At urinal

kek

>almost 2019
>not pissing at the urinal bare bottom with your pants and underwear at your ankles
ishiggydiggydoo

>have to piss next to someone
>either piss really close in urinal and get piss all over clothes
>or piss far away from urinal where peepers will peep at my peeper

you cant win

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>first week at new job
>feel a shit coming, powerwalk to the toilet
>sit down, let loose
>after a bit hear someone else come in
>"anyone in there?"
>y-yes
>it's big boss
>this cocksucker will not let me shit in peace, and we have a chat for a good 15 minutes through a closed stall door
>of course I have to painfully hold in a huge shit, can't just make shitting noises while your boss is talking, right?
I was quickly taught by coworkers not to go piss or shit around midday, because that's when the boss goes to wash his hands before eating his lunch, and if you're in there he WILL talk to you, and it'll take seemingly forever

Piss mogged

>at urinal
>guy comes up and starts unloading next to me
>my dick knows it's been mogged and refuses to pee at all
>shake it off anyway and pretend I'm done
>still have to fucking pee

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>Senior year of highschool like fucking 6 years ago or some shit
>Taking a piss in the urinal, bathroom currently empty
>Black kid from the retard classes comes in bathroom
>Goes to stall right beside mine
>Drops pants to the floor around ankles
>Starts pissing while simultaneously trying to have a conversation to me about his creative writings
>I just nod along with it

Total Chad

>at urinal
>any time someone else starts peeing around the same time I do I notice that I'm done like 10 seconds before said person
what's wrong with me? i drink a lot of water too.

Creatine

ITT: Fags.

looking at other guys' dicks is not gay even if your mouth waters a bit

> at urinal
> coworker comes beside me to piss, but he cannot urinate so he just stands there awkwardly

kek i always do this, so embarrassing

He's throwing you a shit test and you failed it like a bitch

Why's he looking at a hard dick? That's gay, man.

XKCD really isn't trying anymore.

It's your dick. It has a right to exist there. Don't let shitlords try to dickshame you. You're a strong dicklet who don't need no privacy.

Is this bait or what?

>at urinal
>guy comes up next to me
>"cold out today, huh?"

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>Have foreskin in America
>acts as pee blast buffer
>have the widest and loudest stream of piss
>drink tons of water and practice peeing hard to get even better
I honestly love this feel when I get dehydrated or have a normal blood sugar it all goes to shit though.

Abnormal*

>Volume
>Double integral
Time to hit the books, dummy

>not assblasting the shit out of the toilet in order to assert your dominance in the workplace

Welp we know you're not going to be considered for a promotion any time soon.

I sometimes pee in the stall just to sound louder

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Unironically, how come this bothers me? Am I really that insecure?

>that guy who blasts his piss out as hard as he can
>ends up being a 10 second piss
>out of breath by the end

I can understand why people want to seem manly but it's rather obvious when you're straining yourself just to piss harder. I prefer a steady long stream where I won't get a hernia.

>pissing next to some guy
>He takes a step back midstream
>I take 2 steps back
>This continues until we are both back against the wall
>Someone else walks in and 360's out of there

Kek

I can't piss because I'm trying to hold in a fart bro

Is this bait or what?

nigger

>>Drops pants to the floor around ankles
>>Starts pissing while simultaneously trying to have a conversation to me about his creative writings
based and redpilled

The best feeling on earth is slowly mosying backward while pissing to create the biggest arc possible

>go to the piss trough
>It's one of those really bloody long ones
>One bloke in each corner
>No body uses the middle
Soft cunts

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i piss alone, alone
i don't want nobody to know
that i don't have the pressure of some of the other boys
they make a noise, it scares me so
leave me alone, alone
i just want to be on my own
'cause i haven't got the pressure of some of the other boys
i want a world where pissing troughs are obselete
there's only rows and rows of cubicles
i'm so afraid
when i try it is often delayed
i stand and stare into the air
and then i might just put it away
so quiet in here
the only sound around is the fear
the other guy is pounding the wall
like he's shooting dear
i need a place where i can close and lock the door
there i can stop and let it flow

We all knew it was dowhill when the domain changed to XKEKD

What does a double integral calculate?
Approximate area of 3 dimensional objects

>time to hit the books dummy

I’ve had this happen before. What I do it keep a square of tinfoil in my wallet and if I see someone at the urinal when I walk up that I think might pissmog me I’ll toss the tin foil in and piss on it to increase noise

Why do you care about some other dudes piss intensity?

Get a life you desperate twat.

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>go to urinal
>cant start a stream for 5 minutes cause body is fucked up
>people waiting behind me
>huge line
>take my time
>walk out after at least 4 people come and go
feelsbadman

I just sit down in a stall like a normal subhuman.

>not doing that at the urinal

>5th grade
>taking piss at urinal after CRCT
>200lb retard comes into the restroom and to the stalls behind me
>Tard slams door shut
>hear weird ass sounds behind me but all retards make weird sounds so whatever
>dangle off the last drops of piss and zip my shorts while i turn around
>Notice the stall door is open
>Notice tard on his knees looking at me
>Notice his arm is elbow deep in toilet
>Notice he's pulling out a turd
>Notice that the sound of eating a log of shit sounds like someone eating a ripe banana

I ran out of there and as I'm leaving the tard handler comes in and screams as I'm gunning it.

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>not asserting dominance over other males through piss flow strength
That's gonna be a hard yikes and bluepill for me, dog.

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if you've never tried pissing over a bathroom stall wall with your mates to see who could get their arc over, you're never gunna make it

>tfw secretly a guy who sits down peeing
>tfw the toilet is locked and only urinals are available
>mfw
the only time I regret taking the sitpill

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imagine crossing under those golden arches

A woman on my board!?

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Ummm but 360 is a full circular???????

What's the problem with urinals? I also pee seated and have no problem peeing at the urinals in public. It's a non harming way dynamic of the pee flow.

>3rd grade
>have to take a piss
>go to bathroom
>see classmate pissing into trash can with his pants down to his ankles
>ask him why his pants are all the way down
>he gets mad at me, and says there's nothing wrong with how he pees

He then taught me how to blow bubbles with hand soap. We became pretty good friends after that.

>at urinal
>some guy is just standing behind me waiting
>can't pee
>keep looking at him so he fucks off
>goes around corner
>keeps looking to see if I'm done
>don't pee

Urinals are the worst invention ever

I knew I was no longer dyel when I could piss around other men.

I knew I made it, when men could no longer piss around me.

Now my goal is to be able to stop people pissing mid stream just by walking into the locker room

>he skipped the pelvic floor day

Idk why this keeps happening to me brehs

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>Getting bladder mogged

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At urinal
Guy takes the one next to me
He finishes first, I'm still audibly peeing

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[spoiler]I know you didn't pee. [/spoiler]

What are you some type of virgin poosy boi?

Based and pisspilled