Write a letter

Despite being Mr. Bad Boy Chad on here apparently, I never actually met up with anyone in real life. There were very few people I ever actually got close to beyond a couple conversations, and that part isn't really something I regret, because if there's one thing I learned from r9k people, it's that they're complete backstabbers who will turn around and call you a boring motherfucker even though you're the one struggling to respond to their dull ass messages so you just resort to saying typical r9k shit.

Not to say I wasn't a massive faggot who intentionally baited attention with talks of being a lonely cunt, but honestly I probably wouldn't get with anyone from Jow Forums these days anyway after actually experiencing what it's like to spend time around people outside of this hellhole.

Yeah, I may still be a virgin, but truth be told, there's no point in trying to use that to bait """fembots""" now. As much as I regret hurting the few people I did actually care about, the vast majority of these people are completely worthless. I wouldn't want to bait one of these people these days at all.

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Why regret anything, honestly? If these people are worthless, who cares? Why not just use them however you can?

Because through my actions and my attempts to remain popular and relevant, I hurt many people I genuinely did care about.

Sometimes I think about what they're doing now, and hope they're doing okay, but I don't blame anyone for hating me. I deserved it, and I'm probably gonna spend the rest of my life trying to be a better person to the people I meet than my past self was.

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you actually seem like a honest person, and you're not saying non-sense, I don't understand the drama though, I would just talk to you normally and go through a mall with you,

So you're gonna become weak. I get it.

Dear me,
Sometimes I have a craving to write and read words. It's not an emotional outlet, and it isn't boredom, loneliness, or manipulation. It's the feeling of not being whole that makes me want to talk with others. I feel like a component in a system that's not working properly. It comes from an extremely submissive way of thinking, like I want someone to give me something to do, and if a task has no goal then I'm not allowed to enjoy it. Pretty pathetic.

O hello hello there

I was a really bad person for way too long, that's all. No point relaying my life story, or the events that first led me to attentionwhore here all those years ago. I would turn away friendships because they weren't women, and I would turn away women because they were either boring people, or what my sick mind decided "wasn't good enough", all the while bitching about being lonely and pathetic.

All this because yelling about being lonely and pathetic gave me a shitload of attention, something I lacked after moving out of my hometown and out on my own. I'd shitpost, yell at people who were nice to me, and generally ramble about the crazy nonsense that comes with being mentally fucked.

But hey, I managed to drag myself mostly out of my hole, and I genuinely hope others like me can do the same, so they can realize the relief that comes with being free of this shithole's influence for even a brief moment.

But yeah, I'd hang out at a mall with you, user. Sounds like a fun time. I like malls.

Is it really weak to try to improve yourself and wish people who did not wrong you well? I think seething in your spite and abusing people is the real weakness.

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I mean if you think being walked on as opposed to walking on others is weak then good luck to you mate.

Or you could just not be a faggot and walk on even ground with people instead of picking a binary.

What did you do that was so horrible though? I'm not asking for specifics, but it's not like you murdered someone. Nothing is ever really unforgivable desu.

It's nothing like murder kek. I was just a massive asshole to people who cared about me. I'm not talking about the fame whore """fembots""" who wanted my attention just so they could say the famous guy talked to them, but the people who genuinely liked and cared about me.

Maybe strangers would forgive that if I showed genuine change, but those people I neglected and hurt likely never will, and because of that, I don't think I'll ever forgive myself either.

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Is this Alex or are you impersonating him?

Dear Future Me,
I hope you find someone that loves you, doesn't matter if 2d or 3d. Please just don't kill yourself or if you do plan to do it, do it painlessly.

I think fucking up can make people better when it leads to personal growth. When you realize you've messed up and really regret it, it's a truly humbling experience. Losing your ego is a wonderful thing. I think it's great that you're trying to improve yourself and want to treat others better going forward. It's unexpected and a bit refreshing to see a post like this here, especially coming from you.

People can be more forgiving than you think, maybe you can reach out and apologize to some of the people you wronged. At least you'll get closure. Good luck. I'm rooting for you.

You only like drama? If I kill myself, is that enough drama for you?

get out of my head get out of my head get out of my head get out of my head get out of my head get out of my head get out of my head get out of my head get out of my head get out of my head get out of my head get out of my head get out of my head

s
still waiting.
this is important.

rm

do you ever come here still?

jd

Hello MoonShine,

How are you doing?

