Hey there user. How are you doing today? Please tell me

I'm exhausted by my job to the point where I just don't have the energy to do anything after work or on the weekends. At all. I'm trying to get myself to do some Responsible Things around the house right now, and it's not going well. I'm lonely as fuck, but I honestly don't know how I'd be able to have a relationship even if I thought anyone would want to be a part of my life anyway. At least my cats love me, even though they're not the cuddly types.

I've lost interest in petty arguments, but at the same time I've stopped worrying
and caring about almost any grounded and "human" problems.
I've disassociated myself from happy emotions, simply to cut out loneliness.
I can't even hug my mother out of fear of missing the feeling of it.
I have aching pains that are likely psychosomatic because of depression.
but I can't seem to identify or feel the depression anymore because I've had it for so long

>I can't seem to identify or feel the depression
by that i mean i forgot what being happy is

The day was doing decent, but then I got hit with a feeling of loneliness and now I feel like trash.

I'm still in love with someone who was pretty much perfect for me. Now they take drugs and probably slut themselves out. I can't avoid the thought that I could have prevented this, but another part of me thinks this was always inside them.

i want a boyfriend to hug and cuddle with

On holiday to meet my biological father and his kids in another country and seeing him with a family of his own is crushing. Just finished another fight with him where he blamed my mum for not being in life and now I'm drinking alone in an English pub. How're you lads going?

>I'm exhausted by my job to the point where I just don't have the energy to do anything after work or on the weekends
We careful user, don't work yourself to death. I hope you're ok, all that stress will seriously mess with you long term. Please take good care of yourself. What are you working as that tires you so much? I hope you can relax a bit and unwind with your free time, best of luck.
>I'm lonely as fuck, but I honestly don't know how I'd be able to have a relationship even if I thought anyone would want to be a part of my life anyway
I know how you feel. I'm sure someone wants to be a part of your life, even if they don't know it just yet. Working and sleeping with all your time won't give you that though. The more time you spend in relationship the better you get at it, it's a matter of getting your foot in the door I think. You can do it user, no one should be lonely. Tell your cats I said hi, and take good care of your life please.
You heard of behavioral shutdown model of depression? It seems feasible to me and reads like what you just said. Exaggerated sense of negatives so you anticipate it and condition yourself in a negative mindet so it can't hurt you. I hope you can feel better user, I hope you can turn your soul back on. It's still in there, you just need to put everything behind it to really feel. Please don't give up on yourself, you can make it out of this. It is not easy but you have the challenge of a lifetime to face, so as long as you're alive you haven't failed yet.
I'm sorry about that user. No one deserves to be lonely, and those shooting emotions that ruin a day really suck. I hope you become less lonely and your day gets a lot better! You are't trash, being a worthless human being is very rare. You have value, and other people should see it even if they don't. Have some love for yourself, even if you aren't being loved by others at the moment.

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Thanks for taking time out of your day to listen to others.

I'm not doing well honestly. I've come to realize that I am incompetent, stupid and mediocre. This undermines what's been driving me to push on in life.

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gunjy you're a nice dude but what do you gain out of avatarfagging and being recognized on an angolian whalehunting forum?

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I deserve it. I have my wishes yet I do nothing about them because I'm too lazy and afraid of doing anything. So ultimately I deserve it all.

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Found out the love of my life cheated on me for over a year. Now she wants some poly bullshit and I love her too much to let her go...

Well I found out a couple days ago that not only did one of two people I've ever fully trusted decide to abandon me once I started to take a major turn for the worse last fall (there's a whole story here but I'm not going to go into it in this post), apparently she also talked shit about our friendship and how I was asking for her support too much behind my back while telling me I could always talk to her about anything. To make matters even better at least one person she talked to behind my back is someone who also knows me. This is all after she profusely promised to keep anything we ever talked about strictly between the two of us of course

Needless to say, while my ability to trust people was damaged enough by her initially stopping contact with me, this latest information seals the deal completely and I don't intend to ever develop any type of interpersonal relationship again

