Selfloathing thread

I can relate to a lot of what you said, also David Bowie is great.

What in particular do you relate to? Do you manage to make progress?

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That's all I have. So I value myself based on what I have.
The others have friends and family and a loving wife and children and things they do together so of course you value them on that.
Can't help but compare myself to others and since everyone else is doing just fine in life there is something wrong with me and I'm taking up space someone else could have to get that which I'll never have.

>The others have friends and family and a loving wife and children and things they do together so of course you value them on that.
Sounds kinda ass backward to me, I mean don't get me wrong, no man is an island and we all naturally compare against those around us and stuff. But what is important to _you_?
Like this is magical genie time where he says "I can teleport you anywhere into any career or social milieu you wish" - what would you pick? What do you think would give you the most satisfaction if you could be taken far, very far away, (if you choose) from your current situation?

>why do you hate yourself user?
a little bit of this this this and thisi also have unacceptable sexual preferences that i can never do anything about, i trust nobody, got nothing to say and swinging from "hey, people are pretty okay" to "i wish the end of humans now"
all in all i am a pretty fucked up person, and i don't deserve any love

A lot of people tell me I'm smart but I'm actually really REALLY fucking stupid. I can't do anything by myself and I have no life experience, probably because I don't go outside ever since I was 8, I just lock myself in my room because people around me have abused me since I was born and even those I once called friends avoid me or have backstabbed me. I feel worthless and useless because of this. I'm only well versed in topics no-one is interested in. I never had a proper pet, my family had some fishes back in the day and my grandma recently adopted an old dog that dislikes everyone who isn't an old woman. I'm all alone in this gray world, I don't want a gf or a bf anymore. I've had both. My gf cheated on me and my bf broke up with me because he couldn't take me seriously. I just want a parrot or two pet rats so I have something that likes me, something I can care for and not feel worthless.

I keep fucking up, failing, disappointing people in my life, no matter how much work I put it I fall short.

Physcially Im pretty disgusting to look at.
it's hard to remove selfloathing from the core of my personality that and my poor social skills & over thinking and ending up not saying anyhing Im a drag to be around

>dont you know you're deserving of love?
I really dont desu Im right were I deserve to be friendless, isolated alone

I inconvenience people just by being myself.

That sounds extremely relatable, I feel like that all the fucking time

Has anyone ever said you're "too hard on yourself?"
I'm interested by how you say you're "really fucking stupid" but what does that mean? I'm assuming it means there's a few life-skills that you feel like you should know or should have learned and everyone else does but you didn't, but you're learned in these obscure places that seemingly the world doesn't have a use for?
Does any of this hit the mark?

A wife and children then I'd concider myself lucky and fulfilled, sharing my life with someone and being surrounded by people that love and care about me as I'd care about them.

I don't really hate myself, I just have low self confidence, don't think anyone will ever want to be we with and I've managed to convince myself that no one cares about my life, opinions, or anything I say.
>dont you know you're deserving of love?
I know that I don't deserve it, that's all.

So a sense of belonging and mutual affection is what is important to you?

That's what is important to me, I've never had any of that but it is what think about day in and day out which brings me down as I don't have it yet I see it around me all the time as if I'm the exception to this sense of belonging and affection.

At a point in my life when I was going through a difficult time, the people I thought were there to help me left me by myself. I ended up running away from and ignoring the problem because asking for help is just a meme people tell you you should do so they look like good people. My cowardice and laziness then became a bad habit, as these traits generally are bad ones to have. Then at another difficult point, these bad traits that were already far out of control and festering were just irritated even further by the situation. They had become a weapon of rebellion as well as a shield against the stressful times of my life as this time I was in direct conflict with another person. Due to years of just sitting around doing nothing instead of taking my problems head on because I was too weak/incompetent to actually fix them, I in turn became more and more incompetent, completely losing all motivation and drive in my life for anything besides playing shitty video games and jerking off to tranny porn. My life has been a constant string of fuckups and missed opporutunities and I have no one else to blame but myself. I have dug myself into a hole, and now my shovel is broken from overuse and the hole is too deep to crawl out of. I am too weak to dig my way out with my hands, so I just sit in this self made grave in bitterness thinking about what could've been.

