Give me some crazy theories

Obama put chemicals in the water that are turning the frogs gay.

Aliens interfered in our evolution to make us more intelligent, but only for entertainment purposes.
They've been monitoring and rebroadcasting our communications because they're incredibly advanced and bored out of their skulls.
That's why we haven't received any indications of other intelligent life or responses to our probes; we've been purposefully isolated.

Meme arrows make greentext, all true oldfags know this.

there are still secret islands on the map purposely hidden from us

The American government made contact with aliens decades ago. They were willing to trade scientific knowledge for human meat. They specifically wanted enormously fat humans because they consider engorged fatty human livers a delicacy.
This has resulted in a deliberate campaign of encouraging humans across the world to consume foods which are highly fattening and addictive, so that they will die younger (which makes the meat softer) and fatter. The aliens control the majority of morgues for the purpose of harvesting and refining human meat products.

People with cancer die quicker when they have chemo

Plants actually form a hyperintelligent hivemind which encouraged our evolution so that we would burn fossil fuels to increase the atmospheric CO2 concentration and consume herbivores to the point of extinction. They will kill us once we are of no further use to them by reducing the levels of usable oxygen in our atmosphere dramatically.

PLants need herbivores to create CO2 though.

Internet access is a project to get all deviants to form communities online, so that their behavior can be monitored. Once the total population is online, there will be a great culling of the undesirables.

We're the aliens.
Wonder what they'd think of shit like Spurdo then.

They can create it on their own. They have mitochondria and respirate all the time. We need them but they don't need us.

Then why would they want the humans to burn fossil fuels?

So that the carbon stored in the corpses of extinct species can be released into the atmosphere and enable them to expand their biomass and increase the complexity of their neural network.

The global astronomy community is aware of an impending cosmic disaster which will destroy the majority of human life. They are hiding this from the governments and media of the world because they are convinced that it is the only way to save humanity from death through overpopulation and pollution. They have been strategically positioning resources so that they can form an authoritarian technocratic government led by scientists in the confusion caused by the event.

Conspiracy theories are only interesting when they have some kind of evidence to back them up. If you pull it out of your ass it's just stupid.

Everybody is born with a nature. So people with bad nature are gonna do bad things, and is impossible to change your nature. A person with a bad nature can spend his life being happy fucking things up, or unhappy trying to be a good one. So when you are mean to someone bad, you are the one in the wrong and should be ashamed of yourself.

The government is making bees endangared to destroy the florist market, to make space for people live to increase human capicity

Humans are descended from a species which evolved on another planet. Our ancestors were placed here to field-test a series of genetic modifications. We were never retrieved because we are considered failures.

Your mother didn't abort you because she thinks retards are cute.

Ugly people are the result of failed Gene Therapy Experiments conducted by the CIA in the 50s and 60s as a way of separating social classes even further. That's why you don't see a lot of ugly people in photos pre-1970.

before birth everyone has a vagina, therefore all men are girls

There was no shooter; JFK's head just did that

IT

is

fucking

SENTIENT

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This user is woke. Deep onions is real.

Ronald Reagan and Ronald McDonald are the same person.

Jewish people created and encouraged the theories about them so that people would think that they're smart and well-conected.