That's sad. Loving someone and seeing them destroy themselves hurts. She doesn't deserve your love, but sadly we can't change who we feel for. It's beyond your control, they chose it for themselves. Don't take responsibility for someone else's errors. You're a peer in life, not a teacher. I hope you find a better person to love.
Ok, good luck. Humans deserve love, hope you can get the physical intimacy and care you crave in life. Loneliness is the greatest amplifier of human suffering.
Sounds bad. Sorry you have those family problems, your dad sounds like a real antagonist. Don't be too frustrated about being a bastard, it has nothing to do with your character and actually just blemishes you father more than anyone. English pubs are cool, don't let the drinking alone part make it less fun to be there. Things are ok for me, but mom and some other family are at home right now and it's really stressing me out. I can't function socially without breaks and they aren't giving me many so I'm anxious. Rest is ok.
Don't thank me please, I get something out of it.
>I'm not doing well honestly. I've come to realize that I am incompetent, stupid and mediocre
None of those things are in your control. Don't let that make you sad if you are. Even so you might be undeerestimating yourself. Humans in general are underwhelming, just do your best with what you have and no one can fault you for not doing enough, even yourself.
I'm not gunjy. I let people know who I am in this thread to give a sense of interpersonal connection.
>I deserve it
Wrong. You deserve good but haven't claimed what you can yet. I hope you can get over your self doubts and hold ups and find what you really want. It's still out there.
She is worse than garbage, cut off all contact immediately. Poly is trash, she is trash, and anyone who betrays someone who loves them for a pleasure will burn. Best to split now than when she goes to hell.

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Not OP, but she disrespected you and the love you had for her. She isn't worth your time anymore and you should not look at her the same. Dump her and try to forget about her, trust me user you can find someone better who has better morals. Know your worth. If not you'll spend the rest of your life content being a cuck.

well, a girl i thought i liked has her birthday on friday and i bought her a 25$ pen but i see that she doesn't take me seriously so i just unpacked it and saved for myself so now i'm sad and i don't know what to buy her

Meguposter is one of the only reasons I still come to this board. To many roasties/threads pandering to roasties nowadays.

I'm not hopeful that I'll ever do anything to fix myself. Quite frankly I'm sick of myself.

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Thanks for the kind words. I will try my best but it is kinda hard when you never had anything in life.

Boring day with little going on. I wish for the weekend to come only to be lost in boredom. I started reading and trying to improve drawing skills so that's a plus. I may be the only one asking, but how are YOU?

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You seem really nice and uplifting. Thank you for your posts. You give me hope. 24 years of being khv this month and I really want to change that and get my first snuggles. I always thought I was too unworthy of love I guess and never want to be seen as vulnerable and weak. I am officially ending alcohol consumption and trying to socialize with women more. See you out there.

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Fucking awful. Last night got drunk and got some twink boy over to my place. We made out and he sucked my dick for a bit. Then I had a little bit of an existential crisis over it and had to be comforted by him. When I tried talking to some people about it they all just said it was an ok thing to do. I feel absolutely disgusted by what I did. I don't think i'll ever be able to live this down.

same ol' same ol'
got 7 more ours of studycucking before I call it a day.

Like, other people said it's ok that I "experimented" and that it "was natural, guys have been fucking each other for thousands of years, it's normal". IT ISN'T NORMAL STOP TRYING TO MAKE IT NORMAL. The reason I did it was because the girl I love was in another city for the weekend with some onions cuck beta faggot fuck. I was so fucking lonely and sad and just wanted to be with somebody. But once I got to it, it was just miserable.

Wow, you got a good day! A person you gave your complete trust can't hurt you anymore. That position is so dangerous for you, what just happened is the equivalent of a snake slithering out of your bed before it bites you. It's just one person user, not everyone is like that. There's a couple honest people on this planet left, giving up isn't the best answer. I hope you're better from your downturn, but please don't abandon the rest of humanity, you'll have plenty of time to yourself when you're dead. Try to find some people who are actually worthwhile as friends and not fun buddies of convenience, they do exist. I promise.
Sorry user, do you know that for a fact? Sadly not all feelings are reciprocal, love would be a lot simpler if it were. Enjoy the pen yourself, and don't let things get you down too much. Pens make really good gifts I think, got my mom one for her birthday recently. So enjoy your gift for yourself, you need it to cheer up! I suck at gift ideas, sorry friend. Hope you come up with something alright before friday.
I know how you feel. It's fear. You have the cure in your hand but are afraid of needles. It's insufferable but I hope that you can get over it. I believe in you. We're all gonna make it brah.
I understand, and really wish you the best. My opinion is that the best is without her. Having nothing is better than having nothing and a tumor. The longer you wait to break things the harder it is to cut out. Good luck friend, I hope the next person you love isn't a traitor.
Sorry you're bored user. I hope you find some fun things to do and make it better.
>I started reading and trying to improve drawing skills so that's a plus
That's great! I can't draw for shit except when I have a model to go off of. What are you reading, is it any good?
>how are YOU?
Fine, thanks. Forgot how desocialized I am but remembered today.

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>What are you reading, is it any good?
Edgy stuff really. Edgar Allan Poe poetry, No Longer Human, and the infamous manifesto by the supreme gentleman. never bothered with reading but just felt like it.
>Forgot how desocialized I am but remembered today
That's this whole board so don't feel so bad. Never really see anybody outside of school so I can relate. I just use my isolation to my advantage and get ahead on work or I use my time to invest in hobbies.

