How to make it mentally when you know you will never truly make it physically ?
When I was only 7, I had my first stretch marks, I grew up with a very abusive mom, she was an alcoholic, she forced me to eat, I had no limit, I was going to school once per week or month before stopping completely at high school. My dad has been in jail before I was born. I couldn't talk to him because my mom was crazy but when I could, he stopped talking to me because of politics. It's been 2 years.
Now, i'm 22 at university, I have a boyfriend that i've been with for almost 5 years, I am 2-3 years late from where I should be normally in university but It dosen't bother me. I've learned a lot when I was a dropout.
What is bothering me is my body. I went from 80kg (when I was 12) to 54kg now. for 1m62 (5"4). When I was younger, I used food as an escape, it was an addiction.
Now, I don't think I am ugly because I get looked at in the streets and my university and guys initiate conversation. I think I look physically ok when I am clothed. But I feel ugly.
However I have loose skin left, and this is why I had a mini tuck one week ago, my belly was bothering me the most because when I was bending it would hang. Now
I have nothing except a ugly bellybutton because I didin't do a full tummy tuck. My belly button is not straight, but in my opinion better than having a fake belly button with a scar.
I still have skin on other part of my body, but it's not like wrinkled, hanging skin. It sticks to my body so it dosen't look like I have excess skin, but it still bothering to me.
No matter the exercice I will never look perfect, I have stretch marks, excess skin and I will never look like someone that was never fat, even with surgery. When I look at my body, I remember my past, how unlucky I was. I will never know what a body without excess skin or stretch marks feel. I still feel fat.
I don't know what to do anymore, I want to be happy and enjoy my imperfect body.