I know a feel complicated stuff happened to you recently and wish you to know that you really should help your mother out. Your mother hasn't been diagnosed yet, but she's depression.

She's a really good person, she saw in me the same I saw in her. You really should listen to her more, even if she's not right. Don't fight her, talk with her like a reasonable person. You and your brother should do that, to help her out.

You should try to be more reasonable with your friends. One of your ex-best-friends is really hurt with what happened recently. You should try to be more considerate with other people, sometimes we really have to go out of our way to comply with other people, to make them happy. She just wanted to spend time with you.

Quit trying to hog your friends / close people around you for you. First and foremost, you can keep them if they actually need you, you also have your stuff to do. Second, people have their lives and see things different from what you do.

YOU HAVE TO BALANCE OUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH PEOPLE. TRY TO ARGUE WITH THEM, NOT JUST GET MAD, PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE OR STRAIGHT UP THROW A TANTRUM. Also don't add your mother into your personal matters, that's very childish and that's unreasonable with your mother. She's trying to educate you the best she can.

Please, fix your eating habits. It's really hurting you and your mother.

I hope you are hanging in there with your life and getting the best out of it.

I still miss you and it's been 3 years and half now.

Still wonder if someone was fucking with me for all those threads or if it was ever really you. Either way the result has not been good for my mental and emotional states of being. Why is moving on so damn difficult, maybe even imposssible for me?

Dear people who've met me

Fuck you

i'm me. unfortunately.

M,
It's still me, K. I wrote you a letter in the last thread and I will probably write you a letter in the next. I know you browse this board and /x/ on occasion, but I am too scared to go to /x/.
I still have you on kik and I will message you whenever I think of you the most, which seems to be increasingly lately.
I just miss you. Out of all the anons I have reached out to from this god forsaken website, you were the most genuine and least dull person.
I'm sorry I was always hard to reach, I am here now and I miss you.

Get out of my head before I tell you.

W
Fuck you. We'll never be friends. Goodbye and good riddance.

s
still waiting, but i have a feeling i'll have to keep waiting until tomorrow now or possibly waiting forever :(
i still have a lot of things i need you to hear tho.
a

sweet vyro. it's been so long~

Fuck you too, its for the best for us to hate each other, I'm just a fucking dummy and keep overthinking

I'm a fucking sociopath god I never cuss but I'm just so fucking stupid

[I'm not your W] [its not anyones problem, its my problem and I'm just a creep]

>replying to a letter TO a W
>[I'm not your W]
cease your schizophreniaposting this instance

Dear V

For the longest time I thought I regretted what I did. I regretted hurting you. I regretted posting your nudes. I regretted lashing out at you because I was hurt because of what you did.

I realize and acknowledge what I did was wrong, but it doesn't change the fact that you were a piece of shit. I really hope you learned something from everything that happened between us and for your sake I hope you no longer browse this cesspool site anymore.

M

P.S. I really did like you and wanted us to have something and not just some e-fling bullshit.

I know how you feel
I'm too unstable, I wanted everything to be perfect too

I'm not your V but I know, user, I know

Fuck off, autists. Neither V nor W but still a virgin and weirdo.

are you an s?
reeeeeeeeee

Yeah it is what it is though. I obsessed over it when it happened but that was the past. I've moved on. I've learned that in order to truly be happy, I need to make amends to the people I've hurt (not even on some retarded Monk, karma bullshit either), just for the closure. I couldn't care less if V was dead or alive, I just want to make amends, if not just for the closure for everything we put each other through. There's a few other people on my list I need to contact and talk to and hash things out with. I know for a fact that I'll be able to get into contact with 2 of them, the other 3-4 though will probably be throwing a rock into the ocean, but I can at least say I tried.

I'm not sure if you wrote a letter to anybody in this thread or not, but if you did, I hope they see it and I hope you get the closer or whatever it is you're hoping to find. Goodnight man.

got any proofs to back that claim up?

Before you tell me what, user who is likely trying to ruse me?

i genuinely fear i might have lost something in the last 24 hours.
but i have no proof that i'm me really, i just have some lettuce and sadness.