You think those people will tell the girl you like about how you got a gay bj? The girl you love may call to congratulate you on coming out of the closet.

I hope you're right, I truly do, even if I feel it difficult to believe. I can't live like this.

The girl I like was the one who told me it was normal. I know I'm a fuck up. Guess I blew all future chances of getting with her once her current relationship implodes, because it will. She has too much baggage for a normal person to handle.

>None of those things are in your control. Don't let that make you sad if you are. Even so you might be undeerestimating yourself. Humans in general are underwhelming, just do your best with what you have and no one can fault you for not doing enough, even yourself.

I've thought about that. It's true, I can't blame myself for my shortcomings if I utilize what I've been dealt as much as I can. But still, I look at people around me, both younger and older who can grasp concepts much better and faster than I can and who seem to have actual passion for something and I just get really jealous and angry at myself. It's just my ego being hurt, but I can't help it. I'm extremely insecure about my intelligence. I'm in this limbo of considering giving up on everything, but I'm afraid to since, like you said, I could be underestimating myself.

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character limits are pozzed
Hope is a necessary evil because the alternative is hopelessness. I'm glad I can help provide any I can.
>24 years of being khv this month and I really want to change that and get my first snuggles
Good luck user. I believe in you. I'm a kv so can't give too much advice on girls but I hope you find one who deserves you. Congrats on quitting alcohol! That stuff is bad, so I'm very happy you're getting off of it. Fear of rejection does suck, I'm sorry you're caught up in it. Your strength as a person is not determined by whether a girl thinks you're desirable. She's a random ass person. You can do it.
Yeah it's natural to be disgusted by homosexuality, even if you have homo tendencies yourself. Take it as a sign you need to decide something. Accept it or change yourself, either way you're not below the overwhelming majority of people in the depravity field just because you fuck dudes. Now seems like a good time to taper off the faggotry if you ever want to though.
I believe you're a study cuck because you just made an honor roll (sorry). Good job working at it user, keep it up! Hope more of the same is a good thing.
I really like Poe, he's edgy but really fucking good. He also had a right to that edge because of his life, goddamn man lived a walking tragedy. Never read no longer human or the entirety of twisted whatever the fuck though. I liked the unibomber's manifesto though so perhaps it's worth a complete visit.
>That's this whole board so don't feel so bad
I'm pretty advanced. I was visited in my room 3 times in 10 minutes and started scratching my skin off and tearing up. Online is the only place I can communicate with any comfort, my RL person inherently makes me nervous.
I am if you really believe you can't live this way. Don't settle for the life you have now and strive for better. If you never give up I swear on my life honor and family it will get better for you.

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Fucking awful, I want this shit existence to be over ASAP

it's been six months & i'm still not over my ex... i've tried everything to forget her but she was honestly the coolest person i've ever met. i live in nyc and there's plenty of girls to hook up with but it just makes me want to kill my self, everyone is dumb & i miss her cute face so much. now for the past few months i've been struggling with terrible insomnia bc of it and have become an alcoholic. i'm only 19...

I'm doing well. It was nice out so I went for a longer walk than normal also listened to some music, and I'm making dinner now.
How was your day today bud?

>Wow, you got a good day! A person you gave your complete trust can't hurt you anymore. That position is so dangerous for you, what just happened is the equivalent of a snake slithering out of your bed before it bites you. It's just one person user, not everyone is like that. There's a couple honest people on this planet left, giving up isn't the best answer. I hope you're better from your downturn, but please don't abandon the rest of humanity, you'll have plenty of time to yourself when you're dead. Try to find some people who are actually worthwhile as friends and not fun buddies of convenience, they do exist. I promise.
I don't know man, I don't think I've got it in me to try anymore. I've still got a couple of friends and I don't intend to just become a full on hermit or anything but I'm not going to take the risk of getting close to and emotionally invested in someone new. It's not even just because of that particular event, other more minor stuff has happened too, but that was just the final straw.

I can give a little more detail for context in another post if you want

=3 Luv you user-kun, I can do it and so can you! I want to be cool, and I think I might already be! Thanks to you we can both be cool together. I will validate my own existence, it's just that I feel sex is the final thing to reach adulthood, but life seems so pointless sometimes without outside love and acceptance. Yeah, booze is just boring now. Better off watching animu and working hard!