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because whenever i sit down on the toilet my fat thighs pool up like hams
gross!

>Black
>Weak
>Round face
>Small 4" penis
>Social retard

Just fucking kill me guys. Most guys in my hood already had multiple girls. All I have going for me is my career.

>boring, spiteful, and distant
>[dont you know you're deserving of love?]
Fuck you
I imagine the only "love" I'll get is when the girls that are whores NOW see me as some kind of ATM when I'm 30, not because I'm ugly, but because I have no personality
I only have 1 or 2 friends, and I rarely see them
If I stopped hanging out with them, my life would barely change even though I've known one for 2 years now
My life is fucking surreal

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I'm fat and I feel like people are always nicer to the beautiful girls.
I wish I wasn't so ugly.

Because at the end of the day I am entertainment and not much else

If i'm so deserving of love then why don't i don't get any, faggot?
I'm ugly, boring, annoying, fat, depresive, cynical and poor

I'm a lazy piece of shit who won't do anything to change his life. I also fuck up a lot when it comes to online friends. I've had some that tried to help me or they genuinely like me but I just cause drama or antagonize them.

A lot of stuff, but I think it's mainly the things I've done and can never take back. Like how selfish and stupid I've been, how I've treated people and my reactions to certain situations.
The regret eats me up every day.

I know it's easy to say the past is the past, but when you're alone with your thoughts 90% of the time just stewing in the negativity, it seeps into your bones. I just wish I could have a chance to fix my mistakes.

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bamp origig

I'm just uncomfortable in my own skin, I feel like I'm unauthentic without trying which is so weird
I feel like I'm not in touch with myself and idk what to do about it.
I envy people who are effortlessly themselves

OP here
How old are you user?
It's normal for young people to be inexperienced with the world, being smart and good at problem solving and whatever isn't the same thing as being wise. You'll only get that by sticking around for long enough and experiencing things, being open to learn.

I also think that this "if i weren't around tomorrow" thought is kind of misleading. Of course it's within all of us wanting to contribute something to this world but in the end, no matter how gay it sounds, we already changed it just by being here. In the course of your life you'll meet people who's lives you will touch. You'll work a job and do something for your community, your family, your countries economy.
A month ago a guy I knew died in a car crash, he was 18 and just graduated high school.
A friend of mine talked to me about it cause it was really difficult for him to process how someone so young just vanished like that
He also mentioned that "I thought about what if I died in his place, what would I have accomplished with my life"
He mentioned his family that he loves and his friends and his graduation he's proud of.
Very few of us will contribute something so large that we'll get a Wikipedia page that'll be clicked more than 10 times a month, but that's okay.

OP here
Hey, I'm sorry you feel that way
Especially your depression, I can't imagine how difficult it is to deal with something like that
I hope you'll get the help you need, see a therapist who works well for you
I know you guys on here think it's a meme
But getting to know people isn't the most difficult thing
You have a job- that's a good starting point to socialize a bit. I believe in you, user!

OP here
To me it sounds like you already know what you'd have to do to live the kind of life you'd want to live.
"That weed dude" isn't really a personality appropriate for a three dimensional person.
If you make changes in your life, you know to be better than your current decisions
New people will naturally come to you again
There's many people to meet in a different environment.
Generally I doubt that weed and r9k are good lifestyle choices but i'm not gonna be the judge of that.
I wish you the strength to accomplish that better version of yourself. It's a process but absolutely worth it.

OP here
Convincing yourself that you're undeserving of love/undesirable is a bad move. You know it's not true, love is something everybody craves, needs and deserves. I understand you're in a bad place right now, but things won't always be like this- with the right help you can turn every situation around. I hope you find that help.

