Anyone else playing life on "no father" hard mode?

>hurr durr men are not supposed to have feelings

It takes a lot more guts to be vulnerable than to be hard.

At least you have a dad. Mine was murdered when I was 2.

True. King Lobster cries when he talks about very emotional issues.

jocko 'i killed people to make fat jews richer' willinck

wow so inspirational literally a puppet

If you look up to joe Rogan you're never going to make it

I mean the dude is like 5'2"

It takes a lot more guts to be vulnerable in a situation where being hard is the only way to survive.
Being vulnerable isn't brave when it's expected and advantageous.

> hurr durr criticizing being over emotional like a women means you are not allowing feelings
>hurr durr u no men

Idiot

Well that puts things in perspective

Step dad is a boomer who made his life's work from real estate and was old as fuck when my mom and him got together. He never really showed me how to be a real man besides doing housework and sitting on his ass all day because he retired at 45 and was still making money through real estate. I never had anyone to explore careers with or take up hobbies because my parents sheltered me, so now I'm lost in college on the verge of changing majors again...

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Its even worse when your dads a mentally ill failure that you didnt learn anything from but still have to deal with. Trust me.

I know what you mean.
I'm almost 25, and there is a part of me that is a jaded as fuck 70 y/o old fart, and a 13 y/o teenager. Not in a split personality way, but there are situations I'm not wired to deal with properly due to my upbringing.

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>tfw this is the perfect thread for over 30s to give advice but being over 30 is now a meme on here so they can't

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we chased them off this board, didn't we

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>tfw not dadlet

I cannot even fathom what it would be like to have a failed father or no father at all.

My little (half) Brother is 8 and his dad is barely around. He lives with my mom (liberal) and looks up to my sister (works for the EU). Can i save him?

Become batman pls

Convert him to Islam, lad. And start learning Arabic early

>looks up to joe rogan

jesus fucking christ, the guy's literally a 'dude, weed lmao' tier retard. how can anyone stand that nasally whine of a voice?

Pretty much this.

>criticizing being over emotional like a women

who is doing that? you are the first one to bring this up. he simply said "having feelings"

I went through this too. The worst is when you're younger and project the role of a father onto any man who enters your life that you admire.

I turned out alright, though. It did take a lot of droning of other people's opinions, learning from movies and TV, and other stupid mistakes to ultimately find a strong self. I had to think shit like "This is what a man does" for a while until I formed the right habits. Now I kind of laugh at that way of thinking. I was just insecure and needed guidance, even if it was shitty tropes.

Dad left when I was 7. Although I take great pride in my mother, who raised me and my little bro alone while working an (almost) full-time job, some of the woman bullshit slid into me like "You have to be a nice guy to get the girls". The essence of the sentence is true, but when you're a confused and lonely teenager, it's not good advice. Honestly, contributing to the house workload and making money doing odd jobs at 15-16 was good for me, because we didn't have enough. If there's any regrets I have about all those past years (24-year-old) it would be not living like the other teenagers at the time. Being taken care of is a very nice feeling, and I learned that from a 4-year relationship I built with a girl that crashed when she cheated on me.

Now back to daddy. From what I remember, he was a hardly-working lefty professor who liked humour more than working. He was a smart, learned man, didn't work out, but he could have taught me stuff. I appreciate the fact that I grew much more independent than my peers due to his absence, although had less of a great time doing so.

Keep doing your own manly stuff user, the best teacher is experience. Your upbringing, and mine, may have hampered our ability to handle certain stuff, but we have to deal with them anyway. Always choose the most beneficial course of action for you. Stagnation is never good.

This user is right.

And these anons had it much harder than me. Keep working anons, we're gonna make it. I can't feel your pain because I never lived it, but I can understand your words. Keep working.

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Of course you can save him dude. Be with him as often as you can be and teach him this simple lesson.

Be a good person, but don't let anyone step all over you.

