Does anybody here have any experience in dealing with terminal cancer/grief?
My sister has brain cancer. Stage 4 glioblastoma. It's terminal. She's had this tumour for about a decade, but we only found out she was sick after she was discovered unconscious in her apartment and was blue-lighted all the way to hospital. The ambulance had to be stopped along the way because she almost died, the paramedics were phoning my mother to ask for consent for her organs to be donated. They managed to remove 95% of the tumour, but it's only bought her a few extra months.
Yesterday I travelled to see my sister, and I sat beside her and squeezed her hand as she wept over how the tumour had stolen the last 10 years of her life from her. Then she began to sob over how lucky she was to have been granted a second chance at life, that not many people are as fortunate.
She doesn't know she's terminal yet. The decision was made not to inform her of her prognosis until she's recovered from the surgery/the confusion her lessened. The fear is that if she discovers the truth now that she'll just give up completely, that we'll lose thr remaining little time we have left with her.
I'm sat next to her with tears running down my face, smiling and nodding to her as I hold her hand, a hand I don't recall ever having felt so small, all the while knowing that she won't make it to Christmas. I will never be able to forgive myself for this. I will carry this with me for the rest of my life now.
I've never experienced death before. You know I always used to believe that when it came to it I would respond to the situation like a total edgelord, that I probably wouldn't even be capable of crying. Nothing could have prepared me for this. This grief, there's no words to describe how this feels, they simply don't exist. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I've never cried so much in my life.
Anybody that's experienced this already, please help me. I don't know how I'm supposed to survive this.
I'm sorry, user. Take five minutes and listen to this. It's all I have for you. I'm being a Nietzschean edge-lord right now, and I'm mad at God, but I think I'll return to Him someday. I hope that God's light can sooth your sister's ailing body and mind, and I hope He can comfort you and your give heart calm and rest.
Chopin Nocturne, Opus 27, No. 1 in C Sharp. My piano teacher played this for me the other evening, and I cried. youtube.com/watch?v=JtZokkiSxBM
Justin Jones
I have a person sleeping in the same room as me right now so I'll have to listen to it tomorrow, but thank you. Honestly just being able to talk about it and having people listen is cathartic to me.
Jason Davis
I'm really sorry to hear that, brother. All you can do is go through the feelings, don't push them away. Tell your sister how much you love her. And when the time comes, and she passes, you'll grieve. There's no way around it. It's going to hurt like a bitch. But you WILL make it through to the other side, and you'll live the best life you can because she couldn't.
When things seem impossible to bear, remember that time heals all wounds, and going through this hardship will make you a better and more empathetic person.
Sincerely, someone who lost both parents and a sibling in my teens to terminal illnesses.
Evan King
You may want to speak to a priest. I would if I were you. Among the few things that can give your soul comfort, I believe a priest can. This is a trial -- and you will learn so much about yourself. Your world is changing. You are changing with it. Life, I imagine, will never be the same. I'd hug you if I could, lad.
Zachary Campbell
Hey user.
My grandfather also got terminal cancer when I was younger and according to my parents the old bastard would always take me to many different places with my family. Motherfucker left his job to be with his family :')
Listen, we all know you don't have much time, so not only for your sister but for you; try to spend time with her and make her last wishes true. Get a list of wishes and do them together. If she wants a bf get some Alpha Chad at gunpoint for her, if she wants to see someone in particular do everything you can for it to happen. If I were you I'd use all my time to make her happy. Even if I lose my job or fail a couple of exams for it.
It must be your mission to see your sister leaving the world with a smile on her face. And until that happens there is no time for being depressed.
Good luck friend and keep us updated ;)
Henry Torres
I'm sorry to hear user. I don't have much like this to contribute but I'm wishing you, your sister, and your family all the best. I hope all you guys stay strong and to take it easy.
Nicholas Bell
Gbm is such a depressing disease, ive seen probably 10 cases or so and theyve all been very heart wrenching. Dont know if its the speed at which it progresses or the almost certain fatality....
Do everything you can to help her come to terms with her diagnoses and make sure her last few months are as enjoyable as they can possibly be.
Hey user, my dad died from cancer when I was 18. you will never get over the pain. It will destroy you. You will have to rebuild yourself from the ground up to be able to function again in society. There is nothing anyone can say to you to prepare you for it, it is an experience words are not meant to describe. I wish you the best in dealing with the grief mentally.
Mason Morgan
Im sorry user. It's not your fault, and the best you can do now is love her with all of your heart and soul until she passes. It isn't right or fair, but life rarely is. God bless.
