Well gentlemen, the New Year is fast upon us. The seasoned among you will know that this means the gym will be flooded with people who have resolved to get into shape in 2019. Normally, this lasts for about a month, maybe a month and a half.
Thankfully, I have a proven three-step system for helping you beat the New Year's Resolution crowd.
Step One: put out on all fitness blogs and social media accounts that the best way to lose weight quickly is to limit your water intake. Tell people this will force their body to burn fat to free water stored in their adipose tissue.
Really make sure to put it out there. Trust me, just make it sound legit and people won't know. If people read this from multiple sources online, a good portion of them will believe it.
Step Two: Going on this new information, New Years Resolutioners will attempt to fast-track their fast track by not drinking water during or after cardio. This will cause a good portion of them to suffer dehydration-related injuries and possibly die.
Step Three: With the New Years Resolutioners not hydrating, they should be cleared out of the gym in no time. Enjoy your empty gym.
>implying they wont lose hella water weight thus motivating them to come more
your plan is bad
Jayden Gomez
>implying you dont want to flex on the newfags
William Sullivan
>stick to normal plan >take a week off to rest starting January 1 >miss 90% of the newfags >get awesome sleep gains
Julian Carter
Why can't you fags be happy that people are getting off their ass and at least doing some shit?
Ian Powell
What kind of loser goes to the gym on New Years Eve lol
Matthew Jones
People are shit user. I'm not lifting for PEOPLE, I'm lifting for myself. The more people lift and get in better shape, the more competition I get. Mires are a limited resource and I will not hesitate to keep fatties fat if it means I get all the mires.
Jeremiah Bennett
January First is New Years Day, brainlet
Logan Baker
Based
Isaiah Allen
Garage gym mustard race
Anthony Hall
December 31st is new years eve
Cooper Taylor
>48446788 # I’m doing a water fast from jan1-14 to start my cut and only dying light workouts at home... the vast majority of the rush will be gone.
Hudson Bennett
Christ youre insecure. No amount of muscles will change that. Who cares if you get more mires if you dont actually do anything about them:?
Evan Murphy
I don't care about anything except for mires. Mires are the currency of the gym. The only thing in life that matters is the amount of mires you get. Fuck girlfriends, fuck relationships and fuck everything else. Only mires.
Robert Gutierrez
Cause these mother fuckers will just get bored/lazy and give up after a month.
it would be better if they didnt bother attempting in the first place. better for me that is
Jayden Scott
so get an instagram, woman
Leo Diaz
Because you know damn well that those people dont care about fitness or self improvement at all
Levi Russell
Because they're just going to take up space and do stupid shit like curl in the squat rack. The fewer people I have to share the equipment with the better.
Jackson Miller
My new years resolution for 2019 is simple as fuck, because if I can't make this one resolution work--no other resolution will be good enough.
What's the resolution you ask?
>No half-assed goals.
Brayden Reed
newfags are already at my gym, they copy every move i make >started eating bananas >whole gym eating bananas >invented a stupid exercise just to make fun of machines >saw 3 guys doing it for sets and reps >take gardening gloves to the gym as a joke, 2 guys show up with similars boy what can i do next?
ive only seen people doing squats without shoes mostly women who also do yoga exercises while blocking the squat rack
Wyatt James
Fellow brother
Nathaniel Campbell
>t. a nineteen year old
Landon Gutierrez
You know whats worse? Friends becoming new years resolutioners.
>Friend X decides he wants to work out, says he wants to look swole like you >So he asks if he can come to the gym with you >Take him to the gym, put in tons of effort to teach him correct form >Teach him how to eat properly >Workout now takes 2 hours instead of 1 >Think it will be worth it because youll have a gymbro in the end >1 month later after they finally got the hang of all of exercises, they make up some bullshit excuse and quit >In reality they just want to go back to their lazy life
Shit fucking happened to me twice already. I dont want to tell a friend he cant come with me but god if this shit happens again Im gonna flip
I don't wear shoes either, but wearing socks is only adding padding and fucking up your structural support.
Chase Long
Who cares they all end up using shitty machine anyways. Only a handful of resolutioners set foot in the free weight area
Nolan Clark
Same here, it is so disheartening after a month or two having them start making excuses, flaking out, and saying stupid shit to you. "Oh I have exams" So do I you idiot and I am taking more courses than you plus I am working a part-time job and still have plenty of time for this.
Feels fucking bad man, I just want a reliable spotter.
