Operation UnFuck Chris Chan 2019

And what do you do when he refuses to put in any effort for more than 30 seconds at a time before Crashing into Slumber from so much Stress?

Lock him in a resort equipped with drugs, escorts and video games.

wwzyzzd?

sauna?

snake juice?

>spent $155,000 worth of anime and sex toys

IS THIS REAL?

its what people on fasting routines drink to combat insulin spikes.

its a hell potion of mostly water plus sugar and salts

>water plus sugar and salts
>sugar

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oh im reading about it, was wrong, it doesnt have sugar

i hear it tastes like shit and you feel like a thousand daggers are stabbing your being and spirit from every angle with it though

>tfw you look up the chris chan wiki and see you've missed a handful of new sagas

Sounds fucking bitchin, how do i make snake juice?

Dress up as Sonichu and basically be a life coach for him, directing him to work out and eat right

water + table salt + potassium

tastes fucking awful

chris will be dead before 2020

lmao

Considering his mental health state right now I wouldn't dismiss this idea.

Will he die before Barb?

What's the best type of lifting program to suggest to a fat guy? I was thinking more like barbell circuit training, suspension training, and hiit versus a powerlifting/bodybuilding program.

He's too far gone. He can't be unfucked. Just put him down already. Institutionalize him. He was fucked from the getgo even before internet communities were formed to gangstalk him.

Whoa whoa whoa. I haven't been on Jow Forums in a while. Did CWC find ways to make himself more of a loser?! Boy wants to be a girl now too, lmao.

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this faggot knows nothing qbout snake juice. It tastes like milky water with a baking soda aftertaste. Not pleasant but definitely not bad at all.

Lock up his waifu pillows and pokemon cards

it's the ultimate irony considering how homophobic he is.
>he still hates gay people too, he likes girls

winrar

Chris chan is so unbelievably fucked at this point. Beyond hope tbqh. I would just sign him up for army basic and see what type of hellish bootcamp purgatory they put him in for the lols.

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I'm pretty sure

I honestly don't think they could accept him. It's illegal in the US to accept anyone into the armed forces if they have an IQ of less than 83; it seems highly likely that Chris would not make the grade.

SS+GOMAD+LOBAD

>Charlottesville

Those Judeo-Marxists can take care of them then. A plague of fat tranny retards upon all cities that hate the First Amendment.

Chris isn't Gump, he isn't literally retarded. He just was never given true discipline and with his current thought processes it is impossible to improve him.
Maybe suggestions and psychedelic drug therapy would do something but I doubt it

I think it's very likely that Chris has an IQ below 83. That's the bottom 12% of the population. It seems obvious that he would be in that range; probably around the 5th percentile.

source?

google Cwckipedia

Do you really need confirmation at this point?

chris chan cannot be unfucked

Lock it up in a mental ward. Maybe after a few years of therapy I'd get it to start cycling.

you can't fix a person. you can force them to behave a certain way by force, but they'll resent you and revert to their old ways once they can. you have to make the other person want to change. we'll need a genuine autist to connect to chris-chan on a peer level.

The key is to trick him to lift by manipulating his autism

I wouldn't coach him, I'd spend that money on Adam Harper instead.

mercy kill perhaps

He has a degree.

>what went wrong
user...

Oh you have no idea. You thought it was over? That it couldn’t get any worse? That he couldn’t outdo himself? Well trust me, spare yourself the horrifying google searches.

that's not saying much

kek that's actually a great idea.

CWC is a lost cause.
At least till he gets himself mental help

He could actually be a handsome man if he took care of himself.

Hire a prostitute to fuck him and then pretend to fall in love with him. Once he's attached, use sex like a carrot on a stick to make him do literally anything.

He just wants to be loved. But sadly he has the mind of a child and has literally zero chance with any woman at all.

Literally all it takes is one female Jow Forumsizen to pretend to be his gf for a year and take him to the gym.

Thousands of men on the internet trying to fix chrischan and all it takes is one thot. But none will do it in a million years unless he has money or status. This is undeniable proof that women are fickle, selfish subhumans.

Take away every source of instant gratification. Tell him you’ll split the 1 mil with him and he can buy all the ponies he wants afterwards.
>lock him in a cabin or somewhere WITH CONSENT
Then do as follows
>no internet
>only source of dopamine is lifting
>twice a week you deliver him wholesome reading material
>remove all sources of sexual fantasy
>mandatory meditation once in the morning once at night
>he will socialize by attending therapy 2x a week, and perhaps medication (NO HRT)
>on sundays he goes to church, or takes a hike in nature, something spiritually uplifting
>on Wednesday’s he will volunteer.
>no texting, only human interaction.
>you will cook meals for him for the first month and teach him life skills like cooking and cleaning, then only deliver groceries once a week.
>condition him to be afraid of fapping by blaring a loud noise or turning the heater down
As he slowly improves, encourage him to take educational courses, and slowly reintroduce more autonomy.
It will probably take 1 to 3 years but by the end of it these habits should be so ingrained that he becomes uncomfortable at the thought of going back. He will finally pass the test when he offers up the $500k for a retirement fund or charity. Otherwise it’s back in the cabin with him.
Did I miss anything?