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Don't give up user. You're only doing your best if you push the limits. Latent intelligence is rng, don't beat yourself up because others have it better in that department. It serves as much of a purpose as envying lottery winners so you quit your job and give up on money. It's frustrating to be set back, to not be the best, but musing over your inferiority proves nothing to anyone. All that time spent doubting is time spent wasted. Work hard and you'll surpass most people in whatever you would like to do, unless you're literally severely retarded.
Sorry you aren't doing well user. Existence won't like you if you hold that opinion of it though, bitterness is self-fueling.
Never had a gf so I can only imagine how you're feeling but loss is definitely hard. Love grows or dies, it never lessens. Just spend time around a girl who you like, maybe not quite as much as your ex but still a good catch. Time and those dumbass brain chemicals will do the rest of the work. Also repeated sex and intimacy with the same person to speed up the process. Stop fucking around with alcohol, it will only make things worse for you. You're barely an adult and haven't missed a beat of the normal life yet so don't throw it away on a failed relationship. "Teenage love is stupid" - old dudes.
That sounds like a nice day! Hope you enjoyed it. Nice and simple times alone can be amazing when you're in the right mindset. Hope dinner is tasty for you.
>How was your day today bud?
Nothing much. I sit in front of pc all day. Grandma aunt mom and dad all home right now and they stress me out to spend time with.
>I don't think I've got it in me to try anymore
I can't say anything to make a person stop giving up. You can reinvigorate the spirit but not resurrect it. I hope you haven't given it all up user, really. Sorry that business happened to you, it's really unfortunate. I hope you recover. If you'd like to feel welcome to share.

character lim

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the meds are making me manic

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Much love user. Don't stress yourself too much over sex stuff, it'll come if you look for it and doesn't matter too much in the end. Glad you're stopping the booze, I think that'll be really good for you. I'm sure other people will enjoy your company, the main factor that hold any lonely person back is fear or a sense of superiority. Even the most autistic dumbass furries have friends and a gf a lot of the time. Just put yourself out there and people will be waiting.
That's no good. What meds are you on? Are you diagnosed bipolar or just really agitated by the meds? Been a while since I've seen you in these threads, been doing ok?

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>Existence won't like you if you hold that opinion of it though
I don't give a hoot what existence thinks of me. It was never nice to me either way.

no im not diagnosed anything yet but the meds are kinda boosting my mood changes

>If you'd like to feel welcome to share
Well this girl and I were friends for 6 years give or take. For whatever reason we became pretty close relatively quickly and were able to trust each other with some really personal shit. We'd go through periods of talking a lot and periods of not talking so much but at least on my end I always felt like that implicit bond was still there. In hindsight, it should have been a major red flag that the times where we'd talk more tended to be when she had something that was upsetting her, but at the time I was just so glad to have someone I could actually trust and talk to about my own shit (mental illness and drug abuse and what not) that I didn't think anything of it.

So this pattern continues for a while, we don't talk as much once she starts college but I still have the feeling that if it ever came down to it we'd both have each other's back no problem, and everything she says and does indicates likewise.

Leading up to summer of 2017, she and I are talking somewhat frequently and we eventually start hanging out in person. Although not immediately apparent, it turns out she's having some emotional problems after a nasty breakup or some shit, so of course I'm happy to try and help as much as I can (call me a cuck or whatever but I could not give less of a fuck about dating anyone at any point). It also turns out that she's seemingly developed something of a drinking problem. I'm already naturally prone to anxiety and overly empathetic, so of course seeing one of the people I care about most like this all the time starts to wear on me, and not only that but my own depression that had been bubbling below the surface is starting to reappear. The situation continues to escalate over the summer with numerous times where I'd be comforting her in front of my house while she's drunk and crying and other shit like that, so of course my own mental state is rapidly deteriorating as well

1/2

Starting to give up on a social life.

One girl I liked, from what I've heard from a friend, visibly gagged when asked if she liked me.

at this rate, i might as well give up

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Get an online gf instead

I'm open with her about how I'm doing terrible myself, and she seems to be good about it and tries to make me feel better and says I can always talk to her anytime I need anything and all that kind of shit. Anyways this same shit keeps happening right up until when she starts school. Immediately, her tone shifts from being very loving and kind to me and appreciative of our friendship to seeming like she wants nothing to do with me. I write it off at first as just me being insecure or whatever.

By this point, largely I suspect as a result of constantly being seriously stressed over this situation over the summer, my mental health is absolutely in the gutter. I try talking to her about it since she is one of only two people I ever trusted enough to talk about that shit but now that school's in I guess she doesn't have time for that so usually doesn't even bother to respond, or if she does it's days later and very short and uninterested. I keep trying a few times since at this point I've become.suicidal again and desperately need some kind of support but she never has much to say and eventually stops responding altogether, so I write off that friendship as dead.

