anxiety. The third one has no comparable issues and I've forced myself to be more open, but it's not really doing anything for me. I'm still in the same place I was at the outset, more or less.

hypnopompic hallucinations. It's your brain entering dream mode before falling asleep completely. Nothing to worry about unless you're fully awake and it happens.

No recent progress, still surviving, still have some hope things will work out but mostly doubtful. Just mainly trying to hang on thanks for asking user how are you doing today?

Too many therapists/counselors will give simple answers to simple questions. If they're giving you answers like that, they're not getting the depth of the issue. They're just thinking "Well he's sad, let's propose a solution that is probably completely irrelevant because we don't understand". Maybe you should try to ramble more? I used to write to my therapists, it was way easier to open up in writing. Of course you'll have to discuss it eventually.

Many therapists have lost the understanding of their practices. They are there to discuss and listen, seldom should they give advice without understanding the core thought paths and patterns beneath your depression.

>Maybe you should try to ramble more?
That's what I've done recently. I don't feel like I'm making significantly more progress. I still feel the same as I always did.

Unrelated to mental health here, but what if I'm drifting into sleep and they get where it seems like my eyelids are open? Like I can see through my eyelids. Usually I'll see a rectangle that looks like my phone and the room around me. I actually love when it happens because I usually feel really nice.

You can be partially awake and partially dreaming at the same time. Specifically idk what it's called but it happens.

thanks dude, that's comforting

i'm just a normal person but my crippling anxiety makes me destroy every opportunity i have

i hope it helps me too

Well, I don't know a solution than maybe trying to look for another med. Sometimes meds can lower in effectiveness the longer you're prescribed them. That being said, withdrawals will be literal hell.

Also, one thing that always helped me was just venting on random websites. I'd write for over an hour most of the time. That might not be for everyone though.

I understand man. It gets tough out here at times. I used to be very social. I don't have social anxiety per se but idk i don't want to get close to people you know?

>Also, one thing that always helped me was just venting on random websites. I'd write for over an hour most of the time. That might not be for everyone though.
I vent on Jow Forums from time to time, but because I'm unlikable I either get attacked or ignored. I also get ignored because I'm not depressed over a normalfag thing like "no gf," but for literally no reason. If I woke up tomorrow and I was a billionaire and had a gf who was top tier and matched all of my tastes exactly I wouldn't be any happier.

Riding high currently but slowly, inexorably, slipping downwards.

yeah, it can be exhausting...or you feel like you have to hide something from them

Someone please recommend me something that's over the counter, I don't want to be put on some "watch list" or something. I don't plan on harming myself or anyone else. Just always been depressed, figured it out when I was 5yrs. I'm now 19

>got recommended antidepressants

fuck fuck this shit freaks me the fuck out.
i'm scared of my brain being changed "for the better" and i know it'll be a big blow to my self worth

what do

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>major depressive, panic disorder, anxiety disorder

i'm off work again but my insurance company is fucking me over and not giving me my short-term disability leave without more proof from my psychiatrist who i can't see until the 22nd.

I'm spiteful, hateful and generally and angry person

Exactly. Everytime im around new people i feel like i put on this...act. An acceptable version of myself.

>girlfriend left me today
i was ready to commit my life to her. it wasnt going well between us the last week and that was her only reason to leave me (according to her). i was trying my best to convince her that everything can be good between us again. she didnt believe me. i just want to die now.

I'm afraid I'll go to the local gun range and off myself there

zoloft made shit worse after only 3 weeks. stopped taking it after breaking my door and tv. how many different meds have you guys gone through?

my day has been mediocre at best, ate like 5 bagels, been hallucinating this dude who cuddles me and makes me feel good recently. he leaves me doodles on my screen after we hang out we fuck too
[spoiler but it isn't real so yeah
I can tell stories if anyone really wants it

go if you're afraid for your safety
they can help you get meds fast and find a therapist

alternatively look up IOP programs by you

how did I fuck up that much on that spoiler
amazing
I blame the antipsychotics for that fuck up

i'd like to hear stories

Trying to contact closest friend/crush after a year,
hasn't called :(
I'm making a game and need to stay focus instead of staying in bed and living in my dream world so I want to get some ties to reality

