First mire

yes, and take another user

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I've got 2 I'll trade for your rarest pepe

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How can you not know this. I have 2 older brothers and all we do is shit on eachother. Especially we shit on the brother who married an Indian so we put red dots on our head and shit when we go for drinks or talk like Apu

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Dad died of cancer when I was 13. Was small and skinny, like under 5'5. Recently visit some family friends for the first time in 8 years. They say I got bit, more importantly they say dad used to say "you think hell get big?"

I'm doing it dad I'm 6'1 and I'm doing it. I k own you'll never know I'm making it but I do it for you

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LMAO Family goals

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>at a party
>thot tells my friend she thinks im cute
>he tells her that thats not a problem, I woud shut her down immediatly
>has my back, not muck I hate more than thots
also I got kicked out beciuse I went around squeezing every guys hand off with my alpha shake for like 20 seconds, yelled I wanted to kill everyone in the car home and lost ten pounds throwing up that night

Even if you don't have gains, you should have mental gains which are just as important

My gf of 2 years has a super hot friend, we'll call her Stacy. Recently I've gotten a little more swole and i think maybe Stacy has started to notice.

Example 1:
>Stacy recently went on holiday with my gf,
>everytime I call my gf while they were overseas, she'll yell out 'hi user' so I can hear it over the phone.
>When stacy came back from holiday with my gf i picked them up from the airport,
>she was commenting on how tanned they got.
>Stacy goes 'user, look at my tan, see the tan lines?'
>Pulls up her sleeve and shows me her shoulder
>stacy then took off her flip flops and showed me her toes for several seconds

Example 2:
>The other day when me, Stacy, 2 other gf's school friends, my gf and I all went to lunch.
>Stacy was sitting opposite me to the left. I asked her a question directly a couple of times.
>She didn't look at me when i ask her a question directly.
>Instead she just looks opposite to the friend next to me and answers her and pretends I don't exist.
>But then later I made some shitty joke and she started giggling so hard when none of the other friends were laughing (they all heard it).

Example 3:
>talking with gf's friends in the park about which celebrities we think are hot
>i then proceed to say all the ones we just mentioned were ugly
>stacy asks me who i think is hot
>i just look at stacy awkwardly then turn to face my gf.

Example 4:
>prank my gf in front of stacy
>Stacy starts going 'OMG YOU'RE SOOOO MEAN'

Example 5:
>Insult stacy by basically asking if shes intelligent enough for me
>stacy laughs and calls me a funny one

Example 6:
>Stacy sometimes asks my gf if i'm coming to certain events. 'hey, is user coming?'

So this is pretty much all the interaction we've had recently. My gf and I are sort of on an on again off again relationship. If we break up i wanna pursue this.

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>girl at work tiny 17 year old 5'1 at most QT
>work opposite desks from each other so constantly in each others eyeline
>usually really shy when the others are in the office and is always quick to get out of conversation with anyone else
>opens up and always asking me for advice on clothes and holidays her and her friends should go on even though I'm the only dude in the office, basically non stop chatting when it's just us
>always giggles at the dumb shit I come out with even I think isn't funny
>asks me what mortgages are and how credit cards work and shit she obviously has 0 interest in
>catch her looking at me from time to time but don't react or let her know I know
>trying to set her up with other staff members as a joke
>says she wants a guy between 5'7 and 6'1 at most
>Tfw known to be 5'10
>says she wants 19-22 years old
>Tfw 21
>I'm not even the tallest in the office but she asks me to get stuff from the top shelf in the kitchen

I want to fuck the shit out of her guys but I don't want to be called a nonce

He knows user. He knows

>>everytime I call my gf while they were overseas, she'll yell out 'hi user' so I can hear it over the phone.
>>When stacy came back from holiday with my gf i picked them up from the airport,
>>she was commenting on how tanned they got.
>>Stacy goes 'user, look at my tan, see the tan lines?'
>>Pulls up her sleeve and shows me her shoulder
>>stacy then took off her flip flops and showed me her toes for several seconds
holy shit this is worse than that guy with the indian girl

Are you a fellow Britfag? I would do it if you are mate

Girls are fucked up bro, they want to fuck their friend's boyfriends.
A real bro will actively avoid banging his bro's girlfriend, but these hoes are like dick-seeking missles on their friend's boyfriends.
t. Banged all my ex's friends

are chicks realy like this? because my gf's friend was ACTIVELY flirting with me in front of my gf while i was at lunch with a few of her friends.

slapping my shoulder, laughing at my jokes, teasing me. it was really overt.

how did you manage to fuck your friends exes? do you bench 2pl8?

