I'm about to shamelessly blogpost because there's nowhere else to do it, feel free to do the same.
>20 now >alone for a long time >with the exception of some friends from high school I still text and a few family members, I don't talk to anyone >use discord sporadically, but never get into it because im afraid it will eat up too much time (even though I waste the majority of my time anyways) >meet someone one there who isn't brain dead >i generally dont let myself get attached to people but I start to really like this person >talk to them every day for the last 3 weeks >it starts to get a bit sexual and gay (i can elaborate on this if anyone gives a shit, but its kind of irrelevant) >then it becomes a bit awkward >then they leave, and i cant even blame them because its probably healthier >just deleted my discord, im sitting here staring at the wall
I don't want to be alone anymore. It wasn't even something I was really thinking about until I found this person, but its honestly soul crushingly painful. I don't even care about sex or a gf I just don't want to be stuck in my head. It feels like last year was just yesterday and its all slipping away; I'm waiting to die alone.
Who was being gay? Were you initiating or were they? Was it incredibly clear that whoever didn't initiate was gay to begin with? Discord is a big place user, 20 is still young and you still have some hope if they didn't automatically leave when things got sexual. I'd hang out more with the highschool lads, they stuck with you amongst the wash of other kids they must have met at some point. From there, if you think it's lacking, you can go places with them as an excuse to develop social skills.
Have hope, user. A great deal of people think more of confident, interesting loners than known acquaintances that are clearly upset with their lives.
Hi user! I'll talk to you. I'm not braindead. And I've been there man. Shit sucks. But my life is much better today.
Juan Cruz
they initiated it but I went along with it And no it was not clear, but both of us are at least "bisexual" or whatever the fuck you want to call it. I've always ignored it though because I view it as kind of degenerate and want a wife and kids one day. But part of the issue is that I don't think its healthy for them, because a lot of it is repressed sexual stuff and they seem to be really unsure of it.
I've gradually talked to less and less of my high school buddies and it feels increasingly awkward with them, but yeah I suppose I could. I'm considering joining a church near me as well.
On the whole I haven't been in a state of despair, I'm trying to become more religious and grounded as a person and I've been doing lots of self-improving. It's just that the experience with this person really threw me for a loop and the loneliness stings.
Blake Morales
Hey, how's it going. How'd you get out of it?
So far I've done lots of self improvement stuff but I still feel hollow despite being healthier
Anthony Allen
>21 years old >no gf >KV >most of my friends are leaving the town I live in >girl I like all of a sudden stopped ever talking to me >message her and ask if I did something to her that made her upset with me >2 days later no response
Jaxson Taylor
Just practicing spiritual principles. Being honest with myself and others, not harming others, helping people, prayer and meditation, asking for help, taking other people's suggestions, joining a community, changing my thoughts, not focusing on the negative, not being afraid of pain, facing fear and loving myself and others and my conception of a higher power.
I know it sounds dumb, and I didn't believe it when I started but it is working for me. It attracts good people to me.
Jason Ramirez
you sound like a good guy, user :) meanwhile i'm sitting here with a limp dick after destroying it to milf porn. probably time to get back onto nofap soon
Camden Hughes
>21 >don't have much friends (only 2-3 which consider as close/best friend), friends from high school and national service has stopped talking to me. >has some online friends from vidya but unable to contact since no contact outside of the game and PC breaks for the past 3 months >no gf and not looking for any since a girl breaks my heart few months ago >been on phone 24/7 posting on Jow Forums while staring at walls occasionally + listening to music
The loneliness and despair hits me hard but there isn't any people that I can meet irl, except for whenever I visit my aunt's house. Still it's still feels the same, help
My desire for porn naturally went away. What I do is if I want to masturbate, I just fantasize instead. I went down gradually until I got to still images of girls and eventually nothing. But I also didn't grow up with porn, so it may be easier for me, but I know you can do it. It also helps that I'm a Taoist, and we believe that Jing, or semen and sexual energy, are the first of the three treasures that make us human, and that it's very important to treasure and nurture that part of ourselves. It represents our physical body. When we masturbate to porn all day, we are damaging our body and our brains.
Remember, you are what you do. And you shouldn't do anything in private if you would be ashamed for even a single person in your life to know.
David Long
thank you for the advice chief. I will become a good person one day
Connor Nelson
OP here, yeah then things need to change today. I'm going to become Catholic and get my stuff sorted out. I'm going to start trying to be more of a loving and charitable person, and generally less bitter and miserable. I'm going to get off the internet for awhile in a few hours, and take the next week or so to really commit myself to the change.
Like this guy said you sound like a good guy, glad things are working out for you.
I had a similar experience. Women can be ice cold friend, a girl I talked to for years just cut me off out of nowhere awhile back and it hurts. I wasn't even really interested in her sexually, I just liked talking to her. There are more fish in the sea friend, we're going to get through this.
You should go to a Church that's what I'm going to do. Also maybe we should all start a discord or something to chat, I wasn't sure if this thread would get any responses because its just my shitty blog post but it did so I'm not sure.