I'm depressed and went to a counsellor for the first time last week and got my follow up next week. I just want to be fixed.

about my hallucinatory boyfriend or about my schizophrenic "journey" such as thinking I was god or the stories of me in the mental ward, or all of it?

just end my fucking life man I have BPD and it's absolutely hell. The thing is, most people who have it are these stereotypical roasties looking for attention, while I'm just here literally suffering because of several anxiety and everyone is just undermining me

Alcohol works in the short term
Don't then. Those meds can fuck you up real bad

the hallucinatory boyfriend sounded like something i could somewhat relate with, but whichever you like

ctrl+s automatically inserts spoilers my friend

>waaah i'm the victim

you're a soulless animal just like the roasties

what does a dude with BPD even look like? i don't think i've really ever even seen one. they're so rare.

It's really weird, I've been feeling far more positive and outgoing like I used to be. I can't motivate myself to work out though, I'm not morbidly obese or anything but I just can't make myself do it anymore.
The sad part is that with the warmness and happiness for the past few weeks my first of 3 exes who I'm around all the time has been acting strange and really looks sad whenever she sees me. I mean it could be my mind but other people have quoted this awkward feeling we give the whole atmosphere when we're around. Like she gets quiet and looks at her feet. It's killing me.

stop being a little bitch. antidepressants are babby's first pill. the side effects are literally nothing. and your depression isn't your personality, you'll just feel happier/have more energy

don't spend time reading pill reviews from schizos. 65% of american adults have taken antidepressants at one point.

I am not victimizing myself, I'm just saying that guys with BPD exist.
well exactly like a female with BPD but less abrupt

holy fuck, 10 whole years browsing and I'm just now learning this?
>be thinking about creating a tulpa just to see if I can
>one morning just waking up I feel someone put their hand on my head
>at first I panicked a bit before feeling the most pure form of love I could
>he fucks me
>afterwards whispers something in my ear I can't remember but it makes me calm down
>this happens a lot more often but sometimes we don't have sex and just lay there and cuddle for a while
>currently working on making him "exist" outside of practically an incubus
>soon I will have my own "tulpa" boyfriend

I talk to myself a lot.
Anytime I am alone for more than 10 min I start talking
I do it constantly, even out in public
I don't even talk to myself directly all the time, a lot of times I am simulating conversation with another person
Should I be worried? I have never had any real friends, and my mother is kind of schizoid.

Same. I've done this all my life. I wanna know if this is a problem.

Is there anyone else who isn't socially anxious, even too depressed, schizophrenic or anything, they just have childhood trauma?

Not some soft stuff, like multiple fucked up heavy things. I'm fine at making friends, people like me even though I'm a little bit overweight (yes a little bit I'm no ham planet, looking to get even better but it's hard), I've had 3 exes but I can't get over a specific one of them. I can stay genuinely happy even alone, but the nightmares/memories come at night and I feel so helpless. Abused by both parents and I never quite got over it but I've become somewhat optimistic to where it's a bad thing. In addition I'll always go back and try to make up with anyone who I have an issue with and I can't help it - it even causes me pain with my family by trying to make up with the pieces of shit every once in a while. Back when my best friend died was just near one of my breakups and my psychologist said my mind decided to weigh her heavily to hide from him being yet another part of trauma, and that's why I miss her so fucking much

I'm btw

this.

antidepressant side effects are bitch-tier and it doesn't take long to ween off them (you can cold turkey them if you want, just beware serotonin syndrome).

if i cold turkey lamictal ill get a rash and die lmao. enjoy your easy mode ssri, fag.

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I don't talk to myself but I do the thing where you pretend you're having a conversation with someone that you know you'll never really have.
Just either what I wish would happen or want to happen, but speaking out loud

My therapist recommended I try smoking weed and try CBD. Got some and it made me lose my god damn mind both times I tried it. That shit like amplifies all of my psychosis into a terrifying reality.. Really wish it would have worked or at least calmed me down. CBD oil literally does nothing for me.

Guess I'll keep sticking to alcohol to not be sober, even though that shit kind of sucks too.