Maybe you have me confused for someone else? What did you lose? I haven't had direct or confirmed contact with who I was thinking about for many months, I think someone who knows me and my story was fucking around with me these past few threads

>fucking around with me
definitely not me then.
sorry, or not sorry, depending on perspective.

if i could find one, i would

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there could be a slight chance it was her, but I don't think it's in her character to reply to me in these threads

> I want someone to tell me what to do
Unironically join the Army. It's basically boarding school for people who didn't manage to grow up properly the first time around. That's what I'm doing

Z
I was kinda hoping you'd miss me. that's a silly thing to want i know. every once in a while I get really hung up on one person and I have trouble explaining why that person in particular. anyways you've been that person for the past couple months if you couldn't tell. Main reason I left was cause I was hoping you'd miss me honestly. I mean I could come up with real reasons why it was a good idea to leave and those are the one's i'd tell you but really I just hoped you'd miss me. I guess seeing you and your real friends hang out and joke around all the time and waste time together and all that I realized you probably weren't my friend. neither were they. If I asked any of you in real life if we were friends you'd all probably say of course but idk i don't feel like i've ever had close friends the way other people have close friends. I knew things wouldn't change as long as i stayed so I guess I hoped you'd miss me when I was gone. It's sounds silly writing it out like this, but I still want it in a way.
R

or namedrop me in them either, at that

>be me
>alex
>stfu

hm.
t. and

Why do you have lettuce?

>t. american poster

Is it an american drug culture thing then?

Yes. It's money.

Lettuce is a food, if you didn't know.

it could be a code word maybe

DH,

Do you ask yourself what happened to us? And why we rarely talk anymore and act like strangers towards one another? I spend most of my time hoping things will return to way they were, before we broke up. But now I see how unrealistic it is to think that. I wanted you to add me you know. That was the only reason I put the tag on my profile, cause I hoped you would reach out to me first. I don't know why you did, since all we do is exchange short distant messages to one another. Yes you wanted to "see how I was doing" but now I'm not sure I even believe that. I feel more like a relic from your past that you're too reluctant to fully let go. There's just too much I want to say to you, but I keep it to myself in fear of pushing you away. Then again, maybe I already did that when we were talking "expectations"

D

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N,

I think I might have avoidant personality disorder. I've spent the last few weeks trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong with me and trying to figure out how to get over it which has been no help at all. I even convinced myself that maybe I just might be borderline or even dependant, but then I remembered what I said to you one time.

"It feels like everyone else has a gun and it's my choice to give them the bullets."

The reason I even thought I had BPD was because I couldn't admit to myself that there was no reason for my actions or reactions, I was trying to figure out what what the fuck was wrong with me by trying to disconnect myself from the issues and my feelings while still being with you because the only thing I knew for sure was that I wanted to be with you. I was only looking at what I deemed bad and not the rest of the time. You know that weird meltdown I had when I found out your secret? You know how I said I couldn't sleep and I thought that maybe adding you back and trying to vent would help? I became obsessed with trying to figure out how I actually felt in that moment because it felt like the defining concept between just BPD or AvPD and in love.

I am truly in love with you and I think the reason I even thought I could possibly be borderline is because you're the first person I've truly wanted to believe even liked me as a human being. I've been losing my fucking mind since I left, but I can't give you what you want and I wont be able to because of the circumstances. I can't believe it'll ever work because there's just too much time which means there's nothing but possibilities for it to all change before I could first even see you with my own eyes. That meltdown I had over your secret didn't have anything to do with you, I couldn't give a fuck about it honestly. I can't even call it a lie because it might make you feel bad and I just truly don't care about it.

I know realistically there's no reason not to try and that's why I had to leave. I will legitimately cause you nothing but problems if we even continue being friends. I can't be anywhere near as open with you as I used to be because it legitimately feels like I will only ever open up to one person in my entire life and based on how that person takes it, I'll either kill myself or they will be the only person who needs to know. I know my problems are rooted in my inability to believe a person would like me, but at the same time I can't work through that shit for someone I truly believe I'll never be with, even if they only want me to open up just because they care about me. I'm not capable of that and I truly sincerely mean that.

You are legitimately someone pulled out of one my fantasies and that's the problem. I will not be able to talk to you without falling in love with you, even if I take the time to get my feelings in check, and while I'm in love with you I wont be able to be honest with anyone. I know this is what I need to tell a psychologist, but that feeling of only ever being able to tell one person how I truly feel isn't going to go away when I feel like I'm already talking to that person. I want you to have a good life more than anything, I legitimately mean that and that's why I left. I told you about the life I want, but nothing about the life I'm truly capable of having. I wanted to give you the bullets but all I could give you was blanks and that's why I truly want nothing more than for you to move on from me, because being honest and open with someone isn't a possibility for me and wont be for a long time.