I'm a lazy fuck that can't keep a consistent schedule if it isn't a case of "do this or neck yourself" like work. The moment I have any amount of free time, it gets spent on the most unproductive things I could even fathom. It's gotten to a point where I barely even consume any media at all just because I don't have the drive to watch anything.
Also because I get a complete breakdown when I don't understand something. In my school days I literally spent entire days lamenting over the fact that I'm too retarded to do my math homework, even though it wouldn't even fucking matter if I just hadn't done it/copied it. Another popular example of these things was whenever I had to write a presentation about some book, even though I often times just started doing that shit a day before.

>be me
> 18
> no friends
> no gf
> bullied my whole life mentally and physically
> ugly as shit
> socially inept
> depressed
> lazy
> no goals
> no motivation
> dumb and low iq
> neet
> inbred sandnigger

Fuck this world, not a day goes by where i don't think about suicide.

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>You know it's not true
>love is something everybody craves, needs and deserves
I know it is, if you can measure if someone "deserves" love, you can measure it both ways, meaning someone can be measured as not deserving of love.
And yeah, I know I crave it and such, I just won't get it, and I'm fine with that fact.
>I understand you're in a bad place right now, but things won't always be like this
I'm really not in a "bad place", yeah I'm not in a good place either but who cares really.
Things will always be like this, the world won't magically change to be better for me, things won't change unless I try to change them, and I won't.
I've already gotten "help", I've been on a few medications but those didn't help, and neither can people.

Things aren't ideal, I'm not happy, but that's okay, I'm accustomed to this.

Where do you live sissyboi

I don't know if I actually hate myself. I just have extremely low confidence because nobody wants me in neither a romantic or sexual way, so this convinces me something makes me worse than other people.

I hate my cancer life, I suffer and I hate this place where I live + everyday is drama

I'm a boring Npc
And everyone plots against me

My dick is so small no one will ever be into me sexually. I've resigned myself to being lonely for the rest of my life.

are you me?? i thought i was the only small dick loser with issues

>just start lifting bro
Yeah well I can't lift with my dick, so there's no hope for me.

Everything I do is a mistake now. I used to be happier, but now no matter what I choose it's wrong. The person I loved is gone because I was too much of a coward to tell them I wanted to stay with them. They were the only person to make me happy. It's my fault they are gone and I can't forgive myself. I try to pull myself up, try to be better so I don't hate myself for it. I can't. Every single day I know I can't go back to stop her from leaving. I don't really want to be alive anymore but ending it would just cause people around me to go through that. Does that answer your question?

I struggle to be real every day
And everyone makes me upset, I complain about everyone and everything,

not only is there also that bullying and harassing aspect of having a small dick

not only that but there's also this dick shaming aspect in society

Is getting to have a little sexual confidence too much to fucking ask for?
I guess by the time I'm like 50 they will have dick surgeries and I finally start living my life.

My niggers
It's literally pointless
Could have maybe been a "prison gay" qt twink for a few years but I'm 25 so that's becoming pointless too, just going to become a wizard

Yeah I'm 30 or something, wish I had taken the pink pill when I still could. So sex toys it is for me. And catfishing people on dating apps pretending I have a big dick. That's how I get off nowadays, pathetic isn't it?

I will probably never have a gf because my dick is too small, everyone hates me because of my little dick. I do not have self-confidence

eh we're all just dealing with the hand we've been given
you wouldn't call a legless man pathetic for using a wheelchair

This 100%; it's almost as if I seem to lack something compared to most other people. I've been told I'm too nice, other times that I'm not liked 'in that way', and that it'll happen. I try and it never happens. I'm tired of all the platitudes and wasted hope. Just tell me when I'll die.

