It's been four days at least since i've had a shit, this fucking blows

It's been four days at least since i've had a shit, this fucking blows.

To top it off I'm ripping the most unholy, paint-thinning, ISIS-converting farts, seriously they're flavorful.

I've been chugging water and I mostly eat lentils, tomatoes, onions, potatoes, greek yoghurt, chicken, and hummus what the FUCK, help this retard out, anyone have stories?

>sitting in calc class the other day
>qt asian exchange student miring next to me
>some indian guy next to her whips out his weird poo slurry dish
>feel the mother of all sharts coming on
>can't stop it
>get up to go to the washroom
>silent rush of stinging gasses fires from my anus like a compressed air can
>pajeet opens his tupperware up
>drench both of them in the most disgusting fart
>aroma is mixed with pajeets stinky lunch
>people are covering their noses staring at him
>get to the washroom
>can't shit

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Have you tried pooping?

Get an enema

prunes and cherries

thanks im gunna get some cherries and prunes then i'll go for the nuclear option if that fails

try taking strong laxatives
4 days is approaching dangerous territory though, consider going to a doctor. intestinal obstruction is no joke and can quickly kill you if left untreated.

jeez i didn't realize it was that serious i'm going to try to the laxative

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constipation can have a lot of causes. often it is harmless and resolves on its own, but sometimes it may becaused because your intestine got twisted in a way that permanently blocks it. this will kill you within a week if left untreated.
or maybe it is because you got intestinal cancer.

seriously man, 4 days is pretty serious. i would check in with a doctor if i were you.

flax seeds. everyday.

Milk of magnesia. I had a blockage before that was absolutely painful, two doses later it was gone. Just plan to have some free time before taking it, it works fast

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Not true. It takes more time than that and is increasingly painful to the point where it's unbearable for most people before it comes to that.
It's still nothing to worry about unless there are other symptoms he didnt tell us about.
t. a physician that shits every 3-4 days

>a year later he makes a thread asking if he needs a surgery for his gyno

Nah, everything from a few times a day until once a week is fine, provided you feel good regardless.

You could try a tablespoon of castor oil. It's a better laxative than pills.

Or apple juice. Lots of apple juice.

papaya is your little friend

flax lowers test unfortunately

OP here alright I got these and took one, buckling up RN for my first laxative rollercoaster

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Poop greentext incoming

Protip: eat a shit ton of porridge or try going to taco bell or a mexican restaurant

>extra strength
The absolute madman. Keep us posted on your progress bro.

Start eating raw meat and eat less plant food that you cannot digest

sounds like you need more green veggies in your diet, kale spinach broccoli

I want to hear the story of this shit op

Best of luck user.
Gambatte!

Take about three marshmallows and shove them in your anus. The glycerin will give you explosive shits within 15 minutes. Don't ask how I know this.

I can't wait for the follow up on this.

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t. diaper fag

the laxative says it takes 8 hours to kick in, I will give an update from the situation room when there is an event

this sounds highly dubious yet intriguing

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start fasting
makes no sense to keep adding more food on top it

There's tea you could've drunk that would've kicked in approx 1 hour senpai.

>ISIS converting
Get the fuck out cancer you dont belong

squat near the ground and try shitting, normal toilets arent very good for your colon and digestive system, or hop on the toilet and squat

Coffee with a dab of coconut oil inside. Dates (works better and tastes better than prunes)

Fruits help- pineapple, papaya especially. Ginger pills after every meal helps with digestion. Also, probiotics. Good belly sells probiotic shots with no added sugar. Shoot one down every morning when ur constipated.

you seem to have gotten lost
is reddit the website you were looking for?
it's ok, these things happen to everyone, now that you know, you can go home back to your people

Drink some coffee and let nature take its course.

Keep us updated on your progress with new pics or vid clips. Thanks for the motivation.

Do you do any kind of exercise OP? I had the same problem when i wasn't doing exercise, i started going on a 10 min run every other day and recovered from it.

Chia for Men
Flax for Women

Greek yogurt causes constipation 100% cut that shit out and I guess just eat burritos only and keep drinking a lot of water.

Bumping for the tale of this impending ubershit.

Spending my Wednesday evening waiting for a guy to take a shit.

You should've bought a bag of those infamous sugarless gummy bear from amazon

amazon.com/Albanese-Confectionery-Sugar-Gummy-Bears/dp/B0175LN25Q/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_sims?ie=UTF8
Haribo is dead, long live Albanese, new king of ass blast bears

>people are covering their noses staring at him
Kek, the one time someone else didn’t poo in the loo.

Go to sam's
Get Magnesium Pills
Take 2
Drink a beer.

Enjoy shitting your guts out tomorrow.

I used to have the same problem.

Why does apple juice work?

sauce for this?

Have a few tablespoons of coconut oil. Should just wash everything right out.

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I had problems with that as a kid because I was super stressed out and it went away as I got older. Haven’t had any issues with it in the better part of a decade.

That being said if you want to skip the laxatives and Dr visits, just go get the grossest, greasiest fast food you can buy and stuff yourself with it. But like $15 worth of Taco Bell or McDonalds and it will fuck your system up and send you sprinting to the shitter.

Good luck OP

I second chia. It swell ups in water like flax, but is much tastier and I find less harsh on the gut. At least in my experience whole or coarsely ground flax seeds I think gave me haemmorhoids - could have been coincidence but I don't want to try another n=1 just in case.. I have no idea either of them help with constipation, but chia is nice on the gut in my experience at least.

I didn't take a shit for near two weeks once. It was horrible and I incredibly painful towards the end. I tried everything, but it was an enema that finally got the job done. When it finally worked I shat more that I've ever shat before.

