How many calories does sex burn?

How many calories does sex burn?

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Surprisingly little

Sex with your mom does. Try it.

It depends
In your case, 0 cal

someone should shop her undies to day blacked for a laugh haha

Why do you guys keep spamming this thot?

i love this thot

>swallowing cum is 0 kcal
...?

My girlfriend hasn't spoken to me in 4 days due to this. It was breakfast and I was eating my bowl of oats and she climbed on top of me and started kissing my neck. I told her I didn't want to have sex because it burns too many calories and i'm not on a cut right now, im actually bulking hardcore. She hopped off me, said something like "well fuck you then, you'd rather grow muscles than have sex with the person you love?" and asked me to leave. This isn't the first time this has happened either.

What do? I really don't want to lose gains bros.

it burns -500 kcal for me because I got a food kink and shove food fown my gullet to turn me on

Think about that big sloppy oily poop that's gonna poke out of her powdered little balloon knot after consuming all those steaks (I'm imagining it being powdered *sniggers*)

Mouth is watering Imagining the whole thing sliding into my gaping lips, the undigested oils dripping off and down my face. The first bite, oh that first bite would be amazing. I can Just imagine it being packed as tight as a Vienna sausage but bigger, stickier, and most definitely stinkier!

please be bait

BASED AF! Glad i'm not the only scatCHAD on this board

Where do I get socks like this for my GF? Chicks in thigh highs that meet the ass like this makes me DIAMONDS

> 2 hours of hate fucking somebody against a wall
> 20 seconds of lying on your back while a girl rides you

Both sex. What is ambiguity?

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Tell her that if sex is the only way she can express love then she should be the one to leave. Stupid whore women

Calories don't matter. Weigh yourself every morning, and if you weigh more day over day your intake was shit. (If you eat 100% of your daily "calories" in a 1 hour feeding window and eat/drink nothing else all day you will lose mad weight).

Sorry brah you gain all the calories back when you drink the cum.

>gains goblin
Litterally sucking the gains from your peepee

on averige how many pumps per minute do you do? do you do missionery or lay on your back like a dead fish?

details fagot!!!

You should kys for a laugh haha

I thought this was going to be a story about Shirley Manson at first.

hire a buddy she doesn't know to pretend to be an MFT and bring her in for a therapy session in which the therapist rips her a new one for always acting like a bitch

haha

Somehow sex calories only count for like a fifth of a single real calorie. You'll feel like you just torched 500 like some kind of coked out calorie incineration demon machine but, alas, you really only burnt like maybe 100 and got real sweaty.

I heard 5 minutes of sex burns the same amount of calories as a mile run. Idk if it’s true or not but i would like to be able to calculate it.

About as much as cleaning an apartment.

Not as much as rape

sure, if you nut in 30sec

It really depends. Sometimes I go at it for 45mins with my heart pumping like crazy. I'm pretty desensitized from using death grip for years, so I have to go at it pretty hard. We joked about using one of those heart rate monitor watches during the act to see how much it actually burns, will have to post results later.

Yeah, you wouldn’t know would you

Based gross poster

>sex
In dressing room after training with your buddy

b-based?

>gross
kys

>scatCHAD
fucking kek
based and redpilled

Gb2urNoFap

That's actually pretty smart. Sure it costs a quick office rental. But man you can really take dominance in the relationship.

>Stacey, don't you see? Brad has hopes and dreams that should be respected. He loves you but needs to change how this is expressed. Instead of usual love making, I'd like you to stuck him off to reduce the calories he's expending during the act.

Same dude,love fucking my gf in long socks or tights

Have never really got her anything although I should, this really is my fetish.

About 2 additional calories a minute. So 30 for normies, 10 for anons.

Dude the death grip makes you desensitized?? Like for real cause my girl botching at me for cumming after 30 minutes. This would help a ton.

Yeah. Try not fapping or being really gentle with yourself and you'll cum much faster during sex.

Imagine being this much of a virgin

Sex burns a minimal amount of calories. Just have an extra glass of milk if you're THAT concerned. You should never turn down sex with your woman for such a stupid reason.

Based

Go on a bike ride for 5 miles. Tell me how intense your bike ride was (Your heartbeat will depend on the resistance, your fitness and how fast you're going). Now, look at how little calories you burned doing so, and think about how fewer effort it takes to have sex. Honestly, I'd be surprised if we burned more than 100 calories on a 10 minutes sex session.

>Girlfriend and her sister taking turns jacking me off
>Tell them I have to go because my dog died
>But really I'm doing nofap and didn't have the guts to tell them

>10 minutes

My average sex session when I first got a girlfriend would vary from 30 minutes to 45 minutes, as I would suffer from deathgrip syndrome. As my dick healed back up, it slowly dropped down to 5 to 10 minutes.

Based

>rough sex for 45 min
>Pass out
>swim multiple laps at oylimpic size pool for 2 hours non stop
>not tired
Explain this. Something isn’t adding up. Could it be the time of day?