What are some quiet cardio workouts? I don't want my parents to know I'm working out

...move out? I think there are bigger issues than cardio in your life, that first need to be addressed before you should be starting a routine.

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High rep squats

Pre 2011: Lived on my own. Had tech job and saved up money
2011: Decided my job sucked and I wanted to be NEET for a little while, so i quit
2013: Realized that nobody hires NEETs for professional jobs
2016: Ran out of money and moved back in with parents
2018: Haven't spoken to either of my parents for over a month (except giving mom a mother's day card yesterday)

Dad is obese diabetic who eats all the worst of the meme American diet.

Mom is basically a robot who just works a government job and watches TV - repeated everyday.

Both are hoarders so the only place where I even have enough room to do pushups is in my own bedroom.

>What's stopping you from going to a park or a gym and exercising?

Mainly social anxiety and the expense of a gym. There is a 24 hour gym very close to me, but it is expensive. Planet Fitness is on the complete opposite side of town. Also, I'm very intimidated by gyms because I don't know how any of the machines work, and I'd probably spaghetti every time I used one and have random Chads coming up to me to fix my form or tell me I'm using the machine wrong.

>I must continue to give them the impression that I've completely given up on life as punishment for their shitty parenting.
This is a shitty way of revenge, the first who lose here it's you. Just live your life man.

>2011: Decided my job sucked and I wanted to be NEET for a little while, so i quit
All my sympathy, gone

You don't understand. There are always negative repercussions - even when I do seemingly harmless things.

>see dirty, used paper towels left on kitchen counter
>throw them into trash
>hours later when mom gets home from work, hear dad yelling at her accusing her of throwing away his paper towels

I just prefer to exist as a ghost in this house. Never seen. Never heard.

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Just ask the guy in the gym how to use the machines. It's his fucking job, you shouldn't feel ashamed to do it.

Nobody knew how to use machines without being taught how to use them, so nobody will judge you for asking. And if they do, fuck them, asking is for the wise.

Anyway, since you can't afford a gym and can't workout at home, workout in a park. Choose a nice hour, like 6 am or 10 pm and there'll be no people to watch you.

I really love to run at night, when there's no one else than me, it's very peaceful. If your parents ask you about where you going just make up some shitty excuse.

Keep trying bro, don't give up before even trying.

You see, we're all for /makingit/ in this board and the first thing in order to do it is embrace the right mentallity. That should be your fist concern, I don't think that doing some cardio on complete silence in the corner or your room will serve any purpose. You have to go out first of your room and then of your house. It's not even that difficult, I've been a shut in for months on the past too, one day decided It was enough and that I wouldn't waste my life like that and just went for a run. Some weeks later I was at the gym, and things are steadily and slowly improve since then.

Put your dad in his place and tell him it was you. Stand up for yourself in situations like those. Don't be a bitch user.

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god i feel fucking bad for that kid

>TFW this thread hits a little bit too close to home
I had to live in a very similar situation, OP and it is really fucking difficult. When I finally decided to lose weight and eat healthy my cunts of a parents would make fun of me for doing it.

Hang in there, user, its fucking difficult but were all going to make it. Best way to do cardio is to just go out to a park and go for a walk or go hiking if you have the possibility

Brah you need some income and to gtfo of there, priority one. Your parents are dragging you down with them and the end result isn’t going to be pretty.

>Your parents are dragging you down with them
The delusion is real.

OP is the problem, not the parents.

>delusion
Opinion. And that doesn’t matter either way, op needs to move out and get on with his life, it’s what’s best for both parties.

H-how could you Make It? Did your parents eventually give up mocking you?

Maybe they'd be stoked that you are improving your life. Proud of you for the first time in a long time, even. Think how you'll get in shape, your disicipline and mindset will improve, and you'll be living in your own apartment with one of pic related (your new gf). Fix your mindset and get a lil out of your comfort zone everyday! You can do it!

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I don't want them to be proud of me. Even back in school when I was winning state academic competitions, I never told them.

Jow Forums never cease to amuse me
God, imagine being this much of a loser

just go running outside if you want cardio and lift weights fuck you

I'll have to start sneaking out around 5 am for running

It was a huge mistake, but I'm not here for sympathy.

Do pushups and crunches to failure, super setted.

