Guys, I don't know why I decided to take the red pill, because it is officially not working out for me

Guys, I don't know why I decided to take the red pill, because it is officially not working out for me.

>Be me
>20-year-old virgin who's avoided socializing all my life
>Enter junior year of college
>Start reading about TRP and its followers this year
>Start practicing alpha traits, e.g. directness, confidence
>Start getting Jow Forums too
>Positive I'm on the path to becoming Chad
>Second semester, meet a girl in one of my classes
>She sits next to me every day and actually talked to me first
>This is unprecedented
>Mad attractive and same age and major as me
>We hit it off well
>She is ACTUALLY clearly into my depiction of "alpha," thinks I'm funny
>We start hanging out outside of class
>Have a few dates in college town, start kissing, all is well
>Feeling like I may be just about to get my first girlfriend
>Want to practice sex before making that leap, with her, nervous about first time
>Consider buying a fleshlight but be concerned that my roommate would be suspicious if I came in with a sex shop bag
>Make Pringles can fleshlight in room
>Practice away
>Friday I finally make the leap and say she should come to my apartment after she's done with class
>I have three roommates and I'm secretly stoked I'll have a hot chick to bring through the living room to my bedroom like it's no big deal
>Frantically cleaning my room
>Decide to have half of a refresher round with the Pringles can, then toss it under bed
>She gets there, says I have a nice place, we're chatting and half-watching TV
>It's not long before we start making out
>Things progress much faster than I thought they did
>She's grabbing up on my dick, I'm pretending it's not a huge deal
>She undoes my pants and starts to pull them down
>She's being flirty, asks what I want her to do now
cont.

Attached: holly.jpg (480x325, 14K)

making love to a pringles can is not "alpha" bud. don't bother posting the rest.

>Grab her head
>"Do you even have to ask? Suck it."
>Feeling ultra alpha
>She sucks for a few seconds and resurfaces, looking amused
>"Oh my God, dude... why's your cock taste like pizza?"
>Can't really answer, want to just be direct and confident
>Oh, well I kind of... fucked a Pringles can.
>She's laughing
>"What?"
>"Yeah, just a thing I do, I guess. I keep it under the bed."
>She half-jokingly stops and rushes over to the bed and looks underneath
>She actually sees it
>Pulls. It. Out.
>Sees the aging cum and precum stains on and in the can
>Immediately drops it
>"Uh... that's really not... normal."
>Shaking, but still want to be in charge
>"Well yeah, I already know that."
>"I think I'm gonna go."
>"Um... alright."

She hasn't said anything to me since. I'm afraid to text her. I think I may skip that class on Monday. Fuck everything.

She found the pringles can didn't she?

Universally stupid, man.

complete retard

Stale pasta. Fuck off OP

Please tell me this is bait

Tu cuento no es verdadero y es de maricon.

I hate it when they find my makeshift sex toys.

If you had a real sextoy that looks classy like a TENGA™ you'd look more alpha

You deserve it faggot.