The thing is, I understand her not wanting to deal with me being a wreck and would not fault anyone in her position for distancing herself. It hurts though that she did it without ever telling me what the problem was or even giving me any hint that I was doing anything wrong, in fact when I asked if it was okay for me to still talk to her about my own shit she always said that of course it was. It also fucks me up that she talked about our friendship in a negative way behind my back while simultaneously telling me I was fine

So long story short after that fiasco I started playing around with the needle again and now I've additionally picked up the bottle full time

life is finally getting good, let's hope i dont fuck this up
>be me, soon 17, 7/10 on a good day, beta vrigin cuck but i can socialise
>recently started snapping alot with this cute thick girl that ive known through friends for some time but didnt know her otherwise
>she asked for my snap username a couple weeks ago when i met her via a friend of mine, didnt think much of it because beta
>the past week we've been snapping alot outside of just sending streaks
>sometimes she tells me and my friend to come to some place and she'll hit us up with some cigarettes
>shes cool, free cigarettes, just see her as a friend
>my friend subtly tells me one time he thinks shes interested in me. i think "cool" but didnt think we could be a thing
>a couple hours ago we were snapping, it was nighttime. we talk about some random stuff, she gets to "at least youre hot unlike me" CONT

Just to add on to this, I know it's not fair for me to expect anyone to always want to help me with my shit and whatever and I would have been completely fine with it at any point had she told me she needed some distance or anything of the sort, it just doesn't seem right to tell someone that you're always there for them and they can talk to you about anything then to drop them without a word once you don't want to deal with it any more and to also talk shit about it to someone else

Even so I have no hard feelings toward her, I just wish she could have handled it in a less damaging way

>i obviously tell her something along the lines of no youre hella pretty
>realise maybe shes interested
>after a little more intimate chatting and compliments she says she gotta go sleep
>she ends it with a "Goodnight user"
>feelsgoodman.mp3
>this is what normie life is
>mfw
we're gonna chill tomorrow, wish me luck

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edit, she ended with "Goodnight user" and a heart
sorry fags im on mobile

its good to hear that you finally got a feelsgood life.

wish i could say the same

im finally happy. i hope you find something that makes you happy user, good luck

>Nothing much. I sit in front of pc all day
What were you doing on your computer?
>Grandma aunt mom and dad all home right now and they stress me out to spend time with.
I used to be that way as well. I hope it eventually passes and you can have a good time with your family fren

I'm sad because I just finished Toradora, but I'm also happy that it's over. Watching anime only makes me depressed

Same happened with me.
I wanted to see the after story without playing that damned VN for the PSP.

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Damn, I didn't know there was any more
Could I get that on an emulator?

There should be some for PPSSPP

Alright, just keep in mind that outlook doesn't make things better for you please. I hope your life gets noticeably better.
Ah, hope everything is ok for you user. Emotional volatility from meds is kinda dangerous, so please take care of yourself.
Sounds like she was too volatile to be good for you, it's better to have stable relationships than fluctuating and intense emotional friendships. Good job being a friend to her though, but make sure to keep your health in mind in the future as well. Don't let the bad spread to you.
Sorry user, she probably thinks she's too good for it all. Good people don't do that, no one accidentally gags at something like that. Dumb roastie, be happy you got a red flag before you were too tangled up with her. I wouldn't give up user, you're still in this race whether you like it or not. Giving up just makes you look bad.
>I asked if it was okay for me to still talk to her about my own shit she always said that of course it was
She's a weak person, and can't admit to anyone just how egocentric she is. I'm sorry you got duped by one of the bad ones, some people are too shallow to have the empathy others require in times of need. I hope you find strong bonds with real friends, and don't get betrayed like that again. There's a reason deserters were executed, betraying trust is the great evil.
Yeah, you're set. Just call her pretty and go from there. If a girl asks for your number she usually likes you man. I think the ban will be good for you man, take it as a new page of your life. Good luck with her. Stop being a dumb little nigger and make an advance though.
>What were you doing on your computer?
Nothing really, this thread and youtube videos. If you add up the words I write in these threads it's damn close to an essay every day. Stimulates me though, so I like it. Sometimes I play games if thread is slower.
>I hope it eventually passes
Thank you

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Really? I enjoy anime and feel better when I have the motivation to watch it. I'm glad you're happy user, hope you stay that way.

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Debating whether I should do shrooms or not. I haven't eaten yet, but made some chili that looks real good.

Did a bunch of dishes while listening to Joe Rogan and had a scare about my mom's Chromebook crapping out because the screen glitched and it flickered for a while even after a few restarts, but it was back to normal within 30 minutes.

Accomplished everything I wanted to except for showering and maybe some druggie stuff.

My back hurts like fuck even 2 months after I fucked it. I should go to the free clinic since I'm piss broke with no insurance.

I was pretty depressed not too long ago. I thought my life was spiraling out of control because of my decisions in the past and I had nothing to look foward to in my life. Anytime I would think about the future it would make me feel horrible but recently a friend asked me to come with Japan with him next year and I feel so much better now. I don't know how it will go but I feel like no matter how it goes it will be a big point in my life. I'm hoping getting out like this will help me gain the will to try and turn my life around.