Don't flood his brain with hate.

Good luck man.

I find that I hate beeing around men that are thin skinned and too emotional. Walking on eggshells tires me out. Everyone except psychos are vulnerable to some degree, but that doesn't mean you need to go around and show your vulnerability to everyone.

OP I'm in the same boat and I was abused as a kid. Go see a psychologist. Find healthy coping skills and work on validation-seeking behavior. Develop some character, work on your empathy, and get some hobbies other than lifting.

Dude not every father is going to teach their kid how to be a man, especially nowadays. Myself and everyone I know has a manly dad with a great life but none of them ever taught us how to "be a man".

I know that feel bro. Fucking sucks to have a personality that is part grumpy old man and part teenager that doesn't know how to take care of himself.

I'm learning though.

shit are you me? Dad left when I was 5 and left me, my lil bro and young mom. Rough life

At least you've had a gf though, I've never had that experience to learn from. Still a recovering "nice guy" with little sexual experience and daddy issues is a fucking pain

We're all gonna make it

Ok guys, for all you dadlets let me explain to you what I think is important for a man. Logic, passion, and a strong non verbal moral code. Logic and passion are a balance you have to both feel strongly and react rationally especially in high pressure situations, because guess what women suck at that. Having a strong moral code will make people respect you. You have to have both discipline and natural skill. Also having a strong or aesthetic body can boost respect. When you speak people should listen and if they don’t you may have to take the situation by force which as a man you should be able to do. I’m just rambling now but if you have any question I may respond. I’m normally not into this masculinity talk bullshit because it should be second nature to you.

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>Myself and everyone I know has a manly dad with a great life but none of them ever taught us how to "be a man".
Children subconsciously mirror parents behavior and learn a lot from them. You're dad was at least a good roll model if he is manly and knows how to enjoy life. You've learned a lot from him indirectly contrary to us with no dad where we learned only from our moms

>thinking that a father will fix all of your problems
I have a father and while I don't think I would be the same person without him, he hasn't done jack in teaching me "how to be a man." That's not something that can be taught, you have to find it within yourself. Be the person you need.

Watch Jordan Peterson videos, OP. Joe Rogan has a Lot of Episodes with him. He also has a good Channel.

I don't think people are looking to have a solution to their problems, but identify where they come from. A complex life leads to complex problems, and lost teenagers turn into confused young adults.

Don't beat yourself up about the no gf status user, it can change very easily. Since the 4 year relationship ended, I had 2 more long-term ones (5 and 6 months) and numerous fucks. It's not all sunshine and rainbows either, you can land on the best girl ever or a bitch who needs a straight-jacket.

I have thought of visiting a psychologist, maybe one would be able to show me some correct way of thinking about certain situations. I have read a fair amount of books and articles on psychology myself, and this made me not trust them at all. What I'm trying to say is that the only person you can trust to be true is your own self. A man can't lie to himself easily, and if he does, he will experience that nagging truth that wants to express itself. Try to be true to yourself user.

Bruh where's ur nek?

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Just because your dad wasn't around doesn't mean he hated you. He probably just didn't want a family. It didn't have anything to do with you or maybe your mom was being a bitch at the time. It's probably more your moms fault she cant keep a man than something wrong with you. Anyway, everyone has to learn to live life by their own terms anyway so just be thankful no one tried to fill your head with bullshit and you were able to make your own decision from the start about how you want to live life.

Under my head between my traps? Do you need photo evidence kek

Joe Rogan is a bit of an idiot to be honest.
Says a lot of dumb shit in a long day.
Not the brightest tool in the shed, but his heart's in the right spot.

>learning from movies and TV

iktf bro.