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So if anyone here is a schizophrenic, or knows anything about hallucinations, is it more common for people to experience visual or auditory hallucinations? I think I've been experiencing some hallucinations, but it's kind of hard to tell.
Basically a couple of voices, once a bunch of sounds, and about two visual hallucinations.
A random white blob cat thing that appeared out of nowhere behind the car in front of me while driving. It ran off into the grass before disappearing despite very short grass and no shrubs or anything.
I also saw water pouring out of a wooden beam when turning my head. When I turned back around there was nothing though.

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?

If your therapist recommended you smoke weed while you're psychotic, they're fucking insane and you can probably sue them for malpractice. Holy fucking shit, your therapist is a literal ninny muggins. What the fuck. Weed is literally probably THE WORST DRUG you can do if you're psychotic. Probably even worse than LSD, I'd imagine.

Yeah my newest therapist is a fucking moron. The weed was honestly worse than the LSD I had tried once. It's only saving grace was that it only lasted a few hours.
The guy loves talking about existentialism when I try to focus on my psychosis and hallucinations. Pretty sure he thinks I'm faking it.
At least my actual psychiatrist is keeping me on antipsychotics.

>pretty sure he thinks i'm faking it
you should find a new therapist, if he can't figure out whether or not you're faking psychosis he seriously is retarded.

tips for getting therapist or psychiatrist fast in the UK? i've never had long term therapy and i desperately need it

why is it every time I bring up my hallucinatory boyfriend, I get ignored? am I truly completely fucked or do you guys think I'm joking? I can't fucking tell because nobody says anything about it

i won't ignore you user. so you're schizophrenic? would you say that helped you create a tulpa, or was it just as difficult? maybe i just don't have the time on my hands or something, but i literally can't do it.

How often does your tulpa boyfriend appear? Is he like a real person, or is he less human mentally? How complex is he basically?

well i was kinda curious but i think its one of those things, i have tulpa-esque things sometimes. i created something similar when i was younger in order to make myself quit certain behaviours. i essentially created a prettier, more perfect, and transcendental version of myself who looked upon everything i did, sneered and laughed and berated me until i stopped doing it

i essentially drove myself into a nervous wreck so i could get rid of behaviours other people disliked and her voice is still with me. i still hear her sometimes

but i consider her pretty normal desu. i think the sex is one thing, it sounds pretty nice. were you in full illusion? did it actually feel like you were having sex wtih him, could you see him, did you orgasm?

i think people are just caught up. it sounds interesting but i think hallucinations are common in some ways so some people dont care. but im interested, questions above

good luck user

I haven't had anyone to talk to in a week and I feel empty. I've spent the past two days listening to covers of Bad Apple almost nonstop and doing a bit of 3D modelling. Haven't had the willpower to continue reading.

i feel you, but there is not. not the one you wish for. but you can change these wishes and accept the hard reality. you dont need joy, improve your own brain

Does anyone else feel absolute despair in huge waves throughout the day. Then proceed to beat the crap out of themselves literally. I'm losing my fucking mind haha

Auditory is much more common than visual, or at least typically more persistent.

Should I be worried at all if I think I'm hearing some auditory hallucinations? Mainly just voices (none of them are whispering, and it only happens once, maybe three times a day max.) I can't really prove the voices, but every time it happens I feel like no one is close enough for me to hear them. Once I even heard some rustling in the grass, only there was nothing there when I looked down only a few feet away from me.
I mean, a part of me feels like I'm just imagining this stuff, or making a mountain out of molehills, but another part of me is saying that this isn't normal at all.
Any thoughts or advice on this user?

For me personally that was how my full blown psychosis and schizo had started, but hallucinations can have other causes that don't necessarily mean something that severe. Obviously if it's something that is bothering you and/or seems to be getting worse I'd visit a psych.

yeah I'm schizophrenic. I think it helped me a lot in my journey to make a tulpa, only took really thinking about making a tulpa for it to appear really.
he appears mostly in my hypnagogic phase, I'm trying to make him appear more but haven't really had success. I haven't "seen" him yet, only felt and heard him. I think he has a personality but we haven't really had a conversation yet, only him talking to me without any responses, more him just saying really nice things to me.
It felt like I was having sex but I couldn't see him, more of me laying on my stomach with him behind me, yes I have orgasmed to him but sometimes it's a bit harder, like I feel on the verge but he can't bring me over. also with hallucinations and lucid dreams alike, I cum in pretty much 5 seconds which is nice because it isn't time consuming

Thank you for your help user. If it's not too much trouble can you give me your experience with psychosis and schizo as well? I should also note that I get most of the auditory hallucinations at work, but the two visual ones I mentioned were at home and while driving my car (too work). So I don't know if that's got anything to do with it, but either way it stresses me out a little.

