What is the ideal physique for wrestling a gorilla?

crash dieting

Car crash survival mode.

Didn't specify human friends, I pick 2 gorillas. I have no idea how to become their friends but should be easier to befriend 2 than to fight 1.

Give them bananas.

What the hell 8s that?

there isn't one

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>2 friends
I have a better chance of beating the gorilla.

Ultimakek

Fuck you Joe Rogan get Alex Jones back on the podcast

Brian Shaw and Hafthor
Alternatively, both Bogs

>yfw you find out that Gorillas eat 40 pounds (18 kilos) of vegetation PER DAY

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Probably another gorilla, or perhaps a bear?

>implying that I have friends

I would probably just hid in the corner and cover my face hoping he realizes I am scared shitless and not a threat. survive 10 minutes as a coward and be rich for the rest of my life or be dead in a minute or 2

I think it would be doable with a good spear.

> youtu.be/4amRA0jl0qI
> post yfw

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I'd honestly only need 1 friend if any. Both of us would just try to get behind the gorilla, jump on its back and strangle it from behind. Easy

>2 friends
Joe rogaine twice, he knows how to fight the chimps and silverbacks.

I pick 2 friends who can't run as fast as me.

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That sounds like a very easy way to have your arm physically ripped out of socket.

So you get 1.8 billion dollars to die. Seems like a good deal if you have kids and you want them to be well off.

My best friends are george soros and another powerful but frail jew. While the gorilla is busy with them, I hide. Then I use the 1.8bn to fuck pussy and live hedonistically

Why? It literally would not be that hard. Just wrap your arms around its neck and let yourself hang until the gorilla passes out. Then you could just stomp on its skull to make sure its dead.

Not so sure why Jow Forums treats gorillas like they're gods or something. I could honestly probably do it on my own

Rogaine knows their strats and tactics, he's an expert in gorilla warfare. With two of him i would be invincible.

The average silverback weighs around 140kg in the wild and is around 1.3 - 1.5x as strong as a human of the same weight(as in the muscle composition). They have a lot of mass in their arms and in their torsos(compared to a human)
If you have friends that are at the very least around 100kg and can move fine at that weight, you should be able to do it, assuming all of you take on the same mindset as a wild animal and actually fight as hard as you can instead of being bitches like humans typically are around any wild animal. The strength of other apes is overestimated by an insane amount due to an extremely shitty study in 1923, but it is still true they are stronger than us lb for lb and have different physiques. Be wary of getting hit in the head as that's the largest disadvantage you have as a human(getting knocked out).

>I could honestly probably do it on my own

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This will require the strongest potions.

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Why is that so fucking hard to understand?
I'll even list out the steps.
1) Run around the gorilla a couple times to tire it out
2) Jump on its back
3) Put your arms around its neck
4) Let your bodyweight hang on its neck
5) Gorilla passes out after a few seconds
6) Curbstomp it to ensure its dead

I do not see why you find that so difficult to understand. retard

I understand the plan, the problem is it's a stupid fucking plan

The gorilla has faster reflexes and superior reach though, there's no way it would let you onto its back.

Why is it stupid? Do you understand that humans are just as capable of combat as gorillas? Gorillas are just oversized niggers.

>full ottermode with max cardio gives the best chance of survival

yes, so you can run away

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Of course it won't let me, you autistic fuck.
I'd have to force myself on there.

Fuck joe rogan, that sneaky snake.

The only right answer haha

> youtu.be/4amRA0jl0qI
> user's spine at 0:41 seconds

>implying my spine is made of the same material as a weak ass tree

Kill yourself pussy. If only this gorilla challenge was real so I could prove to you how easy it is to kill it with my bare hands.

I know this is probably a troll post, but:

1) You would neither be able to run around it or tire it out. It will destroy you in all aspects of agility and speed.

2) You will never be able to jump anywhere near it without being killed.

3) Look at it's fucking neck. You will not get your noodle arms even near it, let alone around it.

4) It weights 190kg and hangs around trees for a living. You weigh 60kg and are 5ft8. Your body weight is nothing to a silverback.

5) Even a human will not pass out after a few seconds.

6) Good luck finding a curb in the jungle.

His arms would put you away in seconds, believe me.

That's right, it's not near as dense or flexible.

ITT: People who watched Tarzan the animated series as a kid

>holy fuck user how did you bring down a gorilla
>oh it was easy really retard, it's only a gorilla, it basically just a big nig
>I approached the gorilla
>Then, Before he could comprehend the sitation, i started running around the gorilla
>The gorilla, not knowing what to do, started to panic, and get dizzy
>after four or so circuits, the gorillas energy was completely drained by this confusing display
>I deployed my final move
>with the agility of an otter, i leapt onto the big nigs back
>wrap both my arms around its neck
>within 3 seconds the big nig has fallen unconcious
then i just found a curb in the jungle and curbstomped it, as you do

5'6-5'10 is the best height range for the domination of combat situations.
This is because of the "subtle alpha" fighting style the shorter man always gives off. The shorter man will always dominate through his "style", his "sleekness" and most usually through his dense muscle fiber strength. Gorillas can not pull this off, so they have to dominate in a much "in your face" and "raw" way.

Lost

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>gorillas are the ultimate lanklets

really your only hope is causing extreme damage to the eyes, there is nothing else you can damage sufficiently. You couldn't collapse it's windpipe, break any of it's bones or spine, hit it's skull hard enough to render it unconscious. Humans by comparison are extremely soft and vulnerable.

