I could beat THE FUCK out of this little faggot

Strokeposter. Based.

OP, you are definitely a faggot, but these threads are my favorite right now. So cheers.
Also that chimp would make you suck its dick at gunpoint.

I am speaking with the you language like you iare was my last day
Or maybe you don’t know how to speak back to others?
Yeah I know

>Holy kek they would pump it a few time to relaxes and o well enough to get do you something for me

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This is what a chimp could do to your face
Not pictured: the stumps where her hands used to be before the chimp tore them off

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is this achievable natty?

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so here we go again, same old thread same old fake news...
you couldn't hit the shit out his hand before he flings it at you you puny scrub
pound for muscle these creatures have the highest dencity of muscle of all land mammals and by god do they know how to use it.
a chimp or orangutang could rip your arms clean off before you even shook his hand and said howdy doo.
let alone can you even find one to compete with; we're all protected in nature reserves and zoos people pay to see them and you think you'll just stumble across one and have a fight with one? you're dumber than they are muscler and thats a lot

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>This is what a chimp could do to your face
Then you could say I will most definitely try not to stick my bollocks in the chimp cage at the zoo so they can annihilate my soft masculinity in one swift, painful blow

25 000 cals exclusively from bananas a day

you're just typing random english words and pretending they make sense

you're rarted

lmao what the fuck is this shit

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I can beat a gorilla bare handed.

No kidding.

I practiced MMA for 6 years, boxing too for 7 years. I could.

Also bodybuilding for 4 years. I'm 6' 2" 189lb.

I have insane speed and reflexes matching only those of God himself.

I just have to wait for him to charge me, dodge him and bop his head into oblivion. I will not let him go, one mistake and i finish him.

There will always be virgins here to think it's impossible. Nothing is impossible with my power my friends. You're simply to weak to accomplish anything.

Any beta man with a little bit of practice can take out a gorilla with a knife. But bare handed it's much more difficult, it requires more technique.

It's like y'all learned nothing from Joe Rogan.

>there goes jamal, he really is a nice guy if you talk to him

it's funny because he's whiter than you

He's just "ashy" as the basketball americans say

Yes, if you are black. Just be yourself.

based

5 LEAVES YOU MUST EAT DAILY (NON NEGOTIABLE)

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illegible and strokepilled

As a boy of ten it was my job to release the hens and collect their eggs in the morning. I remember they were mostly Wyandottes and Sebrites with that delicate spidery pattern to the feathers. One winter, before daybreak, I could here from a thousand yards out an unspeakable din of crows and almost human-sounding screams. I threw open the door of the coop to find a pair of foxes mutually goring a fat hen named Dina. Dina was docile. She never put up much of a fight even when I would pull the eggs right out from under her. I remember thinking: "Dina doesn't deserve this." But there was nothing I could do. Most of the others were already dying or frozen in poses of blind animal panic. The impasto of blood, shit and feathers on the floor reminds me years later of a Van Gogh painting. I recall to this day the entire scene. The foxes looked bored and crazed at the same time, as if they themselves were surprised at how easy it was to kill nearly forty chickens. They regarded me with neither fear nor animus: they knew I could do nothing. Worst of all was the sound of Dina's cries attenuating as the sound of her ripping tissue grew to its final snap. Those chickens that did survive were never the same. It would not be an abuse of words to say that they were traumatized. I could see in their glances, and in the circumspect way they treated me thereafter, that they knew I had failed them at that most dire hour.

Pussy

youtube.com/watch?v=QhMo4WlBmGM

I’m impressed that a chimp learned how to type English and to post on Jow Forums.

kek
JEJEJEJEJEJE

wut lol

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What is going on in this thread

well no because

*brings the mic closer*

every 10 years your cells in your body actually completely change.

i was reading this article about how DMT can actually advance this process into only taking 6 years because your pineal gland- jaimie could you get that article up? yeah but its because your pineal glands can actually make your cells rejuvenate faster ... here we go

*looks over at the screen*

look at that ...

yeah that chimp must be what? 400 pounds? jesus those things will tear you to shreds

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Nigga what the fuck does this have to do with fighting chimps

fuck I love strokeposting
even if it's fake

Did you write this? this is well written.

Oh my fucking god I hate Joe Rogan posters so much. I hate you.

