I really want some fucking weed right now bros. Fucking drug tests ducking bullshit

>got pulled over with a gram of bud
>smoked once maybe twice per month (if I didn't finish the joint, I'd save it for later use)
>on probation for a full year to get that stricken of my record

Oh wel, I'll continue drinking myself to sleep like a normal American

Drinking is more degenerate

3 months in here too
First two were good, felt nice to have a clear head, but lately no matter how active I am I've been bored and missing it real bad
Im certain as soon as I smoke my dream job is going to ask me to come in the next day for a test so it sucks

DUDE

>the point
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>your head

>implying you made a point

I just had an interview with a new company yesterday and they made me a job offer of $56k a year. I make roughly $42k/yr currently and hate my job now.

Only catch is I have to take a drug test late next week. The last time I smoked pot was this Monday (about 1 puff). Prior to that my smoking habits consisted of taking a small pinch and putting it in the tip of a cigarette once or twice every night (a puff or two worth). Slightly more on weekends. Any more than a small pinch and I get too high/anxious. I smoked like this for about a year.

So am I totally fucked or is 10ish days enough to piss clean? 5'8 189lb skinny fat I drink 2L water/day normally and lift 3x per week. I ordered some home drug test kits from Amazon so I can see how fucked I am. Any advice or just words of encouragement would be appreciated Bros.

>Will literally throw myself into traffic if I don't get this job because I smoked some weed because that would prove I am an utter failure in life

>If I fail the home tests beforehand I'm considering smuggling my GFS piss into the test in a small purell bottle taped to my gooch

5'8 190 is fat not skinny fat
If you lift hard and sweat and pee a lot before then you'll probably be alright if you're not lying about how little you smoke
Do cardio and take hot showers, and then take a home test two days before

>brags about working at a fucking call center
>dude weed lmao

lmaoing @ ur life

Yeah I guess I am fat...

I am being truthful about my smoking habits, it can only help me make a good decision. I do not smoke bowls or bongs or anything else. Only pack some ground up buds into a cigarette. It's not shit weed but also not very highest grade, just pretty good stuff. I used to fill the last 1/3 of a cigarette in this fashion but for a year or so now I only smoke a pinch (I know not a specific measurement sorry) at the very tip.

Obviously I don't smoke alot at one time like a bowl or even a whole blunt. But doing this every night almost for a long time is what scares me that it is built up in my system and I won't have enough time to get clean.

WEED

they can extract DNA from urine and will be able to tell that it's a female's piss. don't fall for the use someone elses piss meme.

Apparently those drinks to dilute your piss and then mask the fact that is it diluted works.

Im between that an buying fake piss, but that seems like a fucking hassle and Im honestly too clumsy and will end up getting caught.
I will literally go from $10/hour to $24/hour if I get this job i will legit end it if I lose it cause I smoked some weed. Im not even %100 sure they will drug test or if they even care about weed, thw anxiety over this is killing and you know what the best way to get rid of anxiety is?

Fucking weed.

cardio as often as you can between now and then
drink litres of water a day
drink a monster the hour before
don't put the beginning of your piss into the sample cup. start by pissing into the toilet then transfer the stream to the sample cup near the end of your stream
enjoy your employment

only one way to find out.
my recommendation: do a lot of cardio every day, eat a LOT of food every day, drink a FUCKTON of water every day (talking 3 or 4 liters).

also drink a huge amount of water on the test day. dilutes the fuck out of your piss.

Your body actively filters it out, a couple big hits will last 3-5 days depending on metabolism, so small hits over a certain amount of time would probably build up to a little longer than that
To add on to my earlier advice, piss a couple times before you go in to take your test that day, and drink water but not so much that it's diluted down to nothing because they'll suspect you did it on purpose
If they don't watch you, piss into the toilet, then in the cup, then the rest in the toilet, the middle of the stream will have the least amount because it settles in your bladder
Good luck

ayyy i enjoy it bruh

its easy, good company, good pay

go home smoke weed fuck bitches eat sleep life is good f.a.m

no stress lifestyle

Go to Amazon and order the home drug test kits it's like $20 for a box of TEN of them. That way you can test yourself and see what's up. Anxiety comes from not knowing.

Unless you live with ur parents and they are uptight about that sort of thing or some shit.

A long time ago I smuggled a friend's clean piss into a drug test via a condom taped undery sack. It was pretty shitty and I promised myself I wouldn't do it ever again but it works and if these home kit results don't look good I'll have to do it again I guess.

Hopefully that gives you some things to think about

not him but i pity you

Uhh are you sure about that my dude? Wouldn't it be illegal and expensive to run other tests on someone's urine when it's supposed to be only a drug screen?

From what I know a drug screen only looks for traces of 5-10 common drugs. Telling gender, pregnancy status, etc is totally different tests...

If you listen to this, you're an idiot. Pre-employment A&D tests are generally GC/MS which will test positive at >15 ng/ml of THCOOH in your urine or immunoassay which will test positive at >50 ng/ml. These tests are functionally equivalent. They also generally run a 5, 7, 9 or 12 panel analysis. I won't list which drugs those all entail because you can Google for it. In any case, hallucinogens are not tested for.

Specific to your case, we'd have to know your smoking history before this 1 hit. If you were an occasional smoker, you're probably gonna fail and I'd suggest substituting. Masking is for ballsy idiots. Your girlfriend's urine will work. But if you were clean before this incident, I would wager you'll pass. To be sure, stop exercising a few days before the test, and eat very high fat meals during those days.

Stop exercise because this will burn fat which releases the metabolites into your bloodstream which will be filtered out through kidneys into your piss. This is a wise strategy over a longer period of abstinence but such a short time frame is actually more likely to fuck you over.