>tfw learning how to shave from a movie

I guess that's true

Will try

>parents were divorced, saw my dad every second weekend
>always felt weird going to his place, didn't get along well or talk much since i was very young and felt like mom's house was my real home
>finally started getting along with him when i got older (14/15 years old) was comfortable talking to him and was actually excited to go to his place
>started doing things together outside of the weekend i was allowed to go to his place (he would come my football games/training, would see movies, bicycle together)
>started teaching me life lessons and i finally fucking felt like i had a dad
>one sunday he drops me off at my moms and says he'll see me tomorrow for our squash game
>get woken up the next day at like 12pm by a knock on the door (was school holidays so i could sleep in late)
>answer the door and there's a policeman there, he goes "there's been an accident" and i was like oh man mum is probably gonna be late from work today
>tells me that my dad was hit by a car while he was cycling to work and died instantly

just when things started to get better gg, i'm 22 now and still not over that shit. felt like i was fucking robbed

I feel guilty even complaining since I did grow up with a dad, and it fucking hurts me to say it, but he is the ultimate beta male, and I don't really mean it in the cringy online / Jow Forums sense

There is nothing manly about him, his attempt at fathering was essentially "see your mother, let her decide" because he was spineless and too scared of saying or thinking something my mother would disagree with

I mean this, and you probably think I'm just lying or using hyperbole, but I think I can safely say at no point in my life has he ever given me advice, school/life/girls/sports... nothing

We never had any alone time, we never did any "father-son" things, we didn't go camping or fishing or play sports together, could he not spend 15 minutes kicking a fucking football with his son? LITERALLY NOT ONCE, and I played football every single day of my childhood

Even as a family we never did anything, again, not exaggerating, in terms of days out or going to restaurants or going to the zoo or the beach, MAYBE once per year, and they would make such a huge stressful deal of it that even then it was a miserable experience

The more I think about it the more I'm convinced my parents have sever social anxiety, or something... there's definitely something wrong

Also they have zero friends, and wouldn't allow me to have friends come over when I was younger, why? because it would make them stressed and anxious having someone new in the house, "what would they think?? the house isn't tidy enough, we need to make a good impression, we haven't finished decorating that room upstairs that nobody is going into anyway" type of shit

Anyway, this incoherent rambling isn't really aimed at anyone, not really looking for advice, just a rant, it felt good getting it off my chest and putting my feelings into words. These issues are not something I ever think about, but I do know they fucked up my development

you are still kind of a faggot by the sound of things

Listen to Jordan Peterson lectures

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he has the face of a pedo

>"no father" hard mode
That's not hard mode. You are free to invent yourself. Hard mode is emotionally absent father.

forgot pic

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I had, and have a father. Except he was pretty much gone through all of my childhood, I only saw him like once every two months or something like that.

Even now, we work together at his own company and I see him every day, I barely actually talk to him. He's there and I know he could listen to me but I still feel like I just have no father figure. That's why I'm constantly collecting father figures. I sometimes try to get a little more personal with my college proffessors and that kind of stuff.

I'm 24 years old now. Until very recently, around two years ago, I started getting very obsessed with manliness, bravery, strength and all that kind of stuff that follows. So yeah, I look up to guys like Jocko Willink and many others. I'm just barely starting to listen to Jordan Peterson.

My only advice, OP, would be to keep pushing. I know it is hard but we have no other choice. Also, I always fantasize about me being a father. For some reason I believe that I will be an exceptional father, unlike my father.

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My dad was a violent alcoholic who mum kicked out when I was 4. He ended up moving to the other side of the country. He really severely fucked up my mum, and she has pretty intense mental health issues. I grew up with her and my older sister, and it was an awful upbringing. They constantly ganged up on me and just shat on me all the time.

I wish I had a dad I could just sit down and shoot the shit with. I wish I could ask him about women, about how to confront that guy at work who's a dick, about how to manage my life in general. Instead, I've had to work it all out myself. I think I've done alright for someone with my past, but my life is still terrible in a lot of ways.

My mum told me she almost put my sister and I up for adoption at some point. As horrible as it sounds, I wish she had. I think parenting is so difficult that being a single, unemployed parent makes it effectively an impossible task.

