Tard Stories Thread

Tard stories thread

Post some of your personal tard stories here!

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I hope you're planning to start with one

Got a good one.
>be me, 2006
>7 years old
>goes to a tard-friendly elementary school
>tards can get away with whatever
>THEY'RE SPESHUL
>bullshit.wav
>walking to class, when suddenly...
>this severely reatrded downie comes out of the cafeteria, screeching
>apparently, his ds was taken away
>he attacks whoever he sees
>punches a 6/10 girl
>sees me
>ohfuck.wav
>runs at me
>builds up courage
>blocks the tard's attacks and actually make the tard fall to the floor
>tard cries
>a libtard wranglers comes and yells at me
>"WHY'D YOU DO THAT? HE'S SPESHUL"
>taken to principal's office
>claim self-defense
>lose
>suspended for a month

Damn tards.

>be me
>15 y/o male
>high school
>freshman year sucks big dick
>in the lunch room
>none of my friends have the same lunch period as me baka
>sit down in the corner of the lunch room, adjacent to the two tard tables

Here's a quick run-down of the tards at my school:
>About 10 tards in my lunch period (there's about 20 in total). There's 1 wrangler to every 3 tards. The tard guards normally do an alright job of keeping the tards under control, most of them are just straight up autismos (although their autism is severe). They're mostly white males, some are fat, most are pretty lanky, and at least 3 of them are named Patrick, but it's a diverse crowd of autism.

>didn't get anything to eat because I'm not hungry
>looking at my phone while the battery hovers at 1%
>the battery dies
>shid.png
>my eyes wander around the room because I'm bored
>I see a hadji tard flailing about with his obese sidekick
>then my eyes turn to the tard table
>bad_move.txt

>all the tard guards were on break
>I look to the tard table and immediately an anorexic tard's eyes lock with mine
>his eyes widen and he begins vibrating before letting out an autistic howl

>the entire tard squad charges toward me, throwing their Capri Suns and graham crackers and cheese at me before forming a pig-pile on my sorry ass
>the anorexic kid gets trampled and his glasses break

>suddenly, through the wall of chromosomes, I see the fat tard running toward me at mach tard speeds
>he springs up and his immense density crashes through the other tards
>he presses his massive ass against my face, making sure his fellow tards block off any route of escape
>then, it happens
>I feel it, I see it, I smell it; liquid shit spews from his ass and into my face (good thing he forgot to pull his sweatpants down beforehand)

>after about a minute of being gang-banged by tards, the bell rings and the tards run out of the room, includi
ng the fat kid, whose pants were visibly shat
>mfw nobody batted an eye at this

When'd this happen, do you remember?

Sometime in April, I think

b& boy

Could be a different year

could be an underage poster

There once was a poster on Jow Forums who was against circumcision. The end. There's your tard story.

Could be.

How tardy.

Me, god damn, I'm diagnosed with autism, What the fuck, god, you think all autistic people don't know they're acceptable targets, yikes, none of you ever felt anything but shallow loss either, and that loss could be easily replaced

>third grade
>in english class
>sitting with who was essentially my elementary school gf
>there's a girl in our class named Engrid
>she's fucking retarded
>like actually retarded
>she starts freaking out for no apparent reason
>screaming, jumping, pulling her hair out
>boy was I terrified
>the teacher calls someone and a tard wrangler storms into the classroom
>she tries to grab Engrid but Engrid's tard strength had already developed
>Engrid twists free and grabs some books
>she turns to the brave soul and throws them
>she missed, thankfully, that tard ranger could have lost her life
>the woman bucks up and grabs her around the waist and begins to drag her out
>Engrid grabs my gf by the arm and shoulder, my gf immediately screams
>she was one of the most posh bitches in the school and was also tiny
>probably 4'8"-4'10" at the time
>she had no idea what to do
>what was worse was that she despised Engrid and often said horrible things about her to me
>the teacher runs over and unhinges my gf from her grasp
>Engrid is carried from the class room screaming
>my gf quietly sobs to herself and looks at the claw marks dug into her precious baby white skin
>We didn't see Engrid again.

Oh, do tell about your autism. I'm curious.

Rest in potatoes, Engrid.

I could have had many more because after this story I was almost sent to a therapeutic school that mainly dealt with autistic students
>be me, 16
>in mental hospital
>every day during visitations literal aspies with no visitors fling shit
>one tard has immense anger issues
>the more annoying tard randomly insults angry tard
>angry tard takes the lid off his hospital water jug and splashes other kid
>annoying tard loses it, runs into hallway and bangs his head on the wall
>tard wranglers grab him by the arms and strap him down in a bed and sticks a needle full of ativan in him
Nobody gave the whole thing a second glance

Wait, so you're one of them?