Careful, Brah. Delving into Hiki territory here.

>What are some quiet cardio workouts?
High rep bodyweight squats or circuit training.

>Opinion
Fact.

You're a virgin. Fact.

Do it.

id go with the pushups, squats and planks

best of luck to you user,rooting for you :3

you've probably already considered it, but is it worth it at all to look for work: even if it is in a lower paying field?

do pushups even count as cardio?

Are you me? Feel like I'm in a very similar situation. In my 30s too.
Parents just sit at home like zombies when not at work
Mum keeps to herself but dad is a noisy busy body control freak with no friends and no hobbies and no life
Dad just sits on the couch and sleeps if mum or I don't movie or do anything. I we do do anything he'll step in and try to take over and control everything, he won't do anything, just tell us what to do and become angry if we don't listen to him
I don't like my parents to know anything I do because they judge and criticise everything and say I'm being stupid and wasting my time because they have nothing else to do

I recommend OP just sneaking out the house and going for a walk/jog. It'll help clear your mind and make you feel free for a while
When stuck in your bedroom do light stretching, shadow boxing and lift stuff if you don't have weights.

Are you me from another universe that fucked his life up and instead of getting a gf and moving in with her you juat live with your parents because what you described happened to me besides moving back to my parents... why do you need to be quiet to work out get some sun glasses and fishing hat and a neck gaiter and go exercise

Are you Maeby Fünke?

I don't get it. Why can't your parents know that you are working out?

Enjoy wasting your fucking life because you were too scared of someone talking to you.

Perhaps similar home environments led us both to Jow Forums. I bought a cheap 40 lb set of dumbells last year, so I'll start using those in my room.

>sun glasses and fishing hat

oh i've discovered the hat is key... even pre-dawn walks.

yes, no one should chose the path i chose. now my best hope at life is to find a girl with a good family and try to move somewhere together. not only will i have a gf, but i'll get to see the inner workings of a normal successful family.

There is no joy here; only self hate and escapism.

What the fuck did they give him a pancake instead of a cake?

it's probably a large chocolate chip cookie in a pie pan. fat people identified this dessert instantly.

who?

What's with your obsession with your parents anyway, what did they do to hurt you so much ? You should be grateful that they're housing a NEET like you in the first place, and I'm not saying this to hurt you. They're not the monsters you think they are.

People keep asking about them... I don't even talk to them.

But why

cause they are worthless human beings? if they died together in a car crash tomorrow, i'd be completely fine with it and not spill a tear.

>punishment for their shitty parenting
>Decided my job sucked and I wanted to be NEET for a little while, so i quit

Sounds like it's all your fault. You're a loser.

I was making $33k a year working for a tech company managing 5 people under me and traveling regularly.

OP is the problem, and is using his parents as an excuse. In that way, his parents are the problem. He likely won't face his own issues as long as he's around his parents, since they "ruined his life" or some shit

Since you have experience why couldn't you get a job after going NEET for 2 years ? I doubt this is a gamebreaker for most companies.
Maybe you should search for a job

You can turn everything except planks into cardio if you want.

it's a huge gamebreaker. HR only passes on "safe" candidates. i am not a safe candidate

>worthless human beings
>funding your NEET lifestyle
who do you think is paying for your shit?`

honestly i'd rather be homeless. also i pay for all my food, personal care items, and belongings.

oh fug
At least I now know not to go NEET at any point
Anyway, I advise you that you start running around the block. Good cardio will probably leave you in tons of sweat and you will grunt as well, and your parents will think you're masturbating which will make things in the house even more awkward. Just tell them that you will take up jogging or some shit.

>I'd rather be homeless
then why aren't you?

path of least resistance

if you can do more than like 30 at a time

Sounds like you know the root cause of all your issues is yourself, and your reliance on your parents as a scapegoat for all your self-made issues. This may have started as real anxieties or depressions, but continuing to follow this path will just lead to destroying your own life. You have potential.

I'm going to leave this thread as to try and not encourage your self-desctructive behavior.

Go jogging nightly, it'll boost your mood and help you get out of your situation.

uhh i can do 2 minutes at a time

This thread disturbed me on many levels.

This. Always remember that they aren't guilty about how you turned out. Plus, even if they do, they get to die 20-30 years before you and you still have to live the rest of your life with nobody left to spite. Live your life for yourself instead.