D(ora).

>be me
>get another cup of coffee
>get more of some other stuff
>continue waiting for a response

Mike, you told me you were off the drugs.
Please don't be him!

i am not mike, carry on.

Don't expect much more out of me. I've said what I needed to say, mostly.

I'll be gone after tomorrow again. Just felt like a little return tour to look at this place with my current mindset and see how far I've come.

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I am fucking your ex girlfriend right now, T.
-Nobody you know

A,
You made me infinitely happy by choosing to spend your time with me. It sounds cheesy, but it's like finally seeing the world with colours again. Listening to sappy love songs wishing you were by my side. Everyday, there's hardly a moment I'm not thinking about you.
I miss your scent and I miss the feeling of your skin against mine, I miss feeling the warmth of your hand on mine. When November comes, I hope I can make up for all the time we spent apart from each other this year.

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What was the initial of said fucker?

avery

kill yourself you dyke
youll never have any friends you mentally fucked orbiting narc

everyone

C
I want to talk with you. Check your kik if you also want to talk.
A

not that user, but i just wanted to say that i always had a feeling you were a good dude past the bait posts, and now i know, based on your new posts, that i was right. we all do shitty things for shitty reasons, but not everyone recognizes and actively tries to atone for the things they know they've done wrong. what separates a good person from a bad one isn't the absence of mistakes, but the presence of penance, etc. anyway, possible cheesiness aside, it's just good to see people in better headspaces, and i'm glad you got out of this toxic place. best wishes to you.

p.s. i absolutely should not be saying this for a lot lot lot of reasons, but if it's my last chance to say it, i want to know that i got it off my chest since i pretty much blocked from my mind what i'm about to say and i feel like purging things is good, or maybe i'm just drunk. so uh i thought i was half in l*ve with you four years ago despite never having spoken to you and i was slightly convinced we may have been soul mates lmao because so many of your posts resonated with me on a ridiculous level. and well, i've kind of always wanted to apologize for the fantasies i had about you back then because they varied from just plain wrong to absurd. i'm sure it's not unusual for most people, maybe? but it was very unusual for me. so yeah, i'm sorry i used to think about what it would be like to be your vampire wife and drink your blood (in my imagination it tasted amazing idk i'm cringing) and then turn you and spend a literal eternity just killing people for each other and basically just living out a really fucked version of twilight, etc. it was really creepy, especially since i didn't even know you and you didn't know me, so... apologies for that. BUT YEAH, keep on improving you, bud.

Fuck you, too.

Love,

Your user

oregano original teriyaki

You grossly misinterpreted something I said if you believed you were acting in my best interests.

Did they namedrop or just initial? I don't see my person writing here at all (here on a desperate attempt to believe they would care enough to do so) but if it means anything to you that lettuce really stretches, maybe its you. I hope you dont feel sad.

Hm

I don't know what you mean by the lettuce suff and god I wish I could stop being fucking sad.

either her or, more likely, someone who knows me dropped my first name here for a few threads. I have a theory about who it actually could have been fucking with me, but I am not 100% sure.

Dear J
I can't help but act happy, and smile. It makes others around me happy but I really hate it. I get sad and cry. You are the friend I had for the longest time, and you always tell me it's okay to come to you. I'm sorry I'm useless to you, and your troubles when you are so willing to help me. I always think after a I get upset I'll stop it, but I never do. I feel like if I act like myself now everyone will just think I'm asking for attention by not being happy. I don't wanna be an attention whore, but I wanna stop smiling everyday.
-C

you can always come by, im not mad about what you did to me, because i have probably given up on caring

Just tell them the things.

i'm trying to tell them things.

>if it means anything to you that lettuce really stretches
>I don't see my person writing here
hi
t. >i just have some lettuce and sadness.

Nigga I played that game. You're full of shit and faking remorse as a tactic to regain some of the "relevance" you seemed to think you have. Take your BPD and neck yourself, fag

C,
I miss you. I try and push you out of my head, but I can't. I knew this could never work, I should have stopped myself before this even started. I just hope you're happy, and I hope things won't be like they were last time we were apart. I'm still stuck thinking of how things could have been, how I wish things were. I want everything to be easy and our decisions to be straightforward without anyone getting hurt. I miss seeing you every day. I miss your smile. I miss those last minutes and lost evenings we spent together. I'm still as addicted to you as ever, even if you don't feel the same way about me. Even though I could never say it in person, I still love you.
J

>Just tell them the things.
>i'm trying to tell them things.
to add:
communication involves two people.

post the numbers nerd

dear ana
i will never forgive you for dumping me you bitch
i still miss you tho

Was that a test?

