ITT: We roleplay as beta wizards who have an inferior complex compared to Harry Potter.
That boy POTTER is a real piece of work. I heard that just last week he spent 1400 galleons on buying everything from the trolley on the hogwarts express! All the girls were bloody frothing from their axe wounds at him throwing money all over the shop. He didn't even leave any Bertie Botts all flavoured beans for us 'normie wizards'. The boy has a silver spoon in his mouth! How could we possibly compete with the boy who lived? just avada kedarva me senpai!
Fuck that guy, if we were both muggles, I could beat the living shit out of him with my bare hands.
Ryder Miller
What do you guys thing school shooting at Hogwarts would look like
Jack Hill
Fucking douchebag ruined my brothers hatting ceremony bc he fell in the lane and came in the great Hall all wet
Jeremiah King
Dad taught me avada kedabra last night, and i have an unregisted wand. Dont come to hogwarts tomorrow, im about to make harry the boi who livedn't
Hudson Gray
what the FUCkdid you just fucking say about me you little hufflephaggot? ill havey ou know i graduated top of my defense of the dark arts clas wiht the second highest NEWT score of all time second to dumblydooor, and ive been involved in numerous secret raids on death eaters, and have over 300 confirmed obliviates. i am trained in magical dueling and im the TOP auror in the EINTRE auror department. you are nothing to me but another death eater. i will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of whic you have never seenbefore on this Earth, mark my fucking words. you think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the floo network? think again, fucker. as we speak i am contacring my secret network of spies across the wizengamot and your fireplace is being traced right now so you better fucking prepare for the storm, wizkid. the storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. youre fucking dead , kid. i can be anywhere, anytime, and i can kill you in over 700 hundred ways, and thats just the basic spells not only am i extensively trained in muggle combat, but i have access to the ENTIRE arsenal of the ministry of magic and i will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of diagon alley, you little shit. if only you could have known what unholy prophecy your little clever charmed parchment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have heeld your FUCKING quill. but you couldnt, you didnt, and now youre paying the price, you goddamn squib. i will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. you're fucking crucio'd, kiddo.
Brayden Miller
>get letter from Hogwarts >dafuk is this bullshit >chuck it in the garbage because it looks like some weird scam >more letters >ignore >some huuuuuge dude called Hagrid shows up >seems like a cool guy, shows me magic >tells me I'm a wizard >ok I'll try this magic school thing it has to be better than regular school >Hagrid tells parents about the stuff >they're taking it well >after freaking out and trying to call the cops >get to go to school after some more convincing >Hagrid is patient and answers my dumb questions >suddenly he tells me he has to go to do some "official Hogwarts business" and something about some barry pah'er or whatever the fuck >he has a pretty thick accent, and the other half of the words get stuck in his beard >fly to britbong land before school starts >parents send me some money because there's weird shit to buy >not sure where anything is or how to get there >get lost >walking around where the directions start not making sense >see some cloak fellow touch a wall and the wall shifts around >yell out, cloaked fellow hurriedly shows me how to get into the "daygon alley" >fucking brits what are they even saying half the time eh >weird place, no timmies in sight, whatever there's neat shit around >start finding shit on the list >get to the "wand" >hunh, wand shop is way too busy >go to another place called "wands and stuff" >browse around, no clerk in sight >start picking up the wands, there are walking sticks, canes, and staves >nothing super cool looking >pick up shortstaff with a knot at the top >feel all lightheaded, feel elated >is this magic? >shit is sweet as fuck >this staff was the bomb >go to clerk who's asleep >wake him up >tell him I want the thing >he tells me "not to poke my eye or other people's eyes out" >ok >basically follow other weird looking, almost-hobo-looking people to train station >be super hot in robes on train >other students look at me funny >it's like ten degrees communist why are we wearing this heavy ass shit