Chimps are manlets

t. joe rogan

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no, it really isnt. The sources that all point to them being able to lift thousands of pounds are largely unfounded. The best example most studies point to is the one armed rope pull done under study, but the results of that one are "Dude I totally saw it, I swear" from A SINGLE GUY. No gorilla has ever lifted a weight of over 1000 lbs and had it documented. For all we know their muscle efficiency is worse than ours, they just have a "potentially insane" output that we will never see because of numerous biological factors. Fuck off with your monkey wanking you furry shit.

see

kek

>we're all protected in nature reserves

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Legitimite question:

Given the chance to grab this ape and smash it against a pole or a wall before it latches onto your shoulder and tears it off, whose to say you CAN'T destroy it?

In a bare knuckle brawl or grappling match a human would get murked. Pound for pound this thing can tear your muscles with its fingers. But why not just overhead slam the bastard onto the floor until it's dead?

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gorillas have much much stronger joints and spines, which are really the limiting factor for both species though of course Gorillas also are in an unfavourable position for lifting because their weight is centred towards the chest and head so they have to stoop over whatever it is they are lifting. They are also as practical as they can be about lifting, so even if you put their young in a cave with a 1000lb rock in the way they'll just try and roll it.

Their limbs are strong af.

You are not considering that they have thumbs on their feet like hands. So it's like fighting a strong four arm creature

SPEAKING OF STROKE LMFAO

I get that. But what I mean is just slamming it headfirst into concrete repeatedly before any of it's limbs can latch on to you.

Ignore the wrestling but imagine you grabbed it by the nape of its neck then just threw it into the floor face first.

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>6'2 189lb
spooky

But how do you avoid the animal grabbing you when you grab it? Since you only have two limbs you use for grabbing that are weaker than the chimp's limbs.

a lot of primates have WAY more fast-twitch muscle fibers than humans do, which also contributes to their ability to exert force and importantly to be quick

Back of the neck and maybe a single arm?

I can see how initially grabbing the animal will be difficult but if you fling it by it's neck and extended arm will it be able to do anything?

So picture this.
Right hand grips the back of the neck/base of the skull

Left hand grips the arm high up on the bicep/upper arm.

Slam the thing facefirst and sprawl it out before it can curl itself into you.

Im just speculating but that would be the only thing I can imagine doing if it weighed less than 100lbs.

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it still has two very pliable legs and another arm to use to fuck with you

>Left hand grips the arm high up on the bicep/upper arm.

You still don't understand that the human arm strenght can't overpower the arm and grip strenght of an adult chimp.

We're not overpowering the arm thats the problem. The picture was a poor example but upper bicep/where the bicep inserts into the anterior deltoid.
Then again I suppose trying to overpower the chest and shoulder of an ape is even more of a deathwish.

That makes sense. I thing the hig factor here is the range of motion an ape has with it's legs.

s-s-sans rigoler

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Yep. OP is a nerd

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What does that even mean

Based stokeposter

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these posts actually give me anxiety because i cant comprehend what theyre saying and it fuckin scares me like i forgot how to read
thanks user

autism, kill yourself

My nigga achieved laughing emoji mode

OK. Real question. Who would win in a fight to the death? Roger the kangaroo or this jacked chimpanzee?

I used to show my ex girlfriend how to wipe her own ass before. Not gonna lie because her ass would stink. One time she took a shit and I walked in and literally wiped her ass for her like she was fucking three years old with wet toilet paper and said “see? See how much pressure I’m putting in and they way I’m holding it? THIS is how you wipe your ass” literally wasn’t weird at all we had sex that night. Really strange

One time I was looking at her asshole when it was spread in my face and I saw a brown dot and thought “oh no....” so I took my index finger and dabbed it and it smeared on her anus and then I smelt my finger it was raw shit. I freaked the fuck out on her. Should of dumped her that day. There was so many situations I could further explain like this

The girl after that, when we would 69 she would catch me sniffing her asshole. Brapping is real boys. She wouldn’t fart but I loved smelling her asshole. I like sniffing assholes because I need to check if their clean first off previously described from my last traumatizing situation and also I do just like sniffing a clean one too. It was such a fucking KINK. Getting a little chub thinking about it.

The most recent girl had a lovely asshole that I would put the head of my cock in and rub her clit. Man those were the days she was a smoke show too. The last time before I dumped her I stuck the head in dry. It was tight and felt nice Little blonde thick but petite 18 year old girl.

Words of wisdom

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What did he mean by this?