>6/10
>7-year-old
Dude...

Well I was in the hospital because I have depression, anxiety, conduct disorder, ADHD, and I was detoxing from benzos
but those kids had actual Aspergers

>9
>Some fancy faggot in my year had lunch prepared for him by his 'chef' (probably a caretaker or some shit)
>Everyone mires his lunch and he shares it with the proto-stacys
>Jealous, especially angry at him since it wasn't his work but instead someone else's
>Decide that if I make a better meal by myself I'll be the king of the hill
>Going to make stew
>Large tupperware container filled half with water
>Shredded up pieces of toast
>Cherry tomatoes crumpled up by my hand
>Lots of pork mince, raw
>Lots of salt, some spices that I can't remember the name of
>Doesn't look nearly as good as I thought it'd be
>For some reason, I thought if I left it in my bag overnight, it would become good since sometimes I saw mum leave things in the fridge overnight to prepare food
>Go to school, smug
>Hey ben, check out what I've got
>Kids all ran away from me, was pulled to the principals office and my parents were called
>Indignant at this for nearly 2 years until I realised I was in the wrong
and that I made something absolutely disgusting

Yep. I was 7, I regret it now.

>depression
It be like that sometimes.

>be me
>7th grade
>School does this outdoor Ed thing, essentially entire grade goes to this summer camp but with gay school shit mixed in
>We are separated in to cabins with like 10-15 other people
>Of course I get the one tard coming in my cabin
>The whole week is hell
>Within like the first day he is already bitching about being homesick
>Everybodygrone.avi
>The counselor we had in the cabin was a complete bro about it
>ff about 3 days (we were there for a week)
>Everybody is supposed to shower at least once a day
>It's evening, his turn to shower
>This is normal so no one thinks anything of it
>15 minutes pass and he is done showering
>Suddenly we hear him say "I forgot my underpants"
>Wut.gif
>"I'm coming out boys"
>O fuck o fuck o fuck
>Like 5 minutes of him telling us he's going to come out
>I of course didn't hear what he said so I went over to see the commotion
>Door flies open
>Normal look about leg/crotch height bc social autism means I can't look people in the eye
>Just like that, face full of tard dick
>Good reactions so I immediately realize wtf is going on
>Only see a glimpse
>Rush to bed and dive into cover
>Everyone else is doing the same
>Walks about ass naked and looks for his underwear
>The poor counselor has to help him find it
Like a solid 3-4 minutes and he finally finds his underwear
>Justkillmeplease.gif
>Everyone sighs in relief
I can't remember if it was that night or another one but he spent the entire night cry and begging to go back home, but that's the story of how I got flashed by a tard. At the end of the week he told us he had some form of autism as if nobody knew (it was mega obvious). I think it actually happened a little different but that's as well as I can remember, I think I got it pretty close tho

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TL;DR: Leave prepared food in the fridge for best quality.

I may not be a doctor, but for that, I advise you try and forget.

>TARD STORIES THREAD
TARD STORIES TARD STORIES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I do, I do, but it's burned into my memory. It was like an overgrown inchworm with a mistach on top. I try not to dwell on it but in hindsight it was kinda funny

Got a story to tell?

Oh, RIP. That sucks.

nope, never wondered near them despite my school has a special ed

>wondered near them
Someone get this tard's wranglers, he's loose!

What are you, a normie?

Maybe he knocked them out and hid their bodies somewhere.

>4th grade
>have to go to the bathroom
>I see someone outside on the opposite wall
>think nothing of it
>head inside
>there's only one kid in there, just standing there
>realize the lady outside was a tard guard
>high_speed_low_drag.exe boots up
>go to the urinal on the other side of the bathroom
>unzip dick
>I try not to look at him
>I catch his glare
>he's staring at my dick
>wtf.png
>shove him away while I'm still pissing
>he comes back
>I shove him once more
>critical hit, the tard is fallen
>I pin him down with my foot while I finish
>I finish up and leave
>briskly walk past the tard guard as I GTFO

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I was to pussy to go explore my school during my school years there, I was always in my class during recess, and went straight to home after school

There is a legend from my middle school that happen a year or two before I got there where some tard went in and pasted shit literally across the entire bathroom

>Patrick
Why is it such an autistic name?

Well, that explains why.