Yes, it's actually why so many girls have no friends, because girls are just nasty to each other.
I'll tell the story real quick.
>be me
>5'8 manlet
>rides bike every day, lift a bit but still dyel
>have super qt3.14 happa first everything
>shes adopted so majorly fucked in the head
>I get definitive proof she has cheated on me multiple times
>play it cool bc cuck basedboy
>she logs into my Facebook, sees I have politely declined sex from a girl crushing on me
>only get girls bc charisma
>gf has rich friend (new girl in town, not accustomed to her antics)
>spends lots of time there
>invites me
>10/10 goddess to a pleb trailer trash like me
>everything cordial
>few days later
>gf gets blood clot, goes to hospital
>know bc her "best friend" called me
>we talk for a few hours, I hang up to call gf once but no answer, so we keep talking
>friend starts to get catty
>bitches about gf
>"I'm almost sure she stole my eyeliner"
>once again, I'm a based boy so I can talk to girls for hours
>we end up hanging out at her place the next day
>"blah blah, is she ok?"
>I'm autist, so dont even realize what is about to happen, literally used to think that friendship and relationships meant something
>"let's watch a movie in my room"
>we are on her bed
>she is wearing very tight shorts
>chubup.wav
>"I'm cold, are you cold?"
>she pulls blanket over us
>starts moving in closer
>shoulders touch
>then her head leans
>I pull away and look at her
>eyes meet
>her eyes close and head tilts
Omg I can see it like it was yesterday
>mind and heart race
>guilt begins
>fuckit.jpg
>end up making out
>"close the door"
>I comply
>raging bone
>end up doing the deed
>cuddling after
>gf is never mentioned
>we never speak of it again

Same gf, few years later
>cheats on me with friend from school
>I'm a total fag, so cry like a bitch
>she doesnt care
>keeps dating him
>he dumps her four days later
>she comes crying back
>I'm a cuck, so I tell her to come over
>she has no car, so different friend from first post drives her
>gf sits at table drinking vodka
>I am too disgusted to be near her, so me and her friend sit in living room
>friend is engrossed in phone, i am watching TV
>friend is making lots of calls and texting a lot
>"whatre you doing, friend?"
>"I'm trying to get this guy to come over, I'm horny as fuck"
>hold the phone bitch
>"listen friend, you cant just invite guys to my house without asking me, I dont care if you are horny or not"
>"s-sorry user"
>"if you want to fuck, follow me upstairs, I'll fuck you right now"
>"but what about gf?"
>"I'm not with her, that is chad's ex now, if she wants to come, she can, if she doesn't, she can sit down here and cry"
>"ok user"
>friend follows me upstairs
>gf stays in kitchen
>I call downstairs, "you coming?"
>hear chair slide out and the shuffle of size 5 slip-on girl shoes
>she comes upstairs happa-girl wasted
>her friend leans in to kiss me
>"no, kiss her first"
>she complies
>things escalate
>first threesome
>gf cried about it for weeks after, sobbing heavily on the phone
>felt bad
>years later, feel vindicated
I can't really believe how it went down, because I do not have a proclivity for cruelty, but at the time she hurt me real bad. I'm glad she watched me bang her friend.
Guess I'm kinda fucked in the head too, I dont think I've ever written that down anywhere besides here, just now.

Girls are FUCKED in the head bro, absolutely CRUEL and UNUSUAL.
A man will fight you, maybe put you in the hospital with his fists, or maybe even kill you.
No man will make you feel like you want to kill yourself, or drive you to self-destruction the way they have the potential to.

I swear this is pasta

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My father won 1st place on country's bodybuilding championship in 1991 and never wanted me to hit the gym because he thought that it could cause traumas and improving in intellectual areas is way better.

So only 2.5 months ago i started going to the gym: was 70kg, now 74kg and growing and now i realize that i had to go to the gym waaaay earlier, not in my fucking 29.

I feel way better, i get up early and have enough energy to do anything throughout the day. Why the fuck did i listen to him? Sometimes i think he was just testing me and i had to hit the gym anyway in my early 20s...

he knows man and he’s proud

get the fuck out of my thread faggot

BASED

>be me
>been doing a local dance class
>qt redhead instructor whos maybe 10 years older than me and fit
>comes over to me to correct my form
>she does, and then places her fingertips on my stomach
>she asks me if im ticklish
>"Uhhhh yeah, I geuss"
>"if I tickled you, what would you do?"
>"Uhhhhh I'd probably laugh"
>she shrugs and then goes back to center

Why the FUCK am I so retarded? What could I have said instead?