It could be that actually. Casein is somewhat constipating, as it forms a curd in the digestive tract so to digest slowly for the calves that normally eat it, which is why a lot of people get constipated from cheese. Greek yoghurt is drained of the whey like cheese is, concentrating the casein. Some people react more than others of course.

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Keep us updated bro

It contains phytoestrogens, but I don't know of any actual evidence it lowers test. Anyone can pitch in with some evidence?

Pls respond OP this is breaking news

If you guys are looking for shit stories just search “Norman khan” on desuarchive

There’s about two years worth

I was hoping for comedy
instead I got some batshit insane scat fetishist shitposting

Just chug coffee until you start shaking.

How’s that not funny?

phytoestrogens are about as potent as test boosters, that is to say, they don't do shit.

I can never shit when I travel.
This february was my record, I went to Indonesia and I didn't shit for 8 days. I've gone for 5-7 days without shitting multiple times before that. I didn't die from it, I didn't get sick, it didn't hurt, nothing. I was completely fine and I enjoyed my trip.

So don't panic, 4 days without taking a shit isn't gonna kill you. It will come.

Since when is batshit insane scat fetishist shitposting not comedy?

Stream the audio when you finally drop that shit. It should be hilarious (for us, not you)

>Top 2 questions are about if they have the same effect as the Haribo's

Perfect

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This will be litteral shit posting.

READ THIS , ONE THING YOU NEED TO KNOW.

its CALLED MAGNESIUM HYDROXIDE .

BUY THEM AT YOUR PHARMACY , I BOUGHT THEM TOO.

THE BEST SHIT EVER , YOU DON'T NEED ANYTHING ELSE.


TRUST ME , TELLING YOU THIS MAN 2 MAN.
YOU CAN GET IT WITHOUT A RECIPE .

FOR EVERYBODY WHO HAS BOWEL MOVEMENT PROBLEMS.

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Phyroestrogens don't have any noticeable effect on humans that we know of. There is no meaningful data that suggests it in either direction currently. The most we can see is that it may have a very slight benefit in fighting breast cancer, and even that is disputed.

enjoy giving birth to a pringle tin

I know Jow Forums hates fruit but it's the best to help you poop. Papaya, mango and dragon fruit are your best option.

OP, i've dealt with chronic constipation since i was a fucking kid. I am a man who knows his shit. It wasnt unusual for me to be backed up for 2 weeks. Its fucking agony.

Here's what you do. It could be comorbid of another health issue, but im not gonna elaborate on it.

>Drink fucktons of water
>Take one dose of miralax in the morning with black coffee
>Stay on a high fat, low fiber diet
>Sugar seems to fuck things up for me, so avoid it
>Get some magnesium citrate supplements, take 400mg daily
>Use bisacodyl very sparingly
>If that fails after a few days, use a glycerin enema

For all you fags who are gonna say "JuSt EaT MoRe FiBeR", it is counterproductive in an already constipated persons. It creates unnecessary bulk that will make it even harder to shit for someone with low bowel motility.

Also, probiotics wouldn't hurt a bit. YMMV

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>I am a man who knows his shit.

Or in this case, you know your not-shit.

This thread has me on the edge of the seat. No pun intended.
We are on course for legendary thread status.

There better be an update when I log back on tomorrow.
Good night, friends.

Had this once altough not 4 days, around 2, 3. Go buy alot of milk products and pears. I just chugged half a carton of milk and ate around 4 pears. If this is not an option or does not work buy laxetives. Those wand type things that you shove up your ass usually makes u shit within a couple of minutes. 4 days of not shitting, its gonna tear up your ass quiet a bit and start bleeding

based residentmedfag

Damn I was never a big fan of fruit but I sure miss mangoes
Had a banana for the first time in years it was glorious will go for more when I’m no longer fat

That thing is gonna crawl out of you and walk on 2 legs.

>I mostly eat lentils, tomatoes, onions, potatoes, greek yoghurt, chicken, and hummus what the FUCK, help this retard out, anyone have stories?
ahahhahahaha

that's what you get for not eating a carnivore diet

Took three bisacodyl pills and nothing happened one time.
Should I be concerenee

Actually, he should eat plenty of ridiculously fibrous plants, WITH NO WATER.

I usually take a shit once or twice a week. I thought it was normal... is it not? I don't have a gall bladder so idk if that matters.

It's been over 8 hours, RIP OP

He shit his entire digestive system out through his ass as soon as he sat down.

instead of taking a shit the shit took him
rip rest in poop

>4 days
brah you need to go to the doctor

Funniest fucking story, ever, user.

will solve all your problems, OP

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Bump to keep this alive until damage assessment is complete

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K. KEEP ME POSTED

>ISIS-converting farts
Wait does this mean your farts are strong enough that a regular person would declare jihad, or that they're rancid enough that if an ISIS militant smells them it'll make them realize Allah either isn't real or is actively evil?

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Both, at the same time I assume.

Or c) It's so toxic it forcibly drives people from their homes, creating resentment and anger that can be used by radicals to manipulate them into fighting a war against you under the guise of it being god's will

>extra strength
oh no no etc

those are for people who have built up a tolerance, user

I love bananas but they give me heartburn

This. Since i started drinking magnesium i poop once or twice everyday, solid shits.
I consume magnesium chloride.

the high fat part is where a lot of people fuck up. You need good fats in your diet for smooth shits.

Magnesium hydroxide is a laxative. You should not take it every day or you may develop a dependence on it.

colon cáncer

RIP OP

So this is how the user dies. Strap the fuck in lads, we're getting us a fresh shitting greentext soon.

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poasting in poo thread

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