>Good job being a friend to her though
Obviously I didn't do a good job of being a friend if she could just kick me to the curb like that
>I hope you find strong bonds with real friends, and don't get betrayed like that again
How am I supposed to even get to the point of trusting anyone again after that? I mean sure I'll probably get to the point where I feel comfortable talking to someone new about something beyond superficial shit but there's no way I'll ever expect any friendship to actually last and not be dropped on a whim

IM LIVING IN A NIGHTMARE

MATH MIDTERM TOMMMOROW AND I CANT STUDY

Got excited since one of my friends agreed to hang out and play vydia. Kind of sad now because when i sent him a text asking when he was gonna be here, he ghosted me and never came.

That was my main plan for the weekend.

Now i just feel lonely.

>Debating whether I should do shrooms or not
Din't know much about shrooms but don't break your thinker please. Hope you enjoy the chili, sounds tasty. It's a really nice meal.
>Did a bunch of dishes while listening to Joe Rogan and had a scare about my mom's Chromebook
Good job cleaning user, a kitchen is the most important room to keep clean.
>Accomplished everything I wanted to except for showering and maybe some druggie stuff
Good job then user! That's a really productive day for you. I hope your back is ok, that's troubling to have a problem for that long. Please see someone about it before something gets worse. My brother has back problems and knowing what's up helps him from having more problems in the future. Take care of that please.
Good luck user! Japan sounds really cool, and since everything is so compact you can see a lot in a short amount of time. I hope you really enjoy it. Use that excitement to make your day to day life better for yourself. Something like that can really turn your life around, normies like travelling for a reason. A different environment is the best time to analyze yourself independently of your life.
You sound like a wife who blames herself for being beaten. Don't turn around and apologize to a back stabber.
>How am I supposed to even get to the point of trusting anyone again after that?
Trust is glass. When it's broken it doesn't completely fix itself. Just keep your mind open and put your faith in others. Sometimes it will hurt you but loneliness is worse in my opinion. Everything is one bad day away from breaking, no exceptions. You just have to accept your state of being is fragile.
Get off Jow Forums then baka. I hope you do well on your test.

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I should add too, I was doing relatively alright with the whole situation, although obviously it still fucked me up to have been dropped like that, until I heard that while we were still in contact she had been telling another friend of hers who I vaguely know that I "couldn't take a hint" and was being overbearing with trying to talk about my problems and shit while simultaneously telling me it was always okay to talk to her. I admit I may have been somewhat overbearing at times but any time I felt like I had I promptly apologized and asked if she wanted me to stop doing that kind of shit and without fail she said it was fine.

Her having talked about it behind my back is honestly the worst part of the whole thing since having people do that is a major insecurity of mine, one which I had openly expressed to her at that

fuck sorry I know I keep rambling on about this shit but I was shooting meth/heroin combo shots the last couple days during which time I heard this news so I'm only now having to actually process it

Today I went to an adoption event for cats and dogs. There was this cute, black puppy with floppy ears in one of the cages. I went over and started petting her. She was rolling over on her back and chewing on my hand simultaneously. The paper next to her said her name was Bonnie and she was a 3 month old Basset Hound mix. I absolutely fell in love with her. I asked one of the workers how much she costs. He said only $130. I wanted to take her home with me, but then I realized I couldn't handle the vet bills or the responsibilities of a dog. I walked away knowing I was probably never going to see Bonnie again.

My day is alright OP, i actually made a friend

Cut again today. Feel horrible . My bra snapped too. Feels sad

>Trust is glass. When it's broken it doesn't completely fix itself. Just keep your mind open and put your faith in others. Sometimes it will hurt you but loneliness is worse in my opinion. Everything is one bad day away from breaking, no exceptions. You just have to accept your state of being is fragile.
The thing is, I had already had my trust betrayed on a few other occasions although obviously on a more minor scale and already was at the point where I was extremely hesitant to put any trust in anyone new. This friendship was one of only two that hadn't been betrayed previously so having that broken and especially now finding out just how bad of a betrayal it actually was has really got me fucked up

It wouldn't be fair for anyone I were to become friends with for me to be unable to put any trust in them but I don't think I'll be able to bring myself to do so any more so I'll just have to go without

i got nothing done and keep having panic attacks in my bed keeping me up all night

I'm having a fucking breakdown. I got my first girlfriend early this year and she's been living with me ever since. I'm never alone and I can never relax because she's always here. I don't want physical attention and I don't like it when she makes me touch her. I just want to be alone. I want to play my guitar and make music again. I want to listen to anything on speakers again instead of using headphones all day and all night. I just can't calm down

dogshit. Got an algebra test tomorrow and I don't understand this. Worked on homework all of the 3 day weekend I had and still didn't get everything done. I want to die

My dad just got diagnosed with a brain tumor is undergoing surgery sometime tomorrow. I have midterms coming up, and I don't trust the few people I talk to in college enough to divulge enough information to act as a support system. So not fucking great.

