I did it again...

I did it again. I'm in a discord call with a bunch of people only to start talking about stupid stuff and be told to shut up because I'm annoying. I thought I was doing fine. Every time this happens. I find a place I like to be in with people I actually like to talk to and the more I'm there the more my autism sips through and the more I make people hate me. I don't have any real irl friends so being in a community of spergs like that is basically the only thing that keeps me going. I mean I have my parents but without chatting with people about stuff I really want to talk about I'm going to fucking break. Why do I always fuck up and break the goodwill I've built with people? Why am I so fucking autistic and retarded FUCK

I'm not usually depressed but fuck if I lose that I might actually end it.

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with me the problem is not that I can't empathize with people. That works fine, too good even. It's just that I can't present myself in a manner that invites them to like me. I just can't do it. My non verbal skills are shit, my body movements are clumsy and forced and I can be thick as dogshit when it comes to practical stuff.
I don't understand myself at all. Sometimes I'm the smartest guy in the room, the next moment I'm the dumbest guy.
Psychologists called it a "disharmonious intelligence profile" or st like that. It's causing a fuckton of frustration and self doubt, that's for sure

Yea same happens to me pretty much. I think it's because we have bad social skills, we don't know what's appropriate to say or how to say it so we offend or annoy people.

How much have you discorded? I'm very new to it.

a lot. it's how I do most of my social interactions these days. I'm currently active in a pretty big discord where pretty much nothing is off limits (besides a few very specific things) I like it there. I'ts the kind of discord where we post disgusting shit just to annoy newfags and normies. It's fun, and I really like the people there. But I tend to get complacent when it comes to my position and the people I know, and more and more I start to subconsciously discard my self-imposed autism-limiters. A lot of people there are a bit autistic, and talk about non-normie stuff, and I really like it. I just don't want to ever become that one person noone wants to interact with. That's like a personal nightmare for me.

I know what you mean, sounds like you're better than me at social interaction though, I can hardly do it at all.. I guess we just have to work on our social skills.

What was it like for your when you started, anxious? Did you improve your social skills if so how? I'm trying to figure out how, now I just listen and observe people so I can learn, eventually I will need to practice talking more.

Can you give examples of how you mess up? Maybe study your mistakes.

Surely there's enough discord servers you could just move to other ones indefinitely every time a server dislikes your presence? I'm more the opposite, people piss me off to the point I just leave without saying a word and disappear entirely, even in closeknit groups and servers I moderated.

IMO the best thing you can do is keep going until you find people who will atleast tolerate you no matter what. There are way too many servers run and populated by total faggots who simply aren't worth your time, if you have to find a bunch of autists to have a conversation so be it. I personally love those people with no filter who just shit up servers and don't give a fuck, find them

What are you saying?
Tbfwy it sounds like you just want people to suck you off for being that kid
But what are you really saying or doing that would warrant such a reaction

not really. This server I'm on has jaded me a bit and humor that was funny to me before now looks to me like normie garbage. I'm talking about being unnecessarily edgy, people thinking they are ''trolling'' or even those post-ironic memes I've gotten tired of at this point. Every server besides a few dead ones I just join vc and want to die immediately due to excessive autism. And I don't mean the autism I have, I mean FUCKING AUTISM. The haha eks dee kind of autism. I just can't stand it anymore.

What sort of "stupid stuff" were you talking about?

nothing specifically, it's just sometimes I start talking, and talking, and talking, and the more I call a place ''home'', the more I tend to disable the anti-autism software. Everything I mention I've been doing better every year, but sometimes I still feel like I have to talk about something for the sake of it. I don't like being in a conversation and bringing absolutely nothing to it like I'm not even there, and sometimes I begin to comment on stupid shit or talk about really lame stuff. Irl I talk too little, online I talk too much.