Gabriel Richardson
I am so, so sorry that you've already had to experience this. Already I feel the pressure of the inevitable sister-shaped hole that is looming over my every action in my life, from bathing to breathing, and slowly burning it's way into my life. And that's just one person. I can't imagine losing three so young.
It gives me comfort to know that you understand my grief right now, although I wish the circumstances could have been different, for both of us. Thank you for talking to me, and giving me comfort. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.
Gabriel Ward
My take is that It's wrong and should be illegal to hide her prognosis. Her life belongs to her.
Ian Robinson
literally every woman in my immediate family has had cancer only great, great gran has died of it, though
Ryder Howard
I've never been religious, and I certainly couldn't endorse a god that would choose to apply a death sentence to a 30 year old with a 4 year old son who she'll now never get to see grow to, but despite that I actually hadn't considered that an option, and I think it might be a good idea. Thank you for this, I'll try to seek one out tomorrow.
Joseph Edwards
I survived cancer when I was 20. Data is limited, but what we have suggests that the odds of it recurring and ending my life are 1:2. There's no way to break the news in a way that doesn't totally suck. Be kind. Let her be able to feel what she needs to feel. I hope some peace can find her before she passes.
Henry Powell
He didnt say they were going to withold that information indefinitely, just that they want her to get over her critical illness, that being the neurological manifestations caused by mass effect from the GBM.
It's reasonable to wait some time before informing her especially if she was ill enough to code/pericode en route to the hospital. When the patient is more awake, the doctors can talk to her more in depth about how much she wishes to know regarding her prognosis. But you're right, ultimately the right to know is hers.
Kayden Thompson
user, it is, in my opinion between Stoicism or Catholicism that will guide you through this tribulation. You must love what Fate has placed before you, or you must pursue knowledge of and comfort in the Lord.
Josiah Long
I actually can't do this right now sorry. I thought I could but it just hurts too much. I've never experienced pain like this before. I never thought I'd be in a position like this but if I could take my sister's cancer from her I would in a heartbeat. I need to leave the thread for a bit, but I just wanted to let you guys know that im reading every single word posted to this thread and every new post when I get back.
I haven't given anybody in this thread anything, but you've all given to me a little bit of your own time to try and comfort me, for no other reason other than that you empathise. I can't thank you enough for this. Sorry if this sounds overdramatic, I'm in a really dark place right now. But really, even though I'm in hell right now, it helps. Thank you.
Brody Jackson
Sounds like a roastie finally getting her comeuppance. Tell her it's terminal, record her crying.
Brandon Adams
Your sister is a roastie so she has it coming.
Logan Clark
Freeze some of your sister's egg then, rent a womb and have some cute nieces in the future, so your sister can leave a legacy behind. You can even impregnate some of thos eggs, if you really are a siscon.
you sound like an amazing brother user, but don't blame your self for something you have no power to change. just keep spending the time you can with her and make her last moments special.
my father passed away from cancer and I understand how hard it is to watch someone going through that. its painful.
Mason Walker
based & redpilled origami origamioli
Hunter Hernandez
Or just fuck her normally, her brain will be too scrambled to realise.
Dominic Stewart
here's a throwaway email if you'd like. I'm an internal med doc so i dont profess to have specialist knowledge of GBM but i could answer some general questions if they come up for you or your family
Are you a paramedic/nurse or something? You seem quite knowledgeable about this.
Adrian Robinson
My dude, first of all I just want to tell you that I'm terrible sorry for both you and your sister, second of all, don't listen to people like , God doesn't put people on trial just because he feels like it, God doesn't make your innocent sister suffer just to test you. That's complete bullshit and believing those things is retarded. Everything good and only good comes from God. The only thing who can and who did something to your sister is Satan and he wants to make people believe that God does them wrong so that they turn away from him and lose all hope. If you believe that, you do exactly what Satan wants you to do. I would maybe visit a priest but don't listen to that "God wants to test you"-garbage and sadly many priests believe and will tell you that. The best thing you can probably do is pray by yourself for you and for your sister (maybe visit a church to do that) and ask God to speak with you. God always wants to help but he just can't always get through to you. Ask and you shall receive.
I'm sorry to hear user. I had a close friend die of cancer, and it's a hard thing to go through. All you can do just make the most of the time you've got left with her. Cherish every moment. Make sure that she knows you love her. I will pray for you user
It's a heavy weight, but carrying that burden is worth getting as much time with your sister as possible. It's not just that she may give up but could also cause her stress of she finds out.
We do anything for those that we love, which some may say can be bad, but I don't think you are wrong or bad in this case.