Jaxson Ortiz
>don't talk to anyone because nervous >walk off train when get to hogwarts >take off the huge ass robe and hold it over shoulder >in shorts and t-shirt >all the other students looking at me funny again, not sure why >say hi to Hagrid >he greets me cheerfully but kinda skips a beat and shakes it off >tells me to run along now >sure >walk with robe over shoulder >overhear some gossip, something about "what is with the staff" >oh shit is the staff thing not allowed? >Hagrid didn't stop me should be fine >get shown where to go by stern old lady, she also does a doubletake at staff >doesn't really say anything about it though, guess it's weird but not bad >she tells me to put the robe back on >begrudgingly do it >it's fucking hot seriously >follow other students >keep getting weird rooms >be in large hall >not sure what the whole sorting thing is about >students before me put on a big hat, hat yells out stuff >school has houses, like frat houses? >whatever >getting annoyed at gossip around staff >be tired and irritable >being confused and worried = defensive >get called out >hat gets put on my head >it's speaking in my mind >fuck off get out of my head >hear "oh my, with that attitude..." >it yells out "slythering" >did it just insult me? >oh wait the house is Slytherin >walk over to a table >wrong table >shit this is not my night >get laughed at >go sit down at right table >can't look around because embarrassed but there are lots of pretty girls at least >and they all think I'm dumb and weird now >great
Grayson Brown
>don't talk to anyone for a week >they leave me alone and call me "weird staff guy" >teachers on my ass because walking around in shorts and t-shirt >how the fuck do they expect anyone to function wearing a ton of wool like this >maybe there's a spell to make wool not thermally insulating >magic in general is pretty cool tho >tons of shit to read >embarrassed about sorting hat thing, can't look anyone in the eyes >staff is causing issues in spell practices >students had wands, they were like doctors operating with scalpels >staff was more of a sledgehammer >many messes were made >almost killed a professor performing a spell meant to peel an orange >the orange exploded >the table the orange was sitting on exploded >the professor leaning on the table thankfully did not explode but had to get some pretty gnarly splinters removed >decide that practice is needed somewhere that explosions won't remove faculty members or students >there's some woods around hogwarts, there could be some spots to practice without fear of hurting anyone there >go to Hagrid >Hagrid is acting weird but he shows me to a clearing far from anything important, fragile, or alive >try to peel more oranges but end up making clearing look like a warzone >this shit is hard >take a break, start walking back to school >stop at Hagrid's again and ask him if he wants anything from the dining hall >he says "yah donnut ha'e tah" >donuts? >sure guy >go get him donuts after a snack >he seems to soften >he mumbles something like "mahbe slytharins ain' all bad" >ask him what he means, what's wrong with slytherins >he shoos me off quickly saying I'm not allowed out of hogwarts this late >aigh aight see you tomorrow big bro >go study some more >most of reading time is spent worried about trying to look at pretty girls in the library but not having the guts to look at them because they're probably going to spot me and think I'm creepy because I'm staring at them
Isaiah Flores
There wouldnt be one because every student and most staff members are armed with wands that can act both as a defensive and offensive weapon. In fact its the sole reason why, aside from ol Potter being a Gary Stu, they managed to defeat Voldemort and his army of soul sucker things. The series is still toddler tier though.