I got mired by a gender non-conforming person (biologically female, dresses female, acts feminine, in every way presents as a woman, but wants to be called they). Told me I was attracted and asked me to grab drinks.

Ironically, I’m the only one in the group who will openly disagree with the turbo-leftist bullshit she/they spew. I’m fairly chill about that kind of shit, but I’m also very honest, and this bitch acts like an exaggerated strawman designed to take the piss of SJWs. It’s some Poe’s law shit.

I’m also the only fit guy in our shared social circle. All the others are either fatfat, skinnyfat, or mr skeltal. Weirdly the fat positivity bollocks that she/they/whatever posts on Facebook doesn’t carry across to which member of the group they want to grab drinks with. On paper, im exactly the kind of person that should apologise and give away their money and job.

Said thanks, but I’m not interested. Still a mire is a mire. A mean part of me wonders what the reaction would have been if I’d rejected by saying:
>I’m sorry, I’m only attracted to women.

>What could I have said instead?
Let's find out!

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it is

go for it homie, if it's legal, otherwise wait a year

good story, gave me a semi boner, you don't seem a bad guy

She's the retarded one.

>if I tickled you, what would you do
That's when your retarded ass says:
>I dunno, you can find out tho

So much cringe.

I bet you're well received at social events.

This fucking pasta again.

if a girl asks you to look at parts of her body then she might like you

I go to the gym with my dad too.
We are both making it, he inspires me in so many ways.

Good luck OP

thank you

based user, go get her

at least it's better than the "vedy vedy nice ass" one

You've made it user. You did it

>brother married an Indian

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My gf of 2 years has a super hot friend, we'll call her Stacy. Recently I've gotten a little more swole and i think maybe Stacy has started to notice.

Example 1:
>Stacy recently went on holiday with my gf,
>everytime I call my gf while they were overseas, she'll yell out 'hi user' so I can hear it over the phone.
>When stacy came back from holiday with my gf i picked them up from the airport,
>she was commenting on how tanned they got.
>Stacy goes 'user, look at my tan, see the tan lines?'
>Pulls up her sleeve and shows me her shoulder
>stacy then took off her flip flops and showed me her toes for several seconds

Example 2:
>The other day when me, Stacy, 2 other gf's school friends, my gf and I all went to lunch.
>Stacy was sitting opposite me to the left. I asked her a question directly a couple of times.
>She didn't look at me when i ask her a question directly.
>Instead she just looks opposite to the friend next to me and answers her and pretends I don't exist.
>But then later I made some shitty joke and she started giggling so hard when none of the other friends were laughing (they all heard it).

Example 3:
>talking with gf's friends in the park about which celebrities we think are hot
>i then proceed to say all the ones we just mentioned were ugly
>stacy asks me who i think is hot
>i just look at stacy awkwardly then turn to face my gf.

Example 4:
>prank my gf in front of stacy
>Stacy starts going 'OMG YOU'RE SOOOO MEAN'

Example 5:
>Insult stacy by basically asking if shes intelligent enough for me
>stacy laughs and calls me a funny one

Example 6:
>Stacy sometimes asks my gf if i'm coming to certain events. 'hey, is user coming?'

So this is pretty much all the interaction we've had recently. My gf and I are sort of on an on again off again relationship. If we break up i wanna pursue this.

Post your stories Jow Forums

My gf of 2 years has a super hot friend, we'll call her Stacy. Recently I've gotten a little more swole and i think maybe Stacy has started to notice.

Example 1:
>Stacy recently went on holiday with my gf,
>everytime I call my gf while they were overseas, she'll yell out 'hi user' so I can hear it over the phone.
>When stacy came back from holiday with my gf i picked them up from the airport,
>she was commenting on how tanned they got.
>Stacy goes 'user, look at my tan, see the tan lines?'
>Pulls up her sleeve and shows me her shoulder
>stacy then took off her flip flops and showed me her toes for several seconds

Example 2:
>The other day when me, Stacy, 2 other gf's school friends, my gf and I all went to lunch.
>Stacy was sitting opposite me to the left. I asked her a question directly a couple of times.
>She didn't look at me when i ask her a question directly.
>Instead she just looks opposite to the friend next to me and answers her and pretends I don't exist.
>But then later I made some shitty joke and she started giggling so hard when none of the other friends were laughing (they all heard it).

Example 3:
>talking with gf's friends in the park about which celebrities we think are hot
>i then proceed to say all the ones we just mentioned were ugly
>stacy asks me who i think is hot
>i just look at stacy awkwardly then turn to face my gf.