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>be 21 (turning 22 soon)
>see all my classmates from grade school and highschool graduating college/university
>see them all start their jobs and careers
>a majority of them are all successful
>realize I have hardly left my house the last 4 years (after I graduated highschool)
>realize I've ruined my life and will amount to nothing
>parents keep asking about how I'm doing in school (I lied to them and pretend to go to school when all I really do is take the bus for a couple of hours and come back when I know they're home)
>realize I can't keep lying to them forever
>have no friends
>never even come close to having a girlfriend
>social anxiety is through the roof
>can't even go outside without feeling like I'm gonna pass out from the nerves
>can't even kill myself because too much of a pussy

everyday feels the same, days and weeks all start to blend together, time's passing me by very quickly. I remember specifically thinking to myself after I graduated highschool "I still have a couple of months to decide what I'm gonna do with my life...I'm fine for now" as I indulged myself in video games and anime. I registered for classes at some community college nearby and when the day came I couldn't bring myself to leave home. it's the perfect storm of laziness, not wanting to go and social anxiety. what the fuck should I do? get some shitty job at mcdonalds and fess up to my parents? I have no idea. I have no ambitions or any longing for a dream or a career. everyone seems to have it all figured out and I couldn't even give you the slightest hint at what my future holds.

i'm an autistic machine. i don't have the things that make other people work properly.

>why do you hate yourself user?
Because I have no positive qualities. I could list my negative qualities, but there are too many, so I won't bother.
>[dont you know you're deserving of love?]
Not sure what this even means, but I don't think so.

No one loves me. I am not sure what exactly, but that means for sure that there is something wrong with me. Since I can't assume that everybody is wrong, I believe I am at fault and hate myself for it.

i would like to tell you though that even if this sounds like a meme and i dont believe it even myself, but be strong and dont give up for you have nothing to lose

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Anybody would come to hate me if they stayed around me long enough.
I've physically hurt all sorts of people over the years, even those that are (or were) close to me. I have gotten into all sorts of fights with classmates and friends over simple arguments and insults being thrown my way. I've attacked my brother a lot, and even broke his pinky because he annoyed me. I've thrown things at my parents when I'd get mad. I once chased some friends with a sledge hammer in anger.
I'm selfish and arrogant. I've been jealous of people who get broken bones or other injuries, even those with more serious conditions because they're getting attention. I'm unable to compromise on anything. I want everything done how I want it. I'll throw a fit if people I'm working with do things that I don't agree with. If a friend wants to do something that I don't want to, they'll pay the price. I think that I'm some sort of expert in my hobbies and interests, even though anyone with any knowledge in those fields would laugh in my face for how little I know.
I'm also a massive attention seeker. I have shared way too much information to friends and even lied in order to get sympathy or admiration from them. I've resorted to extreme behaviors like violent outbursts and cutting to get attention from professionals. Hell, I've even lied to my school once about my dad hitting me in some strange attempt at getting attention.
I am incapable of changing. I can remind myself how just how terrible I am all I want, but that doesn't change the fact that all that knowledge goes away in my everyday life. My self awareness is never there to remind me that I'm being unreasonable. It's never there to let me know when I'm being a dick to someone. All I can do is forget everything in the moment, only to look back on it later with disappointment. The first step in solving a problem is to acknowledge its existence, but I seem to be unable to do that.
Sorry if this is poorly written, I'm not the brightest.

>ugly
>dumb
>talentless

people, especially men, have no inherent value.

>be intelligent as kid
>be put in advanced classes, excel in school and learning in general
>turn 13
>start developing problems
>be diagnosed with OCD, ADHD and Tourette's
>start doing mediocre in school
>don't get into uni I want to go to
>settle for lesser uni
>do okay and transfer to another uni and switch out of major
>22 with one more year of uni
>see friends and classmates graduating and succeeding
>all saying goodbye to all the friends they made and looking back on all the good times they had in college
>tfw I had none of this because of a random genetic mutation that gave me problems that robbed me of my social and much of my intellectual ability
I'm tortured by this every day. My OCD gave me a strange, obsessive and paranoid personality which made it hard to make friends or find a gf and caused me to be isolated and alone much of the time at uni. My ADHD slowed my processing speed and made it hard to focus in school which negatively affected my grades and caused me to not go to the uni I wanted to get into and also made me unable to achieve my dreams of being a scientist. I'm not completely doomed since I'm doing relatively alright now, but I always fantasize about what could have been; about the life I could have had if I wasn't cucked by genetics. Maybe I could have had a group of friends, maybe I could have joined a frat, maybe I could have found a gf. I'll never know, and it torments me. I had so much promise and potential as a kid, and it was all stolen from me by something completely random and out of my control.