I'm sorry user, that is very disappointing. Expecting something cool to have it tantalize you sucks, don't take it too hard. I'm sorry you're lonely, do what you can to distract yourself from it. *hugs*
Most secrets have an evil behind them, I'm really sorry she left you in the dust and fed your weaknesses. You didn't deserve that, please be ok. I can't imagine those drugs help much either. It's not your fault.
I'm sorry user, Bonnie sounds very cute. You could get a second dog and name him Clyde too. Thank you for being responsible though, dogs deserve nice homes and ceding that job to others is the kindest thing you can do if you aren't in a good spot to care for them. Some day you will have a very cute dog like Bonnie once you've made it. I promise. Just hang in there through the wild ride.
Cool! Have fun with your friend. How did you meet, what are they like? I'm happy you have a buddy, treat them well!
Happens, I get it. Try not to do it again. I do it too sometimes but it is good to actively try not to. Sorry about your bra, sounds inconvenient. Some times a button on my underwear breaks and it is super annoying because I never shop for clothes. Hope it ain't no nothing for you. Feel better please, however you can
Would you rather be friends with someone who knows the pain of being abandoned and is mindful or someone blindly naive? You're a grown up, do good to those around you and there's nothing more to it. It isn't your fault.
I'm sorry user, panic attacks are horrible. I hope you can sleep well, take it easy friend. Breathing exercises make the panic attacks go away a little faster when you have enough bearing to think.
Everyone needs alone time. If you really can't get a moment where you live spend some time out with nature. If she's still too much to handle you probably don't want a relationship right now. Ask her for some space every once in a while.

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She gets very upset if I ask for time alone.

I've been living to be honest. I'm half drunk sitting in a parking lot having a cig in my car to try and let myself be free from the thoughts of hopelessness, self deprecation, and really just be alone and recharge myself. I just recently got cheated on for the 4th time by the 4th girl that has graced me with her presence.
I've been getting active on fetlife, going to those forums and groups and legitimately talking to people. Sure they may all be weirdos and perverts, but those weirdos and perverts are human beings with life still. And those that are just as hopeless as me (in life, romance, and sex) there are still creators, storytellers, and cringey writers, but they're still doing things they enjoy.
It's a lot better to surround myself with that, rather than sadness, vidya, and anime. But I still find myself here to vent or wallow. It's good to feel bad sometimes, but not all the time.
How are you today, op?

character limit sorry friends
Sorry user. I know math comes harder for some people. I don't think I can help much on a Jow Forums thread but ask for help somewhere if you can. Good luck on the test, try your best and work hard and no one can ask you for more.
That's scary. I hope your dad is ok, I'll send good will his way. Tumors are scary to deal with. Good luck on the midterms, and better luck to your dad's health. Sorry you're doing so bad as well, I hope you feel better quickly. Don't let the stress build up.
Well you need to be honest with her about being introverted and needing the time and space to feel ok. Reaffirm it's not because of her inherently and to not be jealous but you need your alone time.
Sounds like a strange situation. Sorry about the girl, they come and go with the wind. Glad you have an outlet to interact with people, it does help. I agree about the sad part, it's why catharsis is a thing. Just letting the bad stuff out is as good as bringing the good stuff in.
>How are you today, op?
Idk really. My aunt just gave me a weighted blanket. I think she figures I'm autistic now, which makes me very embarrassed and ashamed to interact with her. Holed up in my room as usual and feeling anxiety and stress from so much interaction with the family. I kinda want to scream.

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The rope is waiting just can't bring myself to do it

Hi Megu user, I'm the taxi user wagefren. Busy month. I'm tired. Weeks of driving day and night have started to take a toll on my body and car, my knees hurt. I could not hold up to my own promise of not eating out when at work to save money as well as I'd have liked to but I don't want to beat myself over it because +10hr shifts with no breakfast on top of it are really demanding on the body, it's just that I can work longer and better when fasting but I took it too far it seems.

So I'm tired and a bit sad because no time left for imageboards after work, no human contact (besides the strangers I drive around) and feels very lonely at times. But I'm very excited because I'm one week from reaching my first goal, this is what I've been wageslaving for. After that and if my plan works life will hopefully become more manageable, if it works all this hell will have been worth it. But that's a big IF, if it doesn't work then I'll be virtually out of options. I'm anxious as fuck about it. Wish me all the luck user.