Jason Ward
>start to finally get an idea how to not blow shit up with staff >apparently staves are like backhoes, generally just used for big farm work or stuff like that >wands are more like pens or regular little tools for any normal use >performing any spell was going to be challenging >it was easy to stir a drink with a wand >stirring your drink with a fucking backhoe would take some practice to get the finesse just right >hey if that guy dad knew from work could pick up a loonie off the floor with a forklift, eventually I could stir my damn drink with my staff >eventually >don't have enough money for a wand, so I'd have to tough it out >house members seem to always stick to themselves, like teams >some houses were friendly with other houses >slytherins were secretive and they gossiped like hens >but they'd never talk to me >the other houses seemed to hate slytherins too >apparently slytherins are mostly edgy cunts >tfw alone in a house other houses hate >at least I get to study in peace >go get a bunch of books >actually grab some of the agriculture books for shits and giggles >start walking to table with lots of books >run into someone >yell out "FUCK SHIT" loudly in surprise >everyone staring >person I ran into is girl >damn she cute as fuck >mumble lots of "sorry" >get hushed at a lot >girl helps me with books >she says she's called "hermayonee" >first person to speak to me in year and I have no idea what the fuck her name even is >just whisper "thanks sorry my fault sorry thanks don't need to help I got it sorry" >she walks off >yablewitkid.webm >get yelled at for drooling into a book after falling asleep on a spell for stump removal in big old book
Austin Miller
>bring Hagrid more donuts >he's cool as fuck >tells me about dragons and shit >I run off when he thinks hermahyni and the two other dudes she hangs out with are about to show up >still have no idea what that name even go what look more when like >go practice spells more >be able to peel an orange about halfway before it slowly crushes into pulp >it's better than an explosion >staff has become trusty ally despite being a pain in the ass >teachers avoid calling me to do a spell in class as demonstration because of it >awesome, less public humiliation >not doing very good in some classes >shit is boring sometimes famalamalamia >magic is cool but it's often dry as shit >fucking old ass books taking fifty two pages to describe how to swish a wand >or twice that much to explain the difference between a weeble and a woooble, two small magical mouse-like who even gives a fuck >since slytherins gossip so much, learn about shit going on in the school >the kids harmeyeny seem to get her into trouble and stuff >damn she's hanging out with a bad crowd >apparently the other dude with a scar she's friends with survived some super deadly spell and now he's famous >he seems like a bit of a tool but whatever he's never been mean to me or anything >him and the ginger kid don't seem like evil dudes at all, unlike some assholes in slytherns >my "nickname" changed from "weird staff kid" to "that kid that's always in shorts even when it's bloody nippy out" >it's not even freezing and these people are still wearing wool robes like durka durkas >maybe it's a religious thing but making it a school rule is just mean >still haven't managed to speak to anyone let alone muster up the courage to say "hi" or something to hermiownay
Xavier Murphy
>winter arrives >students go home >decide to stay in hogwartds, plane rides suck balls >finally cool enough to wear robes >get yelled at for "wearing summer robes in winter" >WHAT >THE >FUCK >decide to walk around in shorts and a t-shirt just to spite that wrinkle cunt teacher >minus 5 points from Slytherin >fuck this house they're dicks anyway >if teacher didn't stop getting on your case she'd be cool as fuck in your book >her classes were not dull at all >with no classes time is spent between library and clearing innawoods >explore around a bit when bored >Hagrid tells me not to wander >okay.sadface >tells me to put something warm on and shit >not you too >pout >go back inside >no harmeyoni to glance at and think about how cute she looks with her fuzzy hair >christmas break is pretty boring >overhear shit about student shenanigans >those griffindor boys are at it again it seems >she's so smart and cute why does she hang out with those guys, apparently they get into some serious danger >like for real almost getting kill and stuff >worry about hermiyowneh >miss computer and dial-up internet or any technology >looks like the electronicals shit the bed in hogwarts >people mostly ignore me now, at least they don't stare as much >get a little chubby because food is pretty damn good, brits do that well if nothing else >classes resume >feeling more down than usual, the griffindor boys are dragging hermyounei into some stuff >decide to confront her >something has to be done >can't allow her to get hurt >stop her after class >she looks me right in the eyes >freeze up >she asks what's up, stopping in her tracks >oh god fuck what do I do >her hair bounces as she turns a little >she's so cute fuck what do I even say >say "hi" >she says hi back, asks if I need something >spaghetti containment demolished >say "oh not much sorry didn't mean to bother everything okay" >smooth >[facepalming interally]
Adam Rivera
I don't think the average kid knew much about dark magic, let alone anything as equally effective as a bullet being discharged from a modern firearm like a killing curse. Probably they'd use some standard spells such Incendio and catch a few people by surprise, but I'd imagine there'd be a tacit acknowledgement between everyone else present that some guy has just crossed an unspoken line between banterous hexes and actually dangerous spells. Moreover, practically, Hogwarts has some of the most powerful wards in wizarding Britain, so they'd probably be able to inform teachers on an instant if a student was lethally harmed [especially after moaning myrtle was killed they would've installed additional security wards] and apparate there to contain the problem.
