Doing bench presses with dumbbells

>Doing bench presses with dumbbells
>Start my rest after 15 reps
>Notice there has been a gigantic snake under my bench the whole time
>Scream at the top of my lungs
>It slithers away at a bizarre speed for it's size


I hate living in Australia

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Snakes are bros

>8 years old
>Hiking around local lake
>Go off by myself to take a piss
>Drop trow, whip out the ol prepubsescent snake
>Commence piss
>See a flash of yellow moving to my left out of the corner of my eye
>Turn to look at it
>Big ass purple and yellow snake
>Nearly shit myself
>Snake tastes the air and slowly slithers away like the bastard it is

Thanks snake bro for not fucking my shit up

There was a fucking kangaroo in my gym one time. It bounded in past the door when I swiped my entry card (24h place) and hind legged the class room for the whole time I was there. Don't know what became of it because it was still there when I left and wasn't there two days after.

when will aussies ever learn ?

>Koala fell asleep at the squat rack

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>Grab empty barbell to warm up
>It starts to wiggle
>It was actually a giant centipede

I believe it is participating in the Olympia in 2019.

I know them feels, we spotted a baby brown snake in our gym. Right next to where I was doing cable rows, 5 mins prior.

Next day gyms closed cause they couldn't find it

I wouldn't have let that protein get away. I would have swallowed it whole and threw the dumbbells against the wall and yelled "high reps are for pussies," punched the closest guy in the face, kissed the closest girl, start squatting the dumbbell rack, tip the receptionist and leave.

>get ready to do dumbbell flys
>emus peck me to death because they are jealous

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This happened literally two weeks ago.

>be at local gym with mate
>old school place, boxing gym, rusty weights, yknow the type
>no air-conditioning, so it's open doors and windows, typical in Aus
>doing incline bench, talking shit with mate
>GIGANTIC RED KANGAROO JUMPS THROUGH THE WINDOW, FALLS OVER
>we'll call him Bruce
>BRUCE IS SPOOKED
>he's freaking out, knocking shit over
>only 4 other people there, two girls bail, just the owner, a random, and me and my mate remain
>this motherfucker is approaching 7ft, has FUCK OFF huge handclaws
>savage AF and ready to fuck our shit up, we're calling out to each other
>"ALRIGHT STAY BACK LET IT JUMP OUT" etc etc
>Bruce isnt jumping out
>random guy tries to make a dash for the door
>old owner bloke yells out "fuckwit stop!"
>Bruce panics at the sudden rushing human, kicks the fuck out of him, he gets crumpled against a bench
>hear my mate screaming
>ohfuckinghellnigger

Back story: My mate regularly goes out with his family culling roos, hunting shit, he's basically a fucking savage, possibly a serial killer but he's funny and we get on

>MATE RUSHES BRUCE WITH A 20KG PLATE
>SMASHING IT'S FUCKING HEAD IN
>GORE EVERYWHERE
>BRUCE IS FUCKING DEAD, RIP.
>Mate is panting, laughing.
>Bruce twitches, he smashes it again.
>Owner looks at him with utter shock and disgust

That's the story of how Bruce and my mate got me banned from my favorite gym.

Fuck Central Australia, I'm moving to Sydney.

>Fuck Central Australia, I'm moving to Sydney.
Nah man fuck that, move to Queensland for max gains and max not sydney action

Please be real

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keksimus maximus

>Running errands with my grandpa
>Have to pee while on road
>Walk into bush to pee
>Snake bites my dick
>Grandpa offers to suck out the poison
>Obviously decline
>Takes me to some guy who has me put a grub on the bite
>Mfw the guy turned out to be my dad
>Mfw it wasn't even a snake it was an earthworm

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>go to post animal joke
>Aussie gym animal stories already better than anything i could make up

Guess ill take my manlet pit tiger bait and leave.

This

>Scream at the top of my lungs
Women do that, kill yourself

Aussiss like to think they have the best animal stories but make way for a bong
>be in ol' blighty
>liftin for er madge (like always)
>out of nowhere the fiercest most giant 2.5 foot badger waddles in
>bloodyhell.png
>gym owner tries to calm everyone down
>the toothy gril behind the desk throws tea bags at it
>this only enrages it
>I grab a barbell and charge the geezer
>big Ben comes on the 'lectric box
>bong!
>we all stop to count the bongs
>badger is trying to count them on his claws
>final bong. It's 4 bong time
>I shout in the name of Lizzy begone!
>throw the barbell but it misses
>badger grabs sum tiffin off the pl8 near the gym tea room
>mfw he just needed sum tiffin to go with his lunch time tea the cheeky little wanker
>go back to curlin' and singin' god save the queen

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As an Aussie, I appreciate this.

>benching at my local gym
>hear a hooting sound
>New Zealander personal trainer I chat with between sets is mooning me
>say nothing, continue benching
>ask him about it later
"a fookin bey stoong me arse brew"