>be me, male >go to university >just finished my two hour routine (swimming, then lifting) >all sweaty so go back to my dorm to shower >get to community floor shower >I notice I am horny >For some, after I finish lifting, I get super horny and get boners >have no idea why and it only happens after I lift >I also realized that I had to shit real bad >Rather than get out of the shower and walk to the bathrooms, my horny self tells me to squat down and take a dump in the shower >So, as I'm jerkin it, I am squatting down and taking a dump >This is a large dump. >As soon as the smell hit me, I froze >It was awful >In an instant, my horniness and boner disappear >I stand up and look at the awful mess I created before me >I hear some guy in the other shower (I didn't notice him) say "holy shit what the fuck is that smell?" >I didn't want him to investigate the shower I was in and see me there right next to a pile of feces so I said "sorry bro, I just ripped a silent one." >He mumbles "motherfucker' under his breath just loud enough that I heard him >I realized the smell wouldn't go away unless I did something so I put shampoo on my poo >It fixed the smell, but the shit was still there >I thought about leaving it there but I am paranoid that some how they would be able to track it back to me somehow >I started using my feet to shove it down the drain >It was real mushy and got in to cracks between the tiles >I just had to continue cleaning it up with my feet. >Eventually it was all gone. >phew.jpg >Finish washing my hair and body and then leave to go back to my dorm room >I had no more classes for the day so I just stayed in my room until I had to use the bathroom again because I realized that I didn't actually finish what I had started in the shower >Go to bathroom which is right next to the shower >Hear a guy walk into the shower >Almost immediately hear "HOLY FUCK WHAT IS THAT SMELL?" 1/2
2/2 >He didn't even take a shower >When I was finished bathrooming, I peaked inside the shower and something became apparent to me right then >The shampoo did not do anything >The smell was still there and smelled worse than before >I must have gotten used to it or it temporarily fixed the smell >Leave the shower room and swiftly walk back to my room >20 minutes later, our floor group me starts chatting about how the boys shower room smells like shit >I live on a co-ed floor. >Some girls respond with eww >I say nothing >People accuse others of shitting in the shower room >I SAY NOTHING >I am terrified I would get accused >I don't >RA calls janitors to clean the shower room for the second time today >Hear them say when they step in "HOLY SHIT NIGGA! IT SMELLS LIKE YO MAMMA UP IN HERE!" >Other guys says "MAN, FUCK YOU." >They clean the shower room. >I'm still terrified >mfw
>first year of uni was so lonely i nearly anhero'd >no friends, no gf, no class-buddies, no parties, no dorm buddies, roommate left after first 2 weeks, so alone >second year (this year) starts off good >bump into guy (literally) and he apologizes and makes a bunch of jokes and i laugh and he likes that and he is really friendly >realize that we're actually headed to the same class, sit next to each other and because he's really chatty/friendly it goes well, even with me sperging >after class he invites me to his off-campus housing (it was thursday) >says people will be coming over, and who knows what we'll get into >am really nervous and want to puss out, but last year was so lonely and i was afraid of another year like that >i head over, and spend the entire afternoon barely saying anything, just watching/listening to him and a few of his bros/roommates joke around >a couple are drinking, a few are smoking weed, i just drink water and stay quiet and laugh when appropriate
I was in that same situation once. I don't like parties. I don't drink or smoke. However, its really fun to screw with people when they get really drunk or high.
Matthew Stewart
You gotta try user. Trust me. Being annoying is better than being silent, and theres a 99% chance you won't be annoying
Ask questions but don't interrogate.
And another tip : MAKE STATEMENTS literally just fill the room with your statements. They're talking about a tv show? Express your thoughtful opinion on it. Someone says something interesting? Share a similar anecdote,or voice your thoughts on the story. Talk about the room, your thoughts, just not the weather.
Cooper Martin
Must be tough living life as an NPC
Jayden Thomas
This is good advice, but I think that for people who aren't accustomed to small talk or being vocal in social setting like that should probably focus more on asking questions and getting people to fill the air. People really do like to talk about themselves, and even if you aren't doing all that much talking people will still feel like you are really engaging and enjoy your presence if you can get them to talk and occasionally exchange bantz with them.
As you said though be careful about focusing on one person or just rapid firing shallow questions, it'll just be off putting and seem like you are grilling them about something.
Grayson Foster
Started going out with a girl last month >sex is great and super romantic when just two of us But lately she’s started getting nervous when we meet, doesn’t want to go out and only come to my place not hers Came into my workplace with this guy that she called ‘babe’
Think he’s Greek Both wear friends rings
Go out in last Tuesday night to bowling and run into my nephews sister >she calls me handsome before my other birthday She’s with friends so I ask to join them They have this foreign exchange student there and I think she’s German because she spoke Austrian the entire time.