I don't think the same selective pressures and malconditioning of the modern 'muggle' world applies to the wizarding world, though. There's nothing like a phone or laptop which would severely fuck up a school shooter's brain through their perusal of it for several hours/day, and you're more or less forced to communicate with other wizards/witches from a young age for entertainment instead of resorting to technology. Part of the modern solitude and isolation is due to the fact no one has anything in common with each other apart from a few pop culture references and shared experiences like schooling, etc, whereas everyone in the wizarding world has a very strong schelling point of systemic magic, which could sustain any conversation for hours and bring people together much easily.
If someone really were disgruntled and isolated in spite of everything, though, they'd probably join a pureblood radical group like the death eaters or just use a potion to drug and fuck someone. There's probably prostitutes in knockturn alley who are willing to take polyjuice potions to satisfy your desires, so all you'd need is a single strand of a cute girl's hair.
Hunter Davis
>she says "oh things are fine, class is starting we should get going" >she walks off >her robes swish around gracefully >she smiled >be stuck in place for a good five minutes in bliss >wait >FUCK >mission failed >be bummed about failure for a bit >go sulk in clearing >cast a few "peel orange" spells at rocks and shit to vent >go get some snacks, put a box of donuts on Hagrid's doorstep, knock, and walk away >don't want to bother him with my pouty bullshit >get back to clearing >try out stump removal spell I read about >miss stump >hit dirt behind stump, even bigger explosion than orange peel spell >get covered in dirt >can't even use staff right for what it was made to do >sun is setting, have to get back to hogwarts or I'll get in trouble >sulk back to room >get laughed at for being covered in dirt >go clean up >big hubbub when I come back >something about some griffondor student that got petrificus'd, forheadscar, gingerpoor and harmioene being missing >god damn it I seriously fucked up now >failing to confront hermeeonai means she's off god knows where >getting god knows what done to her >be both very angry and a little turned on when images and lewd sounds pop up into mind >but be mostly disappointed in self >platinum blond fag and his two bear-homo friends start making jokes about the three griffindors dying >[triggered] >glare at him with the power of a thousand suns >oh shit damn he noticed >starts shittalking at me, saying stuff like "oy u got a problem' wit dat, eye hook u inna gabber 'swer to me mum" >his fatty McHomo body guards starting to advance menacingly >remember I still have snacks from earlier >pull out orange, toss it over at platinum girlyboy >he looks confused for a second >point staff at him >he loses his shit and yells "run away" dropping the orange >his boiz follow him, probably not knowing why but doing it anyway >whew >go to bed hoping hermayyewnhey is ok >can't sleep
thus concludes the nobody gives a shit hogwarts autist story
I like it so far user. I still have to finish reading it though.
Juan Myers
The scary thing is that there wouldnt be one at all since the school caster would get their ass handed to them on a platter in a second. Instead it would be some edgelord from Slytherin who got pissy at someone making fun of their cloak version of a fedora or some beta from Hufflepuff who wants to sperg out because Stacy went out with Cage the Mage. So what they would do is spike someones food or drink, or in the dead of night after stalking them for weeks put some spell or curse or some shit on the target while no one nor one of those ghost faggots are around. Basically it would be like a murder in a Brazilian favela where a body is just there dead and no one knows or really cares what the fuck happened unless it is a character important for plot purposes or someone with some sort of connection to the higher ups.