Dear God,

This world scares me. Everything about it makes me want to runaway someplace safe. Like hiding away under a tree from the rain. I don't really mind the rain if I've never told you. In fact, I like it a lot better than when it's sunny out. Maybe that's not the way to look at it. Maybe I shouldn't feel worse about sunny days just because it isn't raining, you know what I mean? I lost track of what I was saying. My train of thought does that sometimes. Trails off at any given moment. I feel like something is wrong with my head, I'm constantly afraid. I don't like comfort because it feels foreboding. Like something bad is about to happen and I have to be prepared for it. I don't like sleeping at night when no one else is awake. It feels too vulnerable. I think I'm stuck in a permanent state of apprehension. Like I'm constantly panicking about what could go wrong next. I don't know what to do anymore. My therapist won't help and the doctor says I should just relax. I need help and I'm afraid of anyone who wants to give me it. It's not just that either. I don't want help from these people even though I need it. Something about them just makes me uncomfortable. It's like I'm naked all the time and instead of handing me a towel they stand and stare at me. They won't leave and I'm just surrounded by people watching me who won't leave the room. People will trivialize it, like they're doing nothing wrong standing and watching me. Like I'm the one in the wrong for being naked in my own home. That was the first consequence of original sin though, right? Adam and Eve realizing they were naked? This eats away at my will. Clambers up my heels and clutches onto my back without letting go. Bringing me to my knees unable to move forward. To get on with my life. It follows me around like that same sense of dread I can't seem to shake.

Is this him? The Devil? It feels weird to attribute everything negative to him but I guess it makes sense. In a way it helps. Gives me something to fight for. What now though? I feel like I've found a nice cozy spot away from the rain, or I guess in my case a shady spot under a tree out of sunlight where I can wish it were raining, and now it's time to leave. To throw myself out into the open naked and afraid, and scramble to find enough leaves to cover myself, even though they'll never be enough to make me feel safe. Maybe I'll write about another cozy tree tomorrow. Maybe it won't be as good as this one. I guess I'll have to find out eventually, though I must admit much I dread waiting for what happens next. Thanks, though.

R

dear "nichole"
remember when you said you wanted to work on yourself and wanted me involved? that you "wanna build a future with [me] and MEET [me], make [me] a physical reality for [you]", what happened to that, you said that only a month ago
this was the second (or actually the third) time, guess we just aren't meant for each other, stars can't be close to each other, even if one's burning bright and the other fading
-"rick"

Nah, if you wanted something serious you would have dealt with your insecurities in a civilized manner. How was I a piece of shit? I wanted you to open up to me but you wouldn't and I wasn't there to force you to do shit or to deal with your childish attitude. You broke my trust in a really disgusting way and while I don't think I should have to forgive you at all, I've simply moved on. I was stupid enough once, and I'm doing better now.
Sorry I even tried to be close to you I guess

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You've made your point, the only reason I'm back is because it feels like I've found an answer. I've got no idea when the fuck I'm meant to start caring at all and it felt like it could never happen because really I know I couldn't hold down a job. Everything I've thought over pointed to me just never ever giving a fuck about what anyone thought, but that means there's question because it's objectively not normal to feel this way. I want to give a shit about everything and try fix it all, but I know that means I'm going to need a fucking answer and you can't tell people you just outright don't care to the point of suicide when you're forced to do something you don't want to for an extended period of time. It's not that I can't, it's not that I wont try, but I know it's going to end the exact same way every single time and that's the point I'm at.

The only reason any of this bullshit happens is because I just don't understand the concept of being a normal person and I don't know how to admit that to anyone.

I know it's hard, but if it was you instead, I'd be by your side. I always was. I wasn't perfect, I didn't always help. But I tried, I wanted to. I never thought of you as a false, fair weather friend, and yet here you are. Or, rather, here you aren't. I can't even think back fondly on the good times anymore, they've all been poisoned. You are dead to me.

Yes; you failed.

And now I understand why you're so mad holy shit