Okay dudes, I'm on the verge of not making it and I need you guys to talk me into fucking making it, once and for all.
Here's the background:
I'm 28, I didn't work out at all my entire life but decided to stop the bullshit and start lifting weights. I've been going somewhat consistently for 5 months now, but I hurt myself doing deadlifts last week (pulled a muscle in my lower back) and now I'm constantly contemplating quitting.
I've been more inconsistent prior to hurting myself too, which sucks. I love it when I'm there but hate waking up and going.
Also I still feel really out of place at the gym itself. I go to a pretty serious place, and I'm by FAR the weakest dude there. I still train with a coach and it's too expensive but I'm too much of a pussy to train on my own, especially now that I hurt myself.
I'm starting to think weight lifting isn't for me, that I'm too much of a spaz, that I should be further along than I am at 5 months.
But here's the thing, I'm like this with everything in my life. I can never do anything consistently and I always end up quitting. I HATE myself for this, and I want to change so badly, but my discipline and motivation is so off and on and I've never been able to force myself past the intense anxiety I get.
Guys, please help. What is the magic answer I need to get my shit together? I want to get strong as fuck. Some of my lifts are pretty solid already, but some are way behind. I mean I pulled a 4 plate deadlift already... that felt awesome, but then the next week I pulled my back out doing significantly less.
I know a lot of you are just going to call me a pussy, but seriously, I want to finally move past this pussy mode. It's not that it's hard, it's that it feels impossible.
How do I stop being scared all the time?