/dying/ pt. 2

One sloth dead, is a good thing user.

i hate to give the stereotypical response, but im atheist, or something. it's just that it really doesn't matter. I'm gonna die one way or the other.

I've been pretending to be christian for the sake of my mom. one of the things they don't tell you about dying is how hard it is on the people around you. Most of the things I do, including my last run of chemo, was just for their sake. They can never forgive a "quitter" that abandons them. A good part of the end game is comforting them. I mean, i'll be dead and my problems gone. They'll be the ones who carry the weight.

it's okay, user. I don't wanna die either. But it just happens like this sometimes.

I admire your strength, oh pee. Is there any bucket list type stuff you want to try before your condition takes you, or is it too late for that?

Hey man, I was there in the first thread and I just wanted to say that you're very strong. Being able to accept your death and take it in stride like this, thinking about the people around you more than yourself, that's not something everyone can do. Hope your last months on earth are good.

i can't do anything physical, so im trying to get through a ton of movies, documentaries, and audiobooks. I'd like to see how many i can get through

thanks user, it's nice to hear you remember the last thread. I hope you're doing well.

I'm only 18.

Dying at 25(or any young age) and knowing it's happening is the most horrifying personal experience i can think of.

Rest easy sweet prince xx

Also, any last words?
Have you thought about them?

I never saw the last thread, so I'm probably going to ask a few questions you've had to answer many times before...

You said you were diagnosed with pancreatic cancer at 20. What was it that made you seek out the doctor? Had you lost weight, did your stomach hurt, did you turn yellow?
Was the tumor resected initially? Did they do a Whipple?

Have you watched all the Akira Kurosawa movies? I always assumed that that's what I'd do if I'm ever confined to the hospital for a long time.

OP are you planning on killing yourself towards the end? I always told myself if I had an incurable disease I would kill myself before it got bad. Is that your plan or to just let cancer do its job?

>for the sake of my mom
You might want to try to get closure on this. Confess to her your true beliefs and seek closure with other people you might have shared differences with.

Spending your final days with ease of mind is going to be a lot less painful than leaving behind an afterimage of someone you aren't.

Not too relevant, but I thought I'd share a story about a guy I know who died of pancreatic cancer last year.

He was an engineer, really big on water recovery, and when he retired he part-time lectured at my university. He was one of the supervisors for a capstone engineering course, and the project he had his students design (over a number of years, using different groups of students) was a way to remediate an industrial site in the city where he lived. The final year he taught the course, more than half of his student teams were assigned a totally unrelated project, leaving only one team left to complete the "final" design. That was a shitshow, because the team was not all that great and due to huge miscommunications neither side really understood the other.

In the end when that team presented their design they made a horrible mess out of it, but it didn't matter anyway because the city councillors who were supposed to attend didn't bother to show up, despite showing interest in earlier stages of the project. He died a few weeks after the final presentation, and his vision of a rehabilitated city waterfront died with him as a pathetic farce, clumsily executed.

He was well into his 60s by that time so his career was basically over, but to die with that kind of unfulfilled ambition at the very end seems a bit bitter.

>What was it that made you seek out the doctor?
Really interested in this as well.

Anyways, Have you accepted and come to terms with your death? You said you are an athiest, so that means you believe in no afterlife, which I'm similar, and I am fine with that being the case, but the actual act of death still scares me. Whether it be long drawn out suffering where I just feel horrible, or it be something like a major body injury from an accident, or drowing, or burning alive, etc., the act of dying is terrifying to me.

Are you able to travel?

Or fuck a hooker /escort

dying totally sucks. dying after accomplishing nothing is horrible. You're only 18, you still have hope. Go to uni.

>Also, any last words?
I have a letter already written to my family. It'll probably be read at my wake. Nothing spectacular, just the normal "I love you all" bullshit

>What was it that made you seek out the doctor?
This is actually a good story. I had been in treatment for depression since 18, way before the cancer. Finally decided to try some meds out. I was losing weight and felt super tired, nausea and GI symptoms, but we assumed it was side effects from the meds! No one caught it until I collapsed and passed out in a supermarket and went to the ER. Ain't that a bitch??

I've seen 7 samurai. I have the rest on my IMDB list.

Nope. Cancer's gonna get its way with me

That's the thing. I couldn't care less about a lot of this stuff. If it gives her comfort through all this, why not?

If it was something important I'd absolutely fight back. But religion and stuff? Last thing on my mind.

The bitterness is something i feel strongly. I get that I'm gonna die, I'm not mad at others for giving up, but fuck, I wanted to do something! Anything! I became a robot mostly because I was too sick to attend school or do anything normal. Yes, i was an introvert weeb, but even people like that can be successful.

Can't travel. Can't get an escort. No sex drive anyway

Fuck dude
That sucks

What do you do all day
Browse internet?

Have any regrets?
How is your state of mind
Are you okay with dying
Do you feel more at peace

Any tips with the current insight

I think, in your position, the most straightforward way you can "achieve" anything is to write or blog or vlog. It's alright if that's not your thing though.

Is there anything you want to accomplish (within reason) before you die? Like any goals that are actually within reach, or at the very least pleasures you want to and can experience before you croak?