Adrian Brown
I enjoy potions with Snape and would love to gander at the forbidden section of the library, but can't go a day without being accused of being a dark wizard, even as a joke it hurts.
Potter, that bastard gets away with everything, gets away with every single thing. I was almost expelled for simply reading a professor's edition of Potions for Sixth Years. Honestly. Really? None of the ravenclaw girls are even interested in me.
I fucking hate being a Hufflecunt. Well back to muggle books.
Thanks, sometimes I feel like continuing it but writing is weird for me, it's both fun and a giant fucking chore. The mood that puts fun slightly ahead of chore is rare so I end up not writing very often.
Justin Thomas
That was beautiful user, please go on
Brandon King
Gryffindor: >Chads >Jocks >Hotheads >Betas who are aggressive >Stacys >The nicer half of thots >Has aggressive blacks and spics, possibly Maoris and pacific islanders >Host the best parties
Hufflepuff: >'Nice guys' >Withdrawn, amiable nerds >Well rounded kids >Less judgmental kind of beckies >Cyborgs >Lots of weebs, more south/southeast asians >more girls than guys >Easiest place to make friends and get along
Ravenclaw: >""Nice guys"" >Fedoras into military hiatory >Fedoras denying the existence of Merlin >Audible, 'class pet' kind of nerds >'The 13 year old kid doing university level maths' >Political beckies >Smarter thots who overestimate their intelligence and appearance >Robots >most east asians and half the jews here >Highest amount of autists, lowest chance to be judged for being an autist
Slytherin: >'My dad's a lawyer' >Manipulative Chads >Status-obsessed stacys who glare at everyone >Despite breaking a bunch of rules, they get off because they suck up to teachers >Most potential school shooters >Sociopathic muggleborn from years of getting bullied who is a ticking time-bomb >Half the jews here >Probably the whitest house >Best house for nepotistic connections and toughen up for the real world
Zachary Gutierrez
I'll try to write more but I can't right now as I'm working. Sorry and thanks I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Angel Long
>The series is still toddler tier though. They are literally children's novels. I read them as a child and it's nice to daydream about it all day, being picked up away from all this shite and taken to away to a wonderful old magical school where I'll finally make some friends.
Hunter Rodriguez
>thus concludes the nobody gives a shit hogwarts autist story holy shit that was amazing, this would be a great spinoff Harry Potter book(that you should write). Of course you'd have to force something in like him accidentally doing something that helps 'arry po'er.
Grayson Morgan
Hufflepuff definitely seems like the best house to just get along and have a good time, like how I wish school was.
Blake Bell
i saw him doing some super gay shit with the red headed dude. it was like 2 am on a weekday in the common room
Parker Gomez
t-thanks
>spinoff potter book I should write I'm afraid that'll never happen. See >force something in like him accidentally helping potter Although I will write a bit more of this kinda thing eventually, I don't think that'll happen either. The idea of this guy is to be comfy early hogwarts where he barely even hears of the adventures that the "main characters" have. Whenever there's something really canon story-worthy going on, he just happens to not be there or something (or it happened while his back was turned). I wanted to capture that "fuck I just missed it" feeling that I've often gotten in my life, while still having the comfy and cool magic shit. Oh and obviously have a lot of autism and awkward/possibly comedy and general feels.
For example in relation to him never being in "main story", in my head he was to leave hogwarts entirely after third year. This may have something to do with how Hermione stops being cute at that point, but it's also because he would be forced into "main story" stuff in the Harry Potter universe just because he's Slytherin.
sorry if this isn't really what you want and stuff
That's why I got the fucking AK I'ma shoot that nigga when I see him AYO HOL UP THERE HE BE AYO WHITE BOY *BRRRRRRRRT* SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIT HE DEAD LIKE A MOFO NAMSAYIN AHAHAHAHAHA AYO WORD UP
