/britfeel/

No larps this thread please

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Yes, I get to dick spare ones, I've shown most of my family my profile.

Back when I was like 11 me and a mate used to wank together to the sky 900 channels
Sometimes we would rub each others willy on our bums
Looking back it was a bit gay

Okay lad
I posted this from the ISS by the way

i think everyone had a bit of a gay experience when they were younger.

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Thinking about it, I've had far more opportunities to have sex than I've realized at the time

Nah lad, just you and the other faggots.

I don't and won't use them because if someone from your past finds you on there and slates you, it'll be shit. alternatively I don't give a shit about it anyway but I understand your point.

some of the 'pretty' girls can be quite heavily catfished so in real life they are perfect for you and not the model they portray themselves as. tbqh I'd not want a model regardless because they are usually disloyal, having a more 'average' girl is nice because there is something about the odd imperfections that make it more attractive. also the model types are treated a certain way through life and expect it from everyone. my cunt sister calls me selfish for not lending her a fan, I've recently leand her 600 bong which she's missed the first 2 month payments on.

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okay 'lad' no larps

I've never had a gay experience

pretty tame compared to the shit that goes on at boarding schools, I should know.

I've probably missed 3 opportunities maximum but i'm closer than i ever have been

I've kissed more lads than lasses
Ain't lookin good for me

wish I did so I could wank over them now

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>According to TMZ and US Weekly, Demi Lovato was taken to an LA hospital for an apparent heroin overdose.

whats with disney stars and drugs

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Stop talkig about girls and relationships or ill cri ;(
Help why did this arouse me

MY PHONE WONT CHARGE WHAT AM I MEANT TO DO WITHOUT MY PHONE FFS

Jesus freaks can't keep off the smack it seems.

I reckon its that disney stars and the like get huge dopamine hits from being stars and forever crave larger and larger hits until they can only get it from hard drugs

>many more men have seen my willy than women
>looking at a 10:1 ratio
maybe we could shack up lad...? make that 11:1...

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Think I wanked to her last week. She gonna die?

Only allowing Myself To Sleep between 0000 and 0800 lads.
Time to get my pattern back.
Sick of waking up after noon

Had to take a shit right after a shower. Not happy, lads.

DONT LIKE IT, SIMPLE AS

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Not had a phone for years now lad
it's liberating, join the borg

>whats with disney stars and drugs
MKUltra

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have an intense urge to try heroin and I can get it within minutes, clean stuff too. but then again I'm very scared of needles and tbqh the whole heroin experience has a very dark tag to it and scares me a lot.

I can't imagine the rush though, acid come up was fucking good but heroin seems pure pleasure nothing more.

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>just woke up shouting 'what do you want?'

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Job centre force you to have a phone if you sign on

Also I need it for when I do my 40 minute shits

don't try it lad.

Happy birthday to Ebin

The Chinese was pretty dreadful tbqh lads. Never ordering from there again.
Plus I feel really bloated and disgusting.

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Wouldn't survive without me phone I use evernote constantly

40 minute shits... please continue

That is one of my go to things if i reach rock bottom. Either drugs or crime. I am not permanently remaining neet

strangely i have been told to bring my phone in next time i sign and I have to show i can log in to findajob and my email accounts

autistic trousers

What sort of Orwellian telescreen shit is that? Why?
Cut out the shit n' surf lad, it's bad for both your physical and mental wellbeing

Going to meet my friend in town tomorrow
might try to shag him haha

you bumder

I dunno they just take me a while, always have

>Also I need it for when I do my 40 minute shits
metro.co.uk/2018/02/09/mans-rectum-fell-spent-long-playing-phone-toilet-7299853/

Getting a reply off an average girl on a dating site is a struggle. i unironically want to slit my wrists after using dating sites, they are god awful if yoyu're a guy

really considering getting a dumb phone

>go to sign on
>"what's your email?"
>slipknotlad1938

Can you do it? Or will they get you on this one?