Don't worry user, its going to get better for all of us. your friend situation sounds similar to mine, I can relate
Bentley Cook
You're already a good person user, you just need to act like it, right now.
You've got it dude. All we have is the present moment. I'm glad you picked Catholicism, there's a good community and foundation there for you. I know you've got this. And I'm sure I'll see you again some day as we trudge the road of happy destiny together! God bless you and keep you.
It really warms my heart to see young people rejecting atheistic materialism in search for meaning and purpose.
Landon Cook
Were you ever an atheist? What kind of advice do you have for someone who has a hard time believing anything religious? Can I just stick to spirituality?
Josiah Nelson
Yeah materialism, specifically the sort that plagues the modern world is a great evil, we're not meant to be human calculators just speculating on nothing. We need tradition to tie us to the rest of mankind and give us that meaning and purpose, this is something I've realized over the past year.
I have a feeling we will meet again too, God bless you as well.
David Wilson
You two are only 20 and 21... jfc.
JUST STOP THINKING NOW AND GO OUT AND GET HURT, YOU WILL BE FINE AND EVENTUALLY YOU WILL FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL BRING YOU OUT OF THIS.
I went mental at 20, 30 now, barely left my room in 10 years. Burnt all bridges, even moved states. 9/10 stacy I broke up with cause i was mental whom i dated for 5 years got married, has kid with some beta orbiter, she tried to get in touch few years ago but I refused. All my friends tried to get in touch, i refused. Friend even fkn managed to text me about a month ago to try to get in touch I refused. Im completely social phobic at this point.
Dont fuck yourselves over for too long otherwise there really will be a point of no return. You both are fucking young. Go take some night classes in college or something, those people dont give a fuck about social hierarchies or anything like that,usually they are bit older and working on top of it, so no energy to care. This is good if your becoming a shut in or nervous of social situations.
Lucas Rogers
This is OP not the other guy, but I was an atheist and also have a hard time sticking to anything religious. However I think its become easier and easier to get closer to it by studying a lot of philosophy. You should look up Classical Theism as a belief system or if you're more interested in Eastern stuff a lot of that can be easier to except rationally as it doesn't have a lot of the supernatural claims that western religions do. For me a lot of it is about epistemological pragmatism though, where I basically don't see a basis for knowledge or truth outside of something like a religious tradition. For a variety of reasons the Catholic tradition seems to be the most consistent to me so from my point of view if anything around is "True" its probably it, so from there I've been trying to develop the faith to commit myself to it and build true belief from the rational argumentation and basis. There's always some degree of a leap of faith though.
Ethan Lopez
>18 >0 social interaction for years >no bf/gf
Jose Harris
I'm a rising Junior in college and don't talk to anybody. I was in a few clubs my freshman year but I left all of them because the people in them were retarded basically. This is part of why I'm so worried, I have time but its running out and that terrifies me. Like I currently have good career opportunities too but I'm terrified of following them because of severe anxiety about it and what not, and now the loneliness is crippling me more.
I hope the religious stuff can help me and that I can rise out of this pit, but its like I see both roads in front of me and i keep getting dragged further and further to the wrong side.
Nicholas Davis
I was an atheist until 2012. Yes, you can just stick to spirituality. I would recommend the Tao te Ching, Sam Harris's, "Waking Up", and Alan Watts lectures. I began practicing creative visualization, reading spiritual texts, positive affirmations and attitude, helping others, meditating, stuff like that. If you follow a path, you can have a spiritual awakening, or even a spiritual experience. The 12 steps of AA are a simple step by step guide of how to do this.
But I cheated. I ate 3.5 grams of mushrooms and smoked DMT while I was peaking. I sit meditating until the mushrooms were fully kicked in and then do the DMT. I experienced ego death and met my higher power. It changed my whole personality. I am happy today, six years later.
But you have to do the work, that's the key. You have to put it into action. Spirituality is an action word, it's not aboit belief, it's about selflessness.
Thanks, you guys. I like threads like these. Going to eat lunch now, have a good day.
Benjamin Edwards
20ish is around the time some mental illnesses begin to develop men. You may also just be physically ill, some of that could cause social anxiety and phobias etc.
Go to a doctor, be very assertive, dont let him dismiss you, if need be, see a psychologist. If you are averse to pills, tell them, if they suggest some lifestyle changes, DO IT. Force yourself, motivation is temporary.
Do you work out at all? Are you healthy or overweight? Is your diet or sleep shit? All of that could be things you set goals for today and start today, and simply accomplishing those could really benefit you mentally and confidence wise.
Stay in college, get your degree, and take an opportunity when it presents itself. All kidding aside, you hit 30 without job experience and you are fuck dead weight, you go to bottom of the barrel period. No happy endings with that.
Evan Fisher
I was diagnosed with clinical depression years ago and went to therapy for years, I got nothing out of it, although I'm considering going back if nothing changes with my situation. I am against pills although I was on them at one point.
I used to be very fat, over the last year I've gotten healthy although I'm still slightly over weight. I'm still losing weight though and workout regularly. Part of my issue is porn addiction which I haven't been able to curb but I'm starting again today on fixing it.
And yeah I'm aware that things can get really bad if I let them.
