Remember when I said I was writing a ballad and you gave me advice Jow Forums? Here is the finished product, tell me what you guys think :)
My Ballad
dunno who you are but im listening to this and ill give my opinion
Thanks :) I made a thread with a demo piano version of this and r9k gave me some suggestions about a month back
Where did you find this picture and is there more?
Hey by the way can you post the lyrics? I'd like to read them off, easier to understand than focusing on listening to both the specific words and the quality of the performance
I stole it from a pervy discord server lol, sorry
That will take a while so bear with me
I am on my phone now so I no contractions, ugh
You could not see every time I tried for you
Every single instance, I pretend like that was not true
Time and again, ends in pain
A mind numbing hurt, comes back again
It keeps me up when I sleep,
I can not bring myself to eat
If you were me, how hard would it be,
All the thoughts I think of you, that occupy me endlessly
Would they break you down? Or do, they just do that to me?
If you could see
The buildup of the pain,
That memories of you would leave
Remembering the precious love, you gave me
The only way you would feel what I feel, is if you were me.
I am kept up at night looking at that empty space
I feel a fading warmth from, where I had you in my embrace
Was there something I could do?
To spend another night, right next to you
Maybe the fault is my own
But I can not stand being alone
If you were me, how hard would it be?
All the thoughts I think of you, that occupy me endlessly
Would they break you down? Or do, they just do that to me?
Baby, baby
The buildup of the pain, that memories of you would leave
And thinking of the sweetest words, you gave me
The only way you would feel what i feel, is if you were me
We would not work, over the years we grew apart
I did my best to make it possible, but I never had your heart from the start
If you were me, you would finally see
Every time I thought of you, I knew you never thought of me
If I knew you cried, for me, just like I cried for you
Then I would choose,
The buildup of the pain, that memories of you would leave
Just so I would see you smile at me, I love you
The only way you would feel what I feel, is if you were me
Come on, where did you all go?
This is hella good mate. I'm not one for ballads mostly, but you've got a knack for it. Keep it up!
i just listened to it and even though this isn't my type of music it's pretty good
Alright so first off I wanna say I like the style. It feels like a really good mix between old fashioned 70s pop a la Bee Gees, and modern sort of Frank Ocean-type shit or whatever, even though I don't listen to the latter and I'm not entirely sure Frank Ocean is who I'm thinking of. It honestly reminded me of these two songs - youtube.com
However, you need to learn to sing better. The vocal performance wasn't really all that stellar, you had some unneeded vibrato in some funky places, throws it off a bit. You end up sounding a bit whiny sometimes, like you're doing something closer to talking than singing. Plus your timing was also kind of strange, and on my first listen, the beginning of the song threw me for a loop trying to figure out the beat or whatever its called. Also you were slightly off-key in a few places, but I doubt many people aside from myself would really notice it, so that's not a big problem but still should be addressed. The good news is these are all problems that can be addressed and fixed in time, just be sure to do plenty of practice. (also no offense, cause i cant really tell since i dont know how music making works, but is the instrumental part midi? I hope not, if it is then you gotta fix that asap, and if not, then I'll just say it needs more polish bc it sounds that way)
overall 7/10 its stuck in my fucking head now
gonna review lyrics in a bit
Thanks! My vocals at the beginning were still kind of rough but I guess i will redo later on down the line
Thank you for the criticism, I am still improving my style as an artist so I will definitely work on those. I also feel like some of the tuning made my vibrato sound more pronounced, it is usually more sublte. Is whiny a bad thing? Especially for this kind of song?
Also most of the instrumental was synthetic except for the acoustic parts
Also the bobby caldwell comparison was pretty amusing, I can see how you saw that, in the then I would choose verse
Thanks :)
has a nice 80s sound
wait which of you is the OP???
Still gonna review lyrics in a bit, just have a quick thing to do first
actually fuck it, I'll review em now
and yes to answer, sounding whiny is always a bad thing. Even for this kind of song. It needs to sound impassioned, not like youre complaining.
Both, sorry for the confusion
Really? Does this sound like the 80s that much? I am getting that a lot lol
Jeez you typed all that out manually? I thought you had like a transcript written down you could copy over, sorry for makin you do that
anyway
At first when I was listening to the song, since I wasn't paying too much attention to the words, I thought the whole "if you were me" thing was like a weird way to get pity or something, but now that I read this I see what the idea is. These are good lines, really gets across the feeling of being betrayed by a person you love very much, and what I initially thought was a pity thing is of course actually a call for the person this is addressed to to become aware of their actions, and understand how much she hurts the people around her, especially those who would give everything and value her above all else. Only real criticism I can think of is that this is a kind of tropey and overdone premise for a song, but honestly I can't really go around berating artists expressing their feelings through their craft. That's what art is all about. The words flow pretty well, the rhyming is good, not much to say there. Good job man, it's great, and youve delivered some solid OC to this shithole board.
Thanks again, I really appreciate someone looking into what I do, it motivates me and gives me an idea of how people percieve my music, this was really helpful and I am glad you made it in here, now it is time to sit back and watch this thread get buried under fembot related threads... lol
LMAO it's literally ginuwine
yeah it does, the production and arrangement totally has that feel. it's nice and retro without being ironic.
Just the first chord lol
Interesting, i will definitely remember this for future projects