I was very very close to ordering codeine for a nice buzz every now and then but once again, like with weed, I'd over do it and become dependant.

in some strange way it looks fun to be a skag head. the challenge of getting enough money to buy me drugs sounds... fun? I guess I like challenges though and there is a lot of risk with that challenge, it's also incredibly hard.

its obviously a ploy to catch out the retards and old people that go in, i'll be fine.

>borg
Surely having a phone is more borg like

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Tfw always sleep with a lamp on cause scared of the darkness

here goes blunt 1 of the evening.

Doesn't seem like they should be allowed to do that, did you tell them you don't have a laptop or something?

yes it is lad I was just shitposting
now burn your phone

you boys alright?

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I wish I knew where to get weed

What's it like to have an immediate family that actually enjoys your presence?

Can't tell if this is DM or Shutin.

My job coach needed my password to view my account for some reason and I had to tell her it was tigolbitties

>Managed to go a night without drinking
Kinda wishing I'd done it last night too so I could drink tomorrow guilt free

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If I had a gf I'd lick her pussy for hours she'd be lucky

no its apparently to do with people lying about it, loads of people at my JC seem to be lying to about it so they want to see that everyone can do it

Oh this is scary, I was spent 2 hours on there just pushing. I'm like ebin, always feels like there's something still up there that I have to dig out.

How? I heard on here last week that you only get 250 a month, his in the name of fuck can someone on that income keep a phone?

A girl wouldn't feel lucky to have an autist licking her fanny. She'd call the police.

Aren't they the same?

why not just make a seperate account solely for job centre

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Brilliant lad, just the best.

Dont be rude lad very upsetting

you can get a phone for literally fuck all now

how can one afford a phone with bennies

Jokes aside. I take 20-40 minute shits. Lots of constipation and pushing. Lots of time browsing internet.
I actually get piles sometimes.
Shit sucks.

Ah that makes sense because with the old universal credit most android phones couldn't access it, so I guess people will be using that excuse or something with the new site. Not that it matters, you can just use indeed instead.

Didn't really plan ahead, just used the same email that's on my cv

>I don't and won't use them because if someone from your past finds you on there and slates

Imagine being normie enough for this to be a problem

Just buy a 2nd hand Smartphone and pay as u go
Simple as lads
Some good pay as u go deals out there
I get 800 a month bennies tho

My Motorola costs 10 pounds a month, how much are you lads paying for your phones

Just had a shower lads just to cool down, mad man

How can. Someone on 250 a month afford a phone? I mean, I struggle to understand how they eat & clothe themselves.

>800 a month
how
i don't own a phone so i don't know the going rates desu

I'm feeling sad for no apparent reason. What do I do, lads?

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Autism diagnosis lad
Simple as

'ate Christians
'ate white men
'ate haram
'ate jews
'ate hindus
'ate yurop
'ate England
'ate pubs
'ate pints
'ate the daily mail
'ate churches
'ate the english
'ate the poles

luv islam
luv mohammed
luv allah
luv groomin' kids
luv sharia
luv forced conversions
luv arranged marriages
luv 'alal
luv acid attacks
luv honour killins
luv cuttin the clits off girls
luv me wives

simple as.

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A pay as you go phone is 30 quid. You never need to top it up.

you buy an item or clothing or 2 at the charity shop and get food from the food bank

Give me a hug you big gay

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Buy a smartphone lads!
Android or Apple?!?
I'm an applehead! Are you a robobro? hehe lol
youtube.com/watch?v=Dh65a9hTNHg

If its better than you usually do then well done friend

Why don't you own a phone lad? Never call your parents or anything? How do you get a job without a mobile or make accounts and stuff without a number? Don't like to take one with you so you feel safe when you go outside and can have all your music on it?

have a nice cathartic cry in the shower
yeah mate. I got diagnosed with autism years ago. Most I get is like 400 DLA and ESA

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You have 'slipknotlad1938' on your CV?

About 30 a month. But how do you afford to buy one? How can you afford a tenner our of 250? Why are there it fucking riots about shit like this?

Seriously. If I'd the choice between 250 a month and sticking up post offices the royal mail would be seeing more of me.