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Because I'm short, fat, hideous, micro dick and generally lost the genetic lottery in every instance imaginable. In addition to psychological imbalance I'm just a pathetic mess. I sometimes overhear people complain about me, people often hint at me being a failure too.

I just hate myself because in every facet of my life I seem to be vastly inferior when I try my best.

>no inherent value
It is a good pain

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You're only 22 brother, you have more than enough time. You are still the kid with a lot of potential, you are not your mental illnesses. Brother, you got this. Don't worry about your peers, you have your own timeline and you will succeed.

fuck you no one is deserving of anything

Thanks user, I don't think so though. My OCD and Tourette's hampered my social development and my ADHD put me at an insurmountable disadvantage academically. Doing work and studying was made incredibly difficult for me because of what the ADHD did to my processing speed and ability to focus. No matter how hard I try I'll always be at a a disadvantage compared to those who don't have ADHD, and my grades will always be poorer than theirs. Luckily though, I'm not completely fucked. I'm a philosophy major now, and I like and am doing well at it because I'm good at writing so I at least have the opportunity to become a generic deskcuck one day, but my dream was to be a research scientist, and it'll never come true. All of my hopes and dreams died with my diagnosis.

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Are you me brother

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Right now I hate myself cause I should be studying for one of the most important tests of my life and I'm browsing Jow Forums instead.

why the fuck do you need a thread? this is the self-loathing board nigguh

I personally hate myself because I feel good with mediocrity. I don't aim for big, I aim for enough. I have a girlfriend. She tells me enough is ok but to have a future together we might need more. She's basically saying "make more money than you are comfortable making". Sad part is I don't care for others on this subject. I have no problem picking a thrown cig off the ground and smoking it, stealing beers at the club, accepting free beers or asking people for cigs. I am a bum and I don't mind it.
I love her but I love my mediocrity more so she will most likely leave me in the future and I might find someone else because I'm decent looking.
Don't get me wrong, I wash, have a home, finished college, have a job, I have money but I simply refuse to comply to society's terms on consumerism. I refuse to buy shit to say I bought it. Or to go places just to say I went places.
If you think about it, I wouldn't hate myself if tthe world had similar standards to mine. It's just that I somehow care that I am not normal according to the world and that affects me.

pray tell, user

>You have been muted for 2 seconds, because your comment was not original.

I'm lazy and I'm a coward who cant stand confrontation
I never do what I'm being told to do and I get myself into stupid situations
Then I just die of anxiety cause someone is mad at me for whatever reason
I cant believe I'm such a baby

I hate myself because I am torn down by the most basic of failures, I find no joy in success and only numbed pain in failure
When shit goes poorly for me I can't cope and generally give up on whatever it is given that should I persevere and complete it, I will feel no reward and there will be no point to it.
My perspective is irrevokably fucked by my detachment from others around me after I gave up on romance after being betrayed once. As a child my only goal and dream was to be loved, mostly because I received so little when I was a child. When it dawned on me that I will never receive the love I desired and in fact it is impossible to do so, I cut all emotional empathy with humanity around me. I hate other people, but I also hate myself for being unable to change the world or to cope with being in it. I am called to serve God in higher ways and I see that in every step I take, but my psychology is so tainted by this hate of the world that I doubt I'll ever get over it so long as I live. I want to see people suffer and grovel because as long as I've loved I have only ever seen pure regret and awareness of one's fallen and impure nature in my own eyes. Even when beaten to a bloody mess, all of humanity will look with defiant eyes at their captor and spit at them, believing falsely in their just world because it has been kind to them. I want to see people in pain and begging for forgiveness, like I had to, in a purely dark place with no other hope of redemption, so they too can see light instead of a ticket out of their rightfully deserved social punishment.
I hate people for being weak, and I hate myself for the same reason.