How many times are you retards gonna bring up the curb? it doesnt have to be a fucking curb. you could literally just grab a huge fucking rock and just drop it on his unconcious head too.

If you could trade 40 IQ points for a gorilla level physique, would you?

a gorillas skull is considerably thicker than a human skull, you might fracture it but crushing it is unlikely without enough velocity and weight.

yes, the curb is the problem in that, lets everyone pay attention to the curb

Ok then, just fucking jump on it a bunch of times.
The gorillas skull is eventually gonna collapse.

Except you won't get that far because you aren't going to "run around" a gorilla until it "tires out"

Why the fuck not u idiot??
Have you ever seen a gorilla? They're fat as fuck!
I am 100% positive that after 30 seconds of running around it'll get out of breath and slow down.
When it slows down, I would jump on its back and unleash my fucking wrath on that big nigger

if it doesn't work the first time, then no it's not going to weaken with further concussive force of the same calibre. it's also the shape of the skull, which is obloid, that makes it so much harder to crush.

Why are you so fucking retarded?
How about i just grab a huge fucking stick and slit its throat open with it? Get the fuck out of here with your retarded broscience. Its not that hard

Clever user

Is that even a question? That'd put me at about 120

youtu.be/3T0z1CT-nR8

Cardio is the most biologically sound strategy for beating a gorilla. You wouldn't actually be able to beat the gorilla in a fight but humans have the best cardio endurance of any animal and if you could just keep running around without being hit you would outlast the gorilla and could kill him after he is exhausted.

Gorillas can bench like 5 thousand pounds. How much do you bench again?

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sure thing buddy, however you forgot a core element here:
200kg of angry muscles wildly screeching and charging at you will make your clever plan disappear in a blink.
how exactly do you plan to hop on the back of an angry gorilla? how do you plan to stay there for more than 0.5 seconds, until mr. gorilla grabs you and rips out your organs like its picking bananas from a tree?
i doubt that you would be able to kill a gorilla by stomping on it, simply since they are way too massive.
youtube.com/watch?v=KujmrcF0ZxU
somewhere between 1.20 and 1.30 is the part where irl you would be screaming for mommy and defecating all over yourself, internet tough guy

>Implying you could run for 30 seconds before tiring out.
Nice try you goober

that's basically why women love rape. i'm talking about women that love rape.

But then you have two stick.
Stick win every time.

What's the gorilla gonna do? Bench me?
Also, how the fuck was that determined? Dumb retarded broscience is all I am hearing.

I cannot wait for the day I murder a gorilla with my bare hands and all you niggers hear about it

shut the fuck up u fuckin commie motherfucker. i have more respect for the gorilla than you.

eat shit and die

Bulk up definitely, if the goal is simply to survive for 10 minutes then going ottermode is stupid you'll get torn apart. 3 bulky lads might be able to survive for 10 minutes not 3 skinny dyels

kek

> youtu.be/4amRA0jl0qI
> 0:41 seconds, on a 30 second loop

I thought your point was that you'd kill it 'bare handed', I'm saying there's no chance of you hitting it with any part of your body and knocking it unconscious short of jumping from a height and elbowing it, it could probably handle getting hit in the head with a sledgehammer.

nice argument, what has me allegedly beeing a commie with the discussion or what i posted?
seems like the sub room temperature iq reveals itself.
why would i care the slightest if some random dumbass on the internet who shits up a fun discussion by acting like a massive queer, respects me?
>eat shit and die
no u

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The last 10 posters before this post against a gorilla. Who wins?

Society.

Hypothetical man who could survive high speed car crashes without modern safety equipment.

a gorilla would be very hard to fight.
the average silverback is:
5'4 or some shit
300 lbs
7' wingspan
neck thicker than your thigh
can sprint faster than usain bolt
can climb ridiculously fast

your best bet would to throw something at its head and hope it knocks it out i guess. probs would just be absorbed by its meganeck tho

i pick zyzz and greg plitt

i have enough broken bones to stab the fucker to death

ty for making me lol holy shit thank you. all the butthurt people replying make it even better holy shit

Quite simple really. I would loan the gorilla $1,000,000 with unfavorable interest rates. The crippling debt would lead him to suicide. nogged again

This guy gets it

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While you have a valid point, 5'6-5'10 is the best height range for the domination of social situations.
This is because of the "subtle alpha" aesthetics the shorter man always gives off. The shorter man will always dominate through his "style", his "sleekness" and most usually through his intellectual power. Taller men can not pull this off, so they have to dominate in a much "in your face" and "raw" way.

160kg weight in captivity, 140 in the wild.

Imagine thinking you can do anything against a gorilla. Even 30 guys wouldn't do shit

I thought he was going to uproot it or karate chop it in half. Banana trees are fragile, that particular one wasnt even big. There are people in Thailand who kick down bigger trees for fun. Heck as a kid I've torn a couple down myself.

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Is this new pasta?

>gorilla warfare

wtf he has no neck. he is built for surviving high speed car collisions.imagine 2 of them running on grams of tren and test with fighting experience brutaly tearing off the silverbacks limbs then raping him

The gorilla would crush bloatmaxx's skull like a grape.

talking about gorilla when a chimp would eviscerate 99% of humans alive. Gorilla? are you retarded? A Gorilla would massacre 20 of the fittest cunts on this board 20v1. Do you even realize the fucking power of a gorilla?

one punch of a gorilla would kill you. these fuckers are known to bust anti deflagration glass with punches.