I wish you all the best, user x
Jose Lee
Thank you. I can't say whether or not I believe it's the right decision personally. Yes, it's intolerably cruel to withhold that kind of information when they already have such limited time, but by doing so we're potentially giving her more time longterm. I think the biggest fear is that if she finds out now she'll immediately begin to deteriorate and we'll lose her in weeks, not months. People underestimate the power of human spirit and will. In one way you could argue that the that the week or so of ignorant bliss is invaluable, because after she finds out she'll never be able to go back again. I'm dreading her being told though, and the moment she realises that we a knew all along. It's just too cruel. I'm relieved I'm not the one that had to make the decision because it's destroyed my mother.
Cameron Watson
Do and say whatever that you've always wished to do/say with her, and try spending as much time with her as possible, so you don't have any regrets. Besides that, accept that she's going to die soon and there's nothing you can do about it, so there's no use in worrying about that right now. Focus on the present, instead.
That's the best you can do.
Grayson Wilson
That depends on her personality. There are people who might be motivated by such news being broken to them. Others, however, might obviously break down and give up easily. What's her character?
Christopher Ramirez
Is your sister a minor or what? Why the fuck did the doctor not tell her that she is terminal, while telling you and your family? Be honest, is this fucking fake?
She's 30 and from what I understand it's typical not to immediately inform a patient of their terninal prognosis if they're in a critical state or confused or "demented" as they call it. I know it's cruel. I agree, but I'm trying to perceive it from the other perspective, that is weighing her right to know v.s. her potential longevity. If we tell her and she just gives up and dies in the next few days, could we really say we made the right decision? No. I don't think there is a right decision in this situation. There are only decisions and every single one of them fucking sucks.
I wish this was fake. I still can't believe this is happening. She's my big sister I love her so much. I was sobbing and screaming at 3:00 in the morning last night, begging some unseen entity not to take her from me. It still doesn't seem real. Like I'm trapped in an extremely realistic bad dream.
Landon Watson
If its bothering you so much, you may want to ask her how much she wants to know right now. she may help you make the right decision.
Jackson Morgan
Her character is that I could definitely see her having a total emotional breakdown, isolating herself, not eating, and just allowing herself slip towards death. She won't see the point in anything anymore. We need her to be strong enough to be able to fight this for as long as she can. Not telling her right now is the lesser evil.
Brandon Russell
user, hope you're still in this thread.
My mom was just diagnosed with the same thing level 3 is what they called it. This shit just came out of nowhere and with surgery she may have more than just a few months. They haven't said the word terminal but we pretty much know it is.
Unfortunately I found you, I've been searching the boards for similar people the past week but never bothered to make a thread. If it's any consolation you're not the only user dealing with this shit.
Take care, I'll be around.
Josiah Perez
I know it's shallow for me to say this to you OP. But. I think that your sister already knows that... In any case. I think that most of us here would agree that it would be wiser for you and your family to spend the remaining time with her. I can imagine the pain that you are feeling right now, and I don't want to sound naive but.. This is only the beginning... Please please please spend a lot of beautiful days together. And please please please forget about Jow Forums and the Internet in general... Make your sister the happiest sister you ever could. We know that you can OP.
Oh god, this is such poor and good fortune. I've also been searching desperately for somebody to speak to about this. I know GBM affects 3 in 100,000, but at this time and on this night. The chances.
I'm actually just about to go to sleep, I haven't been able to sleep properly for a few days and I'm exhausted, but if you'd like please email me at [email protected] and maybe we can try and support each other in this.
If you decide to contact me I'll email you back when as soon as I wake up.
I know that right now you're probably untouchable in your grief, and that's unfortunately just the way it is with grief. Everybody suffers alone in it, even when you're all grieving for the same person, but I also want you to know that you're not alone in this. Not truly. Look forward to hearing from you.
Aaron Lee
Thank you for this user. You're a good soul. I will never forget.
Michael Martin
are there any downsides in bi-annual MRI scans besides the costs?
Gabriel Powell
Not really, but it would be completely unnecessary and the cost would be prohibitvely high.
Unless you have severe kidney disease or metallic objects in your body that is...
Ayden Rodriguez
I can't imagine anything more cruel and mentally ill that denying someone the right to know he is going to die. It's worst than torture, I would only do this to my worst enemies, you need to have a special kind of hate to rob from someone the time he'd have to try and do their last will and try to accomplish their last wishes, and make him think instead that everything is alright and he is going to have plenty of time.
If you have any decency left in you or love for that person, you have to tell her the truth as soon as possible.
Christian Lee
does your sister want to get pregnant as a last hoorah? i can help with that. also, sorry for your imminent loss.
Jeremiah Bennett
>chose not to inform her yet
This shit fuels my hypochonria even more, when will this ride end?