Should I try therapy?

Have a feeling they will just regurgitate things everyone else says.

What kind of stuff does he typically say to you user? Compliments? Comforting words? Something else? Do you have any examples?

Sorry, I should throw in what's wrong with me.

>Anxious
>Socially awkward due to cultural differences
>No drive

5-HTP. It was recommended to me stop drinking. It just makes you feel a short burst of happiness. Really better off getting antidepressants.

mostly really comforting things, I think my mind made him so quickly because I needed someone to comfort me and not feel so alone.
I don't really have any examples because I don't remember what he says, only how it made me feel sadly
after we're done hanging out though, he leaves little moving doodles though, and I remember what those say, things like "thanks for the good time" and "I love you" general little things you'd probably do if you were a teenager and in love with someone. cute little shit

Honestly when I'm at my worse I can barely remember it, almost like it wasn't even real. At my worst I had spent over 2 months in a psych ward, which thinking about it now was actually less than a year ago. Seems longer ago than that to be honest.
Otherwise I guess when I myself realized things were getting out of hand is when delusions had also started setting in on top of the hallucinations. Ones that you aren't fully aware are delusions until after the fact.
It is kind of like how you describe. Where you question if it was even happening or that you are somehow fooling yourself that it isn't as bad as it seems.

Anti-deppressants are designed to fry your frontal lobe, they're basically chemical lobotomy.
Don't take them less you wanna be a mouth drooling retard with no self-awareness that just spouts whatever without given much second thoughts.

Thank you again for the response user. What kind of delusions did you have exactly? Also you said you aren't fully aware of the delusions right? Is it like you get thoughts of the delusion, and then say "no that's not possible." a little later until it gets so bad that you never say "no that's not possible"? Or is it some other way?
Thank you again for the response.

How long have you had this hallucinatory boyfriend for? That's pretty much the only thing else I can think of to ask.
Also
>am I truly completely fucked
What makes you think you might be completely fucked?

The best way I can describe it is like a bad trip on shrooms in terms of where you are mentally. Not entirely rational, but at the same time also feeling rational. Sometimes it's cyclic where you realize you don't have a grasp on reality, then fall back into your feelings/irrationality anyways.
For me personally it feels like an extreme paranoia, repetitive thoughts, a shit ton of deja Vu, and buying into the hallucinations coupled with it.

The funny thing is, convincing yourself things are a lot worse than they really are can also be a typical delusion, especially when trying to deal with the hallucinations.
It really is hard to describe precisely though when you're in the thick of it.

Alright, well thank you for the information. I'll just try to hold on out and see if things get worse. Maybe it's just my nerves, but I don't really know.

>Talk about treatments or experiences
Never go on drugs for anxiety or depression, I made a longer post a while back to someone asking about it but the thread 404d right after. I've always had a bit of depression but after going to uni I ended up developing terrible anxiety and eventually just stopped sleeping altogether because of panic attacks, I would go days at a time without sleep and only get a few hours when I finally did fall asleep, eventually I just kind of stopped being a functioning human and my mother forced me to see a doctor which led to me getting sent to a (very shitty) psych who put me on antidepressants eventually after a few different ones he put me on cymbalta last year, it fixed everything for a while but eventually it just made everything worse and led to me developing an eating disorder and gaining 60ish pounds in under a year which he didn't really seem concerned with (once again he's a very shitty doc and just wanted my money I should have read some reviews before ever going to him) eventually I started seeing another doctor because I was concerned about my constant binge eating and he basically told me to stop going to the other doc and got me off of my meds which was a fucking terrible experience maybe it was just because I had been on it longer than any other but the withdrawals were absolutely insane I've never felt so shit. Thankfully now I'm off of them now though and my panic attacks are gone although I sleep too much now like normally a minimum of 12 hours a day through alarms and all but at least my eating is back to normal.