>I don't like my parents to know anything I do because they judge and criticise everything and say I'm being stupid and wasting my time because they have nothing else to do
Let me be the first to tell you that there's nothing wrong with telling your parents to go fuck themselves. Don't let them clip your wings endlessly. Stand up for yourself.

>there's nothing wrong with telling your parents to go fuck themselves. Don't let them clip your wings endlessly.

this is why taking life advice from Jow Forums is a bad idea. you could lose your entire inheritance just be losing your cool once with your parents.

>live life as a shut-in NEET who never stands up for themselves
>don't ever try because your parents consistently hold you back
>live as a spineless pushover all in the hopes that they have a couple thousand dollars saved up to leave you
Fuck that. Unless your parents are rolling in dough, which I doubt judging by the pictures these guys are painting, they don't have anything that you can't make for yourself with effort. But sure, I'm the one offering bad advice here.

>Unless your parents are rolling in dough

How much would you consider "rolling in dough"?

This makes me feel so much better about my own life. I would be wishing for death in this situation. Thanks, user.

Enough to live off of comfortably for more than ten years without ever working is where it becomes worthwhile to put up with some bullshit. Even so, I'd just word it more politely then when I told my parents that I'm a man and I'm going to live my life how I want. How much do your parents have, user?

I dunno how much they have. They own a house outright

it's what i do

You're the only reasonable person here it seems. I would cut my parents the fuck out if they treated me the way OPs parents treat him/her. Toxic people drag you down so much by chipping away at your self esteem. Gotta get out of that crab bucket even if it costs an inheritance.

OP I am in a similar situation to you.
My parents are very gossipy and always tell all of their friends on facebook about everything I do. It makes me cold with fear

An example:
Last year I tried to start working out for the first time. When I was feebly lifting a dumbbell I bought, I heard the door creak and thought nothing of it. Then later I went onto facebook and saw that my dad had posted an album of 50 pictures of me working out through the crack in the door with many comments from my parents friends about 'what a big strong boy you'll have' (I am 27 by the way)

I have only started again in the last few weeks. I managed to find a polluted stream nearby so I lift weights alongside it, and hide in the water if I hear someone coming. The water is dark from the pollution so I am not spotted. Maybe you can do this? I live near a coal mine so you might not find such a nice spot.

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I mean, you shouldn't tell your parents verbatim to fuck off either way really. But you shouldn't let fear of them disowning you or writing you out of their wills stop you from living the life you want. They don't have to live with the choices they make on your behalf. Only you will be kept up at night by the regret of being forced into the life they chose for you.

you faggots are so pathetically hopeless, I don't even know why I come here. I'm on a different level from you idiots. You're like helpless babies.

Yeah, if even half of the Jow Forums posts are true, I genuinely don’t know how these people function on a day to day basis. This is the end result of letting your kids use the internet too much.

This is the end result of never pushing your kid in any way whatsoever. They don't know how to face adversity so they hide in their rooms and bitch about their lives on the internet, instead of trying to do anything about it. I blame the parents for instilling these habits into them when they're young, but I blame them more for knowing that their situation's fucked and never doing anything about it.

this. I made 4 attempts to turn my life around and the first 3 failed bc I realized positive attitude doesn't come naturally to me. if you're anything like me, you get mad. fuck this stupid fucking world and it's made-up bullshit. fuck your parents, they're dead to you, as much as you are to them. fuck those gymcels eying you like a freak on your first time at the gym. fuck this stupid fucking world. stake your claim. it's your fucking life and absolutely no one in their right mind would ever even for a split second consider getting in the way of that bc you'll make them regret living if they do. get mad, OP.

This

cause they might be proud of this cum stain for a brief second and this cunt can't give them that brief glimmer of fucking hope.

OP kys.

Being NEET for 1 or 2 years isn't a big issue. I pretty much did that with on and off free lancing.
But I kept my skills up to date, learned more, and made a big deal of my freelancing projects in my resume. I also had a kickstarter I was working on. Its pretty easy to find a shitty game or something you can attach your name to. Even if it fails, you can say you spent you time working on a kickstarter startup type project. I got tons of interviews.

If you can't get a job or even interviews, its a problem with what you know or how you sell yourself.