Why are friendships so obtuse and complicated?
Socializing nowadays has a ridiculous barrier of entry. Everyone has these massive intertwined friendship networks and it seems everyone has like 100 people they somehow know from god knows where.
Jealousy aside, this makes the difficulty curve of socializing hell. People will judge you based on your 'social value', the number of connections you have, etc.
Nobody wants to be friends for the sake of having fun anymore. People just make connections now. And if you fall out slightly during any point, you're out for good.
I made a huge mistake of being very introverted until I was 16. This meant I had barely any connections outside of class, and that means my social value was low and therefore socializing was now out of the question.
To this day, no matter how hard I try, I didn't get on the social train soon enough, so friendships are basically impossible to create. Fuck this.
Why are friendships so obtuse and complicated?
Since the thread will die anyway, I'll just ask, is making friends online any different? Do people here still value companionship and warmth instead of just maxing out their 'social value'?
what are you talking about ?
organism
Who is a friend anyway?
People don't hang out and socialize so they have a good time, they do so because they want to raise their status.
I was socially inept for a good part of my early life and now everyone hates me and I have low social value.
It's just... everything seems so dishonest nowadays. You see people greeting each other, calling each other 'bro' and stuff, but once you know the inner workings you know they aren't sincere. They just see people as a means to raise their value.
And I'm pissed off about it, because I'm locked out of human relations for life because I dared to slightly misstep while I was still clueless about life.
do friendships even exist?
Share hobbies, don't be a valueless person. Any friends you make will introduce you to their social network.
It's not hard at all. You need to have some sort of activity you can share with others, friendship for the sake of being friends is a lie, especially for men. You network, or you do stuff together.
there have to be some honest relationships desu
it can't be 100% fucked
I don't see the point of having most friends. It's just a bunch of work for no reward.
I dont know much about making friends irl because ive always been a loner. But I agree with what your saying. But sometimes its seemed like the opposite with online.
Irl, the people that have been close friends of mine were ones who initiated everything. I guess they had the heart to give me a chance.
Ive grown more personable and can make nice small talk with people but depending on the environment if your not witty enough and just stay quiet people dont take small talk as enough to become your buddy.
Again it depends whed re you look online. Its really hard to make friends online because uou really have to just end up with someone you click with.
If you try and ve friends with someone on a place where theyre giving you advice or some random forum they might see that as fishy.
On Jow Forums theres a lot of thirsty guys. So for me I gave up because if theyre not thirsty they have high expectations on everyone since everyone is "disposable". They wont be your friend right off the bat.
Everyone nowadays is an "intellectual". they dont see the value in just having someone to bond with and have fun just because. it wasnt like this last decade. but because of marketing its cool to be a nerd. if someone is out of touch with this its usually because theyre dumb lowclass.
there are people like me who arent so extreme but you gotta weed out the assholes.
>mfw my only hobbies are Jow Forums and alcohol
game was fucking rigged from the start
So get into a hobby, dude.
If you don't have social value hobbies don't help. I had a small handful of friends from school with which I would play games online. It was a big interest for all of us. But nothing came out of it.
They all had their own social circles, but I would never ever get mildly accepted into any of them. We would be in a call and they would make deals to hang out amongst them, with me in the call, and it was always implied that I'm not welcome to go. They still wanted me to play with them though because I was part of their 'play group'.
Basically they only used me when I was entertaining for them, but they never wanted to do anything more because I have low social value and doing anything more would lower theirs by proxy.
whats the point ? im about 15 years behind average norman
all thats left for me to do is to drink myself to death
Maybe you guys are just too retarded to network.
>robots are socially inept
more news at 11
How are you supposed to network if nobody allows you to network? Even closely sharing a hobby and spending time with someone doesn't yield results. They just hide you from the rest of their friends.
I learned the hard way that asking "can I join?" is unpolite and controversial. People have to make the decision to introduce you to their other friends themselves.
I have been involved in coding for a very long time and have been in closely involved in a coding club since my young days. And yet, everyone there is closely-knit, no matter when they joined, except me. I was always the odd one out from day 1. Even though we share an activity together. I wasn't even some random scrub, I was in top 3 of my generation every year.