>be me
>13
>in middle school
>school has a tard wing by where all the tech classes are (by tard wing i mean a fucking extension to the school just for tards)
>be walking down the hall to tech class
>i'm kinda late to class so the tards are roaming about
>tard girl is letting out the LOUDEST screech ever
>try to walk by and ignore he tard
>big mistake
>get screeched at by the tard
>go deaf in one ear for about an hour
>thank god it wasn't a high ranking tard or else i might've gotten swarmed
>start to speed up and rush into the classroom
>finally safe

And it was nothing more than a legend?

Probably because of a certain seastar. If you know what I mean.

I feel sorry for you. Having a tech class in a tard area.

it sucked, sometimes you could hear tard screeches over the equipment

A teacher told us so I'm pretty sure it's true, I would greentext but idk the details

>be me
>16
>be well known in an in-school gang (i live in a hood area that tries to act clean)
>main area of "business" takes place in the tard bathroom
>nobody goes in the tard bathroom so we even smoke blunts in there
>be hitting a box mod
>tard walks in
>sonofabitch.gif
>tell the downie it was just a fog machine
>gtfo as fast as possible
>mfw the downie believed the most transparent lie ever

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Don't let them get to you. Just ignore those tards.

That's ok. You don't have to try and explain it.

Wow. Downies must be called downies because their intelligence must be really down.

Wtf that's so loud, my dad was always doing construction in my house bc it was super old and damn, that shits loud

What kind of construction? Like expanding the house?

>Have a special ed class in high school because of my 'tism
>Get to work on my homework and projects there so I don't have to at home
>First two years or so we had this Asian guy in the class, I'm pretty sure he was Korean
>Really tall, no physical deformities, would probably have a girlfriend if he wasn't retarded
>But he was retarded
>Really loud voice with that distinctive downie slur
>Demanded that the teacher put up a Minions poster he brought to "lighten the mood"
>Struggled with everything and got really pissed off when people tried to help him

That's the only really interesting one, anyways.

Sometimes, mostly fixing broken shit. We added a whole 2 story garage tho and r modeled the kitchen and added a new bathroom

>tfw no extra chromosome gf

>minions
*jumps off cliff*

>tfw when short reply

EXTRA CHROMOSOME GF WOULDN'T CARE THAT IT'S SHORT ;_;

I bet she wouldn't.

extra chromosome is love
extra chromosome is life

the real tard story here is OP's image having an ifunny watermark

Just remembered another one from the same kid
>Be me
>Now in highschool, freshman year
>There's this really gay ass gamer club
>Go to it for a few weeks bc I was a leit gamer
>They kept the lights off bc they used projectors
>I was a pc master race gamer so I sat in the corner playing civ v
>Someone taps me on the shoulder
>The room was some study room so it had some cubical like things
>The kid motions me to be quite and then points for me to look over the wall of the cubical
>See tard on phone
>Don't see it at first
>Wtf.gif.avi.webm
>This faggot is looking at gay porn on his phone right next to me
>Almost can't contain kek
>Holyshit.jpg
>Sit there stunned
>The kid starts showing a few other kids, one being the club leaders brother who was also the coleader
>Coleader talks to teacher at the end of meeting
>Heard he got kicked out
>Never went back to verify
Me not going back might have also had something to do with me calling the coleader a nigger, but who knows (he was black)

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A watermark as thin as your brain.

Why would you show other people that crap

Bc it was fucking hilarious, also I wasn't the one showing people. Especially the looks on their face. Also felt good to not be the one get shit on for once

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I guess tards are good for one thing.

There was also a roomer he did it in the middle of class in eigth grade

Another less exciting one was when I was working drive thru in mcdicks
>Be me
>Probably 17
>In drive thru
>Taking orders over the headset
>"I'll have a quarter pounder and 4 plain hamburgers"
>"Ok, is that it mama?"
>"Yes it is ... reeeee" (the ree sounded off in the distance, sorta quieted)
>Internally kek but think it was just a car noise
>Know that plain hamburgers are also practically a signature for autist
>Car pulls up to the window
>In the passenger side there is a autistist literally reeing
>On my town most autist are fairly well behaved, at least the downies in my school
>Never seen an autist actually ree before
>It was like straight from the meme
>"REEEEEE"
>take the money and say nothing
>As soon as she's gone just about die laughing
There was also a bus full of tards that came for ice cream every once in a while but they were always well behaved

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I just remembered another story