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>I'm really sorry she left you in the dust and fed your weaknesses. You didn't deserve that, please be ok. I can't imagine those drugs help much either. It's not your fault.
thanks for the kind words user, I know it's probably ridiculous for me to let it bother me so much especially since it was over a year ago but it really does hurt to hear exactly how little that friendship meant to her when for me it was as much trust and love as I've ever felt for anybody. I feel like a fucking idiot for falling for it and letting her use me up and toss me to the curb but I guess maybe I'll know better next time

Bras are improtant to me, they're so expensive and in my size it's hard to find nice ones, so yeah. So i need to buy new ons I guess eeeeeeeeeeEEEE

>tfw at library
>see tons of history books
>then get outside of bong history
>100s of books on Nazi Germany on the holocaust while there are about 30 on Italy, next to none on African countries, 1 or 2 on other specific European countries (Albania, Bosnia, Netherlands etc.) and none on Asia except a couple token Chinese/ Japanese books
Why does it have to be like that? It'd be fun to read about the different ethnic groups of Myanmar or about the Majahapit or something. Surely there is only so much you can talk about 1933-1945 Germany until you can run out, how are there so many shelves dedicated to it? The classics section manages to be dwarfed by it twice over.

That aside reading tons of books, definitely not going to sleep tonight. Will probably start a literary review for one of the reports, pretty far ahead for a change then its not like I'm at a highly-ranked let alone remotely acclaimed university. Feel really focused and robotic, always one of my favourite moods especially to last the night. Only worry is that I've long run out of Starb reaction images, that's a huge bother, then the Orange Juice games are a niche so its no real surprise. Been forcing myself through more hip-hop and I'm enjoying it so much I can't really believe it. Then I'm settled on forcing myself into enjoying anything, who knows what enjoyment is anymore? Watched a nice Buster Keaton film "Seven Chances", that was fun. Got 16'' pepperoni pizza for 4.50 quid and my neighbours car got done in.

How're you doing by the way? Sorry for drowning you in self-centred text.

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it's so stupid. i spend the entire day contemplating suicide and then the entire night not wanting to die like this

i want to marry yunyun

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barren wombslut

I understand that feeling of being around the family too much. I just got back from a family dinner as well. A lot of the family doesnt like me because I'm being outshined by all my younger cousins. A 22 year old going to school for a trade (electrical engineering technician. I will have a job when all the jobs are automated. FORWARD THINKING.) And only in his 1st semester compared to a 21 year old going into his final semester for mechanical engineering, already interned at Toyota and NASA for fucks sake. I have been falling behind and I still go there just to mingle and hope I get some form of support, but they all think I'm some guy addicted to weed and drinking.
I dont smoke and I only drink socially, I just grab a drink when I'm there to calm my nerves.

Also if wanting a weighted blanket makes you autistic then that may explain a lot about me lol

That hits too close to home with me. I don't what kind of troubles you are going through but don't give up user. Try to find something to look forward to or a hobby to take your thoughts off of things.

cute wholesome girl

>marry megumin
>fuck yunyun
>KILL AQUA

Maybe that fear is there for a good reason, maybe it is there for a bad reason. Regardless I hope you find reasons to not kill yourself.
Hey taxi wagie. It's exhausting to work so hard but I'm excited for your big milestone. What is it? Yeah, I guess I'll give you all the luck. Sounds like you need it. I really hope things pan out for you friend. You're working very hard and deserve good for it.
You git got until you git gud, hang in there user. People worth your affection are out there, who won't betray you. I promise. You need to reach out for them though.
Yeah, shit breaking sucks. Nothing to do but deal with it I guess.
Hey again user, hope you're doing alright still buddy.
>Why does it have to be like that?
World War 2 is well understood by everyone, so it sells. Majority of people don't even know what myanmar is. I wish I was exaggerating. People are obsessed with World War 2 because it was total war and violence excites normos.
>That aside reading tons of books, definitely not going to sleep tonight
That mood is so good to get into. I love just grinding something out for 20+ hours straight. Hope you really enjoy it. It's the opposite of comfy but still pleasant, I get the way you're feeling.
> Been forcing myself through more hip-hop
Glad you're enjoying it so much. Keep at it if you like it, black music has a really strong appeal.
>Seven Chances
Never heard of it. I'll put it in my list of cool things anons like. Hope your neighbor isn't in a sour mood because of the car. You were talking about the pizza yesterday, glad you liked it so much. That's a lot of pizza.
>How're you doing by the way?
Stressed but not too bad really. Don't worry about talking about your day in this thread user, what I make it for lol.
I'm sorry user. You're probably not high level suicidal, just miserable and thinking about ways to stop the pain. I hope you can find a way aside from suicide, it seems suboptimal.

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