My whole life is built around dulling my depression to stay productive/active/alive...

My whole life is built around dulling my depression to stay productive/active/alive. How do I change my focus and become something better?
>inb4 dyel
lifted during highschool, I'm glad if I can get up in the morning now. how do you change from tired skeleton to strongman build?

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Try to fix sleep and diet they have the greatest effect on you

Try and hang around a bit longer.

my whole life i took the easy route so i started doing the opposite

get a therapist and work with him on it
if it doesn't work resort to anti depressants in combination with therapy
it could be the circumstances youre living in making you depressed or it could be a trauma you havent learned how to deal with mentally
were jsut some anons and not professionals

>My whole life is built around dulling my depression to stay productive/active/alive
Welcome to being an adult.

>get a therapist
yeah op, spend thousands of dollars so someone who doesn't care about you nod his head and sells you pills.

lmao america
my therapist helped me a lot but the meds helped me even more by enabling me to change my circumstances completely
all i paid was 5€ every 3 months for 2 years for the mirtazapine

>it could be the circumstances youre living in making you depressed or it could be a trauma you havent learned how to deal with mentally
Both is true. Circumstances leading to early trauma, early trauma leading to harsh circumstances. Dad suicided himself when I was a toddler, pedodude got involved with my mother, he got murdered too, step-dad was always an asshole who used me as a free work force in his manufacture, got bullied at the first day in primary school by some cunt, only guy I cared for (grandpa) died when I was nine... there's a lot of shit to cover, that I don't really care about honestly. It's all arbitrary, I'm fucked up regardless. I just want to live life now.

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My whole life was a battle though.

Try CBD oil. It's some of the good stuff about weed with none of the bad stuff.

I think I'll order it at zamnesia. Recommend me a different source if you're sure it's better.

I use CBDistillery. Never heard of Zamnesia.

well at least you know what the problems are
if you are american and cant afford professional help/treatment then you know what to work on
i can tell you already you cant change the past and you have to accept it for what it is
i know it sounds stupid right now but its really that simple
your future on the other hand is entirely in your control
try to improve your life in all areas you need goals but dont do it all at once
go step by step
dont retreat you absolutely NEED successful experiences
be it being the responsible person for your clean apartment and getting your chores done or improving your education
never forget to take SOME time for yourself with something that you enjoy or calms you down like taking a walk in the forest or a hobby like lifting etc. pp.
thats really all i can tell you right now
oh and if you do happen to be able to get treatment dont be afraid of it most negative experiences were people who werent trying to improve
medication helped giving me the power to work on my life while not taking any out of fear cost the life of a good friend of mine
it is absolutely possible to work yourself out of it without medication but depending how deep down the rabbit hole you are you will need EVERY help you can get

here
you can take CBD but for the love of god if you are a regular smoker STOP

>your future on the other hand is entirely in your control
lol doesn't look like it. I need an actual plan. I'm not 16, where I was convinced of something and actually able to change my life for the better. Now I need to use tricks and workarounds for my dumbass state of mind.
>dont retreat you absolutely NEED successful experiences
I usually don't get them.
>be it being the responsible person for your clean apartment and getting your chores done or improving your education
That's not an achievement. I try that all the time.
>never forget to take SOME time for yourself with something that you enjoy
I want to cut down on things that I enjoy. Because I've been wasting too much time on bs hobbies and taking walks and reading nonsense. I want to get a job, but it seems like they don't want someone with 0 (zero) confidence and social media appearance.
>you will need EVERY help you can get
>help
I'm on my own, basically. And I'll have to feed my broke ass family and support my lazy ass brothers.

If this is how you think do you ever wonder why your not happy? fucking faggot

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At least post the true and only one

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I mainly lurk /pol, saw /fit mentioned there but never gave it any thought until now

I did some blood work and my testosterone levels are 483ng/ml, doctor said that is "fine" but, from what I understand that is low

Ever since my sex life started going down hill, I started looking at porn and now I look at it and fap 3-5 times a week, sometimes 2-3 times a day.

Should I take a testosterone supplement? About to go over to GNC and get one, but I am not sure if that will help.

Will lurk more

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Well I'm only 28 now and when i was suicidal i was 22. I failed the top tier school certificate (Abitur in Germany) and left school with a shit tier certificate that barely certified me for manual labour (Hauptschulabschluss) when i was 18. My depression got continually worse to the point that i became suicidal.
When i called myself in for psychiatry at 22 i got a therapist and a psychiatrist for the meds.
They also helped me get into a rehabilitation program where i then became a certified computer science expert for system integration.
For me it started when my mom became schizophrenic when i was about 14 and later she became a prostitute.
I pronounced *some* time for yourself because obviously the majority of your time should be spent acquiring successful experiences and improving which requires hard work. Just don't forget yourself.
Also don't give me the "I'm too old to change my life", the mother of the gf of my best friend worked in construction all her life and started studying physics when she was 58. Shes finishing her master next year. This is an extraordinary example and rather extreme but it is always possible if you take the right steps.
You sound like you already gave up. Anyway i'm out, there's really nothing of value i can add now.