Damn user, that put things in perspective. Thanks for sharing your story

my dad lost his job, so i've been helping him out financially, basically supporting him for the past month and a half. now i'm about to be homeless. did i do right

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My father was a violent psychopath who manipulated the courts to gain custody of us. He then spent the next 18 years abusing us and any woman who came to replace my mother both physically and mentally. He would torture us by threatening to kill us or himself whenever we tried to put distance between him and ourselves which worked until me and my brother were into our teenage years. He taught me to be hateful and cowardly and pretty much every bad thing a person can learn from a father figure. Then when I turned 18 he threw me out of the house and stole my identity creating massive debt for me I had to pay off.

I'm doing pretty well now despite all of this but there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about getting some type of revenge. He is really old now though so not sure its even worth the trouble.

Start by setting up your week so that all the important shit gets done early every day. Never deviate from this schedule for anyone.

Being a man is about getting hard shit done and saying No. Practice both and you will get there.

I share a lot of same feelings of being robbed, and my story is pretty similar to yours. My dad died when i was 14, i am 22 now..... I have vivid memories of a policeman coming to our door with a priest to tell us that my dad had died. I feel like there is no one to guide me on the right path, and I have made a lot of mistakes because of it. I am angry alot and people consider me an angry person. My feels go out to you brother.... be strong, always do what is right, know he loved you

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I had a similar experience.
Luckily we can choose to be different from them as adults.

Holy shit that pic is cute as fuck

>Also, I always fantasize about me being a father. For some reason I believe that I will be an exceptional father, unlike my father.

are you me?

>No father
>Mom in and out of prison or rehab
>Working since 14
>Taking care of myself and elderly grandmother at 15
Sometimes I feel like I skipped being a teenager.

At the very least your father has taught you how not to be. Be thankful for that lesson.

>father is a great man
>I'm just like him
>stepmother was maybe a little overbearing at times but great otherwise
>mother was never around to raise us
>moved 2000 miles away when my twin sister and I were 4, and older brother was 8
>went months at a time without seeing us
>withheld affection for us constantly
>forgot to call me on my birthday one year until my dad raised hell with her a couple days later when he found out, at which point she called me and said that she texted but I must not have gotten it
>permanently fucked up my capability to show affection or even most feelings in general
It's horrible to say, but sometimes I wish she'd stayed down there.

This is why I started working out. I had to create my own idea of what a man is and I watched a lot of 80s action movies

My dad died when I was 13 so I was basically fucked when it came to learning how to interact with girls. It's probably partially why I'm still a kissless virgin

I like the feels this thread gives, so, if you may anons, allow me to vent.
>parents divorced when I was 8
>father would see me and my siblings (1 sister, 1 brother) every other week
>be middle child
>Europoor
>I was lucky my mother's family helped her, and us, a lot (she was a staty-at-home mom, never worked in her life)
>father was always closer to siblings, which severed my relationship with them,
>Me and siblings barely talk, they think we're good but i spent years hating them both
>I stopped speaking to him at 19
>Jumping from one role model/hobbby/interest to another, making poor life choices
>a year ago (26 at the time) i started realising some some things some anons here pointed out about being a man

Fixed my diet and started working out(not lifting). For the first time iin my life (overweight/borderline obese as long as i remember) I'm currently in the best condition I've ever been. I have lost 25kg and that was not my highest point. I started lifting very recently. I am still fighting my addictions (weed, alcohol and others). I am failing my grad school due to a bunch of said poor life choices, but now I'm trying to make up for my mistakes, even if i eventually fail. My point is, you're gonna make it anons. I may not, but that won't stop me from trying, and that is what you should do. Apology for the rant, I haven't had the chance to vent about this to anyone. I forgot to mention that unironically Jordan Peterson's lectures and book, which I'm current;y reading have helped me get my shit together.

t. probably autistic user

Listen to this.