Also, is there anything in your life you are proud or grateful for and want to share, and maybe a lesson about life you too?

This hits close to home. I was diagnosed with stage IIIb colon cancer at the age of 21 but survived. I'm now 29 and have my life together (after spending most of my 20s with an ostomy).

If your post is truthful, I'm sorry things are ending this way and feel for you. It's surreal to be in your position. At my stage, the odds of being cured were only around 20% over a 5-year-span -- I understood that I'd probably die before reaching 30. Thankfully that wasn't the case, however the despair and heart-wrenching existential angst are things I try to avoid thinking about now.

What does it feel like? What are the symptoms at first? These past couple of weeks I find myself being hungry all the time. Doesn't matter how much I eat. I was thinking maybe it's pancreatic cancer that's fucking with my metabolism?

>What do you do all day
movies, audiobooks, music, browse the web, read manga

>Have any regrets?
not getting to finish college

>How is your state of mind
stable, resentful

>Are you okay with dying
nope.

>Do you feel more at peace
I've accepted it. I wouldn't call it peace though.

>Any tips with the current insight
Get off this fucking board and go to school

>blog or vlog. It's alright if that's not your thing though.
I thought about it, and this is as close as I'll get. The internet is so littered with "look at me I'm dying" vlogs. Maybe Jow Forums could be interesting

>Is there anything you want to accomplish (within reason) before you die? Like any goals that are actually within reach, or at the very least pleasures you want to and can experience before you croak?
Well the goal was always education, so documentaries and books are big for me. I'm trying to get through as many as possible

>Also, is there anything in your life you are proud or grateful for and want to share, and maybe a lesson about life you too?
I haven't done anything I'm proud of. If there's one thing I want to share, it's the importance of education. You don't even realize how important it is until you no longer have that option.

>This hits close to home. I was diagnosed with stage IIIb colon cancer at the age of 21 but survived. I'm now 29 and have my life together
You actually make me the happiest of everyone. You beat the odds and got your life together. Fight against that existential dread. I'm rooting for you.

You don't have cancer. Make sure you get your yearly check up and blood tests.

sorry that post made me so happy I have to reply to it twice.

user, i literally cannot stop being happy for you. I don't want you to ever think about what you'd be like in my position, because you're not.

I remember a guy in PMR with colon cancer and goddamn you're a strong son of a bitch to get through it.

We both know surviving isn't the golden ticket. The golden ticket is not getting sick in the first place. You got the chance to pick up and continue with life.

You are everything a guy like me wants to see. I don't care how you measure a good life. I'm just glad you got to follow through with life! Keep going!

If it's terminal why don't you seek assisted suicide? It would be a lot more humane than going out in pain, and you could listen to your favorite music/watch your favorite movies while you go.

Fuck. im starting to get tired.

okay anons, that one person got me thinking about akira kurosawa so maybe i'll put one of his movies on.

if this thread somehow survives and im still awake, i'll reply

go to school

Thanks so much! I'm just about to head out for a drive but I'll try posting later in the day.

Are you physically able to meet a woman? Is that something that is even interesting at this point? I didn't have much a sex-drive in the midst of that stuff (didn't lose my virginity until last year lol).

Just say this post. Take it easy -- if you start a thread tomorrow (close to this time) I'll make a point of stopping by.

Thank you for answering questions, OP.

Thanks user, I will try to commit myself more fully to my studies. I appreciate your perspective.

Thanks for everything, OP. Stay strong, you're an inspiration to us all.

You should get an escort originally.

We're all dying desu
Just at different speeds

Caught this thread late. Just wanted to say that you've got the right attitude concerning the religious stuff, there's no point in upsetting anyone with militant atheism when you could just live your last moments peacefully together.

My mom died of pancreatic cancer (age 50). My dad wanted to fight the disease until the end and my mom, being a rather devout Christian, agreed with him. It just made her final months filled with misery (hopefully the morphine helped). If it were up to me, I would have opted for euthanasia. Hopefully the hospital will keep you comfy, my mom wanted to stay at home so my dad helped her with injections and enemas (her digestive system was a mess). The last months before her death she was mostly out of it and slept 20 hours a day, couldn't eat at all and was in constant pain and had fever like dreams. She couldn't even go to the bathroom alone.

I hope things go better for you user, my mom was twice your age and the chemo didn't go great. Hopefully you'll stand a better chance or at least not suffer as much. Hope my story didn't bum you out. Good luck and I hope you get well!

Yeah, nah brah, nothing to bum him out in that post. Just a lot of terrifying ordeals he'll have to face before death. But yeah, nah, u good nigga.

>go to school

33hkhv neet. Have no intentions of going to school. Too many normies. Dropped out of highschool from psychological trauma caused by bullying. Shit was cash. I know your situation is unbelievably fucked, especially since there is a cure but they won't offer you it due to $ > your life, but yeah. Hopefully israel is destroyed somehow and the government collapses. Then you'll get your cure and we can both roast jewish children over an open flame.

Who knows, op, you might just make it. People sometimes do a full recovery out of nowhere. Goodluck, really.

Bet ya 100 bucks that you will make it