I go to introduce myself to the father and he asks what my intentions in’s are because he knows his daughter is married to a Greek man. >manager calls me over >user you need bowling shoes Tell her no because I’m her uncle
See someone on the back alley way as I’m taking selfie for tinder See person vomiting and upload photo Parents saw profile and want to talk to me about it
Jace Sullivan
I am a proponent of strokeposting but this one was just bad desu senpai
>In similar situation to user from above >NO FRIENDS, literally none first year. >2nd year, make friends right away in class >Invited over to house on Tuesday >Total bro environment, enjoying it. I'm quiet tho >Bunch of girls show up. They want to go see horror movie "the nun" >boys mostly say no, but my only connection to the house wants to go. so me and him go with the girls. i say no words the entire time. >1/4th through the movie, i realize that in a rush to meet friends, i skipped all my meals. >Still have my backpack since I went right after class >Pull out tupperware very quietly. chicken, rice, and black beans >no one notices except the black girl next to me (not in our group) >she loudly turns to her group "YO, THIS NIGGA EATTIN' BEANS" >They all crack up. My group all looks over at me. The row in front of me turns around and looks >literally either laughter or disgusted faces >feel my face get red hot >try to say something but just cough >now my nickname is Beans
>Retarded Jow Forums moments >no gym stories Ok... >High school >Middle distance track >Get told to run 200m one meet >Get to my lane, look around me >*why are all these dudes black?* >*beep* >Get beaten by at least 15m >coaches laugh for days
Then the gym >Be me, skelly-mode has-been average track runner, 20 yo >First week in the gym, doing some 5x5 shit written on notebook paper from my brother because it's 2009 >Walk into the university gym with my flats, running shorts, and hoodie >Squat racks all full >Some amazonian-looking chick sees me scanning and tells me I can work in >She does a warmup set with 135. Hesitates and places hand on plate looking at me. >"Y-yeah, let's get started" >Start squatting >Pegs are set too high because this chick is like 6'3" and does oly squats >Not only that, I can't squat 135 back up Most embarrassing moment of my life. I did dumbell squats in the mat room for a month.
>be me, 16, never lifted before >Get into lifting cuz joined football team and I'm skinny manlet >two weeks into lifting I can't even squat 135 >Only other person in the gym is this HUGE East Indian dude >asks me to spot him for squats, literally never spotted before >dudes squatting 5 plates >ohshit.jpg >first 3 reps go good, 4th rep he starts to struggle >makes eye contact with me in mirror >I step in to help, literally doesn't help at all, he bails the 5 plates off his back >s-sorry man, it was too heavy for me to spot >guy just grunts at me >Leave gym fast as possible
Shit was embarrassing.
Christian Morgan
>high school >first weeks >everyone terrified >pe teacher (old school rugby player) >insists everyone gets in the shower naked >we see learn that Al had a babies arm for a dick and the girls can’t see our showers >roddis shits in the shower >pe teacher: “RODDIS! DID U SHIT IN THE SHOWER LAD! >n-no sir
Fuck you op for bringing back those memories
Adrian Nelson
This level of self-aware autism is exactly the opposite of npc, constant inner dialog and questioning if you are fucking something up. Can relate OP.
Jayden Torres
>tfw used to be the kid that changed in the toilets because self conscious or some shit, who knows >get into footy and care way less about being naked >join the army, at one point a corporal literally tries to grab me by the scrotum while I'm showering while the bois are hooting and hollering
Now I have no shame, thanks for reminding me of my autistic memories. My most retarded Jow Forums moment is probably every time I go to do bench with a damaged rotator cuff and babyweight haha
this is some /b/ level shit (no pun intended), but bumping for interest
Logan Cook
>first uni party ever >havin a good time spergin on the dancefloor >bump into someone and immediately turn 180 degress and back up >Knocked into a girl who got her beer spilled all over her >oh shit its her birthday >oh shit this is HER party >Luckily literally no one noticed because I looked just as shocked as everyone else >My buddies come in from outside say lets gtfo >Some dudes start cleaning it up >One guy saw it was me points at me and says IT WAS HIM >BRO AT LEAST CLEAN IT UP >everyone ignores him >escape successful
And that was merely my first blow against the roastie menace
Jacob Hall
>finally worked up courage to ask girl out >used to sit next to eachother in class >got along really well but our courses diverged so we started having separate classes >haven’t really spoken to her in roughly a year as a result >she says yes, my first ever date >take her to see the Hobbit because I remember her liking lotr >day of the date comes and I’m practically shitting myself >come up with really funny things I’m going to say and do so she likes me >really wish they had just stayed thoughts >going up the stairs to the screen to see the film >think it’ll be hilarious to pretend to be an old man and make the sort of noises I imagine old people make when exerting themselves (think old chair creaking mixed with lots of fake gasping) >she is not amused by my top tier wit >watch film, literally no interaction between us >painfully awkward >after film go to book shop because I remember her liking reading >keep making puns related to the film in an attempt to salvage the date >”what did you think of the film? I thought it really started to drag-on” >she doesn’t get it despite the film clearly having a dragon in it >none of my puns land >in a final attempt to salvage the date offer to take her to Poundland (think dollar store) and say I’ll buy her something >lookofdisgust.jpg >offer to take her for dinner instead >says she thinks she should probably go home now >she turns around and walks off. Never speaks to me again
Haven’t been on a date since
Josiah Wilson
I have a similar story
>see cute girl in club >walk over to her to talk to her and first thing I do is spill her entirely full glass of beer over her entire dress >I apologize and she is really kind about it and says its fine etc etc but I am too embarrassed and just leave >I don't even buy her a new beer
Xavier Miller
Movies not a good idea for a first date, when you're supposed to be finding out about each other instead your sitting in silence. She got a free movie out of you though.
