Anyone truly content in solitude?

Even since I was a young kid I used to just wander around in the woods alone pretending to be a soldier. My main source of entertainment was make-believe protagonist shit. I was really social up until high school but then i got a traumatic brain injury (made a full recovery) and i became more inwardly focused. I stopped being social and became extremely introverted. i can spend days on end just listening to music and staring out my window lost in thought. I could play video games for hours or read a hundred pages of a book. I've gone out a handful of times in the past year and its just draining. I feel like im watching a shitty movie through my eyes but im not actually there. I feel like a spectator. sometimes i do think to myself "i should probably go be social," but when push comes to shove people are dumb as fuck and conversations with regular people are intolerable and bland. I hope I can be completely content with solitude someday

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whats your name user? intial is fine

J is the initial

Yeah user, I'm very similar to you. I maintained a few friendships, but I always preferred to be alone. I only maintained a social life because I thought I had to. I became more introverted with each passing year. It wasn't until after I graduated that I began the full descent. I didn't keep up with any friendships after HS. I had a job but other than work I rarely went anywhere. As the years progressed I sunk further and further into myself.

I'm not exactly a shut-in in the traditional sense. I enjoy going outside and seeing new things, but I absolutely despise other people. The worst thing to see for me is another person, I avoid them as much as possible. I've spent years in isolation now. My thoughts have become long and snakelike threads that go on and on, at a constant pace. I exist primarily in my mind, my imagination is incredibly vivid. I sometimes spend entire days just sitting in one spot with my thoughts, doing nothing at all.

Unfortunately reality has caught up with me. Spending so much time alone has drastically changed me in ways that are perhaps permanent. I've left humanity a while ago. I am very abnormal in mannerisms, and my social skills are 0/10. I don't make facial expressions and I can't even fake them. I don't react to things the way most people do. Most people seem very animated and energetic, but I'm not. I am very detached. I tend to stare at one spot for a long time without even blinking sometimes. I easily get lost in my thoughts and find other people distracting.

I quit my job due to deteriorating social ability. At school my grades are fine but my professors don't like me. I don't talk to other students. I don't think anybody likes me, which leads to all sorts of problems. I wouldn't mind living life in seclusion, but thats an unrealistic goal.

I will kill myself pretty soon. I enjoy life but reality has been closing in on me for a while now. Hopefully the afterlife I'll be a disembodied consciousness.

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Yes i am the same brobot.
The problem is there are no jobs that cater to our level of autism. All jobs are social af.
I plan to kill myself soon.

if you're still in college you're too young to kill yourself. there are jobs for people like you. not sure what your aspiration are but if you're just looking for a job that is tolerable do overnight stocking

>I feel like im watching a shitty movie through my eyes but im not actually there.
That's kknda how i feel too. Just a really shitty movie that never ends

You forgot to mention the firm handshake

I worked in overnight stocking for 2 month. More social than you'd think and i hated it.
Thanks anyway though.

I'm still in college but I'm not as young as you might be thinking. I started late. I'm almost 22yrs old. Anyways I can look at the past and recognize the clear and obvious fact that I'm entirely incompatible with humanity in general. Any time I have to interact with another person is a very clear indication of just how far gone I am. I don't think I'll get a job even with a degree, I don't see myself passing an interview when I can't perform the most basic of social functions properly. I haven't had a successful social interaction in multiple years. In general I hate what it means to be successful socially. I see charisma as repulsive. I find deriving validation from other people disgusting and I find giving validation to other people incredibly exhausting and draining. Due to no longer working I'm no longer even supporting myself. My parents have been paying my rent and feeding me. I'm a parasite and a leach and Im also a lost cause. It's unethical to continue letting them invest in me when I know it's a total waste. I'm a sinkhole and an emotional void.
What method were you planning on? I'm torn between using a rifle to blow my head off and a fentanyl OD. A rifle is much easier to get my hands on and I think probably higher success rate and less complicated to pull off, but I also think it's unfair to whoever would have to clean it up, also exceptionally cruel to my family since my corpse would be grotesque. In general, my family is the only reason I haven't killed myself yet. I guess it's unfair to them. I still want to do it, though. I think I still will, ultimately.