Top kek. More feel feels. Thats how the west was built right

>It just hurts my dad didn't want me

Why? Why the fuck are you taking it personally?

Some random guy didn't love your mother (I'm sure you can figure out why) enough to stick around and raise a kid with her... It has nothing to do with you or your personality.. which didn't even exist at the time.

I also don't understand why you need to "look up to" someone or copy the behaviors of family members to be successful. What the fuck is that about?

How to be a man:
>get Jow Forums
>accumulate wealth
>don't complain (or make these threads)
>don't blame others or circumstance for anything
>shoulders back, chest out and chin up.
>don't do feminine facial expressions
>your voice should be in the same tone as your hum (when you say hmmm)

That's it. That's literally it.

Are you me?

>how to be a man
just have a set of balls.

/thread

My dad never really does anything, never took much of an active interest in me or my brothers and never taught me anything. I'm teaching myself to restore a sailboat now.

Study of psychology says that people act based on their learned models of behavior from past experiences. What greater influence and example of a man there is than your own father, he is the first man you get to know when you're young.

It honestly depends whether or not he’d be a good dad. I didn’t have the worst childhood, but my dad was basically a functioning alcoholic. Never really learned much about being a “man.” Took lifting and learning into my own hands. Humans are adaptable OP. Up to you to make yourself into your ideal.

>implying having a father teaches you any of this

That's what a dadlet would say

That dude is a meme, stop wasting your time.

I have a father. He didn't teach me shit about being a man. I had to learn how to change a tier by myself, how to shave and how to overall not depend on anyone, all at 16.
I still love him though, I think.

Mine was around but didn't have a fuck, never taught me anything. Didnt gave a fuck about our family. My grandfather was the one showing me things and now I regret it that at the time I didn't listen to him more

I think in essence a man's job is to spread his name and legacy, metaphorically and literally. You could also say that man is the creator.

Woman is the nurturer and keeper of men's creations.

>only memory of father was him telling me not to call him dad when I was 6 years old
>only seen him because i was at my grandma's
>next time i see him i'm 22 and bump into him at the grocery store
>he tells me that if i ever wanted to talk he would listen
>i tell him if he has anything to say he can find my phone number
>leave
In that moment i felt more like a man than any other time. I had no spite in my voice when I told him this either.

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>only memory of father was him telling me not to call him dad when I was 6 years old
Actually the opposite for me, I never called my father dad even though he asked me to

Funny how most guys in Jow Forums have daddy issues.
Including me.

And my axe!

Same. Mine was a fucking alcoholic who ran off with some bitch when I was young, so now I feel lost when it comes to certain things.

Better kind of than all the way.

>father left when I was 10
>his acquired "gf" tried to run me over at a crosswalk on my way back from school that year
>no borthers
>uncle lives in south america
>no grandpas
>male cousins are far away

Just fuck my life up. It has been a long road of recovery and there is a long ways to go yet

>most guys in Jow Forums

The thread literally asks for others who grew up without a father to respond. Meaning the vast majority who didn't have any issues probably didn't reply.

The only thing you're right about is that his dad probably didn't hate him. You know fuck all about OPs family yet you think the only family member who bothered to look after him was probably a bitch ?

The truth is somewhere in between . He's definitely interesting in some aspects, obviously it's retarded to hang on every word he says, but tards gonna tard

This obviously

Tell me one opinion that he holds which you disagree with concerning life advice. Go.

I think the point is not as much as no father only but also father as a bad role model. In any case, all these daddy issues managed to take the childhood away from us. Tough shit m8s. At least we attempt to turn this "shortcoming" to our advantage. The double quotes go for the fact that people outside the western world face adversity we cannot even begin to fathom. I don't wanna go full Jow Forums here but the comfort of modern life in western society has turned us soft. At least many of you anons, with or without father, still try to make it, and that shit counts

I forgot.
t. a degenerate