>be me, late 2006
>7, almost 8
>got the nintendo wii when it came out
>played it every day for hours on end
>also had a fish tank, with a few clownfish in it
>you'll see why this matters soon
>in school, i was forced to become friends with this autist tard who throws temper tantrums if he doesn't get what he wants
>end up having to get him to come over
>he sees my wii
>"hEy user, CaN wE pLaY wIi?"
>I say sure, just as long as you be careful
>we play wii sports, in an intense game of bowling
>well, that's how the autist saw it
> I was winning with a near-perfect score, and he tard only had a few points
>pathetic.jpg
>end up getting the strike on the last round
>tard only gets 2 pins
>he freaks out from losing
>starts having temper tantrum
>he spots my fish tank
>he grabs it, unplugging it from the wall
>I tell him to calm down
>he doesn't, he just gets worse
>the tard pours the water, including the fish on my wii
>the wii starts sparking, the picture on the wii glitches
>I try to get a towel to dry the wii
>gets zapped by a spark
>hurt like hell
>the wii catches on fire
>image on tv still glitching
>call my mom
>no answer
>calls 911 and evacuates the tard out of my house
>firemen show up and extenguish the fire
>had to throw out the wii
>told the tard's mom about this
>she refuses to pay, i didn't go easy on the tard
>It wasn't until christmas 2007 when I got another wii


Why are tards so tardy?

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Why would you invite a tard over, what possesed you to make such dumb desicions

I was forced to, because libtard mother of the autist wanted me to.

>goes to a tard-friendly elementary school

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Tard-friendly, as in tard dominant

I miss working with them sometimes, some of the most interesting people

>work at tard barn-type place
>students range from mild aspergers to screeching autism
>one tard fixated on me
>voice, mannerisms, and face exactly like Doofy from Scary Movie
>said he could see ghosts and hear spirits
>would smile with two crossed eyes, point to a window and go "There is a mom and baby ghost there, they died in a car crash"
>said he had a healing factor like Wolverine and hurting him makes him stronger
>came in with bleeding cuts every day despite having Hepatits A
>constantly asked for fist bumps and screamed when refused
>bragged about speeding ticket and almost caused an accident peeling out of the parking lot once
>had to be kicked out of program after repeatedly threatening me and coworkers and scaring everybody

>student climbs extremely tall playground swingset
>screams bloody murder because he can't get down
>jumps down and is fine
>would randomly scream I WANNA GO HOME and FUCK THIS PLACE
>pretty cool guy actually

>student that acted 8 despite being late 20's
>extremely cheerful but easily overwhelmed
>calmed down by sitting in corner with taped up pictures of favorite celebrity saying encouraging quotes

>guy that didn't seem like he had aspergers at all
>extremely low confidence despite better social skills than me
>probably posts on Jow Forums

>be me
>Be cat
>Live with tard
>Generally stay the fuck away from him
>One day he sees me and starts screaming "HERE KITTY KITTY" in usually tard voice
>Frozen in fear
>He starts sprinting twords me with his arms streched out in front of him
>start sprinting away as fast as I can
>Tard strength kicks in
>Litteraly throws table out of the way
>Ofuck.gif
>Chasing me all over the house
>Bodyslams furniture and shit out of the way
>After like 15 minutes he finally settles down
>Lays on floor and crys
>I cease the chance and book it
>It's been like half an hour and he is still crying
I think the dad is home now
Meow

Rip catto, pray

Isn't this most American schools, though? My middle and highschool had tards integrated into all the classes until AP levels

>found zero results for 'chippo man'

Someone post it pls

First result on google is the entire greentext, you post it

Imagine being an honors student trying to listen to the lesson that's quintessential for passing the upcoming standardized test but you can never get to it because the class potato won't shut up about the spaghetti literally spilling out of his pocket.

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>be me
>be retarded since birth
>buying groceries on way back home
>tomatoes get
>couple of step ahead realise.gif
>forget to pay for tomatoes
>????
>PROFIT
being a retard pays its dividend

Why's there so many autists in burger? Do you attribute it to women getting preggers much later in life?

Nice larp leddit.

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Well well well. Now what do we have here friendo.

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>would probably have a girlfriend if he wasn't retarded
>but he was

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Burgerland is a pretty big place. Also that, probably.

No I just like reclaiming the R*** threads by coming in here and being the r*** everyone makes fun of, like damn do y'all think we're oblivious or something? Like can you guys think for yourselves and realize that most autistic people know you guys hate us?

Source; being dxed with autism

Tell an amusing story about your autism or shut your retarded mouth, we don't care about your perspective.