If you're religious don't you believe you can be redeemed through god?

Then get the fuck off Jow Forums, Jesus Christ. This page will ruin your life

I thought South Korea was no1

I hate feeling inferior, maybe being inferior
I hate myself for not changing, not knowing what to do, not doing enough, not trying enough
I hate myself because am I even alive? Am i authentic? Am i real? Am i just a piece of bullshit?
I hate myself for being human, existing, flawed
I hate myself greatly because of sexuality, i dont want it, its disgusting

Whats wrong with your sexuality
It's normal
Literally why any of us are here

>Literally why any of us are here
Like that was a good thing.

I hate sexuality because of my worldview, I hate this existence, this humanity
Ever since I was a kid, either worse or better than humanity, no other way around it, fuck it, worse or better than others.

I believe I am redeemed by God, yet still I am in a state of isolation and sin, both inevitably linked
Breaking this chain is the way out, however people are so concerned with mundane things that even within churches people don't understand the issues I deal with and don't care
They operate on an infantile understanding of the world outside or a denialist one
Men in places of power in the Church are too tied up with intrapersonal affairs and such to care about someone as young as I am having issues and those lower down the age chain are operating on literal boomer logic and also don't see the writing on the wall. That leaves the inborn of the community who are invariably either rescinding when they reach college age or are locked in homeschool to seminary to church life ignoranuses
All of these people barely understand how to operate technology let alone somebody raised in and by it. This disconnect does not spare them of my scorn though I am more understanding. I'm just different than they are and they have little to offer me.
I do not know which is worse though, being locked outside in this world or being the misunderstood one they will set to the stake when things go wrong inside the house of God

i have acne that i cant get rid of and my teeth are yellow even though i brush twice a day for months now i also cant seem to think before i speak or speak to fast

I hate that I'm my own worst enemy. I hate that I have to live with my parents because I'm too much of a pussy to find a job that pays better than MCFUCks. I'm not as smart or wise as I thought I was. I have no special talents, no interests, and no personality. When I enter a room with other people in it especially during family gatherings I feel like I'm this black void sucking the fun away from everyone. I'm just a drag to be around. My parents have completely lost hope in me, they've tried so hard to make me a good person but I've failed them. I failed myself.

I can't talk to people (but worse). Even my own family. Even the people who are currently holding onto my car on the other side of the country which has registration expiring in one month.
I really desperately want my car back, I was looking into even flying over htere and driving it back. But I cannot for the fucking life of me work up the will to call or text her and say "hey im picking up my car". She has been trying to contact me for 6 months to find out what I am doing with my car and for some fucking reason I can't respond

Because I lie to everyone. I always pretend to be something I'm not because it makes things easier.
Even the people closest to me mostly know me from lies.

Or because I end up pushing away the people who love me. I've had many relationships that lasted for about six months. A few actually a year. Girls that needed some love, and I gave it to them. The moment there is an actual relationship. I cannot go a few months without getting tired of it. It's like I enjoy the process of gradually becoming closer to someone more than actually being close with someone.

Or maybe because, as a kid. Everything I picked up I was good at. I never had to use any real effort. But now. Now that I am 22. I am unable to actually put serious effort into anything. I dropped out of college due to it several years back. Now I'm a parasite living off of (very limited) government funds because I am too scared to even get a job because of horrible social skills. Just wasting away doing nothing else than sit behind a screen all day doing stuff online.

>socially inept
>can literally count number of friends on one hand(don't even use all fingers)
>never had gf
>disappointment to parents
>nagging insecurities about my body
>sub-par academic performance
>barely any accomplishments
I swear to God having no self-confidence is one of the hardest things to deal with. I can think of the things I need to do to change, but I have absolutely no courage to act. It's like like living in a constant state limbo. I fucking hate feeling this powerless and flaccid

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