Easton Stewart
I installed the toilet ventilator in Daniel Riccardos penthouse in West Perth
Nathan Watson
I’m well aware of that now don’t worry
Lincoln Morgan
Holy fucking kek
Jonathan Miller
I agree with it
Hudson Scott
holy fuck I hate people like you. fucking creep
Mason Long
>not inviting the amazonian to do squats with you in the mat room user please
Anthony Gray
>go on date >take her to IHOP, breakfast of champions >trip the waitress, thinking girl would find it funny >both start bitching me out tries it again at Ruby Tuesdays and the girl thought it was hilarious
Daniel Richardson
This was like 4 years ago >Be me flexing naked in mirror to take progress pic of abs/v line >sister walks in >cue damage control to conceal >"looks like the only muscle you really need is good enough" >walks out She was/is a fucking thot, pretty sure she's got hep by now.
Lincoln Wilson
Nice, I once unclogged Tyra Banks' toilet
Lincoln Brown
That's your little sister bro what the fuck is wrong with you?
White people are disgusting they fuck eachother like animals
Jordan Smith
funny shit
Hunter Reyes
>19, full gymcel mode >4 day per week olympic lift regimen >still had permavirginal hairdo and attire >wear wifebeater to class (art school) >am comically ripped in comparison to artfag peers >guy asks me if I want to be a model in his photography portfolio >okay >takes me to the photo studio >tells me he wants to do shirtless photos >I strip down to my oversized Tintin boxer shorts and knee-high socks >do various poses, flexing and mugging awkwardly under the lights >"YOU LIKE THAT?" I kept saying, rhythmically >he took about a dozen photos and left the room without waiting for me to get dressed
>two days later >guy showing his camera to art school stacies >they stare at me from across the room in unison >I wave and stare back down at my book like a weeb
are you a retard? first no one said it was a little sister you got a dirty mind dont you fagget secondly, the sister is most likely referring to his dick because she is a thot as user claimed
James Stewart
hahahahahaha epic meme dude real nice
Camden White
>last year, around march >get fed up being a fat piece of shit >hardcore calorie count, like around 1500/day >drop 65ish lbs in a few months >decide to start lifting >read the sticky >grab the 5x5 >go to planet fitness (lol) with my brother as I thought there were no other gyms around >want to try each of the exercises >mfw realizing there was no deadlift platform >go ask up front where the platform would be >"Oh we don't really allow those here. Maybe you could try deadlifting in the smith machine?" >even my noob ass knew that was retarded >end up pedalling on a bike the rest of the visit I was so fucking mad, glad I found a real gym tho
Who was more of a retard though, me for going to PF or the desk guy for suggesting smith machine diddlys?
Josiah Martinez
Call me a creep again and I'll bounce your head off the fucking pavement you faggot. Never respond to me again. Little pest, I would crush your fucking skull under my shoe. Never ever so much as fucking think about uttering my name again you fucking zilch
Asher Bell
You should stop taking creatine, it gives you roid rage and noe you sound like Elliot Rodgers.
Aiden Howard
Call me a creep again and I'll bounce your head off the fucking pavement you faggot. Never respond to me again. Little pest, I would crush your fucking skull under my shoe. Never ever so much as fucking think about uttering my name again you fucking zilch
Camden Turner
>take her to poundland oh my god user don't make me laugh at work
Brody Hall
I think sitting in silence is for the best for mr puns here
Jordan Cook
>"YOU LIKE THAT?" Why?
Nicholas Wood
She dumb. No loss user
Jaxson Walker
Creep. Ahahhahaha fuk you fag bet ya nutsack is like the size of an acorn just like yo brain. Btw you mom told me rhat while she was at the tip of my penis