Then why doesn’t a guy just pretend to be a girl to fix him?

Test e 500 mg for 20 weeks
Anavar 50 mg ED kick start for 6 weeks

Done.

This, although I think even he'd catch on pretty quick it's just a guy in a suit. We need to make him think Sonichu is actually talking to him. I propose
>first, we need to get him drunk, maybe mildly drugged, and make sure he makes it back home.
>next, some local Jow Forumsizen will dress up as Sonichu, maybe with super saiyan hair, and break into his room in middle of the night.
>with small but powerful construction light then light up the entire room waking still half-drunk Chrischan into a surreal dreamlike state
>our Sonichu, only visible as a blurry silouette to te blinded Chrischan, will tell him that he has reached a new form, Super Sonichu 2 to combat a new and powerful enemy
>however, his newfound power alone isn't enough and he needs Chrischan to gain this power as well
>he will help Chrischan to reach this form, but he could only reach him in this dreamlike state between worlds
>however, the new power has allowed him to cross over into a digital realm and will contact chrischan again through that
>proceed to knock Chrischan out
>the next morning Chrischan will wake up having an email/textmessage telling him his training routine (which is just SS)
>also by his doorstep is a membership-card to a local gym and a big bag of whey-protein
>as he goes inside, he will get another text
>"please Christine... No Chris-chan, you're our only hope to save the multiverse! - Super Sonichu 2"
>proceed to send him trainingtips for the next 3 months, then tell him he must harden his will and survive for a month only on water, whey and vitamin pills while doing a new routine meant to maintain some musclemass.

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This is about what I'd do but I'd be even more hands on. How old even is he now?

Chris Chan's problem is his mind, not his body.
Giving him a great body will not make him sane.
That gif showing him as a little boy growing up to his current state makes me pretty sad, he still has the same brain of that kid but now that kid is confused and can't make sense of the world.
I would take him to a psychiatrist to get a diagnosis and schedule psychologist visits, hoping he is capable to get an epiphany or something.
If he did, he could start unfucking himself by improving other aspects of his life starting with lifting.

>There are actually still people who have no clue to who CWC is.
Blows my mind everytime.

For the people new to CWC.
>encyclopediadramatica.rs/Chris-chan
>sonichu.com/cwcki
Look up tugboat on the site.

You can NOT unlearn anything about this guy, you have been warned.

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Kiwifarms, has literally tens / hundreds of thousands of posts about Chris Chan alone, that documents every aspect of his life, day by day. We know more about Chris Chan than about virtually any other human being that has ever existed on Earth... and I'm not exaggerating.

his mind is broken, nothing can be done to fix his body until his mind is fixed. look at his eyes, he has no soul anymore.

Damn, Christine-chan looks like this now?

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So sage. Salty, sagey sageness .

Explain "Sonichu" please.

It's a character in a comic chris-chan wrote a long, long time ago.

Hed just freeze up and shit his pants

He is in a "polyamourous marriage" with several of his characters now as well.

youtu.be/pShpKZ9CXfU
Some of you might have a slight chance of changing him but go ahead and watch this video and then tell me this guy can still be saved.

Best ideas; have a (You).

This fucking creature went to the same high school I did. Just thankful he's not in Chesterfield anymore.

I put him in an oven. He might eventually reach those stats as his fat will melt faster. If not who cares I don’t need 1 mil

Threaten him with a Curse-ye-hame-ha

lol u rly expect ppl to read that too

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Doesn’t he have a patreon or something?

after reading shit he wrote I cant help but think he is not as stupid as he looks, its just that there's something really wrong in his brain, his problem is not his iq, its his extreme mental illness

Threaten to resurrect Clyde Cash

Please god no don't ruin women for me

>extreme mental illness
>extreme
Chris might be a 90s kid, but his illness isn't extreem at all. He's just too well enabled to get out of his comfort zone, so he won't.
He's a run-of-the-mill high functioning autist with no need to deal with the normal everyday stuff of life.
We'll never know (or, really, care about) what could have been if he wasn't enabled that much, and grew to be at least a bit indipendent, but he could have produced something passable with his creativity, not just derivative bullshit.

Just went you think he's hit rock bottom he breaks through and plunges to new depths we never thought were possible.

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This would fucking work. Thought at this point training could probably kill him at any moment.

didn't he cut his dick off?

fast till lean. then start training.

>there's something really wrong in his brain
Well yeah, he's actually autistic and had a lot of issues throughout his childhood.
His whole life just seems like a accumulation of mishaps.

We would also have to constantly give him lsd, he would probably ignore all this shit, post about it, then stuff his face with the dry protein powder.

He doesn't have a real degree. He took a few classes in computer aided drafting and design 20 years ago at a community college and they gave him a certificate.

He certainly doesn't have a genuine 4-year degree.

Why do you think that?

ok, this is epic

wtf who is this

Jesus christ, this video is horrifying. It sounds like some kind of manifesto that a school shooter would email to CNN right before they go on a massacre.

WE HAVE TO WARN PEOPLE

He is too autistic to stick to a program. Literally

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>that spin
what a chad