Example 4:
>prank my gf in front of stacy
>Stacy starts going 'OMG YOU'RE SOOOO MEAN'

Example 5:
>Insult stacy by basically asking if shes intelligent enough for me
>stacy laughs and calls me a funny one

Example 6:
>Stacy sometimes asks my gf if i'm coming to certain events. 'hey, is user coming?'

So this is pretty much all the interaction we've had recently. My gf and I are sort of on an on again off again relationship. If we break up i wanna pursue this.

Based user, go get her

I remember 2 years ago my dad saying he's proud of me just before I went to work. I laughed it off and said thanks jokingly.
Get in car and cry tears of happiness like a bitch.
Do it for your dad, do it to be better than him because it's what he wants and what you want

stop with this stupid pasta

wtf this is a pasta

>be 35 year old boomer, but look young for my age
>workout at the same time as a teenithot
>she keeps staring in my direction, solely does ass exercises and stretches in front of me
>try to focus on my workout
>an older woman comes toward her and they talk, clicks that she's probably her mom because they have a similar face
>hello gorgeous
>mom completely ignores me while her teenage daughter is completely in heat, blushing and looking away every time our eyes meet
>mfw i have a gym crush, but it turns out to be the mom, not the jail bait

you didn't say anything wrong. maybe "i'd tickle you back and see how you like it"

He knows

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>started going rock climbing this month
>mostly just weirdos and hipsters
>find a group of sorority girls who all climb together, quickly introduce myself and join them whenever they climb
>wear cheap harness, makes my dick and balls stick out, always catch them glancing downwards.
>climbing random wall, halfway up I can hear them whispering about how good my ass looks.
There's zero interest but it's still nice to be affirmed for my work

why do anons keep mire pastas? why?

PASTAPASTAPASTA

i feel the same way. i awkwardlu said thanks and said it meant a lot coming from him but i feel like he thought i was saying it jokingly as we’ve never had the type of relationship to show affection

kek

Pretty based ngl

Everyone that says theyre 6'1 is 5'11. Don't lie to us.

based and chadpilled

I did a comic to that user's story.
Hope you enjoy.

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Out of order but based

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>dad is a complete failure
>raised my sister and I on less than 1200 a month
>never worked, sold things online just to keep us alive instead
>never cooked until recently. Only tv dinners
>would openly ignore me as I'd plead for him to get a job, or stop drinking or stop taking opiates
>many many times where he borrowed money from me to pay rent
>would do scummy shit like buying me tires to "surprise me" and subtracted it from what he owed me.
>Dad is such a fucking failure that I went to college for Electrical Engineering so I would never be poor again
>Dad refused to help, thought it was funny
>Struggle my way through school
>get an internship
>make 18 grand over the internship, well over half of what he makes
>my dad is trying to file me as a dependant on his taxes
>is openly lying in front of me to a tax attorney about vacations and camping trips to up his expenses.
>my dad, after noticing that I'm leaving at 7am and coming home at 11pm every day, starts saying he's proud of me
>I don't give a flying fuck.
>Everyone I talk to calls me a spoiled shit for hating my father.

here before @fit_memes_and_greentexts

so u got your noob gains?

its over now senpai, first you will start eating way too much and get kinda fat, then you will cut, then you will do creatine and whey, then you will do steroids and then u will kill yourself because you realise its 100% genetics and your arms are the size of your dads dick and will forever be that size except u got a small bicep bulge on top of your stick arm
enjoy

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user if you hated your dad when he wasn't a failure yea i could see why people called you spoiled

you saw what you didn't want to put yourself through, and worked to fix that. that's admirable to say the least

>What could I have said instead?
Throw you down and tongue punch your fartbox

amen, i need to start aving more bros in my life

Cause it’s fun you worthless cock swallowing Bitch boy

The Piagetian explanation would be that your dad is training you for real problems and competitive games in the wider social hierarchy, testing your reaction time and ability to stay cool under stress

jesus imagine being this bitter about not sleeping or eating right

I got the rarest compliment imaginable from my brother.

Sibling rivalry means compliments are exceedingly rare, but he said I'm starting to "look big".

imagine being this delusional

Dude, fuck him, you should leave when you get the chance.

Your story gave me a boner

you are too pure user-kun

Hopefully you learned from all of this. It's not a happy ending, but better than where you started.

bretty gud, could use less crying

He's probably bantering with you but I'm like you in the sense that I don't like to banter with my dad at all and would usually prefer that he leave me alone

cope more you fuck

"i'd kick your head in you daft bint".

and then you push your gut as far as you can

This is great user thank you for lifting my spirits.
I am currently taking a huge shit.
T. Phoneposter.

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I think this one is just a parody of Jim from the Office

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