OP here
>Should I take a testosterone supplement?
Get SARMS or any alternative brand. Doctors will make you sick with their shit.
>Von Hauptschule zum Informatiker
Wie hast du das denn hinbekommen?
>You sound like you already gave up.
Pseudo-dementia fucks with everything. I'm trying to reverse it, but I lose the faith in my capacity for change.

Ich bin ja bis zur 11. Klasse auf einem Gymnasium gewesen, allerdings bin ich dann geflogen weil ich durch Schlafprobleme und allgemeine Trägheit nicht mehr hingegangen bin. Eigentlich hätte ich auch einen Realschulabschluss haben müssen, aber ich wurde dann irgendwie darum betrogen und habe mich auch nicht mehr darum gekümmert.
Mal ganz davon abgesehen habe ich letztens noch im Focus von einem gelesen der seine gesamte Jugend auf der Hauptschule war und später in Harvard studiert hat.
Du bist also deutscher, ja? Dann gibt es wirklich genug Angebote und Möglichkeiten für dich. Lass dich krankschreiben und informiere dich bei der Arbeitsagentur.
Die Diakonie hat auch in so gut wie jeder Stadt Anlaufstellen die dich beraten und betreuen können.

Finde ich ziemlich geil dass du dazu in der Lage warst, dich so hochzuarbeiten. Das passiert recht selten.
>Die Diakonie hat auch in so gut wie jeder Stadt Anlaufstellen die dich beraten und betreuen können.
Ich bin schon so lange depressiv, dass das meine grundlegende Persönlichkeit und mein Aussehen verändert hat. Sprich mit einem Therapeuten über Pseudodemenz, er wird dich auslachen.

Das habe ich auch nur mit Hilfe von Medikamenten geschafft. Moderne Anti-Depressiva machen nicht süchtig und wirken sehr gut, nach zwei Wochen Einnahme war ein Schalter in mir umgelegt.
Pseudodemenz habe ich noch nie gehört, aber ich kann mir vorstellen was du meinst. Das ist die Depression. Anstatt dich auf etwas zu konzentrieren ist dein Gehirn mit all den negativen Dingen beschäftigt die da rumschwirren und komplett gehemmt.
Mein Gedächtnis hat auch extrem gelitten während ich depressiv war.
Sprich bei deinem Hausarzt die Depression direkt an und mach dem klar wie schlimm es ist. Ich habe direkt in der Psychiatrie angerufen weil ich relativ plötzlich von einer gefühlt mittelschweren Depression an das absolute Limit angelangt bin. Zu dem Zeitpunkt hätte ich keine 5 Minuten länger ausgehalten.
Solltest du Medikamente bekommen, kann es sein dass du auch zur Beobachtung für ca. 6 Wochen in eine Psychiatrie musst, allerdings sollte du in eine offene Einrichtung kommen wo du nach belieben ein und aus gehen kannst.
Wie gesagt ich musste die Medikamente zwei Jahre einnehmen bzw. ich wollte auch vorher nicht die Einnahme stoppen da ich mittendrin war meine Wohnsituation umzukrempeln und viele Anträge/den Beginn der Ausbildung zu bewältigen hatte.
So jetzt muss ich wirklich weg, es wird spät. Ich wünsche dir alles gute.

>Sprich bei deinem Hausarzt die Depression direkt an und mach dem klar wie schlimm es ist.
Auch mittelschwer.
>So jetzt muss ich wirklich weg, es wird spät. Ich wünsche dir alles gute
Danke dir auch.

there is no future, there is no past. remove all layers and turn and proceed in the direction of your shadow

one more thing, learn to do nothing

Life is a fight user. A fight towards a greater future. Everyday you lose that, you lose your sense of self and respect. Fight user. Fight. It is the only good thing there is.

it never gets better
just kill yourself before you get too old to do so
t. had depression (Diagnosed MDD) & Anxiety for 15+ years & it never fucking goes away
i've literally done everything under the fucking sun to help myself & no matter what you fucking do it always finds a way to sneak back into your brain & fucking destroy everything about you
fuck this shit man just give up
inb4 crybaby fake disorder
i've done every thing imagineable. Everything.
It's like my brain is just a fucking lump of meat in my head that has zero emotions & only knows how to feel tired & hungry.
fuck this shit man

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