How do you deal with your existence, Jow Forums?

I am smoking a lot of weed and listening to music. I have a feeling everything is falling apart again.

Attached: 1526743810736.jpg (720x720, 42K)

Im not even sure what normal people feel like anymore, everyday i want to die regardless of what I do, I guess I hate myself the least when i get high and then use escapism like anime and vidya

Used to self medicate, now I just watch the time pass by or read a book in an attempt to become content with the station I have.

Nothing. I don't do anything. I just exist, painfully.

within the past week, I figured out how to connect my guitar to my computer and record while listening without lag

tfw want to get into reading but dont know what books are good, any reccomendations?

Ive not read a book since highschool but I dont struggle understanding big words

I have stripped all forms of escapism from my life. I used to cope existential dread by consuming media and playing videogames. I have come to realize that I won't escape the vortex of nihilism if I refuse to confront reality of my situation. I don't care if the tide washes me away. At least I tried to fight. I want some form of control and agency.

Please dont mistake my reading as taste. I recently enjoyed Waldo and Magic Inc, maybe you would as well.

Start by reading Kafka. The Metamorphosis is a good start.

I stopped caring about what other people think of me
I accepted the eventual end of everything
now I'm just trying to do something that is meaningful to myself (and hopefully future kids) and will not harm anyone directly but hopefully benefit people who deserve it