But hey I'm me so socializing with me is out of the question by default for reasons unknown.
Obviously, you have to prove yourself. You need to invite -them-
It really depends on the people you surround yourself with.
This will probably interest nobody but here is my experience with friendship in the last couple years:
Been depressed with 0 IRL friends for years (~from 11yo to 17yo).
Then I found some of the best friends I could have hoped for.
These friends usually never get out of their circle (group of 5). This friendship is now slowly falling apart now after 2-3 years.
This really fucks me up bad, given that they were my only friends for a long time & helped me out of my depression and now I find myself antagonizing at least 3 of them on a regular basis.
When I moved to another city a while ago (still keeping tight contact to friend group) the first 6 months I was back to having 0 friends/social contact.
Found a couple extremely extroverted social guys to hang out with (mainly through the circumstance that we're all daily stoners).
In the time hanging out with them I met so many new people and some of them even became real friends.
The fact that they had likely a 3 digit amount of regular social contacts that I now also met and sometimes bonded with made me an utterly different person.
The moral of the story is probably that
1. You should have at least one thing in common in order to connect to others (drugs are the most effective one imo, given that you can combine your daily consumption with social interaction easily)
2. The first step is always the hardest. As soon as you got some good soc contacts the others will follow in no time
Invite them... where? To a gathering with my friends?
And here we go full circle to my original sentiment. I missed out on socializing early on. I have no other friends other than them. It's a cursed cycle. You need to get more friends in other to get friends, but you can't get more friends because you don't have enough friends.
Society is a closed loop affair with practically no room for error. You make a small misstep once, it's game over.
ever thought about your years not socializing meaning that you are crippled when it comes to social interaction.
Thus people don't enjoy being with you as much compared to someone who has much higher experience talking to people.
Go our of your comfort zone you fucking neet
>I didn't get on the social train soon enough, so friendships are basically impossible to create. Fuck this.
That sums up your predicament perfectly. You basically missed out on years of social development during a critical time in your life, and the worst part is that you will never get that time back. There will always be a gap. You can bridge it slightly if you ever come across a group of socially high-value people who are willing to take you in and let you learn through trial and error to rehabilitate yourself to a normal state, but finding such a group is exceptionally rare and the results are not guaranteed.
>implying that we are comfortable in this situation
this si asn dfdutmated tmaessaef to fcj dad ewed
>Invite them... where? To a gathering with my friends?
>You need to get more friends in other to get friends
This is really not true. I have a couple of groups of friends but all the rest (which amounts to at least half) of them are one on one friendships where we have nothing to do with our wider social circles. I think you are just in a tough place.
What you said in the very first post in this thread isn't accurate. All friendships start with two people enjoying talking to each other. It has nothing to do with social ladder climbing or networking. It sounds more like you are unable at this point in time to have conversations with other people that they have fun with. Sharing hobbies isn't enough if they don't enjoy talking to you.
It's pretty hard to practice but when I was younger I only had one small group of friends. So to learn how to get better I forced myself to start up conversation with every person I ever bought anything from in every store/cafe/whatever I would ever go to. I learned so much about how to quickly engage people and to make them smile when you have only been talking for a few seconds and you don't know anything about each other. It's really difficult at first but the stakes are real low. No one cares or even remembers if it doesn't work each time.
>posting anime
>posting blox
Every time. At least it alerts other posters you have autism
This sounds like you're basing friendships/interpersonal relationships far too much on shallow social media friend/follower counts.
Have you tried places like meetup, going to the local hobby store to see if someone is inviting people to try tabletop games/rpg, or just take a class of something that interests you? I was in the same position as you and that's how I made friends. I usually find myself more comfortable among nerds and other social outcast than normalfags. I could barely socialize in college, but I had plenty of friends outside of it so I didn't feel lonely.
The catch is that most of your friends will end up being "losers", so don't expect them to help you get a job at google, but it beats having no one to hang out with.