You eat the fat so that the metabolites left in your body but not in fat cells will have something more readily available to bind to.

Anyhow, good luck op. I've been in your seat before. And by the way, dilution can work. You need to follow the directions perfectly though.

Not that guy but I think if it comes up positive or diluted they'll send it to a lab for further analysis, no idea what they check for at that point
Doubt they'd go through that trouble for a 50k job though I'd think that'd be more like military/govt jobs because I read that type of stuff is expensive
I failed one at a temp agency after quitting for 35 days from a gram a day and they pretended to see a line on the thc panel

Mad?

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>can't smoke, but occasionally try edibles
>hybrids make me more paranoid than normal, racing thoughts for days afterwards
>never tried only sativa for obvious reasons
>indica just makes me want to take a nap
>need like 30mg on an empty stomach just to feel anything
>last time I got high I ate >5000 calories worth of food

Don't think weed is for me desu.

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Yo, what's the deal with pot? Everyone says its harmless and shit and I've been known to smoke myself, at least with friends, but I've also noticed for all the harmlessness of it, it totally fucks some people up and turns them into a deadbeat recluses.

Why is this?

Much easier to sit around stoned and watch tv than it is to be a productive member of society

this sounds like heroin 2bh

It's not as bad as what he described but close, most smokers I know can afford it and handle their daily lives, they just don't have the motivation to try to better themselves, they're just stuck where they are like the call center guy that posted earlier, not selling their furniture to get another bag like heroin addicts

I never understood Muricans. Are drug tests common? Why do companies want a drug test from candidates? Wtf does a company need to know what you do in your private time?

>save money
if spending 60 dollars a month is too much money I think you have larger problems

>pretending weed is the same as cocaine
>smoking weed laced with crack
what the fuck is wrong with you

because it makes you not really give a shit about things and settle for less, which translates into not being a productive. most people I would guess at a certain point get fed up with themselves and try to clean themselves up or do something but with weed you don't really care so that feeling never comes

Accurate

This is the dumbest thing I've read all week.

LMAO

>First month is complete hell without weed. Extreme complacency, laziness and depression and no motivation.

You just described with weed, it's more like...

When you quit you will realise you are extremely complacent, lazy as fuck, likely depressed and haven't done shit with your life.

Here are some examples of people I know and their idea of a productive morning. Smoke sativa/hybrid and do dishes then vacuum living room (only vacuuming the main walkway around the table and not doing a real job). This is obviously the house of his parents, the home in which this lazy 25 year old was (and likely still) resides

I've got another excellent example of a productive day his friend had... Smoke sativa and making dub mix's all day. 'I'm just trying to stay productive man'. This is your tax money on housing benefit hard at work.

> This is your tax money on housing benefit hard at work.
trumper detected.

Dude, you need to exercise while stimulating your endocannabinoid system. I would recommend hemp seed, but I don't know how sensitive your drug tests are to whatever metabolites.

I smoked weed for ten years, then I figured out that you can synthesize your own endocannabinoids with nutritional supplements and effort. Once you make the switch to hemp seeds and endogenous lactic acid, there is no going back.

I quit cold turkey after ten years, and had medical reasons to use CB1 agonists. If you're going through withdrawal symptoms, then someone is probably lacing your weed with an opiate.

You can say the same thing about coffee or wine. However, it's a completely fallacious argument when you decry a drug with no deaths from overdose.

Have you tried taking hemp oil as a supplement at the dosage prescribed for fish oil?

The tests don't work. I kept getting positive results with 0% body fat and no cannabis usage when I was binging on spinach as a teenager.

The problem with GC/MS is that you're assuming there is no sphingolipid+phenyalanine cyclization in the acidic environment of male urine. The problem with the immunoassay is that enzymes are only specific to macromolecules, and merely sensitive to small molecules.

People can still be persecuted for being honest about pot use, so you have a small chance of hearing from the successful people.

Mostly, it was high-functioning people who were perscribed medical cannabinoids prior to the legalization movement.

Smoked weed for the first time at a party a couple of days ago. I had a couple of drinks so it was hard to tell which effects were which, but at one point I laughed so hysterically at something someone said that I retired to the floor and just laid there laughing for like ten minutes straight. I then proceeded to eat 4600 calories when I got home.

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im on probation
can't smoke for 3 months :(

Who gives a shit? He's not wrong.

The patricians choice is to take CBD oil during the week and smoke sativa/hybrid in the weekend.

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More patrician is making your own CBD supplements from legal and regulated starter materials, then reducing it to THC in your cardiovascular system by overproducing lactic acid.

>t. watched requiem for a dream and thought herion is the same as weed
weed is the same level as drinking. if you have even a slight shred of willpower or self respect you won't allow it to ruin your life

Okay lads im going to try adderall in a few days to read shit and self improve in general. How many days/weeks until i can take it again ?

My friend is also going to try it for the same thing but im worried he will abuse it because he is slighlty depressed due to a break up.

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Adderall is trash and leads to shittiness. You miss a thread last night where a bunch of us spoke about how fucked it is.

Ten days? You'll be fine.

Well if its trash i wont do it again but please elaborate?

>i dont have a problem with this substance so if you do you're a frickin loser idiot!
it doesnt work that way

You probably will because it feels good. Enjoy your new pill habit and jerking off for 4 hours straight.

>what is will power
Wanna bet i wont ?

Jokes on you, no one wants to hangout with me to begin with

You're right. You're special and strong minded and better than everyone else. Have fun.

I guess i am thanks. Considering a bunch of you cant stop smoking cigs or weed

Done bone and never been addicted to either. Stop talking and pop your pills bro