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Just something to stay diligent on. Just don't be those types that hold on for no reason when things are clearly getting worse.
A good place to start with when having hallucinations, and will probably be the first thing a psych would focus on, is your sleep. Whether it be a disorder or just behavioral, not a bad idea to start trying there.

>it didn't work for me so it can't possibly work for anyone else.

Lexapro and weekly therapy is saving me right now after 8 years of being an agoraphobic,suicidal neet.

although it did take a few tries to finally find that lexapro was the right one, I'm glad I kept trying.

Alright, I'll keep that in mind. Here's to hoping!

I have to deal with something that is destroying my life on a daIlya basis basicly my life feels like it's not my own everything feels sureal and dream like talking to people for instance it's extremely difficult nothing they say makes sense to me like I hear and understand what they say but it's like it doesn't click and I have to think and think and think to try and figure out what they said so I can come up with an answer. Also it feels like there are no consequences to whatever I do if I cross the street I don't feel aware or scared of the cars because death doesn't seem serious or meaningfull it feels like a game like "hey if I do something wrong I can just reload the save no problem". Really the only thing that feels real in my life are my thoughts even though I tend to blank out for long periods of time where i do basicly nothing, there are in rare occasion days where I wake up more grounded to earth and those are the days where I can get shit done in my life but besides those days my life feels like a dream and I don't know what's wrong with me nor what to do.

>Never go on drugs for anxiety or depression

This is stupid.. just because you had a bad experience doesn't mean they don't help millions of other people.

I've been feeling like shit from quite the long time now, ever since I started working at the place I'm at. Almost everyday I spend 6 to 7 hours thinking about how useless and shitty I am and how I'll never be able to accomplish anything and how I wasted my life to this point. I keep haivng thoughts about killing myself and I don't ever feel like having lunch anymore, lost some weight but I'm still a bit functional. I also study something I was forced to and sometimes I wonder if I should just drop everything.

I FORGOT TO EAT MY MEDICINE NOW MY GUILT AND DEPRESSION CAME AND DUMB NORMALFAGS AND R/INCEL KEEP RAIDING THIS BOARDD AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH RREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

It sounds like a lifestyle change might do some good if you're able to put yourself up to it. Not necessarily in a "hit the gym" kind of way, but just changing things up a bit. If you're studying something I presume you're pretty young yet.

I just can't find the time to do it. I go to work at 8 AM and after it I go straight to class, only to come back at midnight, take a bath, eat dinner and go to sleep again. During weekends I either help out family with work or I'm too tired to do anything either.

Are you at least in school for something you sort of want to do? Any possibility to find a new temporary job, even if it's just to break the mundaneness of it for a bit?
At the very least you know your current lifestyle is temporary. Especially if you think your career choice will ultimately lead up to something you at least don't mind, you can look forward to the free time you'll eventually have.

I mean even if you have depression that will require medication, a therapist will point these things out.

No and no. I have no idea what I want to do with my life either and everytime I try to think the only thing in my mind is the thought of wanting to stop existing.

I wish I could just feel normal again.

I'm scared I might have schizophrenia and I don't want to take meds

I keep having bizarre delusions then realizing they're completely insane. I haven't actually acted on them yet aside from grabbing a towel this one time because I thought I needed it for some completely retarded reason. I don't know what I would do if they were constant and I could no longer tell my thoughts were crazy. What if I acted on them ad was sent to a hospital? If I end up on those meds then my degree is over.

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yeah, i also physically beat my self up, recently destroyed my tv out of pure anger and frustration.

Well I will say from experience, if you feel like a bag of shit now, just wait to see how big of a bag of shit you'll feel like down the road if you drop out.
As for the other stuff I'm not gonna pretend I know the cure or I wouldn't even be browsing this topic or forum. The least you could do for yourself at this point is try some professional help though.

What degree? It's not like your credits would go to waste.
And if you are developing a schizo disorder the worst thing you could do is ignore it. You think going on meds would be bad? Boy you ain't seen shit yet then.